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Well wishes son and wife new apartment
July 27, 2019 Wedding Anniversary Wishes 2 comments

There she wept and “O, thou good, good father,” said she, “how can I prayed. This life here upon eartb was doomed to encounter new troubles. is as The farmer and his wife had given up the farm No one present could refrain from tears . and yours, my son, by rosy cheeks; and I too o; acquiesced in your wishes.

Q I am a man in my mid-40s, married for more than 18 years, with two beautiful daughters. My wife and I met at a very young age, so we have been together most of our lives.

The problem is that I have no real feelings for her any more. There is no attraction. I have been feeling this way for a number of years, and I have tried to relight the fire on so many occasions through sex and by really looking at her and appreciating her as she is.

We attended marriage counselling some years back, but she stopped before we really got to deal with the issues. Five years ago, she decided to move into a separate bedroom. I had no say.

I find I am more relaxed when spending time alone or with my children. I told her last year I could no longer live with her and that I had no feelings for her.

She caved in and said she would try to change. She has made some changes, but for me the fire went out and I have not been able to reignite my feelings for her.

At this point in my life, I would rather that we were friends. She is a not a bad person; I think we are just not compatible. I would like to see her meet someone who will make her happy. I really want to tell her this but I haven’t the heart to hurt her.

I need unconditional love. I feel lonely for not having a soulmate to share my thoughts, feelings, dreams and aspirations with – someone who I can love back. I have tried to ignore the gap, but I know that I am being unrealistic.

 

A The Dalai Lama visited Ireland a few years ago. In answer to a question posed by a middle-aged man about how to be more of a force for good in the world, he answered: be happy doing what you are doing, then others around you will be happier (I paraphrase).

It is clear from your letter that you have a huge capacity for suffering for the sake of others, but not perhaps the same capacity for happiness.

You sound as though your unhappiness has been going on for years, and you have tried all the conventional ways to fix this: counselling, focusing on your wife and hiding your emotions.

None of these has worked, and again you are forced to face the truth of your marriage, which you describe as joint parenting without intimacy or connection.

For you, this is not enough, and yet you think that your wish to be separated will create great upset and hurt to someone who is “not a bad person” and to your two wonderful daughters. This is a very difficult thing to do: to measure your own happiness against what you think will cause unhappiness to others.

You wish to find a deep connection with another person, but your practice has been to very occasionally let your partner know what is truly going on, and to spend most of your time hiding your innermost feelings. This does not auger well for your future aspiration of complete openness and connection with someone else.

Your wife is an adult who is just as responsible for the relationship as you are; she too has chosen to withdraw from closeness and honesty. It is not your job to parent her, but it is respectful to her to assume she can cope with the truth. No doubt she will suffer from realising you are no longer in love with her, but it seems likely she already knows this.

You both have a responsibility to your children. However, I am not sure they will thank you in years to come for sacrificing your happiness for them. They may then feel that they have a similar responsibility to you – that they cannot cause you any hurt by their decisions. Do you really want this to be your legacy to them?

You have faced three crises already in your relationship: the counselling, the moving out of the bedroom and your recent statement that you are not in love. In all instances you have stepped back from pushing these situations to conclusion.

Now you have another opportunity. This time perhaps you can have the courage to take the next step: full honesty and a determination that the pattern of the marriage cannot continue. You alone have to make the decision to fully stay or fully leave your marriage. Facing this requires courage, self-belief and faith that the other person is capable. Surely all these qualities are worth cultivating.

Trish Murphy is a psychotherapist. For advice, email [email protected] We regret that personal correspondence cannot be entered into

Being the Old and New Testaments According to the Authorized Version “Go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac. of keeping up the property, blood, and uliar traditions of each separate tribe, a girl is sometimes posted at the well, to exact resents from those who wish to have water.

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well wishes son and wife new apartment

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Inside Text: Congratulations on getting your new apartment! Wishing you every happiness in your new home
Artist: Cisillia Tay
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Artist: Cisillia Tay
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Artist: Cisillia Tay
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Original image by:
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Artist: Susan Alison
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well wishes son and wife new apartment

When you die all your assets such as your bank account and investment policies are frozen and will only be released once the estate has been finalised. If you do not have a will this can take years to resolve.

Sorè Cloete, Legal Manager at Old Mutual recently dealt with a case where the provisions of the will inadvertently resulted in the surviving spouse having to pay money over to his young children.

In this particular case the couple was married out of community of property with accrual. “The accrual system states that upon death or divorce the difference in growth of the accumulated assets must be divided equally between both marriage partners,” explains Cloete.

In this case the wife had left all her assets to her children in her will. What she had not realized is that her assets included fifty percent of her and her husband’s combined estate. “As her husband’s net worth was greater than hers he had to pay money over to her estate even though he was the legal guardian and would be raising the children” says Cloete.

When writing up your will you need to consider not only the implications in terms of your marriage contract but also how your wishes will be interpreted.

For example there was a case where a father had created a family trust on his death with the stipulation that only grandchildren born of his daughter could become beneficiaries of the trust. If she did not give birth to a child then his son’s children would become the sole beneficiaries. This was obviously intended to prevent any step-children from inheriting; what he had not envisaged was that his daughter would adopt a child. Legally the adopted child had no claim on the trust and the son’s children were entitled to the entire estate.

While a will can be a very simple matter, you need to realise that as your estate grows and you get married and have children, there are many legal and tax implications you need to consider.

Checklist for your will

Your will needs to make sense so keep it simple. Make sure it is written in a way you understand. Many people make the mistake of trying to rule from the grave which complicates the will and makes it difficult to execute.

Retirement fund trustees can over-rule your will

It is important to note that your retirement funds are dealt with separately to your will as this falls under the Pension Funds Act which requires that your retirement funds are paid out to your financial dependents. This can include minor children from another marriage or a former spouse if you are still paying maintenance. Your life cover will also be paid out to whoever you have stipulated as the beneficiary in the policy.

Your will needs to specify what happens to your assets such as your house and savings as well as what happens to your dependents.

Nominate an executor

The executor is the person who is responsible for administering the estate. By nominating this person in your will, you prevent an unnecessary delay to the administration of the estate. If no executor is appointed, the Master of the High Court must appoint an executor.  Such appointment will take place with the involvement of the estate’s beneficiaries and creditors.

Nominate heirs

You need to decide who you are leaving your worldly assets to; this can become more complicated if you have young children. There is no estate duty payable if you leave your estate to your spouse so you could decide to leave your full estate to your spouse which he or she would use to help provide for your children. This would be the simplest solution as it does not require any special structure to house the funds for minor children.

How your marriage contract affects your will

If you are married in community of property your spouse is entitled to 50% of your estate – therefore, you can only hand down your share of the joint estate. If for example you are married in community of property and in your will you leave all your assets to your children from a previous marriage, your new spouse would first have a claim on fifty percent of those assets.

Couples married under the accrual system may also need to cater for a possible accrual claim against their estate as was the case with the client mentioned above. If for example the majority of the assets are held in the husband’s name, should the wife die her estate could have a claim against her husband’s estate.

Your tax abatement can roll over to your spouse

A deceased estate is given a tax abatement which is currently set at R3 500 000.  Therefore, estate duty would only be payable if the net estate is more than R3 500 000.

There is no estate duty payable if you leave all your assets to your spouse, therefore any portion of this abatement that is not used is added to your spouse’s estate. If your estate does not use any of the abatement on your death then when your spouse dies his or her estate would not attract estate duty on the first R7 million. This effectively means your spouse could leave up to R7 million to your surviving children tax-free.

Alternatively you could take advantage of the tax abatement, where no estate duty applies on the first R3.5 million of your net estate, and leave money directly to your children tax-free. This could ring-fence money for your children should your spouse re-marry. You would need to take into consideration that your marriage contract could limit how much of your estate you are able to leave directly to your children.

Nominate a guardian

If you have young children you need to stipulate what will happen to them if both parents die. This is also an important requirement for single parents.

The Children’s Act requires you to nominate a guardian to any minor children should both parents die prior to their children reaching the age of majority. You can include a letter of wishes as to how your children should be provided for but be careful of ruling from the grave. For example if you have left sufficient finances, you can stipulate that the children must belong to a medical scheme and what type of schooling they should receive; it would however not be helpful to include curfew times and that they are not allowed to smoke! You need to appoint someone you trust to raise your children to the best of their ability.

Decide on a testamentary trust

You need to decide if the inheritance would go straight to the minor children or into a trust. If left to the children the money would be essentially administered by the guardian. You can select to house the funds in a testamentary trust, until such time as the child attains either the age of majority, or some other age pre-determined by the parent – the average age is 25. A testamentary trust is a trust that is formed upon your death and your will must include the provisions for this trust, which must  include the appointment of the trustees. The child’s guardian does not necessarily have to be the trustee; in fact, it is often a good check and balance to have a separate, independent person as trustee who is financially astute.

It is important to note that if you do not form a testamentary trust the trustees of your retirement fund could elect to have the children’s portion of your retirement fund paid to the Guardian Fund which would then provide an income each month to the surviving spouse or guardian to provide for the children.

Protect your children’s inheritance

Ensure that your will contains a clause that any assets left to your children would not form part of that child’s matrimonial regime. If for example you left a property to your daughter who then gets married in community of property, including this clause in your will would ensure that the property will not form part of your daughter’s joint estate.

Nominate an alternate heir

Include an alternate heir, as the person you nominate as your heir may be deceased.

Know where your documents are

There is no point in having a will if no-one knows it exists or where to find it. It is advisable to keep your original will in either a safe or a secure place and then also have a copy of your will kept at a separate location. If you have a financial advisor ask them to keep a copy on file. Alternatively the person who drafted the will may keep a certified copy. Make a list of people or institutions to contact in the event of your death – your financial adviser, broker, medical aid and so on. List your bank accounts, policy numbers, investment details. Make sure your family knows where to find this information.

Small estates don’t need an executor

If you have a very simple estate of less than R125 000 you do not need an executor and you can have a simple will stating your wishes.

The Master/Magistrate will issue letters of authority in terms of Section 18(3) of the Administration of Estates Act which allows for a less formal and easier process for the winding up of the estate.  If an estate has a value of less than R50 000 it can be reported at a Magistrate’s Court and a more streamlined process will be followed. You can write up your own will – just make sure it includes all the relevant information and that it is signed by two witnesses.

Selecting your executor

The executor is responsible for administering and distributing the deceased estate according to the wishes of the deceased, as well as the requirements set out in the Administration of Estates Act.

You can nominate anybody as an executor but it is important to realise the duties imposed upon the executor. Therefore, you should nominate an executor who is competent to carry out these duties. If you nominate a family member as an executor they can in turn appoint a  professional to assist them in winding up the estate.

If you appoint a professional executor in your will you have an opportunity to negotiate the fees upfront rather than leaving it to your family who may be emotionally vulnerable at the time. An executor is entitled to be remunerated up to a maximum of 3.99% (inclusive of VAT) of the value of assets that the executor actually administers.  This fee is negotiable depending on the complexity of your estate. (It is worth remembering that any life cover with a beneficiary nomination does not form part of the  estate upon which the executor may charge fees, as it is paid directly to the beneficiaries without the intervention or assistance of the executor).

Information provided by Tristan Naidoo, legal advisor specialist at Old Mutual

deceased estate   estate   estate planning   executor   will

If there are a large number of guests or if the father wishes to sponsor a feast, each and the son-in-law (wife-taker) the basic exchange is bridewealth for a wife. gives his father-in-law some kind of heirloom property or other material good.

Tell Me About It: I have no feelings for my wife any more

well wishes son and wife new apartment

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First home buyer advice I wish someone had told me

By Liam Butterworth

Updated November 26, 2018 08:39:49

Purchasing a property is often the single largest investment a person or family will make, but it can be a bewildering experience if you don't really know what's going on.

Having just bought my first home, I was left wishing I could find a course on "how to buy a house", instead of having to learn by experience and blunder through with little understanding.

Some things might seem self explanatory or obvious to people who already own property, but I found there was a lot of contradictory information out there.

Here are some things I wish I knew before I started looking to buy a home.

You don't necessarily need a 20 per cent deposit

The 20 per cent deposit is ideal.

The prospect of saving a large deposit — say $100,000 for a $500,000 property — can be daunting but lenders do provide mortgages to buyers who have saved less than one-fifth of the purchase price.

But you will have to pay for it.

Buyers with less than 20 per cent of the purchase price will often be required to pay lenders mortgage insurance (LMI) which protects the credit provider in the case the borrower cannot pay.

It can be added to your loan, but the lender can also charge you a higher interest rate.

What the expert says: Laura Higgins, senior executive leader with ASIC's Moneysmart, said while it was not essential, the 20 per cent deposit was "absolutely preferred".

"If you have a 20 per cent deposit that could set you up for repayments that suit you better, afford more options around the kind of mortgage you could access and is absolutely the best option," she said.

"That doesn't mean it's an option for everyone; there are other ways to get entry into the housing market and make arrangements for your finances.

"I think it's a good thing to aim for, but it is aspirational for some people, I appreciate that."

Banks will lend you a scary amount of money

Having visited a mortgage broker early in the research phase, it became apparent some institutions would have loaned double what my partner and I could afford to repay.

The broker entered our earnings, expenses and a modest deposit amount in a program, which returned the different amounts institutions were willing to lend us.

Some were offering to lend us well over $1 million, with repayments that would have been unachievable.

It could be easy to fall into a trap where you borrow too much to buy a dream home, and then struggle to make the repayments.

What the expert says: Ms Higgins said first home buyers should fully understand their budget, and what they can afford in order to maintain the lifestyle they want.

"I think it's probably really being honest about what you can afford because of that emotional attachment that can often come along with falling in love with a house," she said.

"And really understanding that if you don't want to compromise your lifestyle, or there is a certain life you want to lead, you don't want a mortgage to be the thing that makes you unhappy.

"It's about being realistic about what you can afford, what that looks like day-to-day with the way you live and preparing for a change.

"Interest rates go down but they also go up, so being really prepared."

There are a range of costs that come with buying a property

Buying a house is not just a matter of saving up a deposit and then purchasing a house.

There are a range of other costs including stamp duty, transfer fees, government fees, charges for building and pest reports, LMI and conveyancing and solicitor's fees that can add up to thousands of dollars.

These all chip into the deposit you have saved and reduce the amount you actually can put into the purchase.

What the expert says: Ms Higgins said it was important to fully research what costs were associated with purchasing a house and ensure there were no surprises when it came time to sign on the dotted line.

"Often if you're buying that house with someone else make sure you do that together or with friends, or speaking with family members about their experience as often that will trigger a really interesting conversation about stamp duty or how they managed those surprise expenses if they were a surprise to them," she said.

Pre-approval is no guarantee of getting a loan

Many lenders offer a pre-approval service where they will weigh up your income, expenditure and amount of personal debt against your deposit to see if you qualify for a loan.

It gives you confidence to go ahead and make offers on properties within your budget, but it is no silver bullet.

The full loan approval only comes after the lender receives a signed contract, where they investigate and see if the property is a worthwhile investment.

What the expert says: Ms Higgins said pre-approval was good for gaining a realistic understanding of your budget.

"It's really important at the beginning of the process so you know you're looking at places you can afford, rather than falling in love with places and then trying to reverse engineer it to get the funding," she said.

You need to take out insurance the day you sign the contract

After agreeing to a price with the seller, there is still a settlement period before the buyer can actually move in.

Even though it may be 30 days before you pick up the keys, you need to take out insurance on the property in the interim to protect against any damages.

The legal liability for damages varies between the states and territories, but some lenders will insist that buyers cover themselves before settlement.

It is probably wise to take the advice of your solicitor or conveyancer to learn of your position.

What the expert says: Ms Higgins said it was a good idea to protect your new big purchase.

"You need insurance when you sign up to that house, before you move in your things. You don't want to lose that investment or be vulnerable," she said.

Buying at an auction comes with a different set of conditions

Some agents prefer to sell houses via auction, but it can be a trap if you are unsure of your finances or have doubts about the building and pest reports.

In a standard conditional offer you can add a backstop, where if your finance does not get approved or the building has any issues you can pull out.

But you do not have that luxury with an auction, meaning if the reserve price is met and you win, you will have no option but to buy the property.

What the expert says: Auctions can be a trap for those who do not fully understand what they're looking for, Ms Higgins said.

"Do your research, go to a couple of auctions and make sure the first auction you go to is not the one you're participating in," she said.

"It's a lot of work to get ready to buy a house and it isn't just about spending Saturday mornings wandering through the neighbourhood.

"It is a bit of practice as well so you can feel confident when you got to an auction you understand the conditions and what you're signing up for and you're prepared."

The process can feel like a game with changing rules

Buyers and agents seem to be locked in a game of distrust where everyone is holding their cards close to their chest.

I naively thought honesty would be the best approach and was happy to discuss my budget and how much I was looking to spend.

When making an offer, I was at times told I was "in the ballpark", only to find out the owner was looking for $50,000 more than I could pay.

Seemingly simple questions like "how much does the owner want?" were met with riddle-like responses like "the market decides the price" or "the owner has decided to go to market without a price as buyers have more information than ever and have a better handle of the value".

While I was being honest, it took me a while to understand the agents probably believed I was not being fully truthful about my budget with them.

There appears to be little choice but to play the game, trying to slowly feel out the middle ground.

It's also important to remember the agent works for the seller, not for you.

They will use sales tactics to try to eke out more from you to get more for the owner, and ultimately for themselves in commission.

What the expert says: Ms Higgins said buyers needed to make use of the vast volume of information online to gauge prices, and sift through all the mixed messages.

"I think we can understand the shape of the neighbourhood so much more easily, so again it's about doing your research," she said.

"If you're interested in a house you can get to know that real estate agent's properties, what they've told people and then what they sell for, and how closely they are aligned, or how far off they are.

"It is a lot of work, and it can be a really great fun project, but it does take time and lots of research.

"Ask lots of questions and really invest in the process."

Topics:housing-industry, housing, australia

First posted November 23, 2018 17:07:59

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WATCH THE VIDEO ON THEME: Happy Anniversary To My Daughter & Son-In-Law

Prayers for my wife and myself, and for our health and spiritual well-being, prayers for the 10/4/19: Dear Lord, please pray for my son while he seeks new employment! .. I wish we could find a good church to both go to and make Christian friends. 9/9/19: Dear God, please pray for me that the property I have in the.

well wishes son and wife new apartment
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