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Amusing birthday wishes
March 29, 2019 Wedding Anniversary Wishes 5 comments

Funny birthday quotes for cards, letters, notes, Facebook posts, emails, texts and more. Choose a favorite quotation and combine it with a birthday wish for a.

Funny birthday quotes for cards, letters, notes, Facebook posts, emails, texts and more. Choose a favorite quotation and combine it with a birthday wish for a winning combination.

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The Best, Funny Birthday Quotes

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
Franklin Pierce Adams

Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.
Cora Harvey Armstrong

Of late I appear to have reached that stage when people who look old
who are only my age.
Richard Armour

Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.
Faith Baldwin

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Lucille Ball

To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.
Bernard Baruch

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
E. Joseph Cossman

The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you’ll grow out of it.
Doris Day

One compensation of old age is that it excuses you from picnics.
William Feather

Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning.
Bob Hope

Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Ogden Nash

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
Satchel Paige

We are so fond of one another, because our ailments are the same.
Jonathon Swift

You’ve heard of the three ages of man – youth, age, and “you are looking wonderful.”
Francis Cardinal Spellman

When I was young, the Dead Sea was still alive.
George Burns

Funny Birthday Quotes for Sister

Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.
Maurice Chevalier

They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.
Malcolm Cowley

Middle Age: When you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.
Georges Clemenceau

I’m six foot eleven. My birthday covers three days.
Darryl Dawkins

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.
T.S. Eliot

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
Jim Fiebig

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
Ogden Nash

If you survive long enough, you’re revered — rather like an old building.
Katherine Hepburn

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Groucho Marx

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
Charles Schultz

The first hundred years are the hardest.
Wilson Mizner

Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.
Moe (The Simpsons)

If you’re yearning for the good old days, just turn off the air conditioning.
Griff Niblack

You might like: Birthday Greetings and Messages.

Funny Birthday Quotes for Friends

I was brought up to respect my elders; and now I don’t have to respect anyone.
George Burns

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
Bob Hope

A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
Groucho Marx

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.
Anthony Powell

Every man over forty is a scoundrel.
George Bernard Shaw

Life begins at 40
Sophie Tucker

I’m not aging, I’m marinating.
Unknown

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
Unknown

Middle age is when a man is warned to slow down by a doctor instead of a policeman.
Unknown

Today is the yesterday you worried about tomorrow.
Unknown

Middle age is when you have the choice of two temptations; and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.
Unknown

Be kind to your kids, they’ll be choosing your nursing home.
Unknown

If things get better with age, then you’re approaching outstanding.
Unknown

The high cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
Unknown

You have the wisdom of the ages, but it doesn’t show.
Unknown

Wrinkles are the service stripes of life
Unknown

Hilarious Birthday Quotes

Pull out a gray hair and seven will come to its funeral.
Dutch Proverb

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
Unknown

A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.
Unknown

Life is one big canvas, throw all the paint you can at it.
Danny Kaye

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you didn’t commit.
Anthony Powell

The older you get, the faster you ran as a kid.
Steve Owen

Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
Will Rogers

I’m in pretty good shape for the shape I’m in.
Mickey Rourke

Middle age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don’t recognize you.
Oscar Wilde

The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.
Oscar Wilde

I intend to live forever — so far, so good!
Stephen Wright

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Looking for a fun way to say “Happy Birthday”? Try it with these customizable Birthday Certificates.

Links

Page 1 – Birthday Wishes

2 – Wishes

3 – Bday Messages

4 – Wishes for Sister

Page 5 – Bday Quotes

6 – Funny Birthday Quotations

7 – For Son

8 – Thank you for Wishes

9 – Funny Birthday

Page 10 – 21st Birthday Quotations

To Share is Divine...

Find the best funny birthday messages to write in a birthday greeting: Better to be over the hill than burried under it.

Happy Birthday Funny Wishes, Greetings, Quotes and Images

amusing birthday wishes

48 Funny Birthday Quotes, Sayings, and Greetings

Updated on September 23, 2019

Happy birthday to you if yours is today. I know you're old . . . but try to smile. Enjoy!

  1. You would have loved the gift I didn’t bother getting you.
  2. When I have a birthday, I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
  3. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
  4. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
  5. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
  6. When I was born, I was so surprised that I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
  7. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
  8. With age comes wisdom. You’re one of the wisest people I know.
  9. The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.
  10. I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
  11. You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
  12. You’re birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar . . . Yung No Mo.
  13. I didn’t forget your birthday, I just forgot today’s date!
  14. You’re not 40, you’re 18 . . . with 22 years of experience!
  15. Birthdays are like boogers. The more you have, the harder it is to breathe!
  16. You may not be over the hill yet, but you have a great view!
  17. Old enough to know better, young enough to still do it.
  18. Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. And that’s what you feel today. Happy Birthday.
  19. I’m just here for the cake.
  20. If you want to look young and thin on your birthday . . . then hang around a bunch of old, fat people.
  21. Just imagine the things you’d want to hear on your birthday . . . and assume I said them. Happy birthday!
  22. There are lots of good people in the world. One of them would like to wish you a happy birthday.
  23. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday, but never remembers her age.
  24. Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
  25. Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, "Happy Birthday."
  26. Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.
  27. Looking 50 is great . . . if you’re 60.
  28. Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.
  29. So far, this is the oldest I have ever been.
  30. It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.
  31. Don’t forget to wear your birthday suit . . . but check it for wrinkles first!
  32. You’re so old that when you looked at your birth certificate, it said expired.
  33. People say that the good die young, so I guess that make you an old badass!
  34. It’s proven that at the age of 41, you start to lose your memory. We can only hope!
  35. Another year, another new place that aches.
  36. It's okay to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I've already alerted the fire department.
  37. An old fart is as good as a new one.
  38. Don't think of it as getting older, think of it as becoming a classic.
  39. The younger you try to look, the older you actually are.
  40. Count your blessings, not your wrinkles.
  41. May you live as long as you want to, and want to as long as you live.
  42. Wishing you many more candles and a cake big enough to fit them all on.
  43. You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by "for your age."
  44. Don't forget to wear your sunglasses when the cake is served. Happy birthday.
  45. The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.
  46. No wise man ever wished to be younger.
  47. Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
  48. When I die, I want it to be on my 100th birthday, in my beach house on Maui, and I want my husband to be so upset that he has to drop out of college.

Happy birthday to you and yours!

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amusing birthday wishes

Birthdays are joyful occasions! They mark dates in which special people came into this world. The best people that one can be associated with are the ones who appreciate funny things in life. Being able to laugh about situations, even the fact that one is getting older, is a good thing! It is the sign of someone who knows how to handle different occurrences and has a great sense of humor! Of course, teasing should always be handled with care, because you wouldn’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings, let alone on their birthday…

To celebrate the special people you associate with who know not to take life too seriously, one must send them messages that are funny. Located here are messages you can send to friends, women, and men that are humorous and commemorate their special days in the light-hearted ways that suit their personalities.

Contents

Hilarious Birthday Messages for Friends

  • When I looked at the date, I realized that it was your birthday, friend! When I thought about the year in which you were born, I almost fainted! You don’t look a day over a hundred!
  • Today, my friend, you have made me grateful for something…that I’m not the oldest person here!
  • Friend, on this day of the year, many, many years ago, you were born! I guess that’s something!
  • Friend, I hope that a million birthday wishes come true for you! It will match your age!
  • If I tried to count up to your age today, I would go hoarse! Happy Birthday, buddy!
  • Happy Birthday, friend! You were educated in the old ways! The pyramids wouldn’t have been built without you!
  • Happy Birthday to a friend, who is unforgettable! Mainly because you are the grayest one here!
  • Before there were maps, people used the stars to guide them. You would know!
  • Today friend, you should be glad! You can paint on canvas and not in a cave!
  • On this date friend, you might ache a little more. That is because you are old!
  • Remembering you today, friend, is easy! The sheer number of your years is astounding!
  • Friend, don’t mind me, but ask anyone and they’ll tell you the same: calling you young would be a mistake! A HUGE mistake!
  • Cheers to a friend who can tell me when bread was only five cents!
  • As your friend, I am here to remind you of significant things! Like always use Bengay!
  • Friend, some people are obsessed with age! Like me! I can’t believe how old you are!
  • Today, friend, count your blessings, not your years. You don’t have that kind of time!
  • Friend, you really exemplify a phrase, for me! Long in the tooth, comes to mind!
  • Now is the time to tell you what you truly are, friend! An old geezer!
  • Happy Birthday, friend! Age is not a big deal… to me! I’m still young!
  • Happy Birthday, friend! You are as old as you are dear to me!
  • Dear friend, I know you know who I am, but I hope you get tons of wishes from all those other stalkers on the web who call themselves your ‘friends’ too.
  • I was going to send your gift in the mail, but the mail service said I weighed too much, so here I am.
  • Hey bestie, I know you are sad about your age this year, but no worries- I’m here to blow out your candles for you so you can feel like a real kid again!
  • We have stuck by each other through thick and thin. We’ve been there for each other all these years and we’re still two bitches who are better together than apart. That says something, don’t you think? Stay fabulous, babe.
  • Wait, you are how old? Oh jeez, that’s almost dead in doggy years. I’m so glad we met when we’re kids. Happy birthday, bestie.

 

Absurd Birthday Messages for a Woman

  • May your hair dye and mascara never run! Happy Birthday, old lady!
  • Cheers to a woman who has been thirty, fifty times!
  • Happy Birthday, to an ancient woman! Someday, you will tell me what it was like to build Stonehenge!
  • You are no longer a young woman. That’s all I got!
  • Wishing you the very best! Goodness, woman! You are really old! I mean, really, really…
  • When you were born, the sun shone…for the very first time!
  • Happy Birthday to the woman who has it all! One hundred years of accumulation would result in that!
  • Cheers to a woman who rises above others! In age and amount of wrinkles!
  • Happy Birthday to a friend that has no secrets from me but always fills in her ‘birth date’ field alone.
  • Looking at you fills me with hope! A woman can live to be a hundred!
  • Now, you can tell me what it’s like to be the oldest woman there is!
  • Today, avoid all mirrors! You don’t want to see that old lady!
  • Cheers to a woman who has dyed her gray hair so many times, she doesn’t remember what its original color is!
  • Here is to all the years that you have been alive, and the cake budget we cut down, just because candles cost a lot! Happy Birthday, woman!
  • There is something that makes you stand out, woman! I know what it is: your age!
  • Today, girl, there are things to marvel at! Like the length of time that you have been here!
  • You are a woman whose very presence makes others happy! Thanks for reminding us that we’re not as old as you!
  • Happy Birthday, woman! Sometimes, I feel like you have been around, forever! (That’s because you have!)
  • Looking at you, woman, reminds me of a simpler time. Like, before there was electricity!
  • Cheers to a woman who stays young! (Only because she lies about her age) Best wishes!

Funny Happy Birthday Quotes for a Man

  • Cheers to an old man who still thinks he is young! Call it “experience” and enjoy your birthday, anyway!
  • Here is to another year of a receding hairline and holding in that gut!
  • Since the dawn of time, you have been here! Today, is no different!
  • Your beard may be gray, your wrinkles may be deep, but hey, at least there is cake!
  • Here is hoping that toupee and girdle works out for you! Happy Birthday, old man!
  • A man like you deserves to have fond memories of his childhood, recalled to him. Unfortunately, there are no more dinosaurs!
  • Happy Birthday, to a man who has witnessed great things! Invention of the wheel, the first cave drawing…
  • Today, you have officially gotten past things! Like youth and hair that isn’t gray! Happy Birthday, man!
  • Today, reflect on the fact that you have been here from the beginning! I mean, the very beginning! Happy Birthday, man!
  • On this day, some people will tell you that you are still a young man. Those people are liars!
  • Man, you are like a tree in the woods! Old and still managing to stay grounded!
  • Today is a day to ask important questions! Like, why are you so old?
  • Cheers to a man who thinks he is still thinks he is young, but isn’t! You have really embraced delusion!
  • As your birthday approaches, you might dread becoming an old man. Don’t worry about that! You already are!
  • Today, you have really achieved something! How does it feel to be the oldest man alive?
  • If someone doesn’t acknowledge your age, then that person is not really looking at you! Happy Birthday, man!
  • Happy Birthday, to a man who is old and gray! So old and so gray!
  • Someday, you will tell me how you survived the dinosaurs! Happy Birthday, man!
  • Happy Birthday, man! Remember nothing is promised! Like the amount of aches that you will get!

 

Hilarious Birthday Messages for your Sister

  • Do you know the similarity between you and a cow? Well, just the face. Happy birthday, dear sister. May you moo till the end of times.
  • I thought of doing some charity today, and you are the nearest mentally-ill person I could find. So, happy birthday, sweet sister! Now keep smiling like you are doing right now.
  • You are very gifted person; in a race of two people, you would always be the first runner up. So, a very happy birthday to you, sis. May your talents keep shining like this always.
  • I have always said you were ‘special’, because the term ‘retards’ is politically incorrect. But anyway, I love the way you are. Happy birthday, little sister.
  • You remember how mother used to say to keep our mouths shut unless we had something good to say? Well, it appears I can only say one thing, since the rest would be horse shit: Happy birthday, sis.
  • You never seem to age you bitch, so let me remind you how old you really are: you’re old enough to drink, young enough to get pregnant, and just the right age to make something of yourself. So by all means, hurry up before it’s too late! Oh, and, as they say, many happy returns.

 

Funny Happy Birthday Messages for your Brother

  • This is one of the few days when you can come out of the jungle and act like humans. To celebrate that, I wish you a very happy birthday.
  • I am happy for you today, even though you are adopted and were found in a bin. Wishing you a very happy and prosperous birthday, bro.
  • A wise man said “we hurt only those who we love”. This is probably why I beat you all the times. Happy birthday, brother. May your bones heal soon.
  • It really doesn’t matter that you are ugly, stupid and useless. For me, you will always be family. Happy  birthday, brother.
  • Dear bro, I know we don’t always get along, I mean, except when we’re both wasted, but I really want to wish you a very happy birthday. So, I brought beer. You’re welcome.
  • Hey brother, you’re very welcome. You have such a great sister in me, no wonder you turned out so awesome! Have the best birthday ever. We both deserve it.
  • Wishing a happy birthday to my favorite brother of all time- I know you’re my only brother, but still. You’re the best I could ask for all year round.
  • Stellar, rock star, rad, amazing, super awesome, gorgeous- wait, who are we talking about? Oh sorry, that was me. But you’re pretty cool too, bro. Have a very special birthday!
  • Wishing happy birthday to a bro who reminds me of the lil’ sister I never got. You came really close.

 

Ludicrous Birthday Messages for your Husband

  • My dear husband, science says that women live longer than men. Since you have lesser birthdays than me, I hope to make each one of them special. Happy birthday, darling.
  • Despite the numerous times you forgot to wish me on my birthday, I have a kind heart and pure soul. So, being gracious enough, I wish you a very happy birthday. May God bless you with a better memory and make you always find your car keys.
  • During our marriage, you promised that we will share everything with me. So I bought you an expensive makeup kit, which you can later share with me. Happy birthday, my love.
  • You have always been the best husband ever. Apart from the fact you are ungrateful, careless, lazy, pompous, dim-witted and too short. Apart from that, you are just perfect. Happy birthday, honey.
  • Hey old man, I knew when I met you that you’d be the best father, grandpa, and husband I could have asked for. So far, you’ve proven me wrong. Let’s just say you’re not the best, but you’re pretty close.
  • Babe, as you blow the candles out and make a wish today, I know your wish is for us both to be happy together. So, let’s go on that vacation I’ve always wanted.

 

Funny Birthday Quotes for your Wife

  • So, today is the day you get one more year older. Shouldn’t it be the right time to finally tell me your exact age? Anyway, happy birthday, my love. May you remain this beautiful forever.
  • You keep getting more beautiful with each year passing. For this, I have to give my gratitude to your beautician. Happy birthday, darling. May the cosmetics be with you.
  • Wishing a very happy birthday to the women who taught me to say “sorry” without any apparent reason. Stay the way you are (or maybe, be a little less like a Ninja Turtle, if possible).
  • Today is your great day. I do not want to ruin it by telling you that your food is overcooked and lacks taste, or that you create more mess than I did when I was 5 years old. So, I would simply like to tell you that you are an amazing wife. Happy birthday, my love.
  • Honey, today on your birthday don’t lift a finger. Don’t worry about the messy house or the dishes. It will all be there tomorrow.
  • Wishing a very happy birthday to my WIFE- sexy date for life. I love you with all my heart (and butt).
  • Babe, did you hear? Someone I absolutely love was born today! It’s YOU! Happy birthday, sweetheart. I loved you from the start and always will.
  • If I could count all the stars to tell you all the many ways you make my life happier and better, I would. But since you didn’t marry a scientist or astrologer, I’m just going to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY so you’re not further disappointed.

 

Entertaining Birthday Messages for your Mom

  • Hey, mother. Even though I have always criticized your food, the shit that they serve at the mess made me realize that your hand was pure gold. May you live forever and continue to make that delicious food for me.
  • Every time you threw a sandal/slipper at me, it only helped to keep me in line and make me a better human being. For that alone, I will be forever grateful to you.Happy  birthday, ma. May you live a long, long life.
  • I used to thing that mothers are the jailors for who have yet not had the chance to visit the jail. Now that I am an adult and have to wash my own clothes, I realize that mothers are simply the gifts for those who are too incapable to take care of themselves. Wishing you a very happy birthday, mom.
  • Remember the time when I used to wish that you get swapped by my best friend’s mom? Well, not saying that his mom is any less, but I have grown rather fond of you, so stay where you are. Happy birthday, mother. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
  • Dear mother, I know I was never perfect as a kid, and I’m still working on it, but thanks for not dropping me off at the shopping center and leaving me for grabs. I know it crossed your mind. But you’re just too good of a mom.
  • Dear mom, don’t be sad. You’re still so good looking that weird old guys mistake us for sisters. You still got it! Many happy returns.
  • To a mom who wiped my butt, fed me, clothed me and all the rest, you truly are the best. Of course, they tell me all that stuff was your job and came with the package.

Funny Happy Birthday Quotes for your Dad

  • Happy birthday, dad. I simply can’t believe that it has been only 30 years since you were 18! May you look this young forever.
  • Have you heard of the phrase “Wiser with age”? Because I really doubt that you have (just kidding, don’t slap me). Happy birthday, dear father. May you continue to be this awesome forever.
  • I wish you keep smiling and showing your teeth like this forever (or as long as you actually have teeth). Wishing you a very happy birthday, dad.
  • Just FYI, my gift to you would be the hell lot of candles I had to buy to match your age. Apart from that, wish you a very happy and prosperous birthday, daddy.
  • Happy happy birthday to the greatest dad, farter, I mean father, and best friend. I love you, dad.
  • Happy birthday, dad. I know I say this enough, but I really appreciate all the horse shit you put up with from me. It makes me feel so much better about my future kids.
  • Hi daddy, just wanted to say thank you for marrying my mother- she really is great. Have the bestest of birthdays!

 

Silly Birthday Messages for your Boyfriend

  • Hey, honey: I know you birthday is almost over, but this is what you get for forgetting my birthday. I guess you have learnt your lesson now. Happy birthday, my love.
  • Remember how you told me that you want a Rolex watch as your birthday present? Well, I realized that it was stupid, so you are getting nothing. Wish you a very happy birthday, baby.
  • It is wonderful how you look younger with every year passing. Soon, I might go to jail for dating a teenager. Happy birthday, sweetheart. May you stay young in your heart.
  • To my dearest, sexy boyfriend: I just want to say that I really do love you with all my ___insert body past of interest here___. Happy birthday, babe.
  • Hi handsome, I know surprise parties aren’t your thing, plus I can’t keep a secret. So let’s just enjoy the company of being together and celebrating another year of this happiness. I love you and happy birthday. You’re the best boyfriend ever.
  • Babe, I’ve never met anyone more committed and focused to snack munching and TV watching than you. Congrats on all your biggest accomplishments. Of course, your best one is me.

 

Funny Happy Birthday Messages for your Girlfriend

  • Remember the time I said birthdays are for kids? Well, Happy birthday, my love. Hope you continue to spread that glorious smile of yours to everyone around you, even if that seriously tires your jaw.
  • Happy birthday, baby. And I seriously believe that you should tell me your age, because every time I try to guess it, my calculations land you under 18 and me under arrest. Apart from that, enjoy your special day.
  • There is not nearly enough times when I have told you how beautiful , caring and amazing you are. Do not listen to the people who say I am compulsive liar, they are just jealous that I have you. Happy birthday, baby.
  • Hey girlfriend, I’m so excited that you chose to spend the day with me rather than your actual ‘girlfriends’. It’s makes me feel so special. I’m so glad I found you and that we are the same type of weird. The world will never break us apart.
  • Wishing a happy birthday to the healthiest, sexiest, loveliest bitch I know. I’m beyond grateful to have you in my life.
  • To my amazing girlfriend: don’t worry about age, another year older is just another year you look hotter to me. I love you lots, baby.

 


Q&A Birthday Jokes

Q: Do you by any chance know what constantly goes up, but never ever comes down?
A: Your ever-growing age!

Q: What does the average cat love to eat at her birthday party?
A: Mice cream.

Q: What do Jesus Christ and Abraham Lincoln both have in common?
A: They were both born on public holidays.

Q: What do people who have the most birthdays have in common?
A: Old age.

Q: Why did couples have problems with each other before the 2000s?
A: Because Facebook reminder didn’t exist at that time to remind them of their partners’ birthdays.

Q: What happened to all the guests at Kim Jong-un’s birthday party bash?
A: Kim nuked them all so he wouldn’t share his cake with anyone!

Q: What do chickens love to eat at their birthday parties?
A: Coop-cakes!

Q: Where can you find the best birthday present for your cat?
A: Inside a cat-alogue!

Q: What kills a person faster than cancer?
A: Too many birthdays!

Q: What type of cake was served at the birthday party of Penny from the Big Bang Theory?
A: Cheese cake.

Q: What type of cake do the people of North Korea serve at their birthday parties?
A: Cakes decorated with Kim Jong-un’s face.

Q: What gift do you always receive on your birthday?
A: A brand new age.

 

You Know You’re Old when… 

  • …the numerous candles on your birthday cake not only become more expensive than your cake itself, but also negatively impact the environment.
  • …kids feel safe to tell you their secrets because they know you will end up forgetting them.
  • …a teenager refers to you as a middle-aged man/woman.
  • …your mates start having children on purpose and not accidentally.
  • …people assume the first pet you ever owned was a dinosaur.
  • …your favorite songs are now elevator music.
  • …you see a smoking hot chick in bikini and the first thought that crosses your mind is, “I hope she’s wearing sun block”.
  • …all your favorite sportsmen and women have retired.
  • …it takes forever to scroll down to choose your year of birth on a website.
  • …the candles on your cake create a bonfire.
  • …your mates start running for president and other public offices.
  • …the once adorable Karate Kid is now an old man.
  • …you start feeling sleepy at the same time you used to go out at night to have fun.
  • …your fridge consists of more food than beer.
  • …teenagers start mistaking you for the legendary Keith Richards.
  • …that adorable kid you used to baby sit is no longer a kid.
  • …a Donna Summer song brings back a lot of memories.
  • …you can be slapped with the death penalty.
  • …prefer eating in than eating out.
  • …you fall down and die when someone tells you to act your age.
  • …you feel there’s nothing left in life to learn.
  • …in your childhood, Blackberry and Apple were nothing more than fruits.
  • …you start worrying about how you’ll pay your mortgage.
  • …acne problems are a thing of the past.
  • …birthdays remind you something to be forgotten.
  • …you lie about your age or are tempted to do so.
  • …your patronage of condoms begins to drastically decline.
  • …you start finding teenagers’ birthday parties annoying and repulsive.
  • …your loved ones keep telling you how young you look.
  • …hostage takers are not interested in taking you hostage.
  • …your friends pay firefighters to be on standby for your birthday bash because they are afraid your birthday candles might cause a disaster.
  • …you witnessed people getting burnt alive at the stake.
  • …you search everywhere for your reading glasses when it is on your head.
  • …if you have ever attended a Beatles concert.
  • …marketers start targeting you with anti-aging wrinkle creams.
  • …you can date someone half your age without breaking any man-made laws.
  • …your neighbors don’t even know it when you organize a party.
  • …your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them or have died.
  • …you finally know where your prostate is located.
  • …you once used telegraphs to send messages to your loved ones in faraway places.

 

Funny to Celebrate My Special Day | Short Jokes about your own Birthday

  • It is my birthday and I have no doubt in my mind that this is nature’s way of telling me to eat more cakes!
  • I guess this is the year I should start lying about my age. Happy birthday to me!
  • Wishing myself a super duper birthday! I hope my friends remember my birthday and not my age.
  • At this age, I don’t need to worry much about temptation because it is no longer interested in me.
  • Blowing out the candles on my birthday cake was indeed one heck of a good exercise for my lungs.
  • Today I understand why the word “birthday” ends with the letter Y!
  • They say the good die young. If that is true, then I must be a really bad a**. Happy birthday to me!
  • Today is my birthday and I’m another year closer to my death yet my family and friends are happy for me. What a terribly strange world we live in.
  • Few years ago, I fell down on the street and people laughed at me. However, today I fell and everyone was in a state of panic. I guess this means I’ve become an Old Timer. Happy birthday to me.
  • Today is my Big Day, and I’m proud to announce to the world that I don’t look a day over my actual age. Isn’t that awesome?!
  • On my birthday, I plead with all my friends who really love me to refrain from making any age-related jokes.
  • I am officially a year older today and I’m not bothered at all about that because I know my age is just the number of years that I have been a blessing to this world.
  • On my Big Day, I’m going to party in such a wild manner that many religions will waste no time condemning me straight to hell.
  • It is my birthday today, and I have every right to support wildlife by organizing a wild party.

Hilarious Birthday Quotes For Your Son

  • Dear son, although your birthday couldn’t rise to the prestigious status of national holiday, your mom and I will try to treat it as one. Maybe you should become president to make that happen.
  • Son, your taste, like your ken, has advanced in sophistication; so finding a gift for you was difficult. We hope you are not offended that we went with the basics — cakes!
  • I hope that the candles didn’t make you extremely hot for the new girls on the block. I don’t think they would mind, anyways! Happy birthday, my dear.
  • If you were a politician, your party color would be neither red nor blue but white because you are such a maverick! Happy birthday to you, my dearest son.
  • We should share, equally, all those lovely presents because today is also my day of being a mother/father. Happy birthday to you, son. I love you.

Absurd Birthday Messages For Your Daughter

  • Statisticians will consider your age insignificant, and just focus on counting your candles instead. But I know better than that! Happy birthday to my lovely daughter!
  • Your height is disproportional to your age, and makes me look like your younger sibling. But I love you, anyway. Keep soaring and growing, dear.
  • You are such a lovely, walking paradox; on the one hand, we are happy that you are growing, but on the other, we are reminded of how fast we are aging.
  • It seems like only yesterday when I ordered your first diaper change. Soon, the tables might turn, and you will order my last diaper change. Happy birthday, daughter!
  • Your mom/dad and I failed to name you appropriately. “Epitome of Beauty” is what should have been on your birth certificate.

Funny Birthday Greetings For Your Niece

  • Good to see that you are making progress towards the ultimate prize of great grand motherhood, many wrinkles, and, to be honest, lots of charm. Enjoy your day!
  • May Santa visit you this year, making your pockets heavier than your weight; not the other way round, like he did last year. Wishing you a joyous birthday with love.
  • Happy birthday, my dear niece. You may eat all the candies and biscuits you want but will have to pay a tax of 80% to me. I love and miss you so much, my dear.
  • At this nubile age, be careful of charming, hipster boys; they are predictable, ravenous puppies who will go to anyone who has the bone. Happy birthday, my love.
  • My dear niece, I pray that you will be manumitted from the ostensibly in vogue shackles of social media. Here’s to a free life!

Funny Birthday Messages For Your Nephew

  • I hope you are not going to keep shouting “mommy” like you did with a crying voice when you came out of the womb.  We love you so much, our precocious fellow. Have a blast!
  • I won a huge lottery on the day you were born, so please continue to bring me good luck each year with your charming smile. Happy birthday, my dear nephew.
  • Today, it will rain lots of ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, and peanut butter jelly sandwiches solely for your sweet tooth. Enjoy your day, darling.
  • Your parents are going to kill me today because you are about to be incredibly spoiled with amazing goodies! But it won’t hurt because I just can’t stop loving you.
  • I was usually the reluctant counselor when the young girlfriend had issues but now no more, because you can take care of things yourself. Happy birthday to my amazing, grown-up nephew!    

Absurd Birthday Greetings For Your Workmate

  • You make recalcitrant managers and superiors appear like wee boys, at least in our heads! Truly, office work is less cumbersome when you are around. Happy birthday, mate!
  • The buzzing sound of your short-tempered Benz, which stops every quarter of a mile, is always an indication that it’s closing time. Thanks for the service, mate.
  • Your hard talk and spontaneous outbursts are always welcome distractions from the throes of office labor. Just tone them down a bit next time. Wishing you a fun-filled birthday, mate.
  • If you ever find yourself at the point where you are forced to choose between a quarter-life crisis and a mid-life crisis, opt for the former because not all crises are created equal. Have a blissful birthday. Happy birthday, mate.
  • If I could dismiss everybody from work and hire only you, I would. Your childlike heart, and mega brains make you so indispensable. Happy birthday, and have a blast!    

Amusing Birthday Greetings For Your Grandma

  • Dear granny, I thought that your birthday won’t be special without me, but I realized that you have more beautiful, smart, and talented grand kids in your arsenal. May God continue to bless you.
  • Sweet grandma, I see that you are growing more youthful, athletic, and agile than most of us. We will love to have you on our baseball team this year. Wishing you a happy birthday!
  • Thank you for calling me out on my silly, puerile and dumb stuff. All the credit goes to you for grounding me in reality and making me a pragmatic person. Have a blast, grandma!
  • My dear granny, I want to be like you when I grow up, playing smart and invoking the “elderly clause” whenever I want to have things done my way. Wishing you a blissful birthday.     

Ludicrous Birthday Quotes For Your Grandpa

  • Dear grandpa, as you blow your candles, please wish to become a superhero so that I can play with you all day long and on vacations! Sending you lots of love and cheer.
  • Granddad, thank you for keeping mom and pa in check whenever they won’t let me have my way. You are the best partner in crime a kid could ask for. Sending you lots of love.
  • Grandpa, this year, the candles on your cake will be too many for you to blow alone. You can hire me for a nominal fee to do this routine work for you. Have a great birthday!

Hilarious Birthday Messages for all

  • Many happy returns! I believe you are officially able to be appraised on Antique Roadshow!
  • Happy Birthday to you. I hope you enjoy your day as much as I’ll enjoy eating free cake and ice cream.
  • Your birthday only comes once a year but the wrinkles it brings will last a lifetime.
  • If you were a dog…you’d be 7 times older than you are now! Think about it. Happy Birthday, Old Yeller!
  • That’s your birthday cake?! I thought we were having a bonfire in the middle of your dining room. Happy Birthday… should I call and cancel the fire department then?
  • Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Facebook told me it was your birthday and that I should write on your wall.
  • Happy Birthday from one of the most spectacular, sensational, wisest people you know. You are one-in-a-million.
  • My best wishes! I hope your husband treats you to a night out on the town–so you can enjoy having the house to yourself!
  • Happy Birthday to someone who knows everything there is about me and STILL enjoys being my friend. I hope we have many more years of wild and crazy adventures together.
  • Did you know Chuck Norris was born on your birthday? Just kidding. That would be pretty kick butt though wouldn’t it? Your birthday is still on a pretty good day.
  • Wishing you the best! I would say you don’t look another year older but if I tell one lie now it might make anything else I say later on unbelievable. You look pretty good for your age!
  • If you were a grape I would stomp on you and make you into a delicious vintage wine. Happy Birthday, Friend!
  • The best part of birthday is the birthday cake. Wishing you the best. Where’s the cake?
  • Happy Birthday to a friend who I wouldn’t trade for all the Nutella in the world.
  • I couldn’t fit Channing Tatum in the box but I hope this gift will do. Happy Birthday to the future Mrs. Channing Tatum.
  • So I was watching Jurassic Park and I remembered it was your birthday. Happy Birthday, you old dinosaur!
  • I was watching Grumpier Old Men and I remembered it was your birthday. I hope we get put in the same room at our future nursing home. We would make some kick butt BINGO partners! We would clean up!
  • I have a particular set of skills. Skills that I have learned over a lengthy friendship with you. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you give me a piece of cake, I will leave. If you don’t, I will find your cake and I will blow out your candles.
  • Happy Birthday, my friend! I’m looking forward to getting together with you tonight to go over all of your Facebook birthday wishes from people that don’t give a rats behind about you the rest of the year.
  • On Wednesdays we wear pink. Happy Birthday, my totally fetch friend!
  • I’ll tell you a secret. I do believe it’s somebody’s birthday and just in case that person is you, Happy Birthday.
  • Happy Birthday to someone who remembers how to do the ‘Macarena’.
  • Stop crying. This is supposed to be a joyous occasion where we fill up on divine birthday cake and drink good cheer. Celebrate in merriment the day of your birth into this lustrous world. Forget the wrinkles, sore joints, forgetfulness, and gray hair. Happiest of Happy Birthday to you, dear friend!
  • If someone asks if you’re a God, you say ‘YES!’ . If you don’t Mr. Stay Puft will wreck havoc on our town. That was life lesson #1, right? Happy Birthday to a friend who is fluent in movie quotes just like me.
  • Happy Birthday to someone good looking, super smart, charismatic, and charming. Wait…I meant FROM someone.
  • Best wishes. You’re not THAT old. You’re just getting up there. In the words of Elsa, “Let it go! Let it go!”
  • Your 21st Birthday party was SO successful you decided to celebrate it for more than 20 years in a row!
  • I was thinking about it and I think if someone was to make a movie about your life, Linda Blair would be perfect to play you.
  • You know that old sang the older you are the wiser you are? I used to think it was true but then I met you! Just kidding, friend. Happy Birthday to you.
  • I was at the antique store downtown and I ran across one of the toys from your childhood that you always talk about. Happy Birthday and Congratulations to someone who is old enough to have their childhood toys listed in the latest edition of the Kovel’s Antique Guide! Well done!
  • When you get to be your age you really should just throw caution to the wind and go “Why the hell not?!”. You are only young once! Go skydiving! Go skinny dipping in Tahiti! Go for a leisurely stroll up Mt. Everest.
  • Of all the people celebrating their birthday today, you are the least likely to be called “young” by a door-to-door salesman. Enjoy your day!
  • Happy Birthday to someone who is getting more valuable and better with age! Oh wait–that’s wine. Happy Birthday to someone who is just getting old!
  • Just to let you know that getting older doesn’t necessarily mean you have to grow up. You can always be a ‘Toys R’ Us’ kid who wears scrunchy socks, jelly shoes, and drives a Big Wheel.
  • Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! You act like a monkey and you smell like a mountain goat. I think that means you belong in a zoo!
  • Happy Birthday to someone I am proud to say will ALWAYS be older than me. I love having you as my friend, even if it is only to make myself feel better about my age.
  • I know you’re not thirty, flirty, and thriving but hey you’re still driving! You’re not in too bad of shape.

Wrap-up

Once you have come up with the perfect birthday greeting for your friend, it is time to figure out how to send it. Written birthday cards are becoming a thing of the past but they seem to be more appreciated because of the care and time it takes to write out the card. Email and text message birthday greetings are perfectly acceptable, however, less personal. They are fast and easy to type and send. If you remember a birthday and are in the middle of a busy day it might be good to quickly send out a quick email or text so that you have your bases covered if you forget to call or send a handwritten greeting later on.


You may also like:

150 Original Birthday Messages for Friends and Loved Ones

50 Hilarious Happy Birthday Memes

Happy Birthday Wishes and Cards to Share on a Special Day

Share a birthday wish and spread the words of Happy Birthday Messages.

Birthday is an opportunity to make people feel loved and remembered. So, happy birthday wishes sum up joy, laughter, love and jokes in a very.

200+ Funny Birthday Messages

amusing birthday wishes

Within the limits of human affection, teasing someone for his or her birthday is quite common. Avoiding any jokes that could hurt the other person’s feelings is not always an easy job, though. This is where our collection of Funny Birthday Wishes comes in. Choosing the right wish for the right beloved person of yours will make them crack and smile and your choice will be appreciated.

There is something for everybody, here: funny birthday messages for friends, family or loved ones are waiting to inspire you and, first of all, make you laugh. Read, choose & share – and you can be sure that a truly funny moment is a real gift in our everyday lives. Why not give it to the ones you love? Somebody’s special day is going to be brighter.


Funny Birthday Wishes for your Friends

  • Congratulations! You’re the only person that I don’t need a Facebook reminder to remember their birthday.
  • It’s your birthday! To celebrate, let’s grab a bottle of wine and go skinny dipping in our birthday suits. Oh wait…that’s a typical Friday night.
  • Happy Birthday! I love having you as a best friend. I get all the benefits of having a sister without having to share your crazy relatives.
  • Happy Birthday, Bestie. As your gift, I will continue being the friend your parents wish you never had.
  • I’ve stayed in touch all these years because you’re the only one that can handle my excessive displays of sarcasm.
  • Congrats on becoming a year older. Wishing you lots of love and hair dye to wash away the new gray hairs. Enjoy your birthday!
  • Dear Friend. Have you ever wondered why I’ve kept you around for so long? You know too many of my secrets. Happy Birthday!
  • As you reflect on your life, you’ll notice that I’ve been there through every embarrassing, happy, sad, proud, scary, and important moment in your life. Remember that the next time you’re mad at me…because I forgot your birthday gift.

Happy birthday to the only person I would rescue in the event of a zombie apocalypse.


  • Remember that age is just a number. Well, until you hit 60. Then you’re just really freaking old! Happy Birthday!
  • Congratulations! You are now old enough to need TWO packs of candles for your cake. Happy birthday.
  • Warm wishes on your birthday! I didn’t bring a gift, though. I figured it’s payback for all the trouble you’ve gotten me into all these years.
  • Happy Birthday! Here’s to me being the wild chick that drove all of your “goody two shoe” friends away.
  • Happy Birthday to my best friend. You’re the only person I can tolerate for more than an hour.
  • I love you, friend! I’m happy it’s your birthday, but I can’t help admitting that I came mostly for the alcohol.
  • You’re getting old but look on the bright side…at least you have a friend like me to keep you hip and trendy. Have a happy birthday!
  • I’ll always be the friend that get you out of the trouble that I got you into. Happy Birthday your my partner in crime.
  • It’s your birthday so I’ll volunteer to be the designated driver…for once!
  • Huge list of funny Birthday Messages and wishes
  • You should feel special. I don’t need a calendar reminder to remember your birthday! Enjoy your special day.
  • Happy birthday to the only person I would rescue in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
  • Happy Birthday, friend! I hope we live long enough to be nursing home roomies.
  • Dear Friend. I’m still waiting until the day we become mature adults having intellectually stimulating conversations about grown up things. Until then, we’ll just stick to being 30-year-old clowns.

Happy Birthday, Bestie.


  • Happy birthday from the only person who knows your true age. Your secret’s safe with me!
  • You may be getting older but that doesn’t mean you have to grow up. Have a fantastic birthday.
  • I put on a smile just for you. But the truth is…I hate birthdays! It just reminds me of how old we’re getting.
  • Happy Birthday from the friend that taught you everything you know about life. Sorry about the misinformation.
  • You are a gorgeous birthday girl! Almost as gorgeous as your best friend! Happy Birthday to you!
  • Congratulations on your fifth 25th birthday! Love always, your awesome friend!
  • The first two things I thought about when I realized it was your birthday was cake and alcohol. Does that make me a bad friend?
  • Another year older? No way. You’re another year sexier. Happy birthday to you.
  • I am so happy that you have managed to make it to this age without too many scars. Let’s add one huge one tonight! Happy Birthday!
  • Honesty is the key to any relationship, for that reason I want you to know, you really need to pluck your eyebrows before we go out tonight. Happy Birthday!
  • I cant believe how old we are getting! Let’s do something we could only get away with we were teenagers. Let’s stay up until 5 am and get out of bed at 4 pm to pizza for breakfast. If might be the last night you ever have, but it will be a great way to go out with a bang. Happy Birthday!
  • Why is it always harder to buy presents for a guy? It might be something to do with the fact that no matter what you get a guy, it’s never going to be better than his Playstation. Happy Birthday!
  • To the best friend a guy could hope for, do us all a huge favor and don’t get into any scraps tonight. Do yourself a favor and win the ones you do. Happy Birthday!
  • You always backed me up in our fights, helped me move, helped me kick my addictions, and let me know when I was in a bad relationship. Let me return the favor today, and help you pick a good club for us to celebrate in. Happy Birthday!
  • It’s not a shame that you are getting older, it’s a glorious thing to be able to say that you have had more birthdays that many people have had sex. Happy Birthday!
  • If you don’t get lucky tonight, I guess I will have to take one for the team. Happy Birthday!
  • Shall we get drunk and paint the town? Or are you old enough to be past all that now? Happy Birthday!
  • One of the many benefits of old age is that you’ll never have to die young.
  • Happy Birthday, man, you must be very rich. Look at all the expensive drinks you bought.
  • I have great admiration for old people like you. Why? You miraculously graduated school without the help of Google.
  • I love attending your birthday bashes. Can you increase your birthdays to two times a year?
  • Happy birthday, bro! But you have got to hit the gym to lose some fat.
  • I am so proud of your achievements so far. I know it wasn’t easy figuring out where to celebrate your birthday.
  • Had the Scriptures not warned us about lying, I’d have advised you to start telling lies about your real age!
  • Congratulations on existing before Google and Wikipedia.
  • You don’t have to sacrifice so much on your birthday. Just give us water to drink.
  • You have broken a record. You appear to have multiple dates of birth. Happy birth day, but stop ageing unnecessarily.
  • Birthday boy/girl, congratulations for growing very old. You did such a great a job aging that you deserve an award for that!
  • Your mom and dad did well for giving birth to you. You make the world complete with your comic character.
  • Wishing a wonderful birthday celebration to a wonderful man/woman who came into this world during the Dark Ages.
  • Celebrate this day, knowing that science has proven that celebrating too many birthdays will give you a sh*tload of wrinkles and grey hair.
  • Don’t let the fact that your hair is turning white distract you from celebrating your big day. Regardless of where you look at this from, it’s always better having gray hair than no hair at all.
  • While you celebrate this day, don’t forget to smile. We want to be sure you are happy.
  • In a matter of just two years, you have suddenly grown taller than me. Please be careful, your head might hit the sky next year.
  • I even know how to celebrate your birthday more than you. Just wait to see how I will nail the dance challenge.
  • On your birthday, I just want to tell you that I love you more than you love yourself.
  • My goodness! You can become a president if you really work hard. Look at the unbelievable crowd you have amassed for your birthday bash!
  • Don’t let the fact that you’re becoming old upset you. At least you still look younger than your grandparents.
  • Hey Dude! Happy birthday. So you think you are celebrating a birthday? Anyway, I wish you good health as you speed towards the grave.
  • I wonder what you are actually celebrating? What have you achieved since your bountiful years of existence? Ok, got it. Congratulations for having a child out of wedlock.
  • Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s give it up for [Name]! Today, he celebrates an additional year of being a senior bachelor.
  • You must be hard-hearted. So you have the guts to be celebrating a birthday when you flopped that math quiz yesterday? Happy birthday, but don’t stop learning.
  • You are not the poorest person in the world. Please take us out and let’s go party. We are tired of your selfish excuses.
  • I’m sorry I can’t attend your birthday. I have more important things to do such as sleeping and watching the Premier League soccer matches.
  • I wish your new age will open your eyes and give you wisdom. Everyone takes undue advantage of you.
  • Smile and laugh now, for pretty soon your teeth would disappear!
  • With your new age, you have become mature enough; stop being a burden to your parents. You stress them too much.
  • Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what motivates you to be celebrating your birthday. Do you really think you are that important on earth?
  • I am happy that you listened to my brotherly advice. You would have been celebrating this birthday in a prison yard with your other bad friends.
  • Don’t be over-excited on this day, you are about to graduate and face the graduate unemployment disaster in our country.
  • It’s now two years since you graduated from the university with a first class degree in sociology. Today, you are still proudly celebrating a jobless birthday. Sorry, I share your frustration.
  • Birthday man, you are too silent today. Is everything alright? Stop worrying about the large number of people who gatecrashed this occasion. I will help you sort out the bills.
  • Time might be a great healer, but sadly it’s the worst beautician I’ve ever come across. You, my dear friend, are a living testimony to how time sucks as a beautician!
  • When I look at the loads of candles on your cake, I fear for the glaciers in the Arctic and Antarctic regions.
  • For your birthday party, I brought with me the best gift ever – my amazing presence. Of course you’re welcome.
  • If you have never lied about your age, today is the perfect time to start practicing how to do it!
  • It’s strange how you are wildly celebrating the day you made your entry into this world when we both know that it was your poor mom who did all the hard work on that day.
  • Thanks to the severe heat emanating from your birthday cake, I have a very nasty sunburn.
  • For your birthday, I have bought you two amazing gifts you might need soon: a walking stick and false teeth.
  • I guess you’ve finally gotten to the age where flowers scare the living life out of you!
  • Worried about getting old? Bother no more! The good thing about old age is that it doesn’t last very long.
  • If age is just a number, then jail can also be considered to be just a room. Happy birthday all the same.
  • Wishing a fabulous birthday celebration to an amazing friend. Thanks for being the strongest sperm!
  • What was it like being alive during World War I? Have a great celebration, buddy.

Funny Birthday Wishes for your Sister

  • Happy Birthday, Sis! Here’s to sticking by you even though you’re the dork that’s still laughing at the joke five minutes later.
  • We’ve shared a room, clothes, toys, friends, and genes. Thank goodness we don’t have to share a birthday! Wishing you a wonderful birthday.
  • Happy Birthday, Sister!

Yeah, yeah, happy birthday.

  • You’re birthday gift is the privilege of having me as a sister. You’re welcome.
  • On your birthday, I have the pleasure of writing all of our cheap siblings’ names on the birthday card, even though I’m the only one who purchased the gift. Yay me!
  • Dear Big Sister, I’m glad you’ll always have a head to start over me in our race to old age. Have a spectacular birthday!
  • Today is the one day of the year that I am nice to you. Enjoy it because tomorrow I will go back to being the sarcastic, annoying sister that you hate to love!
  • Friends are for whenever. Sisters are forever. We have no choice. Happy Birthday!

Funny Birthday Wishes for your Brother

  • Happy Birthday, Brother. My wish is that you receive all the joy you deserve on your birthday. That wouldn’t amount to very much considering you have a lot of backed up karma heading your way.
  • Happy Birthday to the coolest person I know. Second only to me.
  • Dear Brother. On your birthday, I would love to tell you how wonderful, charming, kind, and amazing you are. But then I would have to lie. Have a great birthday!
  • Bickering with you over the years has become a pastime. Enjoy your birthday!

Happy Birthday to the best brother in the world.

  • The next time you are upset with me, remember who changed your dirty diapers when Mom and Dad were away. Happy Birthday, little bro!
  • We fight more than we hug but I know it’s just that brotherly tough love. Today is the one day a year I stop to say “I love you.”
  • To my brother, thanks for being a brat at the worst moments and the greatest friend at moments I most need it. Happy Birthday.
  • Happy Birthday, Big Bro! Thanks for always setting the bar so high…making all of my achievement pale in comparison.
  • You’ve always been the brother I’ve look up to…until I realized that I am way cooler than you. Happy Birthday!
  • The best part of being a big sister is getting to boss you around when mom’s not around. Happy Birthday!
  • Happy Birthday from your little brother. By the way, thanks for setting the bar low, making it easy for me to excel at being the favorite one.
  • Your face should be plastered in the dictionary next to “pain in my butt.” But I love you anyway! Happy Birthday.
  • Happy Birthday, Little Bro. Here’s to celebrating the day you were born and took away the pleasures of being an only child.
  • Never forget how blessed you are to have me as a sister. Have an awesome birthday!
  • Birthday Wishes for your Brother
  • It’s a good thing birthday wishes don’t come true. If they did, I would be an only child. Happy Birthday to you!
  • Dear Brother. Being your sister meant enduring your fart bombs and living in with your messy habits. It wasn’t always easy but there was never a dull moment. Happy Birthday.
  • Too many candles on your cake is causing a fire hazard. Congratulations! That means you’re getting too to count. Happy birthday.

Your age today is the new black!


Funny Birthday Wishes for your Boyfriend

  • You are like pumpkin pie to me, always welcome and oh so sweet. Happy birthday, honey!
  • A little birdie reminded me that today is special. Did you know today is national talking bird day? Just kidding, I know what day it is! Happy birthday to you, dear one!
  • I am so happy to be celebrating your birthday with your family. Here’s to hilarious stories and embarrassing antics on your behalf! Happy birthday, sweetheart!
  • Hey baby, since it’s your birthday, let’s have a pool party- and while we’re at it don’t bother bringing your bathing suit.
  • Dating you is like living in a candy shop- if you were any sweeter I might go into a comma from all the sugar. Happy Birthday, babe.
  • Since it’s your birthday I thought I should remind you how lucky you are to have me in your life.

I love you birthday boy.

  • If your heart was made of cheese I would wish to be a mouse. Happy Birthday to the best boyfriend.
  • If you needed someone to love you for life and you payed that lucky someone, I wouldn’t mind working for free. Happy birthday and please consider me for the job. Thanks.If loving you was easy everyone would do it. You’re welcome. Oh, and Happy Birthday.
  • My doctor friends have to watch me close these days- when I think of you my heart rate goes up to some really high levels. I think I’m in love. Happy birthday you heart stopper.
  • It’s a good thing that you are strong enough to carry me, since you give me weak knees I think you might have to hold me for a while. Happy birthday.
  • If love-making were a professional sport I would want to be on your team. Happy birthday, babe.
  • Some people may call us crazy- but I’m ok with that, because we are crazy good together. Happy birthday, babe.
  • Well, on your birthday I have good and bad news. The good news is that I will come to visit, but that bad news is that you might be arrested for stealing my heart. Happy  Birthday.
  • Sorry babe, but I can’t help you blow out your candles today- you’ve taken all my breath away. Happy Birthday.
  • Birthdays are so overrated. I just wanted an excuse for some birthday cake. But jokes aside, I love you and that’s worth celebrating. Happy birthday!
  • Funny Birthday Quotes for My Boyfriend
  • Who needs gifts when you have an amazing girlfriend like myself? All you’ll ever need is found in me. Happy birthday!
  • Dear Boyfriend, If you feel like an old fart, just remember that there is always someone much older than you and much closer to the grave. Have a fantastic birthday, old man!

 

Happy Birthday, Handsome! from a hot chick 🙂


  • You must have been a really good boy. Karma has brought you to me. Have a really great birthday!
  • I can’t find the cake underneath all these candles! Happy Birthday, old man.
  • You should be smiling on your birthday, Honey! The more birthdays you have, the longer you’ll live.
  • To the birthday boy, you’re getting up there in age.  Don’t spend too much time counting your candles or you’ll get dizzy.
  • I hope you’re feeling gracious on your birthday, it’s better to be alive than 6 feet under. Happy Birthday to you.
  • Happy birthday, honey. I’ll stick around forever… or at least until you stop looking younger than your true age. Stay sexy!
  • Congratulations on your 10,950th days alive. Happy 30th Birthday, Sweetie!
  • Find more wishes here: Funny Birthday Quotes for My Boyfriend
  • I’m a jealous girlfriend. You’d better not accept any Happy Birthdays unless they are coming from me.My sweet boyfriend, you are kind, caring, thoughtful, and very attentive. Sorry…I thought today was opposite day! Happy Birthday!
  • You always tell me to spend less money. Well, I’ve decided to take your advice. It is reflected in the birthday gift I bought you.
  •  I have a very talented boyfriend. Swallowing burgers whole is one of your many natural gifts. So I know that this birthday cake doesn’t stand a chance. Enjoy your birthday!
  • Loving you is not always easy, but eating this birthday cake will be. Wishing you a great birthday!
  • Birthday presents are overrated. I got you hugs & kisses instead. Happy Birthday!

Funny Birthday Wishes for Mom

  • Happy Birthday, Mom! I didn’t remind my siblings of this day so that I’d look like the better child for remembering your birthday.
  • Have a special birthday, Mom! Sorry for the nine months I took over your womb.
  • Birthday Wishes for your Mother
  • Dear Mom, it’s your birthday. As a gift, I’m going to let you bake me my favorite cake…because it make you happy!
  • Happy Birthday, Mom. Wishing you many, many more to come! And I hope you age beautifully and gracefully. Because I have your genes and I will likely follow in your footsteps.
  • You are such a great mother. I’ve always wondered how you put up with me all these years and kept your cool. Then I found your wine stash and it all became clear. Happy Birthday!
  • Thank you for being the one person I can count on to love me even when I make the dumbest mistakes. Happy Birthday, with all my love.

Funny Birthday Wishes for Dad

  • Well, it’s been said that the older you get, the wiser you get. Well Dad, you must be really, really, really, really wise. Wishing you a great birthday.
  • Have an awesome birthday, Dad. No matter how old you get, you will always be the cool dad.
  • Dear Dad. I’m sure all those times you yelled at me, grounded me, and took privileges away from me were supposed to teach me lessons and make me a better person. I’m still waiting for that to kick in. Happy Birthday!
  • Happy Birthday, Dad!
  • Dad, I hope you have a great time celebrating your birthday. Today is the only day a year I let you dance in front of my friends despite the embarrassment that will befall me.
  •  Dear Dad. I learned a lot from you over the years. But I bet you never thought the day would come that I would have something to teach you: How to use your smartphone.

Happy Birthday to my funny dad


Funny Birthday Wishes for Husband

  • My mother and father may have disapproved of us getting married, but that didn’t stop me! Now that you know how stubborn I can be, you best prepare yourself for a lifetime of not getting what you asked for! So you can guess my answer to that “special” birthday request you had. Happy Birthday!
  • I do love how you stick to me like glue, it certainly makes it easy for me to keep track of where you are and what you are doing at all times. Happy Birthday!
  • I didn’t get you a fancy gift this year, instead I thought it best to go with something sentimental. Remember that time you told me how happy it makes you when I wear red. Well I’ve bought a whole new outfit and accessories in lush red colours. Just for you! Happy Birthday!
  • My dearest husband, you protect me, shelter me, feed me and make my life one of pure privilege and security. How can I ever thank you. Here’s an idea, I’ll help you keep healthy so that you can enjoy life to the full for as long as possible! Let’s start by cutting the cake from today! Happy Birthday!
  • It’s time for me to start pulling my weight around the house I know. So today for your birthday I’ve cleaned all the rooms and made the house pretty, all for you! So now do your part, get in the kitchen and make us some dinner. Happy Birthday!
  • If you can’t beat them, join them. That’s my father’s favorite business strategy, which is partly why we got married in the first place. I’m not afraid to say it to you, because let’s face it, I’m a real catch. Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday. love you, babe!

  • You’re the best husband a lady could hope for. Kind, handsome, charming and clever. If only were also tall. Not to worry 4 out of 5 boxes is not bad at all! Happy Birthday!
  • When we have children I want them to have your nose, my attitude, your bravery and my legs. Wouldn’t that make the best birthday gift of all! However If too many of those things are missing, we might have to rethink our positions in this relationship. Have a very Happy Birthday!
  • It’s your birthday! You possess all of the great qualities in a husband. Did I also mention that it’s opposite day?
  • My dear husband, you are loving, thoughtful, considerate and chivalrous. I’ve taught you well! Happy Birthday.
  • Original Birthday Quotes for your Husband
  • After all these years, you know just the buttons to push to turn me on or drive me crazy. Have a great birthday.
  • My darling, my joy, the light of my life and the perfect specimen of a man: God has truly blessed me with such a fine husband, that everyday I feel obliged to thank him for making us meet and fall in love. Without you my glass was empty, and then when I finally had you it became completely full. The kids may be making a mess of things right now, but don’t worry, just a few more years until we are free again. Every year brings us one step closer! Happy Birthday!

Funny Birthday Wishes for Wife

  • Happy Birthday to the most beautiful, caring, understanding human being on the face of the planet whom I will love and support for the rest of my life… regardless of if I’m allowed to go on that men’s golf outing this weekend…
  • You are the nutella to my toast and the ice cream to my apple pie. Happy Birthday to my beautiful wife.
  • Happy Birthday. I love you more than I love bacon… and that’s a heck of a lot.
  • Happy Birthday, my lovely wife! Today is the one day out of the year where I thank God for my mother-in-law.
  • Happy Birthday to you! You don’t look a day over…26…22..er…19..?? I love you and your eternal youth! You grow more beautiful with each passing year.

Happy Birthday!

  • There are only 2 absolutes in this world. Chuck Norris is the biggest badass in Hollywood and my love for you is infinite. Happy Birthday!
  • Happy Birthday to the man of my dreams and the root of my nightmares. Love, your beautiful wife!
  • More Birthday Wishes for your wife
  • Dear Wife, thanks for sticking with me through the good and the bad. Sorry that it was mostly bad! Love, your wonderful husband.
  • Happy Birthday, sweetheart. I’ll wash the dishes for you. Though I can’t guarantee they’ll be 100% clean enough to eat off of.
  • I felt like I opened a Wonka bar and found my golden ticket when I met you. Happy Birthday to my beautiful wife. I look forward to the many wonderful, scrumdiddlyumptious years ahead.

Funny Birthday Wishes for 21st Birthday

  • I made a sign for your car. Caution! Just made 21. Proceed with care!
  • You may be 21 but pretty soon you’ll be pushing 30. Let’s go out and party before all your good looks flee. Happy 21st birthday!
  • I know it’s your 21st birthday but there’s enough alcohol to go around. Slow down and take it easy. No need to get sloppy drunk. Happy birthday.
  • Happy 21st birthday! I only came to see if you can hold your liquor.

Ηope your birthday rocks!

  • Congrats, friend! You beat me in the race to become legal! Now I must watch you sip champagne while I bask in my envy.
  • Throw away your fake ID card. You’re actually 21 now! Have fun on your birthday!
  • The next best thing after an 18th birthday is a 21st birthday. Congratulations to you!
  • Shout it from the roof tops. You’re 21 and you’re proud of it! Happy Birthday!
  • All good things come to an end. You only have 364 more days to enjoy being 21. Enjoy it while it lasts!

Funny Wishes for 50th Birthday

  • 29 years ago you had the time of your life! Now you are turning 50 so don’t think you can drink as much. Happy birthday and have little bit of fun!
  • Maybe you are not so fast now, but you sure can have the party of your life. Have a great day and Happy Birthday!
  • Today you turn 18 with 32 years of experience! You are like the fine wine that gets more exquisite with age. Happy Birthday and have the best night of your life!
  • The only thing that remains the same after all these years is that dry sense of humor. Your hair, your gut, and even your face has changed. Happy birthday, old guy!

You make 50 look good! Happy Birthday.

  • You are one 50 year old who is stubborn enough to refuse someone’s offer to give you their seat in the bus. Happy Birthday and always stay young.
  • Age is just a number. Pace is something that fades with age. Try to make it on time on your celebration. Happy Birthday!
  • The worst thing about your birthday is the fact that the number of candles is going up but the cake keeps shrinking. Happy Birthday and don’t eat all the cake alone!
  • Middle age is when a man has got a handle on life and life has put handles on his waist. Happy birthday and all the best!
  • Looking fifty is great, of course if you are sixty! Have the birthday of your life!
  • You are the opposite wine, which gets better with age and time. Happy Birthday!
  • Remember how excited you were when you turned 10 years old? Well now you should be 5 times as excited! Happy birthday!
  • Happy Birthday! Don’t worry about turning 50. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.


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Written by Dazragore
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