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Wise man funny quotes
March 10, 2019 Anniversary Wishes 1 comment

This List of quotes and sayings commonly used in everyday conversational English, can help to speak English like a native Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Enjoy. I hope these may brighten up someone's day!

  • It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

  • "The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." —Mark Twain

  • The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

  • "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." —George W. Bush

  • Always remember: you're unique, just like everyone else.

  • The road to success is always under construction.

  • Where there is a "will," there are 500 relatives.

  • Wear short sleeves. Support your right to bare arms!

  • When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

  • Join The Army. Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

  • I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

  • Death is hereditary.

  • When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

  • Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

  • If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

  • Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

  • I stopped fighting my inner demons, we're on the same side now.

  • Well-behaved women rarely make history.

  • I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

  • He who laughs last, didn't get it.

  • We live in an age where pizza gets to your home before the police.

  • I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

  • Cheese . . . milk's leap toward immortality.

  • You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax. Tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

  • He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants.

  • Half of the people in the world are below average.

  • I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

  • It is not my fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!

  • Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "Y" becomes silent.

  • Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

  • USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

  • Constipated people don't give a crap.

  • Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?

  • My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

  • Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

  • A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.

  • Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

  • Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

  • Ham and eggs—a day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.

  • I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

  • When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.

  • You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

  • If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet?

  • I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

  • If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

  • You couldn't get a clue during the clue-mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.

  • It is a damned poor mind indeed that can't think of at least two ways of spelling any word.

  • In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on.

  • Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.

  • Horse sense is a good judgment which keeps horses from betting on people.

  • I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

  • Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, age don't matter.

  • Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

  • Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

  • The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

  • Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

  • I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

  • I get enough exercise pushing my luck.

  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

  • I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather . . . not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

  • We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

  • The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

  • You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

  • I got a gun for my wife—best trade I’ve ever made.

  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

  • To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.

  • Beauty is a light switch away . . .

  • The evening news is where they start by saying “good evening,” and proceed by telling you why it’s not.

  • There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't.

  • When life hands you lemons, make lemonade, find the person that life handed vodka to, and have a party.

  • if Barbie is so popular then why do we buy her friends and boyfriends?

  • God created the world, everything else is made in China.

  • Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.

  • Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

  • Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect.

  • Those who throw dirt only lose ground.

  • You never truly understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.

  • Error. No keyboard. Press F1 to continue.

  • Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.

  • Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest.

  • hey occifer i swear to drunk im not as god as you think i am.

  • This sentence is a lie.

  • Men are like parking stalls. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped!

  • Change is good, but dollars are better.

  • How is it that “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?

  • 1492: Native Americans discover Columbus lost at sea.

  • Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs harder.

  • Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.

  • Solution to two of the world’s problem: feed the homeless to the hungry.

  • You laugh because I’m different, I laugh because I just farted!

  • Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door!

  • Silence is golden, but duck tape is silver.

  • When life gives you melons . . . you might be dyslexic.

  • There’s no 'I' in team, but there is in 'win.'

  • Those who criticize our generation seem to forget who raised it!

  • Man who goes to bed with an itchy butt . . . wakes up with a stinky finger!

  • Children in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children!

  • The only good thing about going bra-less at my age is that it pulls the wrinkles right out of my face.

  • How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree . . . and then realize it was your air-freshener.

  • Philosophical Quotes About Love from Wise Thinkers "When the one man loves the one woman and the one woman loves the one man, the very angels desert heaven and . Funny Quotes About the Lighter Side of Love.

    One Liners

    wise man funny quotes


    140 Wise Quotes About Love, Life, and Loving Friendships

    Last Updated on

    Life is a gift.

    When we embrace all that life has to offer, we can achieve success both personally and professionally. One way to do this is to surround ourselves with love.  Love with a romantic partner, love for family and friends, and love for living life to the fullest.  When we set our goals to focus on what's truly important, it's easy to find meaning with our daily actions.

    That's why in this post, you will discover 140 great quotes that focus on all aspects of love (i.e. romantic love, great friendships, and love for experiencing all that life has to offer.) And wise quotes about everything in between.

    To help you out, we have separated this post into five sections, with a few large picture quotes to share with your loved ones.

    (Side note: One “wise” thing to do is to start each day by reading something related to your career or business. So be sure to join over 1 million others and start your day with the latest news from Wall St. to Silicon Valley. This newsletter is a 5-minute read that's informative, witty, and FREE!)

    What You Will Learn

    What is the Meaning of Love?

    If you have chosen to be your best even when the other person you are with isn't at their best, then you have chosen to love this person, and this person is likely your best friend. Love is more than a feeling; it should also be considered an enacted emotion.

    And if you'd like to take your romance to the next level, then we recommend two things: 

    1. Create a few of the 21 relationship goals that we cover here.
    2. Scheduling regular date nights with your significant other.

    Remember: Love is kindness, and love is an adventure.  So let's learn more about this by checking out the following short inspirational quotes:

    Love Quotes and Sayings

    “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”– Lao Tzu

    “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”– Friedrich Nietzsche

    The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.”– Victor Hugo

    “Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”– Lucille Ball

    “The most desired gift of love is not diamonds or roses or chocolate. It is focused attention.”– Richard Warren

    “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard but must be felt with the heart.”– Helen Keller

    “Love is, in fact, an intensification of life, a completeness, a fullness, a wholeness of life.”– Thomas Merton

    “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

    ​“Love is a friendship set to music.”– Joseph Campbell

    ​“In order to be happy oneself, it is necessary to make at least one other person happy.”– Theodor Reik

    “We always believe our first love is our last, and our last love our first.”– George W. Melville

    “Everyone in life is gonna hurt you; you just have to figure out which people are worth the pain.” – Erica Baican

    “Age does not protect you from love, but love, to some extent, love protects you from age.”– Jeanne Moreau

    “You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”– Sam Keen

    ​“The art of love is largely the art of persistence.”– Albert Ellis

    “True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” – Erich Segal

    “Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.” – Neil Gaiman

    “There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.” – Sarah Dessen

    “Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.”– William Shakespeare

    “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.” – Robert Fulghum

    We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.” – Robert Fulghum

    “Where there is love there is life.” – Mahatma Gandhi

    “Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.” – Plato

    “The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it. Sometimes love blinds us, other times it lets us see.” – George Bernard Shaw

    “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert Heinlein

    “If you have it, Love, you don’t need to have anything else, and if you don’t have it, it doesn’t matter much what else you have.” – James M. Barrie

    “There is no remedy for love but to love more.” – Henry David Thoreau

    “A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.” – Thomas Carlyle

    Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” – H. L. Menken

    “Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.” – Oscar Wilde

    “Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

    “It is love, not reason, that is stronger than death.” – Thomas Mann

    “If you would be loved, love and be lovable.” – Benjamin Franklin

    “The mind cannot long act the role of the heart.” – Francois de la Rochefoucauld

    “Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.” – Peter Ustinov

    “This is the miracle that happens every time to those who really love; the more they give, the more they possess.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

    This is the miracle that happens every time to those who really love; the more they give, the more they possess.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

    “Forgiveness is the final form of love.” – Reinhold Niebuhr

    “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4

    “Whoso loves believes the impossible.” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning

    “Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.” – Rumi

    “The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.” – J. R. R. Tolkien

    “What will survive of us is love.” – Philip Larkin

    “Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

    I don't trust people who don't love themselves and tell me, ‘I love you.' … There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.” – Maya Angelou

    “Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” – James Baldwin

    “Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey.” – Lord Byron

    “Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.” – Dorothy Parker

    “Love in its essence is spiritual fire.” – Seneca

    “Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.” – Lao Tzu

    The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.” – Henry Miller

    “Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.” – Khalil Gibran

    “Love does not dominate; it cultivates.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

    We are most alive when we're in love.” – John Updike

    “If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.” – Barbara De Angelis

    “You know you’re in love when you don’t want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Dr. Seuss

    “For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.” – Carl Sagan

    “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” – Aristotle

    “A loving heart is the truest wisdom.” – Charles Dickens

    “Love alone can rekindle life.” – Henri Frederic Amiel

    Love doesn’t make the world go around. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” – Franklin P. Jones

    “Love is the emblem of eternity; it confounds all notion of time; effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end.” – Madame de Stael

    “Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust

    “Nobody has ever measured — not even poets — how much love the human heart can hold.” – Zelda Fitzgerald

    “Never love anybody that treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

    “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford

    “If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.” – Kahlil Gibran

    “Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.” – James Baldwin

    There is only one page left to write on. I will fill it with words of only one syllable. I love. I have loved. I will love.” – Dodie Smith

    Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.” – Bertrand Russell

    “One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life. That word is love.” – Sophocles

    “What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky

    “It isn't possible to love and part. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know by experience that the poets are right: love is eternal.” – E. M. Forster

    “Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” – Maya Angelou

    “A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.” – Kurt Vonnegut

    “Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.” – C. S. Lewis

    “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.” – Oscar Wilde

    “Respect was invented to cover the empty place where love should be.” – Leo Tolstoy

    “Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.” – Mitch Albom

    “Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward.” – e. e. cummings

    “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.” – Oscar Wilde

    Want some more wise quotes related to love? Check out some of these affirmation and quote posts dealing with self-love, happiness, and all the good stuff in life.

    The Meaning of Life

    What is the meaning of life? That is a question we aren't sure can really be answered fully. But a good way to describe life is to find meaning in everything you do and learn to love every aspect of your daily routine. Put simply: You to understand “your why” behind everything that you do.

    Aristotle said, “Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim, and end of human existence.” The following inspirational quotes about life may be just what you need today:

    Wise Quotes About Life

    “If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” – Jim Rohn

    ​“There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still.”– Franklin D. Roosevelt

    ​“God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.”– Voltaire

    “There is no life as complete as the life that is lived by choice.” – Shad Helmstetter

    ​“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”– George Bernard Shaw

    “No one ever finds life worth living – one has to make it worth living.” – Winston Churchill

    In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.”– Abraham Lincoln

    ​“Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else.”– Les Brown

    “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” – Oscar Wilde

    ​“Today is life-the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto.”– Dale Carnegie

    ​“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.”– Alexander Graham Bell

    ​“An unexamined life is not worth living.”– Socrates

    ​“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”– Ralph Waldo Emerson

    “If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” – Jim Rohn

    ​“You can never plan the future by the past.”– Edmund Burke

    ​“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.”– Dennis P. Kimbro

    ​“At the end of their lives, people assess how they've done not in terms of their income but in terms of their spirit, and I beg you to do the same, even if those who came before sometimes failed to do so.”– Anna Quindlen

    “Life is much more fun if you live it in the spirit of play and collaboration, working with instead of against others.” – Wally Amos

    ​“Life is not about how fast you run or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.”– Vivian Komori

    ​“In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”– Robert Frost

    ​The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.”– W. M. Lewis

    “Almost all of the research strongly supports the benefits of using humor to maximize living.” – Mary Kay Morrison

    ​“Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.”– Denis Waitley

    ​“The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.”– Vince Lombardi

    Quotes on Loving Life

    One of the sad things in life is that we don’t live our life backward, Benjamin Button style. How great would it be to couple the wisdom of age with the energy of youth by living backward?

    Unfortunately, that is not the way things work.

    In life, we gain important pieces of wisdom through experience and practicing a few of the 23 strategies for daily self-improvement.

    All that said, there is a lot of wisdom that can be found by looking at quotes from people who have learned to love life.  Here are a few of our favorites:

    “Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

    “How many things have to happen to you before something occurs to you?” – Robert Frost

    “Wisdom is the reward for surviving our own stupidity.” – Brian Rathbone

    “The problem is that when you get it, you're too damned old to do anything about it.”​– Jimmy Connors

    “All teachings are mere references. The true experience is living your own life. Then, even the holiest of words are only words.”– Ming-Dao Deng

    “You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.” – Mary Tyler Moore

    “…talent means nothing, while experience, acquired in humility and with hard work, means everything.”– Patrick Süskind

    “…talent means nothing, while experience, acquired in humility and with hard work, means everything.”– Patrick Süskind

    “People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.” ​– Eleanor Roosevelt

    “Nothing ever becomes real 'til it is experienced.” – John Keats

    “He who has a way to live can bear almost anyhow.”​– Friedrich Nietzsche

    “I've got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom.”– Thomas Carlyle

    “I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become.”– C.G. Jung

    “Each life is made up of mistakes and learning, waiting and growing, practicing patience, and being persistent.” – Billy Graham

    “Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.” ​– Auguste Rodin

    “People never learn anything by being told; they have to find out for themselves.”– Paulo Coelho

    “Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.”– John Gardner

    “Life isn't sure; life is scary. It doesn't mean you stop living it.”– Susan May Warren

    “Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won’t have a title until much later.” – Bob Goff

    ​“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for a newer and richer experience.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

    “Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn’t stop for anybody.”– Stephen Chbosky

    “Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.”– Pete Seeger

    “I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to make sense.”– Harold Kushner

    “I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to make sense.”– Harold Kushner

    “Given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, I would choose pain.”– William Faulkner

    The Meaning of Friendship

    One thing that life experiences teach us is that you never get “something for nothing”.

    Even when you are only dealing with yourself, having some sort of a reason for doing an action is integral to the success of that action. Perhaps you can think of it as “bribing yourself”.

    To see what I’m talking about, check out these 155 Methods of Rewarding Yourself.

    Love is another area where time and experience bring wisdom. Love is something most people are looking for, either directly or indirectly.

    The following wise quotes talk about the importance of forming lifelong friendships that enrich and enhance your daily routine. In essence, when you have great friends, you’ll surround yourself with great conversations where you can know one another on a deep level.    

    When discovering the real meaning of friendship, you need to realize that the friendship goes beyond simply sharing your time together; it is sharing long-lasting time together while developing a meaningful connection.

    However, it is also important to remember that friendship can mean different things to different people, but it is all around inspiring as you will see by all of the inspiring quotes we have included below:

    ​Quotes About Friendship ​

    ​“Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time, we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I’m glad for that.” – Ally Condie

    ​“Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you; spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life.” – Amy Poehler

    ​“Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success.” – Oscar Wilde

    “Make a friend when you don't need one.” – Jamaican Proverb

    ​“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.” – Jim Morrison

    “No friendship is an accident.” – O. Henry

    ​“Friends are God's way of taking care of us.” – Author unknown

    ​True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.” – David Tyson

    ​“A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.” – Arnold H. Glasgow

    “The best mirror is an old friend.” – George Herbert

    “Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings.” – Miles Franklin

    “Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness.” – Euripides

    ​“Friendship is the most constant, the most enduring the most basic part of love.” – Ed Cunningham

    Some of these quotes on friendship are wonderful. In some ways, I feel good friendship can be as important as love. Actually, friendship can be a form of love itself.

    When it comes to habits, one of the most important aspects of friendship is the “mirror” a good friend can provide, like in the George Herbert wise friendship quote above.

    This “mirror” is essentially accountability and is one of the single most powerful tools for achieving success with your habits. Find out more about accountability and what it can do for you here.

    (Reminder: If you'd like to learn something new each day, then be sure to check out this 5-minute daily newsletter that's informative, witty and FREE!)

    Final Thoughts on These Love Quotes

    Love is all around us!  Whether it’s your partner, family, friends, or even the activities you enjoy on a deep level, you can find plenty of examples of this powerful emotion.  Hopefully, these love quotes inspired you and gave you something to think about.

    And if you like these quotes, then be sure to check out the others that we have:

    Thanks for checking out this wisdom, love, and friendship quote post.  I would appreciate it if you would save your favorite quote on your “go-to” social media platform. And hope you are having a wonderful, loving day!

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    Photo: shaggyshoo / Flickr

    People love quoting famous people. Whether the celebrity in question is a genius or not, we love a good sound byte. We've collected quotes from presidents, movie stars, philosophers, athletes, and even Paris Hilton on everybody's favorite topic: Money. (See also: How Money Can Destroy Your Dreams)

    1. "Early to bed, early to rise, keeps you healthy, wealthy and wise." - Benjamin Franklin

    2. "For I don't care too much for money, for money can't buy me love." - The Beatles

    3. "Money is like a sixth sense - and you can't make use of the other five without it." - William Somerset Maugham

    4. "A penny saved is a penny earned." - Benjamin Franklin

    5. "Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time." - Jim Rohn

    6. "Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves." - Albert Einstein

    7. "Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort." - Helen Gurley Brown

    8. "Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." - Woody Allen

    9. "Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money." - Jackie Mason

    10. "If you would be wealthy, think of saving as well as getting." - Ben Franklin

    11. "What difference does it make how much you have? What you do not have amounts to much more." - Seneca

    12. "If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to." - Dorothy Parker

    13. "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pound ought and six, result misery." - Charles Dickens

    14. "It doesn't matter if you're black or white... the only color that really matters is green." - Family Guy

    15. "My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income." - Errol Flynn

    16. "If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some." - Benjamin Franklin

    17. "Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it." - Rebecca Johnson

    18. "Lack of money is the root of all evil." - George Bernard Shaw

    19. "The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last." - Evan Esar

    20. "What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us." - Julia Cameron

    21. "Money is usually attracted, not pursued." - Jim Rohn

    22. "The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket." - Kin Hubbard

    23. "Money will come when you are doing the right thing." - Mike Phillips

    24. "The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated." - H. L. Mencken

    25. "You use your money to buy privacy because during most of your life you aren't allowed to be normal." - Johnny Depp

    26. "It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed." - Kin Hubbard

    27. "A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it." - Bob Hope

    28. "What's a soup kitchen?" - Paris Hilton

    29. "The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any." - Katharine Whitehorn

    30. "The art is not in making money, but in keeping it." - Proverb

    31. "Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money." - Robin Williams

    32. "Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears." - Robert W. Sarnoff

    33. "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." - Will Smith

    34. "Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game." - Donald Trump

    35. "You don't have to die in order to make a living." - Lynn Johnston

    36. "I used to have a drug problem, but now I have enough money." - David Lee Roth

    37. "The trick is to stop thinking of it as 'your' money." - IRS auditor

    38. "Money is like love; it kills slowly and painfully the one who withholds it, and enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man." - Kahlil Gibran

    39. "So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?" - Ayn Rand

    40. "Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." - Jerry Seinfeld

    41. "Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be." - Rita Rudner

    42. "The art of living easily as to money is to pitch your scale of living one degree below your means." - Sir Henry Taylor

    43. "Money is the best deodorant." - Elizabeth Taylor

    44. "Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver." - Ayn Rand

    45. "I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with." - Rodney Dangerfield

    46. "A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart." - Jonathan Swift

    47. "He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days." - Anonymous

    48. "Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination." - Oscar Wilde

    49. "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore." - Yogi Berra

    50. "Make money your god and it will plague you like the devil." - Henry Fielding

    51. "When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is." - Oscar Wilde

    52. "Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one." - Benjamin Franklin

    53. "Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." - Groucho Marx

    54. "The glow of one warm thought is to me worth more than money." - Thomas Jefferson

    55. "Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work." - Robert Orben

    56. "Money often costs too much." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

    57. "Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail" - Richard Friedman

    58. "Many people take no care of their money till they come nearly to the end of it, and others do just the same with their time." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

    59. "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments." - Earl Wilson

    60. "Don't tell me where your priorities are. Show me where you spend your money and I'll tell you what they are." - James W. Frick

    61. "Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune." - Jim Rohn

    62. "If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys." - James Goldsmith

    63. "Money is the barometer of a society's virtue." - Ayn Rand

    64. "It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy." - George Lorimer

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    Saying Images share the most clever quotes ever, witty sayings with pictures. These quick-witted, funny & wise quotes will add humor to your conversations, easy to The risk I took was calculated but man, am i bad at math.

    64 Funny, Inspiring and Stupid Money Quotes From Famous People

    wise man funny quotes

    In this posting you will find my selection of the very best 60 quotes, from nearly a decade of collecting them. They range from the profound to the intriguing to the just plain funny.

    One way or the other, you’ll surely find many of them to be thought-provoking and entertaining.

    This selection is, of course, based solely on my personal taste (and even that varies largely from day to day according to my mood). You are welcome to browse the entire collection and look for your own favorite ones or contribute new quotes from your own personal collection.

    Wisdom Quotes

    1. You can do anything, but not everything.

    —David Allen

    2. Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

    —Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

    3. The richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least.

    —Unknown Author

    4. You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.

    —Wayne Gretzky

    5. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.

    —Ambrose Redmoon

    6. You must be the change you wish to see in the world.


    7. When hungry, eat your rice; when tired, close your eyes. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean.


    8. The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking.

    —A. A. Milne

    9. To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail.

    —Abraham Maslow

    10. We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.


    11. A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.

    —Baltasar Gracian

    12. Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought.


    13. Watch your thoughts; they become words.
    Watch your words; they become actions.
    Watch your actions; they become habits.
    Watch your habits; they become character.
    Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.


    14. Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.

    —Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

    15. What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.

    —John Ruskin

    16. The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but seeing with new eyes.

    —Marcel Proust

    17. Work like you don’t need money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like no one’s watching

    —Unknown Author

    18. Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time, to figure out whether you like it or not.

    —Virgil Garnett Thomson

    19. Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

    —Will Rogers

    20. People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.

    —Zig Ziglar

    Funny Quotes

    21. Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

    —John Wilmot

    22. What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.

    —Oscar Levant

    23. Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    —Oscar Wilde

    24. I’ve gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller’s parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her.

    —New York City detective

    25. When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

    —Norm Crosby

    26. Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

    —Kurt Vonnegut

    27. Just the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

    —Carl Sagan

    28. My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists.

    —Jean Rostand

    29. Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

    —Lily Tomlin

    30. I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

    —Richard Lewis

    31. We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

    —Robert Wilensky

    32. If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

    —Scott Adams

    33. If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us.


    34. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it.

    —Clarence Darrow

    35. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.

    —Cullen Hightower

    36. There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say.

    —Cyril Connolly

    37. There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

    —Dick Cavett

    38. All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.

    —H. L. Mencken

    39. I don’t mind what Congress does, as long as they don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

    —Victor Hugo

    40. I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

    —Woody Allen

    Otherwise Intelligent Quotes

    41. The person who reads too much and uses his brain too little will fall into lazy habits of thinking.

    —Albert Einstein

    42. Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

    —André Gide

    43. It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.


    44. I’d rather live with a good question than a bad answer.

    —Aryeh Frimer

    45. We learn something every day, and lots of times it’s that what we learned the day before was wrong.

    —Bill Vaughan

    46. I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

    —Blaise Pascal

    47. Don’t ever wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.

    —Cale Yarborough

    48. An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn’t take his education too seriously.

    —Charles F. Kettering

    49. Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.

    —Christopher Hampton

    50. Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.

    —Cyril Connolly

    51. Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.

    —Dame Edna Everage

    52. I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.

    —Edith Sitwell

    53. Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.

    —Ellen Goodman

    54. The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

    —Ellen Parr

    55. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.

    —Erica Jong

    56. Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.

    —Gordon R. Dickson

    57. The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.

    —Lily Tomlin

    58. Never ascribe to malice, that which can be explained by incompetence.

    —Napoleon (Hanlon’s Razor)

    59. Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.

    —Oscar Wilde

    60. When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.

    —Thomas Szasz

    Help! How to Better Manage my Unwieldy Collection of Quotes?

    After I first published my favorite quotes collection (along with its companion article 5 Reasons to Collect Favorite Quotes), it grew faster than ever from 400 to over 500 quotes.

    Nowadays, I’m much more demanding about which quotes to add to my collection. However — judging from the number of quotes I find on the web on a daily basis — I can only expect it to grow even faster than before.

    Years ago, I faced the same situation with my browser bookmarks. Even being extremely conservative about adding them, after years they inevitably started adding up to the point of being unmanageable. Cleaning and categorizing those bookmarks was both time-consuming and inefficient.

    The problem was eventually solved not by tidying them up regularly, but by the smart use of tagging and searching technology. Now my bookmarks are online at, tagged and fully searchable — and I still have ways to own the data. (Call me paranoid, but I don’t feel comfortable relying entirely on a third party to hold years of data, no matter how much I like their service.)

    Now I feel I need a similar solution for my quotes — having a long flat list isn’t working very well anymore. At first, Quotiki seemed like a perfect fit. Unfortunately, however, there’s currently no way to export my quotes or otherwise retain ownership of the data.

    So, here’s the question to my smart readers: How do you think I should go with my quotes collection? Do you have any suggestions of online services I can use and still retain my collection while making it more useful to myself and to others?

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    wise man funny quotes
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