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Witty birthday wishes

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Witty birthday wishes
January 31, 2019 Wedding Anniversary Wishes 5 comments

If you've ever been stumped for something cool to say to someone on their birthday, below, find some cool birthday wishes to share with your.

Birthdays are very important to us. They can be celebrated with a nice, quiet meal at home with the family, a night out with colleagues after work, or a rowdy birthday bash with friends. More than anything else, our birthdays won’t be complete without greetings from some special people.

That said, birthday greetings can come in the form of good wishes, gratitude, and hopes for a better life ahead. Greetings are meant to touch a birthday celebrator and make him or her feel blessed, grateful, and genuinely happy on his natal day.

But let’s put a twist on birthday greetings. Have you ever thought of pranking your friends as a way to greet them on their birthdays? Why not come up with sarcastic yet witty wishes for the birthday celebrator? It’s one thing to give someone a simple greeting and it’s quite another to make the celebrator roll on the floor while laughing. Why not? For all we know, your friends will appreciate such greetings, and they might help break the ice at a party and ensure a good time for all.

Are you clueless about how to come up with a witty greeting? We’ll help you out. Here are ten ideas for sarcastic yet witty birthday wishes. You can pick one, or you can come up with your own based on the suggestions below.


Sarcastic Yet Witty Ways to Say Happy Birthday

  • You might expect a birthday surprise, but you are too old for that. So instead, let me tell you beforehand that you can expect me to be at your party, where you can treat me to a drink. Thanks in advance and oh, happy birthday!


  • You know how we make a great team—me with my charm, looks, and intelligence, and you with your pleasant attitude. So what more can I say? Happy birthday!


  • We know it’s your birthday. But please don’t worry about throwing a splendid party. But since we don’t want to disappoint you, here we are, gate-crashing. Happy birthday!


  • Why are you celebrating your birthday when you are turning a year older? Nevertheless, I will attend your birthday party to rub in the fact that you’re old. Happy Birthday, gramps!


  • What do we have to look forward to? Of course, your birthday and your newest chin. Bet you are going to throw a party, and the good food will make you even more bloated. Happy birthday to you and your tummy!


  • On your birthday, I just want to say how kind, intelligent, beautiful, and amazing you are as a person. I hope you accept my heartfelt birthday wishes and all these lies. You deserve these at least once a year. Happy Birthday!


  • You might be wondering why I’m here. I am only here for the cake since it’s your birthday. But anyway, thanks for the birthday celebration. It’s worthy to say that you’ve grown wiser, better, and yes, older. Peace! Happy birthday!


  • Since you’ve grown older and wiser, it’s best to make your birthday celebration more mature this year? Instead of offering orange juice and cake, why not offer champagne, exotic wine, and caviar? Let’s drink to that, Happy Birthday!


  • Do you think you have reasons to be happy on your birthday? Of course not, you are going to spend a lot of money to keep us happy instead. And for that, thank you! May you have a happy day. Happy birthday!


  • Oh, please do not forget to keep some hangover pills ready. We’ll make sure that you need them tomorrow morning. Why not? Happy Birthday!


Wrapped Up

These are just a few examples that will get the birthday celebrator smiling and laughing. You can come up with other lines as well. Please be careful, however, that whatever you say won’t offend the celebrator. Because in the end, we just want to make him or her happy on their special day!

We provide cards for every occasion, for birthday cards shop today to find the best one for you!


This entry was posted by john in Witty Birthday Cards.

Being funny in a card is sometimes a challenging thing to do. Options include using an inside joke, a themed message such as sports sayings, Star Wars wishes.

Cracking a Birthday Joke | Huge List of Funny Birthday Messages and Wishes

witty birthday wishes

100+ Happy Birthday Funny Wishes, Quotes, Jokes & Images

Looking for Happy Birthday funny wishes, quotes, jokes and images to put a smile on someone's face on their birthday? Whether it's for him or for her, a friend or a colleague, or maybe even a belated birthday wish, we've got you covered with our huge selection of funny birthday wishes.

Write them in birthday cards, send them by SMS or email, or message someone on Facebook or Twitter. No matter how you send one of these funny wishes you're sure to brighten their birthday and make them laugh!

Use these quick-links to jump to a particular section, or scroll down the page to see the entire collection of funny birthday quotes and wishes.

QuotesWishesFor HerFor HimBelatedBest FriendJokes

Last updated: February 19, 2019

For more ideas, take a look at funny birthday cards on Amazon.

Happy Birthday Funny Quotes

A selection of happy birthday funny quotes you can use to wish someone a very happy birthday and poke fun at their age on their birthday. Use them as part of a funny birthday card message, or even as a Facebook caption.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest! (But it has also been scientifically proven that too many will kill you.)

Don't let ageing get you down... it's too hard to get back up again!

Middle age... when "happy hour" is a nap!

If gray hair is a sign of wisdom, then you're a genius!

What goes up but never comes down? Your age.

The tragedy of getting old: So many candles... so little cake.

Technically you're not 50. You're only $49.95, plus tax!

They say you lose your mind as you grow older... what they don't tell you is that you won't miss it much!

Age doesn't make you forgetful: having too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful!

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
~ Chili Davis

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
~ Jack Benny

Youth is a gift of nature but age is a work of art.
~ Stanislaw Lec

Age is not important unless you're a cheese.
~ Helen Hayes

I've reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

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Happy Birthday Funny Wishes

Some funny happy birthday wishes and messages you can use in a funny birthday card message to friends or family on their birthday.

I believe you forgot my birthday present last year, so now I'm returning the favor. Happy Birthday!

A wise man once said, "Forget about your past, you cannot change it". I'd like to add: "Forget about your present, I didn't get you one".

Happy Birthday to a [Mom/Dad] who's smart and funny and good looking, from a [daughter/son] who inherited all your best qualities.

It's your birthday? Let's get up to some mischief!

Funny birthday wishes about getting older:

It's OK to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I've already alerted the fire department.

You know, they say that age is really all in the mind. The key is to prevent it from trickling down into your body.

Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.

You're how old?! Better take that cake outdoors to light the candles! Have a very happy birthday.

Congratulations, you've finally reached the wonder years... wonder where your car is parked? Wonder where you left your phone? Wonder where your glasses are? Wonder what day it is?

When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
~ Unknown.

You might be prehistoric, but at least you're not extinct!

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

You're not old! ...oh, no wait, actually you are, sorry about that...

Don't stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It's nature's way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Happy birthday!! You only look as old as the last selfie you took.

I wouldn't say you're old... you've just been young for longer than most of us.

Don't grow up... It's a trap!

Great news!'re still alive!

You've got more than half a century of accumulated knowledge and wisdom! That would be awesome... if you could remember any of it.

You know, I would be a whole lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will. Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to someone who has attended more birthday parties for kids than adults this year.

I thought you might need some help with the candles. Happy Birthday!

Personalize these happy birthday funny wishes with the age of the person.

Don't think of it as turning [insert age]. We're here to celebrate the 10th anniversary of your [insert age -10]th birthday.

Looking [insert age] is great - if you're sixty.

[For under 40s:] You may not be over the hill yet, but you have a great view!

[insert age]?! I demand a recount!

Congratulations on the 10th anniversary of your [XX]th birthday! Here's to many more.

Happy birthday! And remember you're not [insert age]'re 18 with [XX] years' experience.

[Insert age] and still too young to plan your own surprise party!

You're 60? That's only 16 in Celsius. Happy birthday!

Deepest sympathies on your [insert age] birthday.

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Happy Birthday Funny Wishes for Her

A collection of funny happy birthday wishes for your mom, sister, aunt, or female friends.

The secret to staying young is make up... make up an age, then stick with it!

Happy birthday. It took you [insert age] years to look this good!

We'll be friends 'til we're old and senile... and then we'll be new friends!

Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so many birthdays to earn them.
~ Anna Magnani

You're the youngest [insert age] year old I know.

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

You suck at ageing! Can you at least try to look older?

Those aren't gray hairs you see. They're strands of birthday glitter growing out of your head.

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Happy Birthday Funny Wishes for Him

Happy birthday funny wishes for him, including great messages to wish your dad, brother, uncle, or best buddy a very happy birthday!

If anyone calls you old this birthday, just hit him with your walking stick and throw your teeth at him.

Happy birthday! Don't forget to iron that birthday suit.

A little gray hair is a small price to pay for so much wisdom.

I don't have birthdays anymore, I level up!

Fill in the gaps: H___Y B__T____ ... nice try- HAIRY BUTTOCKS.

Happy Birthday Dad! When I grow up I want to be just like you... but hopefully with more hair! Love, your son.

Middle age is when your age begins to show around your middle.
~ Bob Hope

You know you're 40 when your back is hairier than your head.

What did the bald guy say when he got a comb for his birthday? Thanks, I'll never part with it!

A man has reached middle age when he's warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police.
~ Henry Youngman

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Happy Birthday Funny Belated Wishes

Oh no! Did you forget their birthday? Apologize with one of these funny belated happy birthday messages. I'm sure it will get you back in their good books...

I'm so sorry I forgot your birthday. The good news is that I also forgot your age. Happy Belated Birthday!

I'm so sorry for sending you belated birthday wishes. Honestly, I didn't think you would live this long. Happy Birthday!

I promise this card isn't late. It is intentionally arriving after your birth-day, because I think you deserve a whole birth-month. Happy Birth-month!

I know you think this card is a few days late. It's actually worse than that. This is your card from 2010 that I only just got around to sending. Happy Belated Birthday!

Happy Birthday! Don't think of this as a late birthday card. Consider it a very early one for next year. Here's wishing you a wonderful year ahead!

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Happy Birthday Funny Wishes for Best Friend

Funny birthday wishes to wish your best friend a very happy birthday.

Some say the glass is half empty, others say the glass is half full. It's your birthday, just drink whatever's in the glass!

On your special day, I wish you peace, love, insight, relaxation, fun, knowledge, romance, friendship... and all that stuff that doesn't cost anything.

Just imagine all the things you'd want to hear on your birthday ...and assume I wrote them here!

For your birthday, I wanted to give you something that was both funny and charming, but then I remembered you already have me in your life.

At your age, people expect you to be calm, dignified and sober.... Disappoint them.

You're older; you're wiser; you're sophisticated. Far too sophisticated to be concerned with material things like presents.

At least you're not as old as you'll be this time next year.

If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on Facebook!

A true friend remembers your birthday, but not your age.

You're turning the perfect age. You're old enough to recognize your mistakes but young enough to make some more. Happy birthday!

The best part of being over forty is that you did most your stupid stuff before the internet.

Don't worry, they are not gray hairs, they are wisdom highlights. You just happen to be extremely wise.

[For over 40s:] Happy birthday! I'm so pleased to hear you're over the hill instead of under it.

By the time you're your age, you've learned everything - you only have to remember it! Many happy returns on your birthday.

I spent 3 hours searching the internet for the perfect birthday message for you and then I gave up. Happy Birthday.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
~ Mark Twain

You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
~ John Grier

Happy 21st again!

If things get better with age, then you're approaching magnificent!

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Happy Birthday Funny Jokes

A collection of happy birthday funny jokes you can send to your friends and family on their birthdays.

How does NASA organise a birthday party? They planet.

What kind of music is scary for birthday balloons? ...pop music!

I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until the doctor advised me to take the candles off first.

I always get this warm feeling on my birthday - people won't stop toasting me.

Why did the teddy bear refuse a slice of birthday cake? He was already stuffed.

You know you're getting old when you can't walk past a bathroom without thinking, "I may as well pee while I'm here."

The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.

The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.

Did you hear about the [insert age] year old who was still cool? Yeah, me neither.

Do you know why candles are always put on top of birthday cakes?
Because it's far too difficult to put them on the bottom.

You know you're old when you turn down the lights to be economical instead of romantic.

You know you're old when getting lucky means a short wait in the doctor's office.

You know you're old when you have a party and the neighbours don't even realize.

Did you know that [insert date] is a date when no famous men or women have ever been born? .....None, only babies!

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More Happy Birthday Funny Wishes

Still looking for just the right message? Check out these pages for more funny birthday wishes and quotes:

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Witty Birthday Wishes

witty birthday wishes


This past May 26, my celestial odometer flipped over, and I turned 80 years of youth. My column that day described my joy about that millstone — oops, milestone — in my life, and, in response, I received a billowing mailbag of congratulatory messages. I’m pleased to share a selection of your validating and sprightly birthday wishes:

Happy Mercury Birthday Your speed and liquidity are well recognized. (Mercury is element 80.) –Steve Dahms. Emeritus Chemistry, SDSU

Your 80th birthday column was a big hit. My brother-in-law celebrated his 80th birthday last night with family gathered around him. His grandchildren read aloud your column, .which brought about much laughter, along with nodding of heads amongst the elders. –Penny Fedorchak

“It’s not your day. It’s mine,” said the harpy. The bird replied, “No, it’s my day!” “Mine!” insisted the harpy. The bird was more conciliatory: “We can share.” So today is your Harpy Bird Day! –Cynthia MacGregor

I was just at Yosemite, and the ranger at the gate asked me if I wanted to purchase the senior lifetime pass to all parks. I was bruised, hurt, crushed. Yes, I bought it. One advantage to being “chronologically endowed,” I guess. -Jim Grant

As someone who paid due homage to the octo-odometer this past January (by climbing Cowles Mountain), I officially welcome a youngster like you into the club. And don’t think I didn’t catch that superb double entendre about “the saucy Holland days” you love spending with your Dutch wife.

Yes, this geezer, geek and wheezer
Caught your clever little teaser
Of your wife’s delicious cooking
(And I’m sure she’s still good looking).
May you long be there to please her.
-Phil Pryde

Thank you for your column on reaching 80. I will be embracing mine this December and am still amazed that internally I feel more like 40. I know that you collect epitaphs so here’s one that I invented for your gravestone: “Words Never Failed Me.” –George Colegrove

An octogenarian!? Lederer?
I don’t know a person who’s better or
More sesquipedalian.
Rich never is failin’
At twisted linguistics, etcetera.
-Gary Hallock

Turning 80 brings joys, pleasures and peace of mind that younger people have a difficult time understanding. I am very blessed to be too old to die young. Richard, no one can cheat us now, and the love and support of a great family brings an incomparable peace of mind. Enjoy it, and if you, like me, are planning on living forever, well, so far so good! -Kermit Achterman

Happy Birthday! As I approach my own ochentañero, I rolled in your inspired comments like a dog rolls in a road kill, eyes closed, paws clawing the air and tongue hanging loose from its mouth.-Richard Pennick

I truly enjoyed reading your thoughts about turning 80. At 64, I have started to be terribly annoyed by the company of aches and pains and all the newfound physical limitations. Gone are the days when I tended to one ache at a time; they gang up on me now. But your words encouraged me to ponder how lucky I actually am, and to consider how good life is in spite of the ticking of time on these bones. I can’t stop it, but I don’t have to let it get me down. -Ana Maria Hidalgo

I enjoyed your column today as I have many times, but with a resonance that hit home more than usual in this, my almost 78th year. You mentioned that your gratitude was overwhelming, and I echo that tenfold! Two big dogs put their paws on the bed early this morning with the message “You told us last night not to let you sleep in just because it’s Saturday!” That triggered a smile and a laugh at myself as I reminisced about my wife Sandy and our 51 years of marriage before she passed away almost two years ago. Sandy had an unmatched sense of humor with a contagious ability to draw people out and make them laugh together and at themselves. My laughter at daybreak was because she always said that in her next life she was coming back as one of my dogs. I was sure that Sandy was sending me a message through the Lab and Shepherd and joining me in gratitude for our long life together — two stellar sons, six grandchildren and two fine dogs. Doesn’t get any better than that! –Robert B. Batson


Here we present you a great collection of humorous birthday wishes, crazy and funny birthday wishes for friend as well as humorous birthday cards that will.

Funny Birthday Quotes

witty birthday wishes

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Funny Birthday Messages

Being funny in a card is sometimes a challenging thing to do. Options include using an inside joke, a themed message such as sports sayings, Star Wars wishes, superhero messages or even an interesting language birthday wish. These are some original funny ideas to use in a birthday card.
  • Your birthday should be a national holiday.  I'll be the first to volunteer to take a day off work in your honor.
  • Stop having so many birthdays! Seriously, each year it gets more difficult to find you a gift.
  • When I think of the word youth, I think of you. That’s because the word “you” is contained in the word “youth.”  I hope you are feeling youthful on your birthday.
  • No one holds a candle to you on your birthday. That’s because you're probably already hot from all the candles on your cake.
  • I've decided to switch my vote from the (Republican/Democratic) party to your birthday party.
  • Who ever decided to celebrate birthdays must have been young.
  • "Old is in the eye of the beholder."  That's why it's getting difficult to read.
  • Shouldn't you get your mom something on your birthday? It's your birthday, but it's her Mother's day!
  • Don't let anyone tell you that you are old, especially if you can hear them say it without having to read lips.
  • If it's your birthday, then you better dress for the occasion. Wear your birthday suit. Just kidding, your suit is probably too wrinkled.
  • Isn't it funny how you end your life like the way you came out? You're wrinkled, cold, and weak. Here's to many more birthdays!
  • Just think. Pretty soon you'll be able to use the bathroom in your diaper again. That was the good life. Happy Birthday! You're one year closer.
  • Adding a candle on your cake today means your doctor will probably be adding another pill to your daily regimen of medicine.
  • Having a personal crisis or wondering about your life purpose is normal on your birthday. So you get to be normal for one day out of the year.
  • There’s a correlation between aging and being dishonest about your age. So, on a scale of 1-100, how many years dishonest are you?
  • In some cultures, age is a sign of distinction that demands respect. Tell me. How many years of respect do I owe you?
  • I understand if you don’t want to tell me your true age. However, I have a math problem for you to help me with. If I’m __ years old now, how old will you be when I turn 100 years old?
  • If you’re wondering what to wear for your birthday, don’t forget that you can wear your birthday suit. Don't forget to iron it though. It gets more wrinkled each year.
  • Since your mother worked extremely hard on your birthday to birth you, shouldn’t she be the one getting the presents, cake, and party?
  • According to the government, your birthday is a very important day. It’s the day you become a citizen.
  • Did you know that there are some really cool, smart, and important people born on your birthday? Unfortunately, it turns out that you are not one of those people.
  • Just think, if we hatched out of eggs like birds instead of being born, we’d have to tell people “Happy Hatch Day!” instead of Happy Birthday.
  • I usually try to give people a birthday card that matches their age. Unfortunately, they were all out of the stone tablet and ancient papyrus greeting cards. I guess this more modern version will have to do.
  • I don’t understand why people get so bent out of shape over birthdays. If you think about it, it’s the other 364 days of the year that make people so old.
  • Hey if you think about it, 'over the hill' is not such a bad thing. After all, going downhill is a lot easier and more fun. Think of life as a roller coaster. Happy birthday.
  • There’s one main thing that makes people stop enjoying their own birthdays. That’s the day they realize that they will die some day. For that reason, I’m not going to bring up the fact that you aren’t getting any younger this year. I’ll just wish you a happy birthday.
  • Do you know what famous person was born on this very special day…  I don’t know either. I only know of you.
  • You know what? If you could be president today, I think I might switch my political affiliation to the birthday party.
  • Best wishes on your 21st time having a 29th birthday. Keep enjoying your twenties.
  • If you have a birthday in the middle of the woods and no one is there to celebrate with you, then did you actually get older?  Happy birthday, and have fun on your camping trip to the middle of nowhere.
  • Who says you actually have to keep having birthdays? We all stop having them sometime. There’s a ton of  people in the cemeteries that stopped celebrating birthdays a long time ago.
  • For your birthday I wanted to get you a special birthday trip to the only place I know you would really want to go. Unfortunately, they sold out of tickets for the time machine. I guess you’ll have to enjoy your presents in the present.
  • Don’t be tempted to reflect on your entire life each birthday. At your age, that would take a long time.
  • Getting older and growing up are two very different things. One is still an option.
  • The grim reaper has marked another hatch mark next to your name. Have a great birthday!
  • The most frustrating thing about becoming an old cynical person is that it is difficult to blame someone for it happening.
  • Some people try to hide their age by calling themselves mature or seniors, but I like being honest with old people.
  • I wish I had remembered to get you a present. My memory must be going in your old age.
  • I wish you were older today... Oh, my wish came true!
  • Wishing you enough air to blow out all of your candles.
  • I am wishing it was my birthday on your birthday. But since it's your birthday, I'll keep the presents and you keep the age.
  • I am wishing for you to wish for more wishes when you blow out your candles.
  • Have the best birthday anyone could expect to have at your age.
  • Wishing you a birthday as fun as your original birthday, minus the terrifying, slimy birth experience.
  • Enjoy your senior citizen discounts. You deserve them.
  • I wish today was not your birthday... because I forgot to get you a present. I'll blow out your candles so my wish will come true.
  • Keep getting older, because aging a little each year beats the alternative.
  • There's nothing funny about having a birthday and getting old when you ARE old. That's why I am going to keep your birthday wishes totally serious.
WATCH THE VIDEO ON THEME: Funny Happy Birthday Song - Weird Choir

Are you clueless about how to come up with a witty greeting? We'll help you out. Here are ten ideas for sarcastic yet witty birthday wishes.

witty birthday wishes
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