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Quote reads: "We wish you sunshine on your patch and storms to season your journey. We wish you peace in the world in which you live and in the smallest.
A beautiful book for anyone who wants to express how much somebody means to them.
There is no ‘story’, as such, to this book; it is simply a collection of wishes:
‘I wish you more ups than downs.
I wish you more give than take.
I wish you more we than me.
I wish you more hugs than ughs.’
Each page is dedicated to one wish, with beautiful, thought-provoking words and a bright, colourful illustration, by Tom Lichtenheld.
The words are gorgeous and the thought behind them is just divine. The message of each page is the same: I want the very best for you and I love you, but the author has come up with child-friendly, inventive ways of expressing this. I love lines like: ‘I wish you more tippy-toes than deep’ and ‘I wish you more will than hill’.
This is another book simple enough for your child to read (my son loved this one!) but deep enough in its message, that there is plenty to discuss and plenty to take from it.
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“Your feet are cold,” Hoseok says.
“Oh, shit. Sorry,” Yoongi is quick to apologize, nearly as quick as he is to move his feet away to his side of the bed; there isn’t really a side that is his or a side that is Hoseok’s, because they always end up in the middle, the both of them tangled and glued to each other like two magnets of opposite poles.
It does take a while, though. A few hours into the night, for Yoongi to get comfortable and truly feel at ease. It’s just a matter of time, really, before he settles by Hoseok’s side, comfortable and at ease, finally able to close his eyes and rest.
“No, no. That’s not what I meant,” Hoseok adds right away, hand immediately reaching for Yoongi’s. “Come here, come closer. It must be cold.”
Once, about a year ago, a few months before Hoseok and Yoongi had just started living together – sharing a whole lot more space than they had in the year prior to that when they would visit each other’s apartments and only occasionally stay the night – Yoongi sat Hoseok down. Told Hoseok, with shaky hands that Hoseok reaches for and holds onto immediately, that he’s scared. So, so scared.
"You know that feeling?" Yoongi says, with all sorts of contradictions: with a voice so quiet that speaks volumes of hurt, with a smile that is very much a smile but just as much a sad one, with hands so cold but a heart boiling inside with maybe just as much passion and love as there is anger and pain and resentment so deep that only the tip of the iceberg ever surfaces to the outside world; he truly is the embodiment of a walking, living, breathing contradiction in more ways than one, stuck in a feeling of never ending want. To live life so fully as if every and any day could be the last. To live life carelessly as if there is no talks of tomorrow. To live life so attentively aware of everything happening around him because who knows what could happen. To live life so eagerly in order to not feel like a waste of time and space. But, to also hold this same desire for today to actually be the last, because it's all so much, too much.
Only then does he realize that he never finished what he was saying, asked a question without elaborating. Always trapped in his own thoughts, always making a conscious effort to let his unconscious devour everything that he is, because being present is too much sometimes. Being here makes him feel too much, too sentimental, too empathetic towards the world that it all ends up crashing down on him, like the weight on his shoulders and the weight of the world are finally giving in, finally giving up.
Hoseok is quiet. Patient, understanding. Doesn't push or rush Yoongi, doesn't force him to do anything he feels uncomfortable doing. But Hoseok is patient, and encouraging.
“I hear you,” Hoseok tells him. “I see you, Yoongi. I feel you.”
Yoongi lets out an audible exhale, shuts his eyes tight, and breathes in again, deep but sharp. A couple more times, he inhales and exhales. His eyes are still closed, but not shut as tightly, eyebrows less knitted.
“Okay,” he says after opening his eyes to look at Hoseok, who’s looking right back at him, a small but reassuring smile on his face. Yoongi wonders if Hoseok’s eyes always sparkle like this, always shine so bright, always so kind and so beautiful. A galaxy of its own, an ocean of wonders.
“Yeah?” Hoseok gives Yoongi’s hands a small squeeze before letting go and extending his arms wide – an invitation. Yoongi allows himself to fall into Hoseok’s arms, knowing that he’s safe here, knowing that with Hoseok, he doesn’t have to hide. Knowing that this type of vulnerability around Hoseok is a safe one, without judgement, without harm in any way. “Okay, okay. I got you, Yoongi, I got you.”
When the two of them lived separately, Hoseok lived in an apartment with walls that are far too thin to even be called walls. Every noise, every creak, every step – who knows if it’s from the neighbors or from the wind – are too loud and too clear. Loud, but in a muffled type of way that sounds a lot like underwater talking and low-volume mumbles in the classroom. Hoseok doesn’t want to say he hates it, because for the price he is paying to rent this apartment, there’s really nothing wrong. Everything is in good condition, all the furnishing relatively new, and the location of the apartment itself is amazing, incredibly convenient. The one and only flaw is that the walls are too thin, and noise cancellation nonexistent for sure.
Hoseok really doesn’t want to complain, but he hates this. He hates how scared he feels every time he so as to hears the slightest bit of unrecognizable noise coming from an unidentified place. It terrifies him, to say the least.
It’s four in the morning, once again, time after time. And, Hoseok has been tossing and turning and lying wide awake in his bed since midnight. Talk about trying to sleep earlier when the only thing he will get out of it is feeling absolutely frightened by every creak, every high-pitched whistle, every rustle of the end-of-autumn leaves hanging on the branches for their last remaining moments.
The windows are shut tight, the blinds all the way down, too. Hoseok is completely under his covers, and he even left music playing from his phone on the bedside table. But, it’s still all too much; fear of the unknown will probably be the death of him.
Even when he’s well aware that he’s in fact in his own bed, in his own bedroom, and in his own house, maybe it’s because he lives alone that adds to the fear, but despite being in his own space that he recognizes so well, nothing feels safe anymore.
Hoseok feels like he’s four years old again, lost in the supermarket and can’t seem to find his mother no matter how many times he’s looked through every isle. Hoseok feels like he’s ten years old again, having moved to a different city, a new school in which he doesn’t know any of the students or teachers or where the gym or even his own classroom is. Hoseok feels like he’s eighteen years old again, having just finished high school and soon starting university, utterly confused about what he wants to study and what he wants to do in life. Hoseok feels like he’s twenty-three again, already a university graduate, but still having no clue as to what he’s meant to do in life, not even really sure what his passions are, if he has any to begin with.
Hoseok is twenty-five now, well into adulthood, but also very much on the verge of tears because he’s so afraid. Maybe it’s not even about the walls being too thin and the sounds he hears, maybe it’s all about the guilt and pressure and feelings of never being enough that is keeping him awake and afraid. That all of what he knows and has known all his life suddenly feels unfamiliar, unknown, unrecognizable.
It’s not the first time Hoseok thinks about and has called Yoongi at some ungodly hour of the night when he’s unable to fall asleep and too scared of the mysteries of the dark. He hates the idea of possibly waking Yoongi up, knowing that Yoongi doesn’t sleep well either. Usually, the times when Hoseok has called, Yoongi isn’t asleep either, having too much on his mind, too much clouding his ability to shut down for the night. Being aware of that, Hoseok feels even worse about calling Yoongi at a time of the night that is so far away from the functioning hours of the day. Hoseok feels terrible and so, so sorry, but right now, he really doesn’t think he can lie here any longer on his own, enveloped so closely by the fear of the unknown.
“Hello?” Yoongi’s voice comes through the phone after just two rings, low and clear. Steady. “Hoseok?”
Hoseok thinks he could cry. Just from hearing Yoongi’s voice through the phone, calling out his name, is enough to bring him solace. A calm lapping of the shore from waves that seem to have known the concept of home and belonging since the beginning of time.
“Hey, Seok,” Yoongi says again, this time more quiet than before, but the steadiness in his voice remains all the same. Doesn’t waver. “Do you want to talk? Or do you want me to talk?” The phone line goes silent on both ends. Then Yoongi asks again, rephrases his question when he’s gotten a gist of the situation from the silence on Hoseok’s end – almost complete silence apart from the sound of Hoseok’s breathing, “I can give you options, if that helps?”
The thing is, they’ve done this before. At times when Hoseok feels like his mind is so full of racing thoughts, but so utterly empty and blank at the same time that he can’t construct any proper thought or string of words that make sense. Rationally, logically. A little help is what he needs, a little assistance, a helping hand that doesn’t necessarily have to reach him all the way, but just meet him halfway. They say the first step is always the most difficult; the hardest part is starting.
Hoseok and Yoongi have both learned, from spending much of their time together and being in each other’s spaces, ways to take care of one another. Little things, words and actions, that can do so much. Wonders, some might call it.
It’s one time, fairly early into their relationship, when Hoseok was having a panic attack. Yoongi trying his best to calm Hoseok down, wanting to offer help that is actually helpful, wanting to say things that will actually make Hoseok feel better. He’s been in similar situations before, but everyone is different, and Yoongi knew that what worked for him at a time like this might not have the same effect for Hoseok.
Yoongi took a hold of Hoseok’s hands, each hand in one of Yoongi’s own. “Follow my breathing,” he had said, softly but with a certain firmness in his tone, wanting to be a steady enough rock for Hoseok to lean on and trust. “Can you do that for me?”
Hoseok nods, once, twice, three times, and closes his eyes. It almost feels like taking a risk, like going into a maze blindfolded out of his own will, to close his eyes at a time so hectic like now, when his mind is racing and everything feels like it might just crumble and fall apart from all directions at any given moment. But, Yoongi sounds sure about this, and Hoseok needs anything that feels sure right now, anything that is tangible and as close to definite and real as possible.
“Open your eyes whenever you feel ready, or a little more okay,” Yoongi suggests, and adds, “I’ll be right here. Not going anywhere.”
“Okay,” Hoseok finally says after a while, before opening his eyes to meet Yoongi’s, and voicing a thank you that sounds a little too weak, but Yoongi accepts it all the same, with the same small smile on his face that is so reassuring and sure of this.
Back then, Hoseok felt like he could cry then and there. Now, Hoseok still feels like he could cry here and now.
“Okay,” he says, finally, just like he did last time, and so many other times before when it comes to Yoongi. “Options sound good.”
“Okay,” Yoongi repeats. “Okay. Option one, I talk to you on the phone until you fall asleep. Option two, I go over to yours. Option three, you come over and stay at mine. Option four, I go over to pick you up and you can stay at mine. How does that sound?”
“Mm,” Hoseok goes over the options, more thankful for Yoongi than he could ever express, just how much this helps him. Because, at times like these, Hoseok just needs a little help to figure out what he wants and needs when he can’t really come up with options on his own. “Sorry, let me think for a bit.”
“Sure. Take your time, I’ll be here,” Yoongi reminds Hoseok, as if reading Hoseok’s mind that is continuously telling him that if he thinks for too long, Yoongi will get tired and leave. “I’m not going to leave you alone that’s for sure, unless you want to be. Then that’s fine, but I’ll keep you company if that’s what you need, whether it’s at your place or mine.”
“Can you come get me?” Hoseok’s voice sounds so small and vulnerable it’s hurting himself as much as it’s hurting Yoongi’s heart. “I don’t want to be alone right now, Yoongi. It’s too much.”
“Alright, got it. I’ll go get you. Fifteen minutes, yeah? There won’t be traffic at this hour so it shouldn’t take long. Do you want me to stay on the phone?”
“It’s okay, I’ll be fine. You need to drive.” Hoseok says. “Be safe.”
“You, too. Love you.”
Hoseok falls asleep almost right after crawling in bed with Yoongi, after whispering a tired thank you, I love you. And, Yoongi can only sigh and smile, relieved.
Yoongi falls asleep soon, too, surprised that he’s actually feeling drowsy. Because, he really hasn’t felt that in so long – sleep feels like such a foreign concept to him now. Falling asleep has been nothing but a struggle these days. Maybe years. Feeling tired is one thing, but being able to still feel sleepy is a different thing altogether. Most days, Yoongi feels completely exhausted and every part of his body aches, every thought he thinks strains his brain. But even then, no matter how physically and emotionally drained he is, sleep doesn’t come. Sleeplessness clings onto him like styrofoam clinging onto a cat’s fur. Insomnia being the most unwanted and frustrating company Yoongi’s ever had.
Tonight, sleep gets to him easy. Maybe it’s because Hoseok is by his side. Maybe it’s him who needed Hoseok’s company more than Hoseok needed his. In the midst of these thoughts, Yoongi drifts into sleep, not sure if he felt Hoseok’s lips touch his forehead or if he’s already dreaming.
No one has ever asked Yoongi such a question that it takes him by surprise. Surprise mixed with a whole lot of confusion that has Yoongi frozen in his spot. His spot, which is next to Hoseok on their small couch in the living room. Yoongi’s head is resting on Hoseok’s shoulder, and his legs on the couch, tucked against his chest. Shrinking into himself. He’s been mindlessly scrolling on his phone and watching whatever is on the television. He ends up discarding his phone to the side and just staring into space, staring into nothing.
“Hey,” Hoseok notes Yoongi’s quietness, which is nothing unusual, but at the same time, there’s this anxious and unsettled energy radiating off of him, like he’s questioning something over and over again with no answer in sight. “Are you okay?”
“Huh? Oh. Yeah, I’m fine.” Yoongi responds, listless. “I think.”
“Can I ask you something?” Hoseok’s movements are gentle when he swipes Yoongi’s bangs out of his eyes. “You don’t need to answer if you don’t want to. I don’t really know how to phrase it, actually. So, you really don’t need to answer unless you want to, okay? I’m sorry if it sounds stupid or if it makes you uncomfortable. You have to tell me if I’m saying stupid shit, okay?”
“Sure,” Yoongi agrees, fairly easily. “I’ll tell you either way. Promise I will.”
“I don’t know how to say it exactly, but- I don’t know, it’s just that sometimes…I wonder if you want to feel small?” Hoseok feels like an idiot asking something he’s not even sure makes any sense at all. “Like, physically, I mean. But, also emotionally sometimes. But, mostly physically with a bit of emotionally?” Hoseok sighs, and shakes his head. “I’m sorry, that doesn’t even make sense.”
Yoongi thinks Hoseok’s words over, processes his words carefully. He’s never been asked a question like that before, and he’s a little taken aback, sure. But, it does make sense when Hoseok puts it that way. He’s just never thought of it like that himself. “I’ve never thought of it that way,” he tells Hoseok honestly. “But, I guess so. I think so.”
“Does it have to do with what you told me before? I was just thinking- wondering if there was anything I can do to make you feel better, or more comfortable, when you’re feeling that way,” Hoseok stumbles over his words, reaches for Yoongi’s hand instinctively, and Yoongi meets him halfway. “Sorry, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“No, it’s fine. I trust you, Hoseok. This is okay, I’ll tell you if it’s not,” Yoongi reassures Hoseok, and gives Hoseok’s hand the squeeze that means, this is okay, we are okay. “I don’t know when exactly I started feeling this way. Like I told you before, I don’t think there’s one defining moment that just snapped inside me, but overtime this thought that was planted in my head just grew bigger and bigger. I don’t even know when the seed was planted, and by the time I was aware, it felt like it was too late, the roots already embedded so deeply.”
“It’s like I want want to be close, but I’m scared and uncomfortable and unsure. I know that’s what I want and need, but I’m still scared to be close. I don’t know where to go, where to be, where to stay to feel comfortable and at ease and relaxed. I don’t know how to let go or how to be and feel free,” Yoongi tries to explain, and finds that it’s not as daunting as he imagined to voice these thoughts out loud when it’s to Hoseok. “It feels like I’m trapped in a body that isn’t mine. I know it’s my body, but it doesn’t feel right, something just feels off all the time. The one thing that is meant to keep me alive shouldn’t be the same thing that kills me.”
“I’m sorry,” Hoseok can’t help but say. “I’m sorry. The way you feel about yourself and the way you see yourself, I’m sorry that’s how you’ve felt and have been feeling for so long.”
“It’s not your fault,” Yoongi tells him, using his free hand to wipe away the tears on Hoseok’s cheeks. “You’ve helped me so much. You know that, right?”
“It’s not your fault, either,” Hoseok insists. “You know that, right?”
“Okay, yeah,” Yoongi answers him. “Yeah, I know now.”
The sun rises in the east, as it does, every single waking day. Yoongi is awake to see it today, as he does more often than not, because sleeplessness follows him everywhere without fail.
From their apartment, the first rays of sunshine peek through the windows of their living room, then the ones in their bedroom. Even when Yoongi is feeling absolutely worn out from having stayed up all night, watching the sunrise is always nice, and comforting in some way. The idea that the sun will rise day after day no matter what, that in itself is enough for Yoongi to feel the slightest bit of hopeful that even if today goes all sorts of wrong, the sun will set in the west, the moon and stars will be there, and the sun will rise once again the next morning.
As much as watching the sunrise from his and Hoseok’s apartment is peaceful in its own way, Yoongi can’t help but feel a little sad; he does feel a little sad a lot, and about a lot of things too, a lot of the time. And, that’s okay, he thinks. That’s just how he’s wired, how he has been, how he is, and that’s okay, really. He’s working on it, he knows.
Yoongi sits on their couch in the living room, facing the window, comfortable on all the blankets and pillows Hoseok insists on buying every time they go shopping. This is nice, this is okay. Although he wonders very often, whether he’s actually feeling okay or if he’s just suppressing everything so much to the point where he’s convinced himself that he’s okay when he’s really not, he thinks that the way he feels right now is the sort of okay that he truly means. Deep down within his heart. He thinks he’s starting to feel more okay about things, and more okay about things not being okay, too.
The sun comes up surprisingly fast. One second it’s barely above the horizon, and the next second it’s already above all the buildings and skyscrapers in the city. Hoseok emerges from their bedroom then, having wrapped himself up with their duvet, and shuffles towards Yoongi like a giant human burrito.
Seeing Hoseok like this, so comfortable and at home and so, so endearing, Yoongi realizes that he has never felt so deeply about something or someone before he met Hoseok. It almost feels too much at times. It feels so overwhelming, like his heart might just burst, like everything within him and everything that he is is ready to just burst out of its shell. Before, he’d wonder if he’s meant to feel this way, if feeling so much is supposed to be a good thing, or a bad thing, or just a normal thing. But then, Hoseok will smile at him – the way he does now and the way he has since day one – and Yoongi’s heart nearly stops as he comes to the realization that this is what love feels like. This is what it feels like and what it means to love and to live so fully you feel as though your heart can no longer contain all of this that you feel so greatly, in giving and receiving.
Hoseok has taken Yoongi’s doubts away about many things that he used to question, things that he found hard to fathom and make sense of, because the world has continuously told him, shown him, proved to him that ultimately he is alone in this world. That at the end of the day he has nobody but himself to rely on. Whether that’s to do with having no one but himself to believe, to look after him, or to blame, Yoongi’s always held onto the belief that we are all alone. So, whatever happens happens, and whatever he does, whether it’s the right choice or the wrong decision, he only has himself to blame and to fall back on. He only has this one mind and one body that he can truly call and consider his own. Yet, it doesn’t really feel that way; nothing feels as simple as others make it out to be.
Sunlight fills the living room almost entirely now, making the whole space feel warm and gentle. Hoseok makes his way to the couch, and crouches down in front of Yoongi so that they can be face-to-face with each other.
“Hey,” Hoseok greets him, warm and gentle, like the morning sunlight. “How are you feeling?”
“Okay,” Yoongi answers honestly, and reaches across the space between them to smooth down the hairs sticking up from Hoseok’s head. “Tired, though. Still not sleepy.”
Hoseok hums empathetically, wishes there was more he could do, wishes there was some magical way to help Yoongi out with these things that trouble him so much. He must be frowning, and it must show, because Yoongi takes his hand out of Hoseok’s hair and goes to cup Hoseok’s cheek. “I’m okay,” he reassures Hoseok. “I’ll probably fall asleep before I even know it.”
“Do you want me to lie here with you until then?” Hoseok just asks simply, not needing to feel awkward or feel like he needs to sugarcoat his words and beat around the bush to avoid voicing his thoughts, because Yoongi appreciates honesty and sincerity. And Hoseok. Yoongi appreciates Hoseok, and well, Hoseok would just about do anything for Yoongi, anything to make Yoongi happy, anything to make Yoongi feel better, even if it’s just by one percent. “I’ll lie on the inside so you can escape easily whenever you want. I won’t hug you too tightly unless you want me to.”
“I want you to. I want you,” Yoongi admits, and lets Hoseok crawl beside him on the couch, close and comfortable, and very much in Yoongi’s personal space. But, Yoongi has grown to be okay with that, too. More than okay with Hoseok being in his personal space. Yoongi has grown to allow people whom he loves and trusts into his life, into his personal bubble, into his area of safety. Hoseok is very much one of these people. Maybe the only one, but that’s perfectly okay too.
“This okay?” Hoseok asks after settling in the space between Yoongi and the couch. He’s a little extra careful – not necessarily cautious but certainly considerate, attentive, thoughtful – when it comes to Yoongi, and being so close like this, with hardly any distance between them.
“Mhm, this is good. More than good,” Yoongi turns around to face Hoseok, a shy smile on his face so sure of this present moment and everything beyond that. Hoseok smiles back without hesitation, bright and warm and easy.
The space between them so close it’s indefinite. Yoongi’s heart beats a little faster, partly because he knows it will take years, or perhaps nearly this whole entire lifetime of his to not feel so anxious so quickly. But, Yoongi’s heart also beats a little faster now, because he recognizes this feeling as love. As the rushing of his blood through his veins, as a reminder that he is alive and living, as the sign that appears out of nowhere when he needs it the most, saying: you are born to love and to be loved.
“You are,” Hoseok whispers as he leans in just the tiniest bit closer so that their foreheads are touching. “More than good, deserving of love. That’s what you are.”
What we would wish her would be some grand times and some hard times, some wins and some losses, some sunshine and some rain.
I wish you the courage to be warm when the world would prefer that you be cool.
I wish you success sufficient to your needs;
I wish you failure to temper that success.
I wish you joy in all your days;
I wish you sadness so that you may better measure joy.
I wish you gladness to overbalance your grief.
I wish you humor and a twinkle in your eye.
I wish you glory and the strength to bear its burdens.
I wish you sunshine on your path and health to carry you on your journey.
I wish you peace — in the world in which you live and in the smallest corner of you heart where truth is kept.
I wish you faith — to help define your living and your life.
More I cannot wish you — except perhaps love — to make all the rest worthwhile.
-Robert A. Ward
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]I Wish, 82% based on 11 ratings
Rating: +9 (from 11 votes)
Rating: +9 (from 11 votes)
I wish you sunshine on your path and storms to season your journey. I wish you peace in the world in which you live More I cannot wish you except perha.