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If you keep doing the same thing

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If you keep doing the same thing
October 29, 2018 Anniversary Wishes 2 comments

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Okay, so it’s another Saturday night and you are curled up on the sofa wondering what the hell is wrong with you because you don’t have a date – AGAIN!

All of your friends have dates, boyfriends, husbands and there’s nothing special about them, right?

So why can’t you find someone to love you?

This is going to be a hard pill to swallow, but have you ever thought that maybe you are the problem?

Your friends have dates, boyfriends, and husbands because they aren’t you.

Ouch, I know. That’s harsh. But stay with me here for a second.

What if the reason you aren’t happily attached to another human being is that you are doing things that don’t attract other human beings?

Double ouch.

If you haven’t found love yet and you feel like you’ve tried everything, consider that maybe you haven’t tried everything, and then read this list of 17 things you need to know if you haven’t found love.

And be open to exploring these reasons.

The answer you seek could be right here and you aren’t open to seeing it. Go ahead and stay single then, we are just trying to help you here.

1) You ask too much of people

Have you ever considered that you are putting too much pressure on people to be awesome all the time?

You know love is not really like that, right?

According to marriage and family therapist intern Michael Bouciquot:

“These expectations are fantasies and false hopes that ruin your idea of your partner. Some people never realize the unwarranted damage they cause because of these inflated ideas.”

Prince Charming wakes up with bad breath and needs to comb his hair, too.

No one is perfect and you need to stop thinking that you are perfect so you deserve perfect.

You deserve someone who will make you happy. But that’s about it.

The fact that we even think we deserve love is a misnomer.

We desire it, but do we really deserve it? Don’t we have to work for it? We can’t just sit around and think it’s going to magically appear.

2) You expect too much of people

You want it all and you think you’ve found it time and time again only to be disappointed. You can’t have a boyfriend who makes millions of dollars in his own company AND is someone who will whisk you away on a weekend getaway.

If he’s hauling ass to build a company, you need to sit tight while he does his thing.

Another thing to consider is the rate at which you expect a relationship to move.

If you have only just met and you are wondering why he’s not blowing up your phone, ask yourself what you have going on that would make him want to do that?

Don’t you have a job you should be doing right now? Of course, he isn’t texting you a million times day, people have jobs.

Instead, you should focus on the real traits that make a life partner.

Licensed marriage and family therapist Amy McManus advises:

“I counsel my clients to have criteria forthe relationship, rather than the person.”

“Some of the important relationship criteria are: Is it honest, loving, supportive, interesting, and healthy? Are you able to discuss and work out issues about spending money, having [and] raising children, and having differences of opinion?”

NOW READ: Top 100 self love, love yourself and self esteem quotes

3) You don’t think you need to change

Thinking you are great just the way you are is awesome, but if you haven’t found that person that makes you feel whole, you might want to take a look at your half of the equation.

Consider that there’s something about you that isn’t attracting the right kind of man.

And we don’t mean you looks – we mean your personality, your demands, you work schedule.

Perhaps you haven’t left the house in three weeks and are genuinely wondering why no one is calling you for a date.

Wake up to the bullshit you are feeding yourself and you might find things start to change.

You don’t need to change everything to be in a relationship. In fact, you shouldn’t give up the essence of who your are just to please someone else.

But you should compromise where you can.

According to author and Philosophy professor Michael D. White:

“Little compromises are natural and unavoidable, but be careful not to give up too much of what is important to you for the sake of a relationship that should help to affirm who you already are.”

4) You are picking the wrong people

Let’s say you have found lots of great guys you could be in a relationship with but when it’s time to get serious, he just bails.

On the flip side, it might not be you. It might be that you are picking the wrong kind of guy to be with.

It’s not unheard of – some women are perpetually attracting to the wrong kind of guy. It’s just what happens. It’s also called self-sabotage.

According to clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone:

“When we act on our defenses, we tend to choose less-than-ideal relationship partners. We may establish an unsatisfying relationship by selecting a person who isn’t emotionally available.”

You pick the same kind of guy over and over again and then you don’t have to find Mr. Right and settle down. Sound familiar?

5) You don’t see the writing on the wall

There could be a guy standing right in front of you telling you how beautiful you are and asking for your number and you are so clueless that you don’t see what is happening.

Again, this is a form of self-sabotage and you could be committing it more than you know. Do you want love to find you or do you want to stay the sad sap that can’t find love?

We hang on to our stories pretty hard and they soon become our identities. If you never let Gerry take you out, how will you know if Gerry isn’t the one?

You need to be a little open to opportunities when they present themselves.

According to Firestone:

“With age, people tend to retreat further and further into their comfort zones.

“It’s important to resist falling into a comfort zone and to repeatedly challenge the influence of our critical inner voice. We should take action and make an effort to get out into the world, smile, make eye contact and let friends know we are looking for someone.

Don’t judge a book by its cover, remember? You might need to crack a few eggs to make this omelet, but unless you let people into your life, you’ll never know what’s possible.

6) And when you do find someone, quit thinking it won’t last

Entering into a relationship thinking that it’s doomed means one thing – it will be.

And then what happens when it doesn’t work out? You’ll feel validated. “See, no relationship ever works out for me.”

But it’s exactly this thinking that causes this to happen over and over again. You’re sabotaging the relationship before it even starts.

What you’re doing is being defensive. And nothing good comes out of that.

Firestone explains:

“Most people have been hurt in interpersonal relationships. With time and painful experiences, we all risk building up varying degrees of bitterness and become defended.

“These adaptations can cause us to become increasingly self-protective and closed off. In our adult relationships, we may resist being too vulnerable or write people off too easily.

There’s only one way to change this: Start being more optimistic about your newfound relationship! See the good in them, ignore the bad. And assume that they’re doing the same with you.

7) You keep playing games

You’re upset. You’re hurt. And when your partner asks you, “what’s wrong?” You say “nothing”. Or you get angry over something else later.

Be honest and stop playing games. It causes so much damage.

Psychospiritual writer Aletheia Luna says:

“Psychological games are often rewarding to one party and harmful to the other, creating exhausting and messy dynamics in every kind of relationship. Sometimes we are so deeply ingrained in the cat-and-mouse games that define our relationships that we aren’t even aware of what is happening.”

Don’t be like this. Your partner will have no idea what they’ve done wrong and your resentment will just pile up even more.

Instead, talk about your concerns or issues. I know it sounds lame, but honesty is the only way to build trust in a relationship. Without trust, a relationship can’t grow.

8) You keep thinking that love is enough

You’ve heard it before: “Love is the only ingredient for a healthy and happy relationship”. Right? Wrong!

The truth is, it takes a lot more than love to build a healthy, long-lasting relationship. A successful relationship is about trust, commitment, attachment, attraction, communication and a whole lot more.

If you can trust your partner, talk with them about anything, feel comfortable, protected AND LOVED, then that’s when you’re onto a winner.

Because at the end of the day, love is a choice.

Clinical director and licensed counselor Dr. Kurt Smith explains:

“Who we love is as much of a choice as it is a feeling. Staying in love takes a commitment. After the rosy glow of the new relationship wears off, we have to make a decision: Do we want to love this person and commit to a relationship together, or are we going to let this person go?

“Once we have made the decision that we have found the person we want to be with and commit to, the work begins. A big part of that work is making many other choices.”

9) You think you are too old

It doesn’t matter how old you are, you are never too old to find love.

“All the good ones are gone” simply isn’t true. You’re a good person and you’re still single, right? People have break-ups, or they haven’t thought about a relationship until now because they’re too focused on work.

The truth is, with age comes wisdom, so you’re MORE likely to find someone better suited to you.

According to clinician Maria Baratta:

“Of course, you can meet and fall in love at any point in your life.  Loving again after bitter breakups, difficult divorces, abusive partnerships, and financial disasters does happen.

But meeting people like this can only happen if you’re actively on the lookout for potential love. But if you think that you’re too old then you’re not going to find someone.

It’s self-sabotage. And you need to stop it.

10) You don’t believe in the numbers game

If you don’t buy a lottery ticket, you can’t win the lottery.

Likewise, if you don’t get yourself out there and date new people, you won’t find the special one.

There are so many different ways to meet people these days, with apps like Tinder and Bumble, so use them to your advantage! Go ahead and meet new people.

Don’t go on dates expecting to find love. Go on dates to get to know other people. It’s the only way you’ll work out what type of person is right for you.

Most importantly try to be positive about it. Attitude changes everything.

Life coach and author, Sarah E. Stewart tells Bustle:

“If someone has a negative attitude people can sense it from a mile away and most people do not want to be around it. It is important to be positive even if you are on your one-hundredth bad date.”

And think of it this way: You might not go on a date with someone who is perfect for you, but you might make some friends who know someone who is.

11) You think dating is rocket science

A common theme among people who are single is that they think they are terrible at attracting other people. Of course, if you can’t seduce someone, then your chances of getting a significant other are low.

But that’s because you think that it’s impossible to seduce someone. It’s not. You don’t have to come up with witty lines or funny banter.

Stop overthinking.

According to marriage and family psychologist Kathryn Smerling:

“When you’re anxious and overthinking, you’re not in the moment, so you’re not able to truly enjoy time with your partner. And if you’re not present, how can you possibly grow in your relationship?”

Be yourself, be nice, and have a normal conversation. You might find that people will like you for who you are.

12) You think that love is a magical pill that will suddenly make everything better

If you’re feeling low, or down about life, you might be under this misguided belief that being single is the downfall for nearly everything that’s going wrong in your life.

But the truth is, love is only one factor in your life. Your life won’t get better until you take responsibility for every facet of your life.

Kira Asatryan, author of Stop Being Lonely says:

“Love absolutely brings people together.

“But the majestic, heightened state of love has a flip side, one with which we’re all too familiar: Love is fickle.

“So the notion that love is a reliable solution to loneliness is a myth because, simply put: Love is a mystery.”

Don’t get me wrong: love is incredible. But it’s not the be all and end all. If you can’t get your life together, then you’re chances of finding love will significantly decrease.

13) You’ve got needs nobody can satisfy

In a nutshell, you are just too needy. Whether you need your partner to call you four times a day or you need to know what they are doing every minute of the day, your expectations do not match your reality of relationships.

You have to figure out why you are so needy. In most cases, it is fueled by fear.

According to psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Craig Malkin:

“It’s not need, then, that engenders neediness.  It’s fear— fear of our own needs for connection and the possibility that they won’t ever be met. That’s what hurtles us into the abject despair of neediness.”

Nobody wants to be with someone who can’t stand to be by themselves.

What’s so wrong with you that you can’t just enjoy your own company? Think about that and then go out and look for someone to compliment your lifestyle, not complete it.

14) You think a white horse and prince are the only options

Your standards are just too high. Plain and simple. Get off your high horse and start looking for partners who are on the ground.

Sure, you might meet a tall, dark and handsome person to love, but the odds are slim that you’ll find them on a horse, and even more slim that they’ll be a prince.

Firestone says:

“We may have unrealistic expectations for a partner or pinpoint weaknesses from the moment we meet someone. We think of dating certain people as “settling” without ever seeing how that person could make us happy in the long-term.”

So get with the program and get a more realistic purview of what humans look like and act like.

Sure, you can dream, but that’s about all you’ll be doing in your love life if you don’t get real.

15) You’re kind of a mess

If you expect your partner to be Mr. or Mrs. Right, you better get yourself together first. If you are late for every meeting you are supposed to attend, if you burn every meal you make, if you can’t wear clean clothes two days in a row, and if your car is constantly running out of gas, you might need a major tune-up before you head out and look for love.

Whether you are into guys or gals, people don’t want partners they need to babysit. Get yourself together and you might have an easier time finding love.

It’s not only self-love. It’s self-care.

Author and life coach John Kim advises:

“See loving yourself as the action of self love / self care in your every day life, your everyday choices from what you decide to eat to who you decide to love and surround yourself with.

“Loving yourself is the practice of self love and it’s on going. Forever. Until you die. It’s not a bar to measure yourself before getting into a relationship.”

A clean shirt is a great place to start. Grunge is out.

16) You keep going back to the same places you meet the same people

There’s no doubt about it that people hook up with the wrong partners all the time. It can be a real downer when you realize how many love mistakes you’ve made in your life.

So it’s time to take stock of where you are concentrating your energy and change things up a bit. If you always pick someone up in a bar, trying hanging out in a different place next Friday night.

Or better yet, don’t go out on Friday night at all and stay home washing that laundry so you have a clean shirt to go out on Saturday night.

Always thinking, we are. We’ve got your back.

If you are never happy with the person you are dating, it’s likely not them at all, and almost always you. Yes, it’s not you, it’s me is a real thing. And baby, it sounds like you might be the problem.

17) You’re saying all the wrong things

Some people just can’t say the right things no matter how hard they try. If you fall into this category, the solution is to stop talking and start listening.

Rather than trying to be the star of the show, let your date be the star of the show. Ask them questions, and refrain from making comments.

If you put your foot in your mouth more than on the dancefloor, sit tight. Let your listening skills represent you until you are more comfortable around your current love interest.

The biggest thing when it comes to finding love is this: don’t let the lack of love define you. Remember that you are worthy of love, but that you can focus on loving yourself in the meantime.

On the other hand, here are 6 lessons you need to learn if you’re going to find true love

1) You need to learn that you are enough on your own

Trying to find love to make your life complete is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Another human being cannot complete your life, despite what you might have seen in every romantic comedy movie ever made.

They are lying to you. In order to find love, you need to first love yourself and your life.

Building a great relationship with yourself is more important than any relationship you’ll build with another person.

According to psychiatrist Dr. Abigail Brenner:

“Being alone allows you to drop your “social guard”, thus giving you the freedom to be introspective, to think for yourself. You may be able to make better choices and decisions about who you are and what you want without outside influence.”

There’s no need to go looking for love to fix what you think is broken. Fix yourself, and love will find you.

But not in the place you expect: it will come from inside. That boyfriend or girlfriend? They’re just the icing on the cake.

2) You need to learn to see yourself as worthy

In order to find love, and to allow love to find you, you need to believe that you are worthy of being loved.

This is not easy for people and some people want to throw away a chance at love because they can’t handle being loved.

Despite wanting it more than anything, most people don’t actually know how to be loved and don’t know that they are worthy of such love.

It’s scarier than being alone in many cases and it’s what keeps people feeling lonely year after year.

When you deem yourself worthy of your own love, you’ll be able to open yourself up to others to love you as well.

According to therapist and author Ann Smith:

“In a loving relationship we make a conscious choice to risk vulnerability and allow ourselves to be seen by another person while knowing that we are not always going to be accepted as we are.

“The choice to experience of mutual love is worth the risk and effort, but it will never happen if we do not first believe we are lovable and actively love ourselves.

“Being love-able means that I am able to be loved, able to make a conscious choice about who I want to love, and accept love when it is offered.”

3) You need to learn to let someone love you

This can take time and requires a partnered effort. You and your partner need to work together to find out what kind of love works for you.

Don’t base your relationship on what you see in the movies or on television, or even what you see in other people’s relationships, for that matter.

Every relationship is different and if you start comparing your love to someone else’s version of love, you’ll start to be disappointed.

Letting someone love you is a team effort.

Psychologist and marriage therapist Randi Gunther says:

“If you are a person who cannot let love in, you can change your responses. The first step is to recognize what you are doing and to understand how you gave up your right to take love in.

“The second is to share those underlying reasons and your desire to change the role you are playing with your current partner if you are in a relationship.

“The third is to gently challenge your old behaviors as you observe them happening, choosing instead to observe how you are feeling as they occur and choosing to take a more transforming path.”

Talk about how you feel and why it’s important that you have this conversation in the first place. It’s okay that you don’t know how to be loved, just be willing to find out.

4) You need to learn to accept others as they are

Before you head out looking for love you need to ditch your must-haves list of things you are looking for a new partner and starting thinking about people in a new way.

Everyone has flaws, and so you can’t go out in search of love without thinking about how those flaws are going to impact your relationship.

But don’t let them deter you from giving someone a chance. You might find that the flaws someone has is what makes them most authentic and real.

If that’s important to you, looks, money, class, and cars might not be so important after a while. You also need to accept yourself the way you are and be opened to how people will receive you.

It’s a give and take kind of process, for sure, but it’s one worth exploring as you open yourself to love.

5) You need to learn to give people the benefit of the doubt

In order to find true love, you need to be able to forgive and forget because love doesn’t hold grudges. You need to set yourself free from whatever holds others have on you as well.

You can’t carry baggage into your next relationship. It’s not fair to either of you and trust us, you’ll be glad you ditched the heavy load when you did.

Giving someone the benefit of the doubt creates an opportunity to maintain lines of communication and creates a dialogue that allows you to get at the heart of your relationship in ways that many people don’t experience.

Before you get into that relationship though, you need to learn to lead with kindness and not judgment.

6) You need to learn that love changes

Looking for love is a difficult thing because love changes over time. If your search is taking a particularly long time, as it often does for some, you might find it difficult because you are still using criteria your 18-year-old self created.

Now that you’re older, well, those things might not be as important as they once were.

You might need to check in with yourself once in a while to see if you still want the things you wanted when you began your search for love.

And finally, you need to ask yourself if your quest for love is still really even what you want to be pursuing anymore? That answer, too, may change with time.

 

NOW WATCH: I’m 36, still single, and finally figured out why

RELATED ARTICLE:Unrequited Love: Why it hurts so bad and 8 crucial steps to take

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Want different results? Try doing something NEW.

if you keep doing the same thing

26 Nov If you always do…

If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always got – sound familiar?

Many people have laid claim to this quote including Anthony Robbins and before him Albert Einstein, Henry Ford, and even Mark Twain.  Regardless, what matters is the point it makes. If you want to change the end result, you need to change the way you do things.

Think of this in the context of setting goals or achieving success. If you do not set goals for yourself, your work or business, you probably meander through life believing the outcomes of your actions are your destiny. For some they achieve success and have no regrets. More often than not, people look back and wish they had made a different decision.

Businesses frequently fail to embrace a culture of change and innovation. This culture instils stagnation and can attract employees who are not inspired to be innovative or willing to move forward.  Businesses will lose innovative employees if they are unable to support new ideas and they can easily get left behind the competition, particularly in tough times. When business owners, managers and individuals alike to embrace life-long learning, they remain open to new opportunities, new methods of doing business and the successes that can follow.  Learning and implementing something new can be challenging and may take longer than the “old” way, but if implemented for the right reasons with a clear plan and good supports, any hurdles can be overcome.

So, take the time to plan. Ninety percent of your time and effort should be applied to the planning stages and ten percent to implementation. Create a vision of what change initiative is needed and set measurable goals and realistic timelines. Establish the steps/tasks that need to be taken, identify who will do each task, how the steps/tasks will be communicated with everyone who will be affected and how progress will be monitored and alternations made.   Communicate frequently and be prepared to listen… new ideas and solutions can be borne from feedback as this feedback will increase “buy-in” and enhance the projects success.

If you don’t have time to manage the entire process on your own, don’t hesitate to enlist some help. Work with a business coach who is dedicated to ensuring your success and will help keep you focused and provide perspective throughout the whole process.

Embrace change, set your goals, take the time to plan, communicate frequently during the change initiative process, welcome feedback and adjust your plan when necessary as you move forward and enjoy your success! What have you got to lose? Other than the old way, which did not work anyway!

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12 Famous Quotes That Always Get Misattributed

if you keep doing the same thing

Albert Einstein is widely credited with saying, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”

While I don’t view that choice as insane, I do see it as a common trap that most of us fall into during our lives. Why? We’re humans.

Human beings are creatures of routine. Even the most spontaneous among us stick to a lot of routines and habits in life. For us, it is challenging to try different approaches to the problems in our life.

Yet, that phrase still holds true. If you want different results than what you’re getting, you have to try different approaches.

The things you did yesterday have brought you to the life you have today. If you want something different, you have to do something different today to create a different life tomorrow. There’s no other way to get there.

So, what kind of results are you looking for in your life?

If You Want a Better-Paying Job…

Some people enjoy the job that they have – or at least enjoy it more than the alternatives – but they want better pay and more opportunities related to that job. They don’t want to be working the front desk forever or to be stuck in the entry-level slot for the rest of their years. They want more.

To get more, you have to do more.

You have to have skills that employers want. The job that you want likely requires skills that you just don’t have. Yet.

In order to move you up into that position – or to find that kind of position in another organization – you have to have the skills that the job requires. There’s no shortcut around that.

The catch is that there isn’t some magic spell that will move you from where you’re at to where you need to be to get that job. It’s up to you.

In other words, you have to devote your own time and energy to developing those skills. To get there, you flat out have to devote some spare time and energy to building new skills.

Often, people assume that these skills are built by going back to school, and that’s sometimes true, but there are also many opportunities to build skills without returning to school.

You can build skills by volunteering in your community. You can build skills by working on community projects, like software engineers working on open source projects. You can build skills by starting a side business related to your field.

Education. Projects. Certifications. Experience. Those are the things that are going to make your resume better. Those are the things that are going to get you an interview. Yet, an interview isn’t enough. How do you cinch the job from there?

You need to understand what exactly is needed in your “dream job.” Yes, there are often requirements on paper, but that doesn’t really tell you what you’ll need to get from here to there.

Do you have strong professional relationships with other people in your field? If not, build them. This goes beyond being friends with the other person who works next to you.

Are you proactive in taking care of problems? In other words, do you step back and look at the big picture, then address potential problems before they happen and try to find ways to make things work better during crunch times?

Do you communicate well both with your customers and with your managers?

Those are the kind of things that people look for when hiring for better jobs. Those things, however, aren’t always listed on the “requirements” for the job. They are things that are “icing on the cake” – the kinds of things that show up when you interview and set you apart from the rest of the field.

If you want a better job in your field, you need to be building these things in your spare time at work and your spare time outside of work.

You have to be unafraid to push yourself and risk failure. This sounds like a lot of work. It also sounds like you might very well fail anyway.

Guess what? That’s all part of the equation. You are going to stumble. Things aren’t going to happen exactly like you want them to.

You have to get up and brush yourself off when that happens. You can’t just blame society and give up. You have to keep pushing. Your skills weren’t quite strong enough yet. Keep polishing them. Keep trying.

If You Want to Not Be Worried About Debt All the Time…

This describes me several years ago. I was constantly worried about debt, particularly in the evenings as I was reflecting on the day or when I was about to drift off to sleep. It kept me up late many nights and that lack of sleep and energy kept me from focusing at work or taking care of many things I should have been taking care of.

As with the job plan, this one’s all about making good choices for yourself.

You have to stop buying junk. The only way a person gets into debt is by spending morethan they earn. That makes sense, right? If you spend less than you earn, you have no reason to go into debt and your savings will build up. If you spend exactly what you earn, you still have no reason to go into debt – you just won’t be building any savings. The only way debt enters the picture is by spending more than you earn – or by having done so in the recent past.

Thus, you have to shift from spending more than you earn to spending less than you earn and you need to do it quickly. The only real way to do that is by getting a grip on your spending. You have to cut out your least important spending. Period.

Look throughout your life for the least important purchases. A good place to start is with the name brand items you buy. Have you ever tried the generic versions?

Another place to look is all of the money you spend going out, eating out, and entertaining yourself. How much of that spending has any lasting value for you whatsoever? And, if it doesn’t have lasting value, why not do things that don’t involve spending so much money?

You might also want to look at your regular bills, like your energy bill. What kinds of things can you do to permanently cut your energy spending, like air sealing your home or installing more energy efficient lighting?

You can give all of this a nice boost by going through your closet and selling all of the stuff you find there that you haven’t used in the last year. Use that money to whack away quickly at your debts.

You have to have a plan. A debt repayment plan is an essential tool for getting rid of your debts. It helps you to identify which debt should be receiving all of your extra payments.

The basics of it are really simple. Just list all of your debts by interest rate, with the biggest interest rate at the top. Apply all extra payments to whatever debt is at the top of the list. When that one’s gone, cross it off and continue with the next one down the list, and repeat until all debts are gone.

You have to have patience. A big pile of debt isn’t going to disappear overnight. It isn’t going to disappear in a year, either. You have to be patient.

The thing is, many people never have that patience. They get “bored.” They expect results immediately from a week or two of effort.

You will never, ever succeed if that’s the approach you take. Instead of being “bored,” be creative and look for new approaches and new things to do. Look around your community or on sites like Meetup for new things. Instead of expecting huge results immediately, keep track of your debt balance over time and look at how much it’s changed each month.

If You Want to Have a Brand-New Career in a Field You Love…

Perhaps you’re stuck in a job that you don’t enjoy and you want to try something different, but it seems almost impossible to make that leap. How can you ever go from this career to that career?

The thing is, people make career leaps all the time. It just takes some willingness to make some real changes in your life.

You have to have a smart plan in place and some people to help you polish it. What is your destination? What things do you need to have in place to make it there? How can you put together those things in your spare time or during some kind of sabbatical period?

Those are all hard questions, but they’re questions that you need to answer seriously and honestly. It will take some serious introspection and some serious time for research.

Of course, you may still come up with a plan that’s completely unrealistic, even after all of that. That’s why it’s useful to take any such plan to trusted people in your life. Look for people whose opinions you trust. At the same time, don’t be afraid to reach out to people in that field that you won’t necessarily be competing against in the future and have them help you find flaws in your plan.

You want a plan that’s going to work, and without this preparation, you’re likely to fire off your rocket of action in the wrong direction.

You have to start building a cushion to get yourself through the transition period. Whenever you switch careers, there is often a bumpy transitional period as you take time off for education or adjust to a lower starting salary. That can be difficult, so it’s good to start preparing now for that transition.

Spend less than you earn. Bank the rest. Cut back on your least important spending. It’s a familiar recipe, but it’s the recipe that works.

The goal here is to make sure that you can make this big switch without losing important parts of your life. You need to keep food on the table and a roof over your head – and the heads of the people in your immediate family.

You have to start learning – and, if possible, doing – today. Even while you’re figuring out a plan, you need to start carving out time (and energy) for learning the skills you’re going to need at your new job. Look for any and all opportunities to do that.

This might mean stepping back from some commitments in your life right now. This might mean taking some basic classes online so you’re up to speed for the more challenging material. This might mean simply doing it, whatever it might be.

The real challenge for most people is simply finding the time. Cut back on the least important things in your life. Don’t be afraid to de-commit from a few minor responsibilities. Cut back on some of your more useless hobbies, like channel surfing or web surfing in the evenings.

If You Want to Never Have to Work Again…

Some people – myself included – dream about financial independence. A future in which I no longer have to work for a living seems pretty sweet.

However, it’s not easy to get there. It requires making a lot of very difficult decisions and choices along the way.

You have to have a vision for the future. If you’re doing this simply because sitting around all day playing Xbox sounds awesome, you’re probably not going to be motivated to stick with it. You need to have a compelling reason to do this, because it’s that compelling reason that will help push you through.

What would you do with your life if you didn’t have to work for income? What things would you achieve? What would you fill your life with?

Those questions aren’t easy ones to answer. They require a lot of thought and they will likely involve consideration of life paths that you’re not going to follow up on. That’s okay. When you do find the right thing, you’ll know, because it will start to drive you forward.

The key thing is to realize that it is possible. I’m well on my way to that destination myself. You can make that vision a reality, and when it’s an exciting vision, it can really help drive your life forward.

You have to put a strong check on your short-term desires. This is the big one. For this dream to happen, you have to start living way below your means. You simply can’t spend money on every whim and desire that comes your way, because if you do that, you simply won’t have the means to retire early.

That means that you need to go through a rather challenging process of evaluating how you spend every dollar and asking yourself whether that dollar spent is providing a lot of long-term value in your life. If it’s not, you need to cut that spending.

This doesn’t mean living like a hermit. This means that when you do spend money, you’re spending it on things that will have a lot of value in your life for a long time.

You have to start investing for the future. Simply spending less isn’t enough. You’re also going to have to take the extra money that you earn and don’t spend and invest it sensibly.

There are many avenues and philosophies for doing this. Some advocate loading up retirement accounts to the brim and taking advantage of early retirement clauses in those accounts. Others are in favor of simply putting that money into taxable accounts and holding onto the investments that you buy so that you’re not relying on a loophole.

Regardless of what you choose, the most important thing by far is that you start saving and start saving now and start saving as much as you can.

If You Want a Better Home for You and Your Family…

Many families are squeezed into a home or apartment that’s really small for their needs. Some parents are forced to enroll their students in a poor school district simply because of finances. Others might not feel safe in their neighborhood.

Whatever the reason, you want a better place to live, but it seems almost impossible to reach that point.

You have to sharpen your credit. Almost always, this kind of financial move will require a home loan, and you’re not going to get a home loan with terrible credit.

The first step is to grab your credit report (the federal government allows you to look at each of your three reports once a year for free) and look for problems. What debts are past due? What debts have a huge balance compared to their credit limit? Do you actually know what everything is on your credit report? Take care of all of those things and you’ll be in pretty good shape.

Even if you never look at your credit report, though, you can already take most of those steps. Keep current on all of your bills – even your utilities. Pay down any credit cards that are close to the credit limit. Stop adding to the balance of your credit cards, too. If you have creditors calling you, ask them to send you the material in writing and work through fixing those problems.

You have to have your debts – and your spending – under control. You have to be spending less than you earn or this will never, ever work. This means getting a grip on what you spend each week and each month and striving to have more in your checking at the end of the month than at the start of the month.

How do you do that? Start by cutting back on the least important spending. Whenever you’re buying something that’s not completely essential, ask whether this purchase will be something you still value in a month. If it’s not, skip it. Take other steps, like considering generic items in place of your name-brand purchases.

This needs to become your natural way of doing things because if you can’t make ends meet now, you’re not going to be able to do it if your housing bill goes up. You need to be spending less than you earn now.

You have to save up and be realistic. If you’re spending less than you earn, then you have the capacity to start saving the difference between the two. Use it to pay off your worst debts, then start saving for the future in a humble savings account.

You need to be realistic here, too. You can’t expect to be financially perfect and ready to buy a house or upgrade to a larger apartment in just a few months. You need to get your finances straight and have some money in the bank and that takes time.

Patience is a real virtue here, but so is realism. You’re not going to move from a 500-square-foot apartment to a mansion. Think instead about the smaller upgrades. What would a few hundred more square feet mean for you? Would it mean that it’s easier to cook at home? Would it mean that each of your kids has some private space? Those are real, worthwhile goals that are actually attainable.

Final Thoughts

If you keep doing what you’re doing now, you’re never going to have anything different than what you’ve already got.

For me, that causes me to look at the financial path that I’m on. Unless I do something different, I’m going to keep marching down that path in the same way that I have been for the last few years. Am I happy with that? I’m okay with it, but I could be doing better.

How about you? Are you happy with the financial path you’re on? Or do you dream of something more?

If you’re dreaming big, it’s time to start changing how you think and how you live each day.

Good luck.

I'm often left wondering if I should say something about what I see (which I really Loving someone is not the same thing as trying to fix them. If.

‘Sorry’ Means Nothing If They Keep Doing The Same Damn Thing

if you keep doing the same thing

I am a firm believer in releasing anger and not harboring hate toward anyone. Firm believer. Allowing another person’s wrongdoing to cultivate hate in you is like handing them the sword they just stabbed you with, and allowing them to stab you again.

However, that does not mean that every person who wrongs you and tells you they’re sorry deserves a seat at your table.

Let me explain.

When people wrong you, often times there is genuine remorse after. They realize what they did, they feel awful for hurting you, and you can see that in the way they apologize. It also extends well past the apology. When someone is actually sorry for wronging you, they make an attempt to change their behavior and try not make the same mistakes after said apology. 

That does not mean that every I’m sorry has truth and genuine remorse behind it.

You see, guilt is a burden a lot of people do not want to carry. Guilt is heavy. And the longer it is carried, the heavier it seems. Few people are comfortable with their conscience being clouded by wrongs they’ve committed. So when they can’t shake the guilt and they can’t find a way to unburden themselves with it, they’ll confess. They’ll apologize.

But the difference here, is that the apology was about them and not you. The apology was meant to bring them relief, not to lessen your pain.

These are the people that will wrong you time and time again. Because it was never your feelings they were trying to spare, it was their own.

And while guilt is impossible to forget while you’re suffering from it, it’s nearly impossible to remember once you’re relieved of it. Which is why these people will continue to hurt you. Because if they’ve figured out they can do wrong, apologize and not have to carry the burden of guilt, and you’ll forgive them for it, then they’ve worked out the perfect system.

They’re just like people who enter into a church promising they’ll give God something if he’d only do something for them — but once that person is healed or they get another job or their relationship is repaired, they often go back to ignoring the same God they were just crying out to.

You are worth more than hollow apologies. You’re worth more than allowing someone to treat your feelings as a bartering system. You’re worth more than the habitual pain caused by someone who is treating your soul as nothing more than a lantern of light for their warmth without giving a single thought to your wellbeing.

Once you’ve identified these people in your life, cut them out without feeling an ounce of sadness about it. Because they sure as hell aren’t feeling an ounce of sadness every time they continue to hurt you.

Remember, an I’m sorry is only worth the changed behavior that accompanies it. 

We've all heard Albert Einstein's famous line: “Insanity is doing the Even if Marie Antoinette did utter the phrase, the original version in . “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

if you keep doing the same thing
Written by Megore
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