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Happy birthday wishes for cards
June 27, 2019 Wedding Anniversary Wishes 5 comments

Happy Birthday Cards App lets you send unique and beautiful virtual birthday cards to friends and loved ones. Just choose from the vast selection of birthday.

Choosing a birthday card is just half the battle; now you have to think of something funny to write inside. We’ve scoured the internet, searched our own cards and trawled thousands of ideas to bring you a list of the 69 funniest things you can say inside your card. From the rude and offensive to the cheeky and light-hearted messages, simply choose your favourite and pass it off as your own. You’re welcome!

General Funny Birthday Wishes

1. I always limit my budget on buying birthday gifts according to what that person gave me as a gift on my birthday. Enjoy your gift of nothing!
2. Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
3. Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
4. May your Facebook wall be filled with birthday wishes from people you’ve never met, haven’t seen in years, or genuinely couldn’t care less about.
5. On your birthday don’t forget to set goals that are sky high, and spend the rest of the year miserably trying to build a rocket to get there.
6. You’re a really hard individual to shop for… so I didn’t get you anything. Happy birthday!
7. Happy birthday to the only person I would rescue in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
8. If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas!
9. Smart, good looking, and funny. But enough about me. Happy birthday!
10. It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.
11. Right, let’s get you so drunk that you end up believing it’s my birthday and buying me drinks all night 😉
12. Happy birthday! Can you believe we used to think people our age were adults and had their life in order?
13. Congratulations on getting slightly older!
14. Well done – you have still been alive for several years!

Old Age Jokes

1. Happy birthday – I’m so glad you’ll always be older than me 
2. Remember that growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional!
3. Birthdays are like spotting Bigfoot. You really do want to see them but you’re a little afraid of what they’ll look like…
4. If you look back through all the years you’ve lived, the first thing you’ll notice is that you need a telescope.
5. Happy birthday – So far, this is the oldest you’ve ever been!
6. At least you’re not as old as you will be next year… if you make it!
7. If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them!
8. Yes, we have reached that age… when every compliment we get is usually followed by ‘for your age’. You’re still looking great though… for your age!
9. As you get older, three things happen. The first thing is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
10. Congratulations! You are now old enough to need TWO packs of candles for your cake.
11. We all knew this day was coming. It’s best to just suck it up and accept it’s no longer acceptable for you to eat a happy meal in public.
12. Don’t worry about your age… alcohol will make it all better!
13. I will stop making age jokes on your birthday now… you’ve reached the age where it’s genuinely not funny anymore.
14. Just remember the more candles on the cake, the bigger the cake you’ll get! Now who’s laughing?
15. Another year older and you’re one step closer to getting those Velcro shoes!
16. Remember that age is just a number… just a really, REALLY high one in your case!
17. I regret to inform you that your childhood has EXPIRED.

Rude Birthday Messages

1. Happy birthday! Let’s celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else’s bed…
2. I hope you have a happy annual celebration of escaping from your mum’s uterus. I wish that you may never again have to return to your dark underwater prison.
3. Birthdays are like bogeys. The more you have, the harder it is to breathe!
4. I hope your birthday is better than walking through a fart with your mouth open.
5. Since it’s your birthday, I’ll let you leave the lights on.
6. May your day be more beautiful than a unicorn farting rainbows.
7. I hope you celebrate your birthday the way you came into this world, naked and screaming!
8. Some say that age is just a number. I say that’s bullsh**. I mean, you’re getting really old. Happy birthday anyway.
9. Happy birthday… congratulations on now being of the age where understand the horror of waking yourself up with your own fart!
10. You might be old, but you’re still a d***.
11. Older and wiser… but still a bit of a pr***.
12. I didn’t know where to start on your birthday present so I thought I’d trawl the internet. After a couple of hours I found some really good stuff. But then I remembered I was supposed to be finding you a birthday present and it was too late. Sorry!
13. Have a mucking farvellous birthday!
14. Some things are better with age. Too bad you aren’t one of them.

Sarcastic Birthday Messages

1. You’re the least famous person I know of who was born on your birthday.
2. I couldn’t think of a message that would make you laugh for your birthday card… you’re too boring…
3. I hope your birthday is better than the card I sent you…
4. Seriously, I don’t know how many more of your birthdays I can handle.
5. Another year older… and you still can’t grow a beard.
6. If I made fun of how many years old you are, it would be beyond funny.
7. Getting someone as awesome as me to send a birthday message to you, has undoubtedly been your biggest achievement this year.
8. Congratulations on being a year older and still maintaining such a low level of maturity; you are truly an inspiration.
9. Happy birthday! Here is a piece of card to show you how little I care…
10. What are you so happy about? It’s your birthday and you are going to have to spend a lot of money to keep us happy. At least have fun doing it!
11. Life was meant to be celebrated more often than just one day a year. Man, you’re missing opportunities the other 364 days!
12. I decided to keep having birthdays because it beats the alternative… Death.

Belated Birthday Wishes

1. I know you had lots of birthday wishes yesterday, but who is thinking of you today? Me, that’s who. Happy belated birthday!
2. I’m sorry my birthday wishes are belated—I honestly didn’t think you’d live this long. Happy birthday!
3. Sorry I wasn’t there with you to mourn the loss of your youth. Happy birthday!
4. It’s not your fault, buddy. No one can help the fact that you’re growing old, and that I totally forgot… Happy belated birthday!
5. You’re amazing, wise, super cool, fantastic, brilliant, intelligent – but don’t get too excited. I’m only saying all these things because I’m a couple of days late! Happy birthday!
6. It wasn’t my fault… Facebook forgot to remind me about your birthday!
7. It’s so tough to believe that you are getting older, that I decided to wish you happy birthday late this year.
8. Sorry I missed your birthday… hopefully you’ll have another one next year…

Funny Birthday Quotes

1. Two things that are inevitable for any living person are birthdays and taxes.
2. Birthdays are like cheese. They stink more the older they get.
3. Aging is the worst side effect of birthdays.
4. There’s really only one true birthday. The rest are simply anniversaries of the day of a person’s birth.
5. Birthdays are like vacations. You don’t have one too often and they come and go too quickly.
6. The old pessimist focuses on his growing number. The old optimist focuses on his growing blessings.
7. Getting older is just part of life… and the other parts are even worse.
8. The older you get, the more disoriented your hair gets. Once it leaves your head, it seems to get lost.

If you are looking for a funny birthday card, browse through our funny birthday cards range.

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Create your own birthday greeting cards to wish someone a happy birthday. It is easy and fast on FotoJet, try it now!.

Birthday wishes: what to write in a birthday card

happy birthday wishes for cards

Happy Birthday Cards App lets you send unique and beautiful virtual birthday cards to friends and loved ones.

Just choose from the vast selection of birthday ecards in the app, and send via email, Whatsapp, Viber or social network (you've all seen those birthday cards for Facebook, right?).

Customise your birthday cards with your own messages, or if you're not feeling too creative just send birthday cards with quotes.

Bad at remembering birthdays? No problem, Birthday Cards Free App can remind you to send birthday cards and messages to your friends and loved ones every year!

Of all the birthday cards free apps out there, we're sure that ours has the best selection of free happy birthday cards and gif animated images for him, her and for best friends – three categories that are often overlooked by other apps. And yes, we even have birthday cards with pictures of cats...

There’s no birthday party without cake. Happy birthday cake card or animated image is an awesome choice for anyone in your life, from a family member or relative to collegue or co-worker. In our app we have dozens of original greeting cards and gifs with lovely yummy birthday cakes, fancy cupcakes with lit candles, pretty balloons, twinkling lights, celebration confetti and spectacular sparklers. Just download for mobile any of the images and send your warmest birthday wishes to a wonderful person.

If you are searching for a birthday card for her (mother, grandma, sister, wife, girlfriend or female friend) choose the ones with exceptional flowers. What does every woman want to receive on her special day? A beautiful bouquet of flowers! Our flowers birthday cards with gorgeous red or white roses, elegant tulips, graceful peonies or even and exotic flowers with animated butterflies is the best way to make her feel very special.

Is your father, granddad, brother, uncle, husband, boyfriend of good fellow celebrating a birthday today? Do you want to let him know that he deserves all the happiness in the world? Then download and send him an animated gif with sparkling fireworks, colorful gift box, funny dog, glass of wine or beer or just a great abstract background with birthday wishes written on it.

Let the one who lights up your world you love know how you feel special on their important celebration. Choose a fantastic red roses card, an animation with flying hearts or two romantic glasses of wine. Select the best card xpress your love to your sweetheart.

Looking for a bday pic for a friend? Let your dear friend know how much they mean to you with our exquisite bday cards with warmest wishes and humorous and funny illustrations.

Download, install, give it a try and you'll never again run out of ideas for birthday cards and wishes.

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happy birthday wishes for cards

100+ Happy Birthday Funny Wishes, Quotes, Jokes & Images

Looking for Happy Birthday funny wishes, quotes, jokes and images to put a smile on someone's face on their birthday? Whether it's for him or for her, a friend or a colleague, or maybe even a belated birthday wish, we've got you covered with our huge selection of funny birthday wishes.

Write them in birthday cards, send them by SMS or email, or message someone on Facebook or Twitter. No matter how you send one of these funny wishes you're sure to brighten their birthday and make them laugh!

Use these quick-links to jump to a particular section, or scroll down the page to see the entire collection of funny birthday quotes and wishes.

QuotesWishesFor HerFor HimBelatedBest FriendJokes

Last updated: February 19, 2019

For more ideas, take a look at funny birthday cards on Amazon.

Happy Birthday Funny Quotes

A selection of happy birthday funny quotes you can use to wish someone a very happy birthday and poke fun at their age on their birthday. Use them as part of a funny birthday card message, or even as a Facebook caption.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest! (But it has also been scientifically proven that too many will kill you.)

Don't let ageing get you down... it's too hard to get back up again!

Middle age... when "happy hour" is a nap!

If gray hair is a sign of wisdom, then you're a genius!

What goes up but never comes down? Your age.

The tragedy of getting old: So many candles... so little cake.

Technically you're not 50. You're only $49.95, plus tax!

They say you lose your mind as you grow older... what they don't tell you is that you won't miss it much!

Age doesn't make you forgetful: having too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful!

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
~ Chili Davis

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
~ Jack Benny

Youth is a gift of nature but age is a work of art.
~ Stanislaw Lec

Age is not important unless you're a cheese.
~ Helen Hayes

I've reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.


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Happy Birthday Funny Wishes

Some funny happy birthday wishes and messages you can use in a funny birthday card message to friends or family on their birthday.

I believe you forgot my birthday present last year, so now I'm returning the favor. Happy Birthday!

A wise man once said, "Forget about your past, you cannot change it". I'd like to add: "Forget about your present, I didn't get you one".

Happy Birthday to a [Mom/Dad] who's smart and funny and good looking, from a [daughter/son] who inherited all your best qualities.

It's your birthday? Let's get up to some mischief!

Funny birthday wishes about getting older:

It's OK to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I've already alerted the fire department.

You know, they say that age is really all in the mind. The key is to prevent it from trickling down into your body.

Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.

You're how old?! Better take that cake outdoors to light the candles! Have a very happy birthday.

Congratulations, you've finally reached the wonder years... wonder where your car is parked? Wonder where you left your phone? Wonder where your glasses are? Wonder what day it is?

When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
~ Unknown.

You might be prehistoric, but at least you're not extinct!

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

You're not old! ...oh, no wait, actually you are, sorry about that...

Don't stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It's nature's way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Happy birthday!! You only look as old as the last selfie you took.

I wouldn't say you're old... you've just been young for longer than most of us.

Don't grow up... It's a trap!

Great news! ...you're still alive!

You've got more than half a century of accumulated knowledge and wisdom! That would be awesome... if you could remember any of it.

You know, I would be a whole lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will. Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to someone who has attended more birthday parties for kids than adults this year.

I thought you might need some help with the candles. Happy Birthday!

Personalize these happy birthday funny wishes with the age of the person.

Don't think of it as turning [insert age]. We're here to celebrate the 10th anniversary of your [insert age -10]th birthday.

Looking [insert age] is great - if you're sixty.

[For under 40s:] You may not be over the hill yet, but you have a great view!

[insert age]?! I demand a recount!

Congratulations on the 10th anniversary of your [XX]th birthday! Here's to many more.

Happy birthday! And remember you're not [insert age] ...you're 18 with [XX] years' experience.

[Insert age] and still too young to plan your own surprise party!

You're 60? That's only 16 in Celsius. Happy birthday!

Deepest sympathies on your [insert age] birthday.


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Happy Birthday Funny Wishes for Her

A collection of funny happy birthday wishes for your mom, sister, aunt, or female friends.

The secret to staying young is make up... make up an age, then stick with it!

Happy birthday. It took you [insert age] years to look this good!

We'll be friends 'til we're old and senile... and then we'll be new friends!

Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so many birthdays to earn them.
~ Anna Magnani

You're the youngest [insert age] year old I know.

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

You suck at ageing! Can you at least try to look older?

Those aren't gray hairs you see. They're strands of birthday glitter growing out of your head.


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Happy Birthday Funny Wishes for Him

Happy birthday funny wishes for him, including great messages to wish your dad, brother, uncle, or best buddy a very happy birthday!

If anyone calls you old this birthday, just hit him with your walking stick and throw your teeth at him.

Happy birthday! Don't forget to iron that birthday suit.

A little gray hair is a small price to pay for so much wisdom.

I don't have birthdays anymore, I level up!

Fill in the gaps: H___Y B__T____ ... nice try- HAIRY BUTTOCKS.

Happy Birthday Dad! When I grow up I want to be just like you... but hopefully with more hair! Love, your son.

Middle age is when your age begins to show around your middle.
~ Bob Hope

You know you're 40 when your back is hairier than your head.

What did the bald guy say when he got a comb for his birthday? Thanks, I'll never part with it!

A man has reached middle age when he's warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police.
~ Henry Youngman


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Happy Birthday Funny Belated Wishes

Oh no! Did you forget their birthday? Apologize with one of these funny belated happy birthday messages. I'm sure it will get you back in their good books...

I'm so sorry I forgot your birthday. The good news is that I also forgot your age. Happy Belated Birthday!

I'm so sorry for sending you belated birthday wishes. Honestly, I didn't think you would live this long. Happy Birthday!

I promise this card isn't late. It is intentionally arriving after your birth-day, because I think you deserve a whole birth-month. Happy Birth-month!

I know you think this card is a few days late. It's actually worse than that. This is your card from 2010 that I only just got around to sending. Happy Belated Birthday!

Happy Birthday! Don't think of this as a late birthday card. Consider it a very early one for next year. Here's wishing you a wonderful year ahead!


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Happy Birthday Funny Wishes for Best Friend

Funny birthday wishes to wish your best friend a very happy birthday.

Some say the glass is half empty, others say the glass is half full. It's your birthday, just drink whatever's in the glass!

On your special day, I wish you peace, love, insight, relaxation, fun, knowledge, romance, friendship... and all that stuff that doesn't cost anything.

Just imagine all the things you'd want to hear on your birthday ...and assume I wrote them here!

For your birthday, I wanted to give you something that was both funny and charming, but then I remembered you already have me in your life.

At your age, people expect you to be calm, dignified and sober.... Disappoint them.

You're older; you're wiser; you're sophisticated. Far too sophisticated to be concerned with material things like presents.

At least you're not as old as you'll be this time next year.

If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on Facebook!

A true friend remembers your birthday, but not your age.

You're turning the perfect age. You're old enough to recognize your mistakes but young enough to make some more. Happy birthday!

The best part of being over forty is that you did most your stupid stuff before the internet.

Don't worry, they are not gray hairs, they are wisdom highlights. You just happen to be extremely wise.

[For over 40s:] Happy birthday! I'm so pleased to hear you're over the hill instead of under it.

By the time you're your age, you've learned everything - you only have to remember it! Many happy returns on your birthday.

I spent 3 hours searching the internet for the perfect birthday message for you and then I gave up. Happy Birthday.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
~ Mark Twain

You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
~ John Grier

Happy 21st again!

If things get better with age, then you're approaching magnificent!


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Happy Birthday Funny Jokes

A collection of happy birthday funny jokes you can send to your friends and family on their birthdays.

How does NASA organise a birthday party? They planet.

What kind of music is scary for birthday balloons? ...pop music!

I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until the doctor advised me to take the candles off first.

I always get this warm feeling on my birthday - people won't stop toasting me.

Why did the teddy bear refuse a slice of birthday cake? He was already stuffed.

You know you're getting old when you can't walk past a bathroom without thinking, "I may as well pee while I'm here."

The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.

The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.

Did you hear about the [insert age] year old who was still cool? Yeah, me neither.

Do you know why candles are always put on top of birthday cakes?
Because it's far too difficult to put them on the bottom.

You know you're old when you turn down the lights to be economical instead of romantic.

You know you're old when getting lucky means a short wait in the doctor's office.

You know you're old when you have a party and the neighbours don't even realize.

Did you know that [insert date] is a date when no famous men or women have ever been born? .....None, only babies!


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More Happy Birthday Funny Wishes

Still looking for just the right message? Check out these pages for more funny birthday wishes and quotes:

30th B'day40th B'day50th B'day60th B'dayBirthday WishesImages QuotesWifeHusbandFriendsMomDadAuntieSisterBrotherDaughterSonBelatedBible VerseBirthday Prayers



Send a Happy Birthday! greeting with the Birthday Wishes e-card from jacquielawson.com. Let the celebrations commence!.

Happy Birthday Wishes Cards (1223)

happy birthday wishes for cards

Happy birthday funny folks! Celebrating big days with friends and family are the best times to put your good humor on display. Nearly everyone tends to be in a good mood and looking for a reason to laugh. Don’t disappoint them – come with your “A” game. Check out some messages, wishes, quotes and jokes below for ideas.

Funny Birthday Wishes

For your birthday, I wish that every mirror in the world would vanish so you wouldn’t know that you are getting older. Enjoy!

You are gradually getting to the top of the hill. It’s better than being buried under it.

You should be proud of your age. This year you are wiser, smarter and very close to reaping the benefits of senior discounts at restaurants.

Don’t regret the grey hairs on your head. Aging is a privilege granted to a select few. Happy Birthday!

Sister

To someone totally awesome, gorgeous, funny, and sort of reminds me of myself! You are a fabulous sister and you know you owe it all to me!

Dearest sister, please stop being younger than me every year! It just isn’t fair! Best wishes to you on your special day. May your beauty and humor never fade!

I can’t believe that someone so annoying and immature grew up to be someone I love dearly and consider one of my best friends! Happy Birthday to my wonderful, beautiful, and intelligent sister!

Congratulations on having survived another year with me as your sister! May this year be your best year yet!

Brother

Before you go out today, make sure your pockets are empty. It’s your day to have others treat you! I hope you enjoy your birthday, dear brother.

You might get all the responsibility for being the older brother, but you have no idea how hard it is to be the favorite of the family. Enjoy your day!

As the true and good-hearted brother that I am, I have remembered your birthday and forgotten your age.

You’ve already taught me so much as my older brother. Now I’m learning from you on how (not) to age gracefully. Have a great Bday!

 

Happy Birthday Funny Friends

For your birthday, I wanted to give you something that was both funny and charming, but then I remembered you already have me in your life.

May my friend on this special day be able to set all the jealous people on fire and use the flame to burn the candles and blow them off with a happy smile, a very happy and amazing day to you.

I made you a birthday cake to celebrate, but I couldn’t light the candles. It turns out the fire department requires a permit for bonfires.

Having friends never has been more awesome! You truly are a great person to have around, even when you eat everything on the table. We still love you anyway! Happy birthday!

Tip: These Happy Birthday Funny Messages work nicely as captions for social media.

You might like: Cool and Hip Quotes.

Husband

I do love how you stick to me like glue, it certainly makes it easy for me to keep track of where you are and what you are doing at all times.

You’re the best husband a lady could hope for. Kind, handsome, charming and clever. If only were also tall. Not to worry, 4 out of 5 boxes are not bad at all!

I didn’t get you a fancy gift this year, instead I thought it best to go with something sentimental. Remember that time you told me how happy it makes you when I wear red? Well, I’ve bought a whole new outfit and accessories in lush red colors. Just for you!

It’s time for me to start pulling my weight around the house I know. So today for your birthday I’ve cleaned all the rooms and made the house pretty, all for you! So now do your part, get in the kitchen and make us some dinner.

Funny Messages for Birthday Celebrations

No one will stop tonight from eating your favorite items. I wish you a happiest birthday ever.

Happy birthday. At your age, you should really try to see everything as larger than life…starting with LARGE print.

Hey, no matter how old have you become today, just make sure that you don’t forget that where you kept the car keys. Good luck!

Can you remember those young, healthy and colorful days of our young age? It’s always feels awesome when you can recall all those memories.

Messages

Don’t be sad you’re a year older. Keep your chin up…both of ’em! Well, you know what I mean.

If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them!

This year is the easiest one for me to pick a birthday gift for you,

I choose makeup for you to apply plenty of it to hide your wrinkles and your age.

At our age, the only way to look younger is to add at least a decade to your age.

So, you are still younger than the age you will be on the next birthday. Have a special celebration.

Just smile while you still have your natural teeth.

Another year has gone, but that doesn’t mean you’ve become wiser.

We need a flamethrower instead of a lighter to light up all of your candles.

Check out our Funny Birthday Quotes from Dr Seuss.

Witty and Comical

Don’t count the candles on your cake or the wrinkles on your face. Just be glad that you’re not down for the count.

The main thing to do to remain young is to lie when it comes to your age, eat slowly and dress like a teenager.

You’ve finally reached the age of wisdom but nobody wants to listen to you.

There are plenty of years that I can remember for those history classes in our schools. But, the bad news is I can’t remember your birth date as it wasn’t in our course. May be I’m late, but have a great one.

You should count your age not your wrinkles. Count your experiences and blessings not your mistakes.

Stop counting your candles and start counting your blessings. You still have hair on your head, not in your ears and nose!

The room is getting hotter, please blow the candles before your room gets on fire.

It’s cold out there, but I feel much warm for your candles. Man, your birthday is hot!

They say that with age comes wisdom. I’m not so sure…I’ve met a lot of really stupid old people. So far, you’re not one of them.

Time may heal all wounds, but it leaves you with an unhealthy glow, saggy skin and crow’s feet.

Funny Birthday Images and Memes

 

In Spanish

Muchas muchas felicidades del día!

Que puedas disfrutar de este día haciendo las cosas especiales que le gusta hacer. Feliz cumpleaños a it.

Amigo del feliz cumpleaños !! Que puedas superar todas las dificultades y desafíos que vienen en su vida.

Que Dios te bendiga en tu cumpleaños. Te enviamos nuestro amor.

Felicidades en tu día! Espero que lo pases genial.

Humorous Quotes for the Big Day

Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
Robert Frost

You’re getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it.
Felix Severn

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
Unknown

The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.
Rose Nylund

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope

Laughable Sayings

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
John Glenn

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday.’
Steven Wright

Years ago we discovered the exact point, the dead centre of middle age. It occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
Franklin P. Adams

The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills.
Richard J. Needham

Life would be infinitely better if we could be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.
Mark Twain

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Father Larry Lorenzoni

The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you’ll grow out of it.
Doris Day

I’ve got everything I had 20 years ago, except now it’s all lower.
Gypsy Rose Lee

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.
Bette Midler

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.
Mary Schmich

Middle age is when you have the choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.
Edgar Watson Howe

The bad news is that I have a bad memory and am no good at math. The good news is that I have no idea how old I am.
Melanie White

Jokes

What’s the easiest way to remember your wife’s birthday?
Forget it once!

What do you always get on your birthday?
Another year older!

What did the elephant wish for on his birthday?
A trunkful of presents!

What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They were all born on holidays.

Where do you get a birthday present for your cat?
From a cat-alogue.

How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?
They relish the moment.

You might like our hilarious Dad Jokes.

Age Riddles

What goes up and never comes down?
Your age!

What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake.

Why did Susan stand on her head at the birthday party?
They were having upside-down cake!

Were any famous men born on your birthday?
No, only little babies.

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.

What’s the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary?
Get married on his birthday.

What did the bald guy say when he was given a comb for his birthday?
Thanks, I’ll never part with it.

Why did Tommy hit his birthday cake with a hammer?
It was a pound cake!

What was the average age of a cave man?
Stone Age!

What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake.

What did the birthday cake say to the ice cream?
You’re cool!

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You’re on Happy Birthday Funny.

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Written by JoJoktilar
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