My Wishes

Retirement wishes funny jokes

  1. Home
  2. Anniversary Wishes
  3. Retirement wishes funny jokes
Retirement wishes funny jokes
April 19, 2019 Anniversary Wishes 4 comments

14 Retirement Wishes and Congratulations “Best wishes for an awesome retirement. Here's hoping for a fun, rewarding and restful life. . (The only exception to this is if you're writing it in a way that is obviously a joke.

Baby boomers are estimated to need $400,000 at the time of their retirement to sufficiently ensure that they can afford to maintain living costs and make up the difference between social security and retirement. An estimated 14% of Americans still need to get onto the path of towards retirement, while 5% are still looking for directions. Only 20% are in the fast lane passing others. The following collection of retirement card messages are intended to inspire your own sentimental message to a retiree you know.

Best wishes for a relaxing and happy retirement.
Best wishes for an awesome retirement. Keep working hard, but be your own boss.
Congratulations on your retirement! If you get bored, you know you can call us and hang out with us.
Congratulations on your retirement. It has been a pleasure working with you. I am wishing you a relaxing, fun, and long retirement. Don’t think too much about this place.
Congratulations on your retirement. Thanks for your years of dedication and hard work.
Congratulations on your retirement. The end of an era but the start of a whole new chapter.
Congratulations on your retirement. We wish you tons of happiness in the years ahead.
Congratulations on your well deserved retirement.
Congratulations, may you enjoy your retirement to the fullest.
Happy retirement to you.
I wish you a happy retirement filled with fun and happiness.
If you found happiness of fulfillment while in the work force, then it’s likely you’ll do the
same now that even more possibilities are open to you.
It’s great to see someone as deserving as you retire. Make sure you work just as hard at relaxing as you have in your long career.
Just as your work has been long and satisfying, we wish you a long and satisfying retirement.
Life begins at retirement.
May you do all the things you love to do and avoid the things you do not like to do in your retirement.
May your retirement be the best days of your life.
Retirement is not the end, it’s a new beginning.
Retirement is the working person’s wish come true. Here’s to getting your wishes granted finally!
Retirement is when every day is a Saturday.
Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials. Much to live on and much to live for.
The big challenge of retirement is how to spend time without spending money.
This is the beginning of the rest of your life and the rest of your life. Congratulations on your retirement.
To stay balanced in life, work like you’re retired and retire like it’s your job.
We are so glad that you are retiring, since we will get to spend a whole lot more time with you.
We have always enjoyed your company here at work and we are really going to miss you a lot. Best of luck.
We will miss you. You are a one of a kind and will not be easily replaced. Enjoy your retirement.
We wish you health and happy days in your retirement.
We’ll miss you. You were one of a kind, and not easily replaced. Congratulations on your retirement.
We’re glad that you are retiring, and we are looking forward to spending more time with you. Best wishes.
We’re really going to miss you! We hope that you’ll enjoy every minute of your retirement.
Wishing you a lengthy and satisfying retirement.
Wishing you a long and joyous retirement.
Wishing you a wonderful retirement. May you enjoy your retirement to the fullest.
Wishing you all the best for your retirement. may all your retirement dreams come true.
Wishing you all the joy and happiness that a happy retirement can bring.
Wishing you the best in this next phase of your life.
Wishing you the best on your life after this retirement. We will miss you.
Wishing you the most exciting and stress free retirement ever.
You are one of the hardest workers I have ever known. You deserve a great retirement, but I
figure you will still keep yourself busy.
You can be taken out of the workforce, but the work can never be taken out of you. I am confident you’ll never stop working on things you love to do.
You will remembered for the things that you did here. Thanks for your years of hard work and dedication. Congratulations on your retirement.
Your new job now is to make sure that you enjoy your retirement to the fullest.

Recent research has uncovered that more than 40% of workers in the United States have less than $10,000 saved for retirement while 27% said they had less than a thousand. Half of Americans use an employer sponsored retirement plan to help them save. The below infographic outlines the generational differences and financial statistics of their retirement savings accounts.

Categories Communication

Sending your retirement wishes is a good way to honor hard work. The best Funny retirement messages can be appropriate, but be careful.

Funny Retirement Quotes, Sayings and Wishes

retirement wishes funny jokes

Let’s face it, a regular retirement card can often be a bit boring. The same bland wishes or words. However,a good way you can liven up your message is to inject a bit of humour into it. If you know the retiring person well enough then poking fun at them or being a bit cheeky in their retirement card is the perfect way to avoid the usual clichés.

Some good, funny retirement quotes will get them chuckling away, so take advantage of these quotes below and use them to brighten this momentous event.


“When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.”
R.C. Sherriff


“I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.” Danny McGoorty


“When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.”
Chi Chi Rodriguez


“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” ~Abe Lemons


“Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” ~Gene Perret


“I’m retired — goodbye tension, hello pension!” ~Author Retirement:


“Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.” ~Author Unknown


“Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money.” ~Author Unknown


“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” ~Gene Perret


“Yes,” he laughed, “I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps.” ~Terri Guillemets


“The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.” ~Author Unknown


“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” ~Will Rogers, Autobiography, 1949


“When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.” ~Gail SheehyhPerretgolf.


“When you retire, you switch bosses — from the one who hired you to the one who married you.” ~Gene Perret


“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes


“I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.” ~Gene Perret


“In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day.” ~Terri Guillemets


“Retirement is like a long vacation in Vegas. The goal is to enjoy these years to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” ~Jonathan Clements, “Playing the Right Cards For a Long Retirement,” The Wall Street Journal, November 1999


“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.” ~George Burns


“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” ~Ogden Nash


“One of the problems with retirement is that it gives you more time to read about all the problems of retirement.”


“Retirement adds 5 days to your weekend! Enjoy it!”


“What? Are you old enough to be retiring?”


“I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.” Danny McGoorty


“Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and, how you want to do it.” Catherine Pulsifer


“There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working” – Robert Half


“When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income” – Chi Chi Rodriguez


“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it” – Gene Perret


“A retired husband is often a wife’s full- time job” – Ella Harris


“I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day” – Gene Perret


“I would like to extend my condolences to your employer for the devastating loss. Happy retirement!”

funny messages for wedding wishes
Best luck wishes quotes
weddings anniversary wishes
Habby birthday wishes
engaged anniversary wishes
Wishing nice day
wishes for new bride
Wishing mom and dad happy anniversary

Retirement Messages to Write in a Card

retirement wishes funny jokes

Retirement is a part of life; it is bliss to every human. This is time to take rest and enjoy yourself with friends and family. Occasions celebrated with humor and fun will definitely be remembered by everyone. The occasion of retirement in the life of retirees is more crucial thing and if it is quoted with fun then it becomes fun occasion rather than sentimental one. How about giving the retiree a treat of good laugh with funny retirement quotes?

The occasion of retirement are quoted with fun by many people. Here on this section you can find funny retirement quotes, which will long last in your mind. Find every quote very much interesting that you yourself will start quoting in your own way. Below you find funny retirement quotes used to quote your boss, colleagues on their special occasion of retirement. May be you can use some of these quotes as retirement wishes for boss

Funny Retirement Quotes and Sayings

Retirement quotes funny, retirement funny quotes

The best time to start thinking about
Your retirement is before the boss does.
– Anonymous

* * * * * * * * * * *

When a man retires,
his wife gets twice the husband
but only half the income.
– Chi Chi Rodriguez

* * * * * * * * * * *

I’m not just retiring from the company,
I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute,
My alarm clock, and my iron.
– Hartman Jule

* * * * * * * * * * *

Before you speak, listen.
Before you write, think.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you invest, investigate.
Before you criticize, wait.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.
Before you retire, save.
Before you die, give.
– William A. Ward

* * * * * * * * * * *

There are some who start their retirement
Long before they stop working.
– Robert Half

* * * * * * * * * * *

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do
with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
– Will Rogers

* * * * * * * * * * *

Don’t simply retire from something;
Have something to retire to.
Harry Emerson Fosdick

* * * * * * * * * * *

When one door closes, another one opens,
but we often look so long and regretfully at the closed door
that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.
– Alexander Graham Bell

Funny Retirement Quotes for Teachers

Teaching is one of the professions where one would give their whole life and dedication. Hence, retiring from something that you will consider as your life is never easy. But you can keep it light by giving the teacher a retirement wishes that is humorous and funny. Give them a good laugh with these retirement funny quotes.

There are three things to remember when teaching:
know your stuff; know whom you are stuffing;
and then stuff them elegantly.
– Lola May

* * * * * * * * * * *

Old teachers never die;
They just grade away.
– Anonymous

* * * * * * * * * * *

Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race,
but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
– Gene Perret

* * * * * * * * * * *

A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.
– W.H. Auden

* * * * * * * * * * *

The challenge of retirement is
how to spend time without spending money.
– Unknown

* * * * * * * * * * *

The splendid thing about education is that everyone wants it.
Like influenza, you can give it away without losing any of it yourself.
– Evelyn Waugh

Funny Retirement Quotes for Women

Do you know someone who’s going to retire soon? Don’t forget to grab a funny retirement gift that will keep his/her feeling light. Of course, partner it with these happy and funny retirement quotes and sayings that you can write in a gift note or retirement card. These will at least give them some a good smile.

Retirement is wonderful.
It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
– Gene Perret

* * * * * * * * * * *

A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job

* * * * * * * * * * *

The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender

* * * * * * * * * * *

Retirement is when you stop living at work and begin working at living

* * * * * * * * * * *

In retirement, every day is Boss Day
And every day is Employee Appreciation Day.
~ Anonymous

* * * * * * * * * * *

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous,
When I was sixty-five –
I still had pimples
– George Burns

* * * * * * * * * * *

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache.
– Gene Perret

* * * * * * * * * * *

Retirement is the time in your life
When time is no longer money.
– Unknown

* * * * * * * * * * *

Retirement is when the living is easy and the payments are hard.
– Unknown

* * * * * * * * * * *

The money is no better in retirement…
But the hours are!
– Unknown

Funny Retirement Quotes for Men

When a man retires and time
is no longer a matter of urgent importance,
his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
– R C Sherriff.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Few men of action have been able to make
a graceful exit at the appropriate time.’
– Malcolm Muggeridge

* * * * * * * * * * *

A man is known by the company
that keeps him on after retirement age.
– Unknown

* * * * * * * * * * *

There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit… retire!
– Groucho Marx

* * * * * * * * * * *

In retirement only money and symptoms are consequential
– Mason Cooley

* * * * * * * * * * *

The challenge of retirement is
how to spend time without spending money

* * * * * * * * * * *

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces.
Women go right on cooking.
– Gail Sheehy

* * * * * * * * * * *

In your retirement years never drink coffee at lunch;
It will keep you awake in the afternoon.
– Unknown

* * * * * * * * * * *

Retirement is like being out of school for the summer
but the summer never ends.
– Unknown

* * * * * * * * * * *

When you retire, think and act as if you were still working;
When you’re still working, think and act a bit
As if you were already retired

* * * * * * * * * * *

He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes
probably isn’t far from retirement.
– Unknown

Funny Retirement Wishes Quotes

I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work.
So I do it three or four times a day.
– Gene Perret

* * * * * * * * * * *

I have never liked working.
To me a job is an invasion of privacy
– Danny McGorty

* * * * * * * * * * *

A gold watch is the most appropriate gift for retirement,
as its recipients have given up so many of their
golden hours in a lifetime of service.
– Harry Mahtar

* * * * * * * * * * *

First you forget names; then you forget faces;
then you forget to zip up your fly;
and then you forget to unzip your fly.
– Branch Rickey

* * * * * * * * * * *

I’m retired –
goodbye tension,
hello pension!
– Anonymous

* * * * * * * * * * *

If you are going to throw a club,
it is important to throw it ahead of you,
down the fairway,
so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
– Tommy Bolt

* * * * * * * * * * *

Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas.
The goal is to enjoy it the fullest,
But not so fully that you run out of money.
– Jonathan Clements

Sending your retirement wishes is a good way to honor hard work. The best Funny retirement messages can be appropriate, but be careful.

Funny Retirement Messages for Boss

retirement wishes funny jokes

Retirement Congratulations Messages

Page Sections

  • Examples of Retirement Congratulations Wishes
  • Funny Retirement Messages
  • Suggestions for a Great Message

What to Write in a Retirement Card

Retirement wishes can be difficult to write. Wishing the person a great retirement and acknowledging their work years is the basis of a good retirement message. Here are some tips and examples to use to help you express what you want to say. Choose an example you like best for your deserving retiree, and then use the tips to make it better.
Much depends on your relationship to the retiree. If you are someone's boss, then your retirement wishes will be different than if you are the retiree's grand daughter. For example, a supervisor might write:
  • "Congratulations on your retirement. It has been a pleasure working with you. I am wishing you a relaxing, fun, and long retirement. Don't think too much about this place."
A son or daughter might write:
  • "Dad, I am happy for you that you finally get to retire. I hope we can spend some more time together. Feel free to take your grand kids any time you want."
Here are plenty more examples to help you express what you want to say.
  • You are a person I really admire because you are a person who gets to retire.
  • I'm wishing you a long, healthy, and happy retirement!
  • I'm glad you finally get to retire. You deserve it. You've worked hard!
  • You have been one of the best employees I have ever had. I know that you will be just as productive in your retirement pursuits. Good luck! You will be missed.
  • I am glad you are retiring. I am planning on hanging out with you more now.
  • Your work years are over. Now your fun years begin!
  • I have to admit, I am a little jealous of you. I wish I was retiring.
  • Your retirement is probably just as welcomed by the company, since you can now be replaced by someone much less experienced and less expensive. The reality is that you can never actually be replaced.
  • If you put as much effort into enjoying your retirement as you have all the years you've been working, you’ll have an amazing, productive, dynamic and long lasting retirement. You deserve it!
  • I'm glad you get to retire while you still have many good and capable years of life left in you! Congratulations!
  • Now that you've gone through birth, crawling, walking, school, and many years of work, you can finally relax!
  • As you move into this next chapter of your life, I wish you all the best.
  • Life is so much better when you don't have to follow an agenda or set an alarm clock.
  • You have spent your time doing valuable work. Now you can spend your time enjoying valuable interests.
  • Every day is a weekend now! Enjoy your long weekend!

Funny Examples

Use these funny retirement messages when you know the retiree well, and you know he or she can take a joke. Pick one you think the retiree will think is funny.
  • Have fun in your retirement! Follow these words of wisdom. 'Don't do anything I wouldn't do.'
  • I always thought of you as a permanent fixture at work. I guess we'll have to figure out how to get by without you.
  • It's exciting to know that you are leaving the workforce! I bet it's exciting for you too.
  • Now is the time to experience the part of childhood that was stolen from you by school and work!
  • You always did work hard at not having to work. Now that you're retired, you don't have to work as hard at not working.
  • Now that you are retired, you get an even tougher boss... Your wife!
  • I bet your company is really glad to see you go. After that many years your salary was probably worth two or three younger, more energetic workers.
  • I don't know why you are even retiring. You know you won't be able to keep from working, you workaholic!
  • I thought you retired several years ago, you are just finally making it official just now. I haven't seen you actually work in a long time.
  • You may be ready to retire, but is your wife/husband ready?
  • Retirement is the last stage of your life. I hope you make it as long in retirement as you did in your career.
  • I'm glad you finally retired. Now I can have your job.
  • My therapist said that I should be open to talking about my feelings with others. Right now I feel envious.

Suggestions for Your Message

  • If you are envious of the retiree, then tell him. It is actually sincere to tell the retiree that you are envious. He or she will probably feel even more privileged.
  • Be sensitive to some of the emotions that a retiree will be feeling. Retirees can feel loss just like someone who has lost a person, relationship, or social status. Other retirees may feel extremely happy and have no feelings of loss. Those retirees are likely to be more family oriented individuals who will want to spend more time with family in retirement.
  • Make plans to see the retiree more and communicate that in your message. If your mom or dad is retiring, he or she may not know what to do with all the extra time. Make plans in your retirement message to hang out more.
  • Be funny and be personal. Retirement card messages are all about being funny. Retirement is supposed to be a happy occasion, so there are no taboo things to write. Just don't make jokes about the person dying soon. You can make fun of age, work ethic, etc.  When you make the retirement joke personal to the retiree, then it's even better.
WATCH THE VIDEO ON THEME: Retirement Quotes: Inspirational and Funny Retirement Sayings

Funny Retirement Wishes: Looking for humorous notes and quirky messages to write on a sweet Retirement is a lifelong vacation joke greeting card message.

retirement wishes funny jokes
Written by Faum
Write a comment