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Ideas to treat your girlfriend

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Ideas to treat your girlfriend
January 14, 2019 Anniversary Wishes 5 comments

Show her just how much she means to you with a romantic gift for her. It doesn't matter if it's your wife, girlfriend or beloved crush that you want to spoil and woo.

Are you looking for ways to spend more time together and make her feel more special? Use these 36 sweet things to do with your girlfriend to do just that!

When you’re in love, there just aren’t enough happy things to do with each other, and for each other, don’t you think?

You constantly look for ways to display your love.

And you’re always eager to please your girlfriend just to see a smile on her face.

But love is a game of stages.

[Read: The nine stages of love all of us go through]

And irrespective of whether you’re still infatuated by your girl or deeply in love with her, the easiest way to let her know you care is by displaying your affection.

If you’ve been in a relationship for a while now, the cheesy displays of love and public display of affection would probably have come down a notch or two.

And that’s completely acceptable. After all, we can’t really stay in the infatuation stage all our life, can we?

[Read: 10 ways to be a more romantic guy without being cheesy]

Sweet things to do with your girlfriend

As the relationship evolves, the guy generally stops trying too hard to please his girlfriend *now that he’s wooed her and won her over*. And this is when insecurities and confusions in love start to come out in the open.

[Read: 7 subtle signs your relationship is starting to go bad]

But if you truly love your girlfriend and want to make her feel loved and secure in the relationship, don’t stop indulging in romantic gestures.

Affectionate gestures may not really prove your love for her, but it’ll surely make her feel special and cared for.

A little more love and fun can make both your lives a lot happier and meaningful. After all, the happiest of relationships are the ones filled with romantic and playful gestures.

36 really sweet things to do with your girlfriend to make her feel loved

The sweetest things you can do for your girlfriend are the smallest and effortless ones. It’s the gestures you display when she least expects it. Use any of these 36 things to do with your girlfriend, and your relationship will become a lot happier, playful and spontaneous in no time! [Read: 25 romantic gestures you can use every day to bring a smile on her face]

#1 Give her a massage. Most guys completely underestimate just how relaxing a massage is to a girl. Just place your palms on her shoulders and her face will light up with a thankful smile! [Read: 11 tips every guy needs to know to give a perfectly sensual massage]

#2 Go out impromptu. If both of you are just relaxing at home, plan something spontaneous and take her out for ice cream or coffee. Girls love spontaneous surprises.

#3 Help her with her chores. If you’re lazing around the house, and your girlfriend’s busy slaving on her chores, get your butt off and offer to help her.

#4 Motivate her. Motivation always works twice as well if both of you do things together. If your girlfriend’s struggling to keep herself motivated to do something, join her and work towards the goal together.

Working out together is always a great way to start motivating each other, and let’s not forget how sexy and irresistible both of you would look after a few months of working out. [Read: 25 tips to motivate yourself to work out and look better]

#5 Buy a little something. Every now and then, stop on your way to meet her and pick up a small something, be it flowers, something to eat or even a silly something. It’s a great way to make her feel more loved without going out of your way to do something.

#6 A little holiday. Plan a secret romantic vacation or a weekend getaway to a place she loves or has always wanted to visit.

#7 Remember her dates. Keep the special dates in mind and make each one of them memorable, even if it’s just with a card or a flower.

#8 Take her out. Ask your girlfriend to dazzle and dress up and tell her you’re planning to take her to a candlelight dinner that night. [Read: 50 awesome date ideas to wow your girlfriend every time!]

#9 Do silly things together. The more playful you are, the happier your relationship will be. Fool around with your girlfriend by teasing her or whispering in her ear while nibbling it. Play games together, watch an entire season of a show or make a funny home video together while miming to a rock song!

#10 Make time for her. If you haven’t been able to spend enough time with her recently, cancel a couple of appointments or a few hours of male bonding time and instead, spend that time with your girlfriend doing something that both of you enjoy.

#11 Serenade her. As clichéd and corny as it sounds, it’s really romantic. And it can be really funny too, especially if you aren’t a good singer. Play the song ‘My girl’ by The Temptations in the background and sway around as you mouth the lyrics to her. She’s going to love it! [Read: 23 foolproof relationship advice all men need to know]

#12 Complete her bucket list. Sit down with her and ask her about the things she wants to do this month, year, or in her lifetime. And once she shares her thoughts, help her strike a few of her things-to-do from that list.

#13 Gift her a pet. If you think your girlfriend is into animals, gift her a pet. A pup or a kitten is perfect for someone who loves them. And if you want to gift something easier to take care of, gift her a fish bowl with two fishes and name them for her!

#14 A spa treat. Gift your girlfriend with a spa gift card or a day pass at the spa, and spend the time together at the spa.

#15 The last chip. Everyone wants the last potato chip even if they’re nice enough to decline it. When both of you are eating something together, always offer the last bite to your girlfriend. It’s a small gesture, but it’s a sacrifice that’s going to make your girlfriend fall more in love with you. [Read: 10 traits that every good boyfriend has in him]

#16 Paint a portrait. You don’t have to be an artist. If both of you are lazing together one afternoon, take a piece of paper and sketch a picture of her. Even if it’s a funny caricature, it’s something that’ll remind her of the good times even years later.

#17 Cuddle her. Cuddle her and caress her without trying to use the excuse as foreplay. Cuddling your girlfriend will release feel good chemicals that’ll make her feel more happy and loved.

#18 Keep the little things in mind. Never overlook the little things, like carrying the grocery bags for her, or holding hands while walking down a street or crossing it. Give her the better seat or let her have the better view wherever you are, at a restaurant or on a flight. [Read: 25 smart ways to keep your girlfriend happy all the time!]

#19 Surprise her. If she’s out and you have some time in your hands, surprise her by doing something for her that she was supposed to do when she gets back. It could be something as simple as doing her chores, washing the dishes, or even preparing dinner for her. After all, it’s always the little things that have the biggest impact in love.

#20 Create memories for her. Join new activities together or do something for the first time together. Snap pictures each time both of you try something new, and create a photo album for her. Within a few months, you would have created a whole book of memories that would last a lifetime. [Read: 25 really romantic ideas to make your girlfriend melt!]

#21 Be there for her. Let her see that you’re always there for her, and are willing to be the shoulder for her to lean on. Stand by her during her rough times and give her your complete support instead of ridiculing her or putting her down.

#22 Drop a note. Guys may think this is corny, but it’s still something that’ll make your girlfriend beam with happiness. Text or write a sweet message to her out of the blue. If u can’t be corny in love, then send her a link to a romantic song and tell her that the song reminds you of her. [Read: 50 really cute things to say to your girlfriend]

#23 Say ‘I love you’. Look into her eyes and tell her that you love her. You don’t need to stare hard, just look into her eyes and the magic will work.

#24 Be thoughtful. Thoughtfulness is a trait that all girls love in a guy, but it’s still something no one talks about. If she’s running late for something, help her arrange her stuff, or if her iPad’s battery is about to run out, charge it for her, or prepare a hot cup of coffee for her when she’s coming to your place to meet you after a long day at work.

#25 Protect her. Make a woman feel protected and cared for, and she’ll love you more for it. Walk her to her car or to her doorsteps after a date. Call her to make sure she’s reached her place. Let her know that you’re concerned for her, and she’s always on your mind. [Read: 12 prince charming traits all girls want in their boyfriend]

#26 While she’s sleeping. You love staring at her while she sleeps, so why not make her feel more comfortable too? Tuck her in the bed and arrange the pillows for her to make it comfortable. Or if she falls asleep on the couch, place a cushy pillow under her head and cover her with a blanket if she’s feeling cold.

#27 Kiss her in mid sentence. If your girlfriend is saying something to you, and you can’t think of anything but how cute she looks, don’t hold back. Just kiss her. You’ll love it, and she’ll think you’re really sweet too.

#28 Be a gentleman. Put your girlfriend’s needs before yours when she’s with you. It’s what a gentleman would do, be it about picking the restaurant or choosing a movie to watch that night. [Read: How to be a real man the way he really should be]

#29 Don’t disturb her just to get her attention. If you know she’s sleeping or working hard on something, don’t disturb her by getting excited or noisy just because you’re bored and looking for attention.

#30 Give up bad habits together. If your girlfriend is trying to give up a bad habit, be it smoking or excessive shopping, give her the emotional support she needs. And likewise, if there’s a bad habit of yours she’s trying to help you get rid of, help her help you.

#31 Talk about her dreams. All of us have big dreams, but very few of us have the drive and the determination to follow it. Talk about her dreams and discuss ways by which she can achieve it. Help her work on deadlines and create a list of things to do, and before she realizes it herself, you would have helped her do more than just dream. You could help her make the dream a reality. [Read: How to please your girlfriend sexually and emotionally]

#32 Be her man Friday. As a guy, you know you’re better at some things than she is. So if there are a few things you’re good at doing, like fixing her car or speeding up her laptop, do it for her. Be the guy she can always depend on to fix anything in her life because you’re so awesome!

#33 Listen to her. Sometimes, just listen to her without trying to offer advice all the time. If she’s had a bad day and wants to bitch about things that annoy her, just lend her your ear and your sympathetic voice.

#34 The important days. Birthdays and anniversaries are important, no doubt. But in all of our lives, there are days when we’re aspiring for something bigger, be it a job interview, a new project, or a new achievement. If your girlfriend is focused on an important day, help her by being there for her, supporting her, and offering your help around the house so she can focus all her attention on the task. [Read: 13 conversations every guy has to have with his girlfriend]

#35 Dinner with guy friends. If you’re going out for dinner and drinks with your guy friends and your girlfriend’s eating alone at home, order a takeaway for your girlfriend and make sure you bring something back for her. It’s a very sweet gesture, especially if your girlfriend’s feeling too bored to cook for herself *you can always take a few desserts home if she’s already had dinner*.

#36 Pillow talk together. There’s nothing more satisfying than lying in each other’s arms and talking about the good things and the good times. Pillow talk is one of the most important ingredients in a happy romance, and it’s something that’ll bring both of you a lot closer too! [Read: 8 pillow talk conversations to make your girlfriend feel closer to you]

You don’t always need to splurge on your girlfriend to make her happy and feel loved. Sometimes, all you need are the little things that take no effort at all. Just try any of these 36 things to do with your girlfriend, and you’ll see how easy it can be!

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Show her just how much she means to you with a romantic gift for her. It doesn't matter if it's your wife, girlfriend or beloved crush that you want to spoil and woo.

Cute Things To Do For Your Girlfriend

ideas to treat your girlfriend

Unlike video games, you don’t get unlimited chances to win her back. You only get a handful of chances. And if you are not prepared, you will screw it up.

So how do you NOT SCREW UP this time?

If you want to get your ex girlfriend back, you need to take this as a mission. Almost like a video game. If asking her to get back together is the final fight in this game, you need to level up and win a lot of mini fights before doing that.

I’ll explain how to do that in a moment. But first, let me introduce myself and tell you a bit about why I am writing this.

My name is Kevin Thompson , and I’ve been helping people with breakups for almost a decade now. I’ve helped thousands of guys just like you get their ex girlfriends back. (Read more about me and this website here.)

This article is everything I wish I had access to when I had my first breakup and wanted to get my ex girlfriend back.

When she broke my heart, left it in pieces and all I could think was how to win her back.

When I couldn’t eat or sleep for days.

When I woke up in the middle of the night crying and feeling lonely, with no one around me to give me good advise. Always wondering if I have a chance get her back.

Note: If you are also wondering about your chances, take this quiz. It tells you your chances with 80% accuracy.

If only I knew back then what I know now. I hope no other guy feels so hopeless and helpless when they are going through a bad breakup. This is why I’ve made this article FREE for everyone to peruse.

But before you read forward, I want you to know that this guide is focused on winning her back and KEEPING HER in a healthy, long lasting relationship.

A relationship that both of you can enjoy in, thrive in and grow in together as lovers; for a very longtime.

This guide is not a trick or a bandage solution for your broken relationship. It’s not designed to get your ex girlfriend back immediately. It’s designed to get her back permanently.

What is this Article?

This article is your ultimate guide on how to win your ex girlfriend back. I’ve designed this article in stages. Just like in a video game.

Why?

If you and the girl you love just broke up, you are probably going through a lot of pain, heartache, grief, obsessiveness and confusion.

In fact, if you are reading this article, there’s a good chance you are very confused and don’t know where to go from here. About what to do and what not to do.

This guide is designed to take the confusion out of the equation. Think of it as a manual, a walkthrough, a game plan or a strategy guide for the current mission in this game called your love life.

Mission: Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back and Keep Her Permanently

This guide will tell you exactly what to do from here on forward to get your ex girlfriend back as soon as possible.

What’s the catch?

Like I said before, you only get a handful of chances at this. So if you are not careful, you might screw this up. Moreover, following this guide is NOT EASY. Above all, it will need 3 things from you.

  1. Patience
  2. Determination
  3. Honesty or Vulnerability (With Yourself, Your ex and me if we ever communicate)

Like I said before, it’s not going to be easy. But if your ex girlfriend is worth it, I am sure you won’t care how much patience, determination or honesty it takes to get her back.

(Note: You may want to bookmark this article as it’s quite long and you will need it constantly as you move forward in this mission)

Who this guide is for?

This guide is for you if you want your ex girlfriend back, your ex wife back or your ex fiancé back. This guide is for you if you are a teenager in high school, you in your 20s, 30s, 40s or even 50s.

This guide is for you if your ex girlfriend dumped you. And it’s for you if you broke up with your ex girlfriend and still want her back.

This guide is NOT for you if you are looking for tricks or manipulation to get her back.

How does this guide work?

This guide is divided in stages. Just like a video game.

Each stage will have objectives for you to accomplish. Some of these objectives will be optional. The optional objectives are not important to win her back permanently, but they definitely help in the process and they will increase your chances significantly.

In addition, there will be actionable tips, objectives, or steps in the articles. Consider this as mini objectives that you can take action on. These actionable objectives are very practical and easy to understand, as opposed to the other things involving dating, relationships and breakups.

You will also find common pitfalls in each section of the article. These are common mistakes that most people make during each stage of getting back together with their ex girlfriend.

In some places, I’ll link to other articles on this website which will provide more information on a particular topic. These additional articles serve as supplement articles to this detailed guide. But they are in no way a replacement for this. So, you should read this guide in it’s entirety before moving on to any of these supplement articles.

Stage 1: The Valley of Grief aka Don’t Push Her Away

Objectives:

  1. Stop Panicking and Pushing Her Away
  2. Take Action to Regain Composure
    • a) Start No Contact
    • b) Grieve
  3. Accept The Breakup (Optional Until End Of Stage 2)
  4. Heal By Spending Time With Loved Ones (Optional)

When you lose the girl you love, you are bound to panic. You activate the fight or flight response in your brain. And when your brain is panicking, it doesn’t think logically.

Instead, it relies on your instincts. It goes into overdrive trying to make sense of it all and in a state of panic, it makes you do things that ultimately pushes your ex girlfriend away.

1. Stop Panicking And Pushing Your Ex Girlfriend Away

The goal of this stage is to get yourself to stop panicking and pushing your ex away. To do that, you must

  1. Understand the Grief You are Going Through Right Now
  2. Understand What Pushes Her Away

1. Understand the Grief You are Going Through Right Now

Breakup grief is a bitch. That’s the best way I can put this. Once you lose your ex girlfriend, someone you loved dearly, you are likely to go through the five stages of grief.

The stages namely.

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

The stages of grief are pretty self explanatory so I’ll not go into details about them. But when you are trying to win her back for good, you need to watch out for the first three stages of grief.

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • And Bargaining

As we will see in the next section, these three stages of grief are likely to make you do things that will push your ex away and make her think that breaking up with you was the best decision she ever made.

2. Understand What Pushes Her Away

To make this easier for you to remember, here is a list of mistakes that pushes your ex away when you are in this stage.

Mistake 1: Begging and Trying to Use Pity

Grief Stage: Bargaining

Example:

“I can’t live without her. I still love her and will always love her. I can’t be happy without her. Surely, this should be a good enough reason for her to take me back.”

I am not sure if it’s the media, the movies or the damn TV shows. But guys get the idea that if they can show their ex GF how helpless they are without her, she will come back.

They try to beg and plead to get her back. In some cases, guys go to extreme lengths to show their ex how miserable they are without her.

The truth is though, no girl is attracted to a weak guy. If you act like you are miserable without her, she will just get less and less attracted to you until she decides to cut you off from her life.

Mistake 2: Calling and Texting Her All the time

Grief Stage: Denial

Example:

“If I just keep in touch with her, everything will go back to normal. If I don’t let her forget me, she will realize how much she loves me and wants to be with me. I just need to stay in touch with her.”

This one is obvious. The more you text or call your ex, the less attractive you will look to her. Even if you act all casual when you text her, you will still come off as needy as your ex will see right through it.

Texting her again and again is a sign of neediness and desperation and no girl is attracted to a needy guy.

Notice how texting and calling her all the time are coming out of neediness and desperation instead of a genuine desire to speak to her and enjoy a conversation with her.

Mistake 3: Telling Her How Much You Love Her and You Will Do Everything for Her

Grief Stage: Bargaining

Example:

“I’ll do anything to get her back. I’ll marry her tomorrow if I must. I will agree to whatever she wants from me and do anything to make her happy.”

Now that she has broken up with you, she doesn’t care how much you love her and what you are willing to do for her.

(Note: It may have worked before the breakup in some cases. But it’s not quite the same after the breakup)

If you tell her how much you love her now, it’s just going to make you look needy and desperate to win her back. It’s going to turn her off and make her respect you less.

The same goes for when you tell her you will do anything to get her back. More commonly known as becoming a doormat.

You can’t just let her walk all over you just because you want her back. Even if you manage to convince her to come back this way, she will leave again soon because she will not have any respect for you.

The reason this doesn’t work is because you are doing all these things out of desperation to get her back. Not because you love her, but because you are afraid to lose her to some other guy. Because you are afraid to be alone.

She doesn’t want you do things for her out of fear. Not unless she is extremely manipulative. In which case, you should still not do it because you will be even more miserable when you are back together.

Mistake 4: Freaking Out About Her Rebound

Grief Stage: Anger, Denial, Bargaining

Example:

“How can she do this to me? She told me she loved me just a couple of weeks ago and now she is sleeping around with someone else. I am going to give her a call and tell her exactly what I think about this and what @$$#@ she and her new boyfriend is.”

Or

“She is making a huge mistake with that guy. Her new boyfriend is not the right person for her. I am. I need to speak to her immediately and convince her to leave the other guy for me. If I don’t, it may be too late.”

In a lot of cases, your ex may start dating immediately after a breakup. In some cases, she might start dating after a week or a month.

But in almost all the cases, her new relationship will be a rebound. And it will end. That’s what happens with majority of rebound relationships. Read more about the nature of rebound relationships here and how to get her back when she has a boyfriend here.

Mistake 5: Degrading Her and Calling Your Ex-Girlfriend Names

Grief Stage: Anger

Example:

“I can’t believe you did this to me. I should have known you were a gold digger.”

Or

“How can you do this to me after all I’ve done for you. Man, you really don’t deserve me. I hope you spend the rest of your life being as miserable as I know you are inside.”

I think it’s pretty obvious why doing something like this will push her further away. No one wants to be with a guy who is abusive.

So, if you ever have the urge to say anything mean to your ex girlfriend, do yourself a favor and STOP.

What if I have already made these mistakes?

These mistakes are very common. As I mentioned earlier, these mistakes are a direct result of you going through grief and acting on your instincts.

So, if you’ve made them, don’t beat yourself over it. This only means you are human.

And since these mistakes are only human, it’s pretty easy to get your ex to forgive you for them as described in Stage 3 of this article.

Actionable Steps to Take (Moderately Important)

  • Change the name of your ex girlfriend to “Don’t Push Her Away” on your phone so you don’t forget about these mistakes in the future.

2. Take Action to stop panicking and get yourself together

Now that we have learned what mistakes to avoid in this stage, it’s time to learn what you can do in this stage to stop panicking, regain your composure, and stop doing things that push your ex further away.

a) Start No Contact

In my experience, the easiest way to avoid making any of the above mistakes and heal from the breakup is to start no contact.

What is no contact?

No contact is a simple rule to not contact your ex at all for a certain number of days. You want to remove your ex from your life and from your mind. This means

  • No Texting
  • No Calling
  • No bumping into her at her favorite coffee shop
  • No keeping tabs on her through her friends
  • Staying away from her social media profiles

I know it may seem a little extreme to suddenly cut all contact from your ex, but it’s very important and a very effective way to achieve the objective of this stage. Here’s how it will affect you and your ex.

How No Contact Affects You?

When you cut your ex girlfriend out of your life, you will start seeing things clearly and feel better about yourself. You will realize that you can live without your ex and life is not so bad after all.

In most cases, you are so addicted to having your ex girlfriend in your life, you can’t imagine a life without her. When you stop contacting her, you will go cold turkey on this addiction.

Just like any other addiction, you will slowly recover from it and start seeing things clearly.

It’s very important that you get over the addiction of your ex girlfriend before you reach the third stage of this guide.

You need to get rid of this addiction before you can approach her and get her back. As long as you are addicted to her, you will be needy and desperate. And if you are needy or desperate, you will never be able to approach her from a position of strength.

Even if you try to fake it, she will smell your neediness from a mile away. She was close to you and she knows a lot about you. You won’t be able to fake it for long.

How No Contact Affects Your Ex Girlfriend?

If you’ve made any of the mistakes that push her away, then no contact is the perfect way to reset everything before you start rebuilding attraction with her.

Even if you have not made any of the mistakes above, no contact is still very important because you want to give your ex some time to process the breakup and miss you.

When you stop contacting your ex, you will instantly become less needy and desperate in her eyes.

Later, you are going to turn that doubt into a fact by showing her how you’ve changed, and how things will be different when you get her back.

Should I tell her that I am doing no contact?

If you and your ex are on talking terms right now, you can tell her that you need some space and time and you don’t want her to contact you.

Hopefully, she will understand (and will be impressed and confused) and leave you alone. If she doesn’t respect your wishes, then you will just have to ignore her calls and texts.

Wouldn’t this make her want to move on?

Maybe. But just because she wants to move on doesn’t mean she will. In fact, in most cases, this will make her want you more.

Remember how you were pushing her away when you kept contacting her and telling her how you love her and will give the world to be with her?

Well, by doing no contact you are pulling back and it’s going to make her want to push. In other words, it’s going to make her miss you and want you in your life. This is what I call the push pull dynamics of a breakup.

Besides, you are not doing this forever, you will only do this for a short while as we will discuss in just a moment.

What if she finds another boyfriend during no contact?

Even if she dates someone else during no contact, it will probably be a rebound and you can still win her back. (Read about rebounds and winning her back from a rebound.)

How Long Should You Do No Contact For?

Ideally, you should do no contact until you have finished stage 1 and stage 2 of this mission to get your ex girlfriend back permanently.

That means you should do no contact at least until you have stopped panicking, regained your composure and figured out how to defeat the little devils (Stage 2). It can take from two weeks to three months. Read this article on no contact rule to figure out how much no contact is ideal for you.

If you are confused, I recommend you set a time limit of at least 30 days.

Actionable Steps to Take (Important)

  • Decide how long you need to do no contact
  • Mark your calendar that many days from now with the text “I can contact my ex girlfriend now”.
  • If you and your ex are speaking to each other regularly. Text her the following or something similar. “Hey, I don’t want to come off as rude or anything, but I need some time and space to heal from the breakup and focus on myself. This is why I think I think we both shouldn’t speak to each other for a while. I hope you understand.”

B) Grieve During No Contact

You lost someone you truly love and wanted to be with. It’s going to hurt. It’s going to hurt a lot.

When you first start no contact, you are going to grieve a lot. You are going to feel all the emotions that people going through grief feel. You will feel denial, anger, depression, confusion and obsession.

Breakup Grief is a roller coaster ride. Sometimes you will feel like crap and sometimes you will feel much better about yourself.

The key is to let yourself feel the emotions and still keep working on yourself. If you feel like crying, let it out. If you feel anger, shout out loud.

But remember to always balance it out and always keep in mind that you need to become a better version of yourself if you want her back.

Occasionally, you must pick yourself up and realize that there is much more to life than relationships and breakup.

You must remind yourself that life will keep throwing challenges at you. You must learn to pick yourself up and get back in the game.

You need to keep moving forward. Here’s a video I recommend you watch when you are feeling down.

4. Accept the Breakup (optional until Stage 3)

Ultimately, you need to reach “The Acceptance” stage of the breakup. That means you need to accept that your ex girlfriend broke up with you and your past relationship is over.

You can start a new relationship with her and that relationship may be an amazing one. But the past relationship is over, and there is nothing you can do about it.

For a lot of guys reading this, the idea of accepting the breakup will be a tough one. You may even trick yourself into thinking that you have accepted the breakup when you are secretly still hoping that things will go back to the way they were.

So, consider this as an optional objective for now. That means, you can move on to Stage 2 without completing this objective. But you need to finish this objective before you move on to Stage 3.

5. Spend Time with Your Loved Ones (optional)

One of the reasons our minds panic so hard after a breakup is because of our deep rooted fear of being alone. Of being left out in the world. Of never being loved.

But chances are, you have a lot of people in your life that love you, care about you, and want you to be happy.

Your friends and family can be a very effective healing tool. When you spend time with them and notice how they care about you and love you, your sub-conscious mind will calm down realizing that you are not alone in this world. That you are loved, and you will survive even if you have lost your ex.

This part is optional because a lot of guys don’t have loving families. Some guys don’t even have very close friends. If that’s the case with you, fret not. You can still get your ex girlfriend back.

But you must make a note in your mind to make new friends, good friends you can trust, when you are ready in the future.

Common Pitfalls: Taking Too Long To Implement No Contact

A lot of guys feel that they can convince their ex girlfriend to come back and they don’t need to do no contact. If you think like that, you must understand that even though there’s a slight chance you will be successful in getting her back, you will most likely fail in keeping her.

Unless you follow Stage 2 of this guide, there’s a very good chance you and your ex will breakup again after getting back together. I have seen this happen to my readers and clients over and over again. And I would hate to see it happen to you.

Stage 2: The Inner Demons aka focus on yourself

Objectives:

  1. Figure Out What Caused the Breakup
    • a)Figure Out a Solution to What Caused the Breakup
  2. Figure out if she is worth getting back.
  3. Become a Better Version of Yourself
    • a) Become More Confident
    • b) Learn Relationship Skills and Tools to Maintain a Healthy Relationship
    • c) Become more Physically Attractive (optional)
    • d) Become more Socially Attractive (optional)
    • e) Become More Mindful or Increase Your Awareness Level (optional)
  4. Bonus: Get Your Ex Girlfriend To Miss You During No Contact(optional)

As you can see from the objectives above, this stage of getting your ex girlfriend back is all about you.

In my opinion, this is the most important stage of this mission. It’s not one of those stages where you can just enter a tunnel in the beginning and can skip it right to the next stage (I am looking at you Mario).

If you fail at this stage, you will most likely fail at getting your ex girlfriend back permanently. Even if you somehow manage to get her back for the time being, I am quite positive you will break up again in the future.

Yes, that’s how important this stage is.

We are going to go through each of the objectives of this stage and then we are going to list out some of the common pitfalls that most guys face during this stage.

1) Figure out what caused the breakup

The first thing after you have calmed down in Stage 1 is to try to figure out what caused the breakup.

I don’t want you to think about what your ex girlfriend told you at the time of breaking up with you. She might have used one of those bogus generic lines like

“It’s not you, it’s me”.

“I am just not in love with you anymore.”

“I think of us as more like friends”

“I just don’t see a future with you.”

In a lot of cases, your ex girlfriend might not be aware of what caused the breakup.

I am going to try to list out some of the most common reasons here that you may be able to relate to.

She Does Not Feel Attracted to You Anymore

This will be the case for most of the guys reading this article. Here are a few examples of when a girl loses attraction for you.

  1. You always showered her with affection.
  2. You gave her whatever she wanted.
  3. You were needy, insecure, controlling, jealous or manipulative

In most cases, if your ex girlfriend didn’t feel attracted to you towards the end of your relationship, it was because you were needy, insecure and were not confident.

If you feel she broke up with you out of nowhere, then there is a good chance it’s because of this reason.

In fact, all the three reasons mentioned above are a direct result of insecurity.

Showing too Much Affection

In most cases, when you show your girlfriend too much affection, it’s not coming out of the love you have for her. It’s coming out of your fear of losing her and being alone.

Don’t get me wrong, you should show affection to your girlfriend. If you love her, you should show her. For me, there is nothing more joyful than making my girlfriend happy and laugh with joy.

But most guys (who end up being dumped) are not genuine in showing affection. If you are showing affection just because you want something in return (sex, appreciation, acceptance, end an argument without resolving it), it’s going to come off as insincere.

And slowly, she is going to realize that you are not doing it because you mean it. But because you sub consciously want something in return. And if she starts feeling like that, every time you show her affection, it’s going to make her a little bit less attracted towards you. Every time you say something sweet to her, it’s going to make her feel you want something in return.

A lot of times, your girlfriend won’t even realize this is happening. She will slowly feel like she doesn’t feel the same way about you and breakup with you.

You Gave her Whatever She Wanted

Again, giving your ex-girlfriend what she wants is not really a deal breaker. It’s your intention behind giving her what she wants that matters.

For example, suppose you are having an argument about you always trying to control her. And instead of trying to understand her, you go out and buy her a necklace that she wanted for a while.

She is excited and forgets about the argument.

Win win, right?

Wrong. You avoided a serious issue in the relationship. You avoided a serious issue in yourself. And that festered inside her.

If you want to give something your ex-girlfriend, do it out of your heart and do it because you want to do it without getting anything in return.

Guys who are insecure, controlling and secretly manipulative are always trying to control the situation by giving their girlfriend something and hoping to get something in return. This creates an unhealthy pattern in the relationship and their girlfriends end up losing attraction for them.

Insecurity, Jealousy, Control and Manipulation

Like I said in the above two scenarios. Insecurity, jealousy, control and manipulation are present in almost every unhealthy relationship. If your ex girlfriend didn’t feel attracted to you by the end of your relationship, there’s a good chance you exhibited these traits in the relationship.

As you are going through this stage, I want you to think back and figure out when you did something for your ex girlfriend that had an ulterior motive behind it.

  • Did you buy her gifts because you were afraid she was going to leave you?
  • Did you avoid a serious issue by showering her with affection?
  • Did you act controlling because you were afraid she will fall for some other guy?
  • Did you call her names when arguing because you wanted her to feel ashamed about something?

If you are just reading this article a few days after your breakup, it might be a bit too much for you to think all this through right now. So, you might want to bookmark this article and come back to it at a later stage when you have calmed down and can think rationally.

How to Fix Loss of Attraction and Get Her Back?

You can make your ex girlfriend attracted to you again easily once you learn how to fix the deep rooted insecurity that pushed her away.

The thing is, it’s not very easy to fix this deep rooted insecurity that most guys have.

We will talk about this in the next section when we talk about becoming more confident.

She Does not See a Future with You (and She Lost Connection)

A lot of times, your ex-girlfriend may have broken up with you because she does not feel a connection with you anymore. This is usually the case when you were together for a very long time (more than a year).

If she does not feel a connection with you, she will leave you because she does not see a future with you.

She might still be attracted to you. She might still feel that you are a confident attractive guy. But she does NOT SEE HERSELF BEING WITH YOU IN THE LONG TERM. She just thinks that you are both not compatible.

An emotional connection can be lost for the following reasons.

  1. You and your ex-girlfriend lost the spark. You neglected her for too long and took her for granted.
  2. You had too much fights and disagreements. You didn’t know how to communicate effectively and understand each other.
  3. Your life goals do not align with each other.

All the above reasons are self-explanatory, so I am not going to go in detail.

How to Get Her Back If Your Ex Girlfriend Lost Connection?

If you fall in this category, there’s a good chance your first instinct will be to tell her that you will do things differently this time. For example,

  • If you neglected her, you will want to tell her that you will spend more time with her if she gives you another chance.
  • If you and her both wanted different things in life, you will want to tell her that you will compromise and give her whatever she wanted (marriage, kids etc.)

However, telling her that things will change WILL NOT WORK.

The fact is, your ex girlfriend does not feel a connection with you anymore. And if she does not feel a connection with you, then it will not matter to her what you are willing to do for her.

Before you can show her how things have changed, you first need to rebuild attraction and connection with her. We will get into that in stage 4 of this article.

You Cheated Or Hurt Your Ex Girlfriend

Some guys reading this page might have done something that hurt their ex girlfriend terribly. These may include

  • You cheated on her
  • You were abusive to her (verbally or physically)
  • You betrayed her trust in some way (monetary or emotional cheating)

How to get her back if you cheated on her, or did something to hurt her?

The key to winning your ex-girlfriend back in this situation is to show her a ray of hope before anything else.

And the best way to show her a ray of hope is to accept where you screwed up, figure out why you did it and work on understanding yourself.

The fact is, if you hurt her once, there’s a good chance you will hurt her again. And if you don’t trust yourself enough to not hurt her again, then she wouldn’t either.

So, work on understanding yourself and learn to trust yourself. Getting therapy or joining a support group (sex addicts, alcohol anonymous, anger management etc.) is a great way to do that.

This will show her you are serious about change and it will give her a ray of hope that things may be different in the future. (Read: Get your ex back after you cheated.)

Long Distance Relationship

Long distance relationships are a tough one. If you and your ex girlfriend broke up because of long distance, then you are in for an uphill battle.

Long Distance often causes a couple to lose attraction, lose connection or betray of trust. If you and your ex girlfriend broke up due to long distance, it’s probably because one of the above reasons happened. If that’s the case, you will have to apply the tactics mentioned above for each case.

2. Figure Out If She Is Worth Getting Back

If you are reading this article immediately after a breakup, your response might be,

“Of course, she is worth getting back. I love her, and she is one in a million.”

But you are seeing her through the rose colored lenses of post breakup denial. This is why I have included this task in stage 2 of this mission.

Once you have accepted the breakup and have gone through grief after a breakup, you will need to figure out whether she is worth it. Here is one article that will help you do that. And read below for some actionable tips about this.

Actionable Tips (Very Important)

  • Write down 5 things about your ex that you don’t like.
  • Write down 3 things about your ex that need to change for you to have a healthy and happy relationship with her. (For example, She needs to be better at communicating or She needs to stop flirting with other guys)

Note: If you can’t think of any of these things, you need to finish Stage 1 of this article and come back here after about 2 weeks.

3. Become A Better Version of Yourself

What happened in your past relationship with your ex-girlfriend is past. When you get back together, it’s going to be a better relationship. Because YOU are going to be a better version of yourself.

a) Become More Confident

Being confident is the number one quality that will attract your ex girlfriend , ex wife or ex fiancé back. However, confidence isn’t something that can be built in a day.

In fact, the insecurity that pushed your ex away and caused her to break up with you is the result of years of negative feedback you received from the world and yourself.

You can’t just undo all that in a day. And if you fake it, your ex girlfriend will eventually see through it and start thinking of you as manipulative.

Thankfully, you have enough time to work on your confidence during the no contact period.

Soon, I’ll release a course on rebuilding your confidence to get your ex girlfriend back. So check back on this space later to figure out how to rebuild confidence during no contact.

b) Learn Relationship Skills and Tools to Maintain a Healthy Relationship

This is very important if your ex-girlfriend broke up with you due to loss of connection. Or if you both argued constantly and could never come to a reasonable conclusion.

One of the most important relationship skills you can learn is proper communication. If you can be a pro at handling conflict with your girlfriend, each fight you have will bring you closer together.

If you learn to empathize and understand her on a deep level, the connection she will feel with you will be unparalleled.

So, work on these two skills as they are very important in not only getting her back, but keeping her forever.

c) Become More Attractive Physically (Optional)

This objective is optional for one very simple reason. Your ex girlfriend was physically attractive to you at one point of time. So, she will be attracted to you again.

Working on your physical appearance does have a few advantages though.

  • You will feel more confident.
  • Getting a fresh look will give the impression that you are a new person.
  • Working out will release endorphins that will make you feel happier.

Actionable Steps To Take (Mildly Important)

  • Go to the gym at least 20 days during the no contact period
  • Increase the maximum weight you can squat with by 15 kg
  • Get a new haircut
  • Get Your teeth cleaned
  • Get new clothes

d) Become More Socially Attractive (optional)

This is again an optional objective because it’s not necessary to win your ex-girlfriend back permanently. But it sure helps.

Being socially active helps you regain your confidence and realize that your ex isn’t the only person in the world for you. If you spend time with your friends and other girls, you will feel better about yourself and realize other girls are interested in you as well.

Actionable Steps to Become More Socially Attractive (Mildly Important)

  • Approach 5 girls that you are attracted to. Speak to them and let them know that you find them attractive with confidence.
  • Go out with your friends at least on two weekends.
  • Go out for a road trip or a vacation with your friends.

e) Become More Mindful and Increase Your Awareness Level (optional)

Your awareness level is the most underrated skill. Most people don’t spend any time working on it and developing it (video game lingo: spend XP points on it). But it can have a huge effect on your happiness, your confidence, your well-being and your relationships.

Needless to say, it helps you become a better version of yourself and will increase your chances of getting your ex girlfriend back.

Actionable Tips (Important)

  • Meditate for at least 10 minutes for 21 days continuously.

f) Work on Your Life Goals or a Passion (optional)

Having life goals and a passion is not only attractive to girls, it’s also a huge confidence booster and therapeutic. If you are working on something you care about, your mind will focus on only that and you will forget about everything else.

Moreover, working on things that you care about will give you something to speak with your ex when you end no contact.

Guys who are passionate about things other than their girlfriends are instantly seen as more confident and less insecure.

Actionable Tips (Important)

  1. Figure out one hobby, career goal or life goal that you are interested in or passionate about. It should be something that you can get better at and eventually become an expert at. Something that you can become the best in your town at if you work hard enough or long enough.
  2. Spend at least 10 hours a week working on it.

Bonus: Get Your Ex-Girlfriend to Miss You During No Contact (Optional)

This objective is again optional. The reason is simple, the no contact period is more about you and less about your ex girlfriend. Getting her to miss you will help you in the short term but is not very effective over the long term.

If you want to get her back permanently, it’s important that the above objective are your priorities. If you sacrifice your priorities because you are trying to get her to miss you, you will suffer in the long run.

Getting her to miss you is a nice side effect you can achieve by putting in a little more effort. (Recommended Reading: How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Miss You Without Looking Like a Fool)

Actionable Tips To Get Her To Miss You (Not Important)

  1. Post a maximum of 5 Socially Active posts on Facebook, WhatsApp status, snapchat, or twitter during no contact period. More than that will make her think that you are just doing it to manipulate her.
  2. Post a maximum of 5 positive thinking and self-improvement posts on social media.
  3. Add 7 new girls as your friend on Facebook.

Common Pitfall: Obsessing over her in an effort to get your ex girlfriend to miss you

A lot of times, guys start obsessing over whether or not their ex girlfriend misses them.

  • Does she miss me?
  • She posted a snapchat story about a toy that I gave her, is she thinking about me?
  • Does she still love me?
  • I posted a status and she liked it, does it mean she is over me?

If that’s you, you need to understand that your priority during no contact is to heal and become a better version of yourself. If you try to play this game of social media jealousy with her, you will lose.

If you find yourself obsessing over this, do not do anything to make your ex miss you. Instead, just stay away from social media altogether during no contact.

Common Pitfall 2: Thinking that you don’t need to make any changes

Listen man, it doesn’t matter how awesome you are, how many girls are drooling over you, or how much you can bench press.

The truth is, everyone can and should strive to improve themselves and become a better version of yourself.

Stage 3: Dragon of Resistance aka Your Ex Girlfriend’s Consistency

Objectives:

  1. Get Your Ex to Speak to You Normally
  2. Get Her to Smile or Laugh At Least Once

The objectives of this stage are pretty straight forward. Get Her to speak to you again normally. Get her to smile or laugh at something you said at least once.

This stage is called the dragon of resistance because there is a big dragon which is guarding her from opening up to you and giving you a chance to rebuild attraction.

This is no doubt the toughest battle in this mission. Most guys end up failing at this stage.

The resistance she has is based on the following assumptions.

  1. My ex will try to manipulate me and do anything just to get me back.
  2. He will try to act casual even if he is miserable inside.
  3. He will try to get me to meet with him so he can beg or plead.
  4. He has not really changed and neither have I, and if I get back with him, things will go back to the way they were.

These are all very valid reasons to not speak to you. In fact, if any of that is true, I would not advise your ex gf to reply to you if you contacted her.

But hopefully, we have taken care of this in Stage 1 and Stage 2 of getting her back. By now, you are a better version of yourself. You are more confident and you are sure that things will be different when you both get back together.

In this stage, your goal is just to address the first three assumptions that your ex-girlfriend has. You can show her how things will be different later when you are speaking to each other regularly.

It’s very important that you do this correctly. If you mess up here, your ex girlfriend will put up her defenses instantly and you will have to do no contact again for a month or two before trying again.

Here’s how to do that.

1. Get Her to Speak to you Normally

There can be two scenarios in this case. Either you and your ex left on good terms. Or you acted in a way that left a sour taste in her mouth about you.

In either case, it’s definitely a good idea to wipe the slate clean so you can make her feel comfortable speaking to you again.

I speak about this in my article on texting your ex-girlfriend again here. I call this the elephant in the room approach. You acknowledge the elephant in the room by stating everything that happened and apologize for it.

Basically, you address four main points when you contact her first.

  1. You apologize about anything that you did that came off as needy, desperate or manipulative.
  2. You acknowledge the fact that you weren’t your best self after the breakup.
  3. You acknowledge the fact that you have accepted the breakup.
  4. You give a small glimpse of whatever new is happening in your life.

There are three mediums you can use to do this.

  1. A Hand-Written Letter
  2. Text Messages
  3. Email

Once you have contacted her using this method, it’s time to leave her alone for a while. At least for five days.

When you don’t contact her after sending her this text, it will prove to her that you are serious about accepting the breakup and are not just saying this to get her back.

Note: You can download my free report “5 Elephant In The Room Texts” by clicking here.

What if she replies?

There’s a good chance your ex will reply to you. If she does, you are free to talk to her. But don’t overdo it just yet. She still might have her defenses up and if you act desperate or needy in any way, it will confirm her doubts.

If she replies, you should speak to her but don’t try to rebuild attraction or make her laugh yet. Just end the conversation on a light note and make her feel good about it.

Actionable Steps (Very Important)

  1. Draft an elephant in the room message for your ex using the above guidelines.
  2. Get me to take a look at your draft and give suggestions. (Option coming soon)
  3. Mark your calendar for 5 days after you’ve sent the elephant in the room text.

2. Get Her to Smile or Laugh at something you said.

If your ex girlfriend laughs or smiles at something you said, you can be sure that she has eased up around you and will give you a chance to rebuild attraction and connection.

Here’s are some ways to do this.

Use a Past Memory

Think of something that you both enjoyed. And use it to your advantage. This could be a TV show, a youtube channel, a videogame or a coffee shop.

Think something funny about it or think of something a pleasant memory. And then just text her about it. Here’s an example,

“Remember that burger place we used to frequent? Well, I just remembered how I once almost reached the hall of fame for finishing the super large burger when we were drunk and threw up all of it only minutes later. You made fun of me for hours. Good times.”

Think of a Joke

What’s funny and wants his ex girlfriend back?

The person reading this article.

Okay, that wasn’t my best joke. But I am sure you can do something better than that. More importantly, you probably know what tickles her funny bone. So, think of a joke that you think she will find funny and send it to her.

It’s important that you do this after she has replied to you at least once.

Stage 4: The Climb of Connection aka connecting with your ex girlfriend

Objectives:

  1. Increase frequency and intensity of conversations
  2. Understand and Attract your Ex Girlfriend on a Deeper Level (Use the Solution from Stage 2)
  3. Get Her to Meet You

A deep connection is the difference between lovers who stay together forever and lovers who are together for only a short time.

If you can learn to develop a deep connection with the woman you love, you are going to etch yourself in her heart like no one else before you. You will be able to turn even the biggest flaker into a loyal, loving girlfriend.

1. Increase Frequency and intensity of your interaction with her

You want to slowly increase the amount of time you and your ex girlfriend speak. Once you are able to make her smile or laugh, she should be open to hear more from you.

To do that, you must take initiative and start texting her more often.

However, you must not overdo it as overdoing it will make you look needy or desperate.

Here’s a sample timeline you can follow for this.

  • Day 1: text her something funny. end the conversation shortly after that
  • Day 2: Don’t text her
  • Day 3: Don’t text her
  • Day 4: Speak to her casually. Make the conversation a little longer than usual.
  • Day 5: Text Her Casually about something you spoke on Day 4. Continue the conversation for 5 minutes and end it saying you have to go somewhere.
  • Day 6: Don’t text her.
  • Day 7: Don’t text her.
  • Day 8: Ask her about her weekend. Talk about your weekend and something that happened.
  • Day 9: Speak about your goals and passions. Encourage her to do the same.
  • Day 10: Don’t text her until she texts first.
  • Day 11: Talk to her for as long as you can. Don’t let the conversation get boring. If it does, end the conversation.
  • Day 12: same as day 11
  • Day 13: Same as day 11
  • Day 14: Don’t text her until she texts first.
  • Day 15: Don’t Text Her until she contacts you.
  • Day 16: Same as Day 11
  • Day 17: Start texting her and try to take the conversation to a phone call.

Actionable Objectives to aim for (Important)

  1. Speak to her on text messages or on a phone call for half an hour.
  2. Get her to laugh out loud.
  3. Get her to initiate contact with you at least three times.

Understand Your Ex Girlfriend on a Deeper Level

If you want an absolutely amazing relationship with her, you must first make an effort to understand your ex girlfriend better than anyone else. Better yet, you need to understand her better than she understands herself.

If you can achieve that level, you can rest assured that your ex girlfriend will want to stay with you forever.

Here are a few topics that you should speak about to make her feel understood and connected with you.

1. Life Goals

Talk about things she is passionate about. About the things she cares about. To get her to start talking about things that she cares about, you should start talking about the things that matter to you and you are passionate about.

You can also use creative questions to do this for you. Here’s an example,

“If you can change any thing about your professional life, what would it be?”

Your Ex GF: “Well, I would try to find a way to include dancing in it somehow. But I don’t think that’s possible considering I work in Marketing. lol”

You: “Yeah, you are an amazing dancer. I loved that show you did at the club house. Man, I wish I were that good. How did you become so good at it?”

2. Childhood

Our childhood is the deepest corner of our psyche that pretty much rules our adult life. Talking about your childhood and how it affected you is a great way to understand yourself and your ex girlfriend on a deeper level. Again, use creative questions like,

“Were you closer to your father or your mother?”

or “I loved my granny house in the summer. It was an amazing family time for me. Did you have a place your family went to for summer vacations?”

3. Other negative relationships

Friends, family, coworker. Finding common enemy is a great way to make friends. You can use this to your advantage. Speak about the person she likes the least and try to understand why she dislikes her or him. By validating her negative emotions about this person, you will make her feel understood.

4. Her Feelings for You and your past relationship

Chances are, your ex still has feelings for you. She might also have some negative feelings about the breakup or the reasons that lead to the breakup. Getting her to talk about these things can work to your advantage if you do it right.

Even if she talks about something negative about you or your past relationship, you should not take it as a bad sign. If she is sharing something with you (even if it’s negative), it means that she is trying to convince herself to get back together.

It’s actually a good sign. You can prove to her that you have really changed by remaining calm. You show her that you can handle conflict and negative feelings like a pro. (Read: Signs your ex still loves you.)

But, it can also affect you badly if you are not prepared. This is why it’s important that you get your shit together as mentioned in stage 2 of this guide.

Actionable Objectives to Aim For (Important)

  1. Get Her to open up about her past
  2. Get her to talk about her feelings for someone else (negative or positive)
  3. Get her to share her feelings for you (negative or positive). Make sure you know how to handle it if it’s negative.
  4. Get her to speak about one positive or negative experience from your relationship
  5. Use the solution from Stage 2 to your advantage.

Get Her to Meet You

Getting her to meet you should be easy if you build a strong connection with her over texts and phone calls first. In fact, if you do it right, there’s a good chance she will talk about meeting you (or at least give you a strong hint that she wants to meet you).

If she doesn’t, then you should ask her out. Don’t think too much about it. Just tell her that you want to meet up with her for a coffee.

It’s important that you don’t call this a date as it might get her to put up her defenses.

A face to face meetup is your ultimate opportunity to increase attraction, connection and trust with her. But you should not rush into it. You should be speaking to her for at least a couple weeks before you ask her out.

Places to ask her out for

  • Coffee
  • Beer
  • Shopping
  • Concerts
  • Events

What if she says no?

If she refuses or is hesitant, give her a little nudge. Something like “Come on, it’s just coffee.” If she still says no, back off for some time..

What if she flakes at the last moment?

If your ex girlfriend cancels meeting you at the last moment (because of a genuine reason or a flaky one), then there’s a good chance she is skeptical about this or she thinks meeting you is a big deal. There’s also a chance that she is in a rebound or she is thinking of dating someone else.

In this case, just focus on rebuilding connection with her on phone and ask her out again after a week. If you suspect she is dating someone else, read this article to figure out what to do.

Actionable Steps (Very Important)

  1. Figure out which place will be best suitable to ask her out to.
  2. Ask her out and get a yes.

Common Pitfall: Ending Up in the dreaded friendzone

If you are in this stage, you risk ending up in the friend zone. This usually happens to guys who are too afraid to speak about difficult topics and try to stay in the safe zone.

In other words, this usually happens to guys who are too scared to lose her. Guys who are scared that the wrong move will make her stop talking to you. Who are scared that if you screw up, she will block you and never speak to you again.

If you look at it from another angle, this happens to guys who are still insecure at this stage and have no confidence.

Guys who have put their ex girlfriend on a pedestal and refuse to let her down.

If she feels that you are too timid and really want her in your life to feel good about yourself, she will keep you in her life, but as a friend.

She loved you and probably cares about you, but she will not get back with you out of pity. She will keep you as a friend and use you for emotional support though.

So how do you stay away from your ex friendzoning you?

The first thing I will ask you to do is read Stage 2 of this guide. If you are confident and secure in yourself, she will probably not think of you as friendzone material in the first place.

But, if you still feel like she is using you to just dump all her emotional baggage without giving you anything in return, do the following.

1. Have an equal relationship: If she uses you for emotional support, use her as emotional support. If she talks about her feelings, you should also spend enough time talking about your feelings. If she asks you to pick her up from the airport, ask her to do the same.

2. Don’t let her disrespect you or cross any boundaries: If she starts talking about how she is attracted to the guy in the gym, don’t give her advice on asking him out. Instead, set a boundary. Tell her that even though she has all the right to do what she wants, you still have feelings for her and you don’t want to speak about this. You are not her girlfriend and she can’t discuss these things with you. Yes, she might stop talking to you for a while, but she will respect you more for it and will probably start talking again when she misses the connection you both have.

Common Pitfall: Asking Her Out Too Soon

A lot of guys make the mistake of asking your ex-girlfriend out as soon as they start speaking to her.

If you ask her out too soon, she is going to put up her defenses and will become reluctant. There’s a good chance she will say no.

It’s important that you build up enough attraction and connection over the phone before asking her out.

Common Pitfall: Letting her get a rise out of you

In a lot of cases, your ex girlfriend will do or say things that she knows will make you angry. She will try to get you to react and act the way you acted in your past relationship. It’s important that you remain calm in these situations.

If something makes you angry or upset, you should address it, but you should not do it the way you used to do. You should breathe, calm down and tell her clearly what makes you upset and what are your boundaries.

Stage 5: The Final Boss aka Get Her Back Already

Objectives:

  1. Ask Her Out on a Second Date
  2. Get Her to Agree to give it another shot
  3. Keep Her for Good (if she is worth it)

Alright mates, this is the final boss. The moment you have been waiting for. Because when you meet her, you will have the ultimate opportunity to show her how much you have changed and how things will be different this time.

1. Asking Her Out on a second date

When you meet her, you should have just one goal in mind. To get her to agree to second date.

The first time you meet her, she will be testing the water.

Can I really have a fun time with him?

Has he really changed?

Is this all just a ruse to get me back in that same miserable relationship?

Is he going to pressure me into getting back together?

She is going to be skeptical about a lot of things. And for good reasons. You both had a relationship and it ended badly.

It’s your job to put her at ease. It’s your job to get her to enjoy her time with you.

Here are a few pointers –

Talking about the breakup and the relationship

If your first meeting ends up with both of you just talking about the breakup and your past relationship, it will look like that you are both meeting just to get closure.

Instead, you should use this time to talk about what has changed in your life since the breakup. You should talk about the good times and good memories. And you should have a good time together and create good memories together.

But, it’s also important that you don’t try to avoid something serious that’s on her mind. If she wants to talk about something that happened during the breakup or your past relationship, you should be willing to talk about it.

You should be able to resolve the issue swiftly so you can get back to having a good time with her.

Don’t be afraid of negativity or arguments

A lot of time, guys try to avoid any difficult topics because they are scared their ex girlfriend will become upset and the date will go badly. In an effort to avoid making their ex girlfriend upset or starting an argument, they will just agree to her point of view even if they don’t.

This is how you get friendzoned.

Instead, learn how to handle arguments and negativity in a conversation. Learn how to understand her without patronizing her. Learn how to be an adult in a difficult situation.

Continue the date Further

If your date goes well, try to extend it to a different venue. You should take the lead and ask her to join you for something else.

If you just finished coffee, ask her to accompany you to a pub nearby.

If you just finished shopping, ask her to have coffee and cake with you.

If you just finished dinner, ask her to catch a movie with you.

Use Kino and do intimate actions as Much as You Can

Kino is simply a term that is used to describe the art of touching. You want to have as much physical contact with you ex girlfriend  as possible during this date.

Hold her hand when you are crossing the street.

Touch her shoulders or arms when she says something funny.

You should also use intimate actions as much as you can. Actions that only couples do with each other. For example,

Use a tissue to wipe something off her face.

Ask her to taste your food and feed her from your spoon.

Don’t ask her out on a second date just yet.

Your job is to show her a great time and show her that you have changed and are well equipped for a healthy relationship. You don’t want to end the date with asking her on a second date. Instead, you want to let this experience linger in her mind for a while.

You want her to go home and think.

“That was great. I want to do it again.”

Hopefully, she will talk about doing it again herself. If she does, set up a date and time immediately.

If she doesn’t, wait a couple days and ask her out again.

Actionable Objectives (Important)

  • Take her to second venue on the same date
  • Hold her hand for more than 10 seconds in a romantic way

2. Get Her To Agree To Give You Another Shot

If you have done everything right till now, it should be easy to get her to give you another shot. This is like the final boss fight in a very long video game.

Just like you would stock up on potions and ammo before a final boss fight, you should stock up on attraction, connection and trust before asking her to be your girlfriend again.

Let it be Her Idea

Ideally, you want it to be her idea to want to get back together. If you have done everything right till now, then your ex girlfriend probably wants you back already. In most cases, she will start talking about the idea of getting back together, about how your relationship will be if you get back together.

But if you and your ex girlfriend have been going on dates for a long time (at least a month), then you should take the plunge and ask her.

Here’s a simple way to ask her to be your girlfriend again,

“Hey, I know our past relationship ended badly. And I am as skeptical about the future as you are. But spending the past few weeks with you have been very nice and I have a good feeling about this. Do you want to give us another try? Maybe take things slow, and see how it goes?”

Be Skeptical

Note, that you don’t want to ask her to be your girlfriend again. You want to ask her to agree to take things slow.

You should be as skeptical about getting back together as she is. After all, you both broke up once. And you don’t want to end up in a heartbreak again. So, if you two decide to get back together, take things slow and analyze your new relationship before committing to it completely.

Use EPB Basics E-course

Like I said before, you should stock up on attraction, connection and trust before asking your ex girlfriend to get back together with you. To do so, you should follow this article in its entirety. Specially Stage 2 and Stage 4.

I’ve designed the EBP Basics E-course to help you get through Stage 2 of this article. It will send you an email everyday for the next 30 days to help you become a better version of yourself. You can subscribe by taking this quiz.

Actionable Objectives

  • Ask her to give it another try using the template mentioned above
  • Subscribe to the EBP Basics E-course by taking this quiz

Common Pitfall: Getting angry if she doesn’t agree to get back together

If she says no to getting back together, you shouldn’t get angry and/or make all the mistakes mentioned in the stage 1 of this article.

In a lot of cases, your ex girlfriend might say no initially when you talk about getting back together. But sometimes, they change their mind after a few days.

If she says no, it’s important you stay calm and composed. Give her a few days time and then start rebuilding attraction and connection again.

If she still says no the second time, it’s time to cut your losses and move on.

3. Keep Her for Good

Now that you have your ex girlfriend back, all you have to do is keep working on the relationship and making it stronger. You need to work on developing a deep connection with her so she never even thinks about leaving you.

Keep working on improving the connection

Just because you have her doesn’t mean you should stop working on the connection you have with her.

Romantic connection is like a plant. If you don’t water it for a week, it will wither but survive. If you don’t water it for a month, it will lose it shine, look terrible, but still be alive.

But if you neglect it for several months, it will die.

Keep working on your confidence individually

Having someone love you is a great confidence booster. But if you are just depending on your girlfriend for validity, approval and love; she will eventually get tired of it and leave you.

This is why it’s important that you keep working on your self-esteem and your confidence even after you get her back. Read Stage 2 of this guide to understand how to do that.

Be honest and communicate well

Honesty and good communication is the key to a healthy relationship. If you learn how to be honest and communicate effectively in your relationship, then every time you both have an argument, it will just bring you both closer. Yes, you will get closer every time you have a disagreement.

So, learn the skills needed for that. (Again, join the EBP Basics E-course for that).

Actionable Tips (Very Important)

  • Go on a date with your New Girlfriend at least twice a month.
  • Work on your passions for at least 10 hours a month.

Common Pitfalls: Getting Complacent

Getting complacent is the number one reason most guys end up losing the love of their life. You may get complacent about yourself. Or about your relationship.

Life is all about challenges. Even if you successfully win her back, you should still strive for bigger and greater things. You should strive to build a stronger foundation and a better relationship with her.

Even if you think you are confident at this point, you should still strive to become a better version of yourself. You should still work on things that matter to you, including your passions and your life goals.

Conclusion:

This article is long. If you have read it so far, I commend you for your dedication. It means you are truly serious about getting her back and keeping her.

Bonus Step 6: Take This Quiz To Figure Out Your Chances and Learn More Ninja Tactics

This article covers a lot. But there is still quite a bit I’d like to share with you.

The experience I’ve had by helping thousands of people over the past seven years is second to none. If you are serious about getting your ex back, then I want you to take advantage of my experience by subscribing to my EBP Basics E-course.

I share much more insights in my free e-course that is designed to help you get through the no contact period and teaches you how to effectively get your ex back when you are ready.

But before you can subscribe, you need to take a quiz to qualify. This quiz is designed to help you find out your chances of getting your ex back and for me to find out if you can qualify for the EBP Basics e-course. You will only be allowed to subscribe if you have more than 10% chance of getting your ex back.

Click Here To Take The Quiz and Qualify For EBP Basics E-course

Mary McAllistor

Just wanted you to know that of all the websites out there, you are the only one that sends useful emails with actual advice. Your emails helped me through one of the hardest time in my life. I learned more from your website and the EBP Basics e-course than anywhere else!

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Cute and Romantic Ideas to Surprise Your Girlfriend

ideas to treat your girlfriend

Treating girlfriend like a queen is a must for every boyfriend. Giving her the royal treatment after getting the long-awaited “Yes” from her is a guarantee that your relationship will last long. We all know that no one is perfect, and boyfriends have lapses too. But as a good partner, you should always double the effort and let her feel like she’s a royalty. Now, if you are wondering if you treat your girl this way or not, don’t worry we got your back. Here are 20 tips on how to treat your girlfriend like a queen:

1. Pamper her.
Pampering your girl is a way of telling her that you always care for her. It doesn’t have to be cheap or expensive, as long as you make an effort to make her happy. You could give her a massage especially if she had a tiring day or if she’s on her monthly period, give her anything she likes to eat. Always remember it’s the effort that counts.

2. Communicate with her.
One thing that is needed in a relationship is communication. Be sure to establish a good communication with your girlfriend. If something is bothering her, let her express it and understand her afterwards. In this way, she we’ll be able to feel that you are always have an ear to listen to her worries and other stuff that’s on her mind.

3. Defend her.
There will be circumstances that some people will be against her. Be her knight in shining armor. Defend her from them and stand up for your girl. Always protect her from others who are trying to let her down. Be there to be her shield no matter what happens.

4. Be a gentleman.
They say chivalry is dead, but to some girls they still want their significant others to treat them like a queen. Opening the door for her or just by being polite when you speak to her is never too old and trust me, she’ll find it romantic. Being a gentleman is a plus. Doing this to your girl will let her feel that you are really a good man most especially when you are with the people close to her.

5. Give her unexpected gifts.
Giving her little surprises will make her heart flutter. It doesn’t have to be grand as long as it will show her that she’s always on your mind. You could give her a bar of her favorite chocolate with a note attached saying you are reminded by her whenever you see this stuff or you could give her favorite flower on a random day just to let her know that she is as beautiful as it.

6. Cook for her.
You could express your appreciation towards your girl by cooking food for her, especially her favorite one. Most girls really love it when they are spoiled with their fave food. This is also to show that you love her and you are willing to do a lot for her.

7. Know her likes and dislikes.
Every girl is different, in comparison to what most men say that they are all the same. Some girls don’t actually like flowers, or sweet stuff. Since she is your queen, you should be able to distinguish what are her likes and dislikes. It will be easier for you to do the things that will please her.

8. Notice every detail about her.
Every single detail to your girl is very important. If you want to treat her as a queen, pay attention to the little things she have or she do and nothing should be left out. It could be her new nail polish color, or just how her laugh sounds like.

9. Always compliment her.
Nothing would make your girl feel that she is your queen but by complimenting her always. Tell her that she is always beautiful even if she is in her worst state. Through this, it will give her confidence with herself and your relationship.

ALSO READ: 10 Tips on How to Make a Woman Feel Beautiful Inside and Out

10. Respect her opinions.
There are times that the two of you have different point of views onto something. Always respect her opinions. Giving her the freedom to think differently on many things is also respecting your differences as individuals.

ALSO READ: How to Treat Your Girlfriend with Respect

11. Always make her a priority.
Always make her your top priority. Put her needs before yours. If you want to treat your girl like a queen, be her servant first. In this way, she will be honored every single day and eventually she will reciprocate the respect to you.

12. Don’t let her get jealous with other girls.
Don’t let her feel insecure with herself and envy other girls. When you talk with others, make sure she won’t have a reason to feel jealous. What you don’t understand with her is that when she gets jealous, it’s not just about over reacting because deep down she will think that someone is better than her and it could lower her self-esteem. Constantly remind your girl that she is your only one and that no one could be compared to her.

ALSO READ: 11 Ways to Make Your Girlfriend Feel Secure

13. Be understanding.
Learn to understand what she feels. It is true that women tend to be complicated, but sometimes, they just want more understanding of what they think and how they feel.

14. Give her space if she wants.
Give your girl a space if she tells you to do so. Let her enjoy her life outside your relationship. This will also help build a good foundation in your relationship since her, your queen, will grow and develop as an individual.

15. Care for her.
Remind her that you always care for her. Be there whenever she needs you especially if she is having a tough time. A shoulder to cry on is the best thing that you could give to her.

ALSO READ: 16 Ways to Make Your Girlfriend Feel Loved

16. Always be in touch with her.
Don’t ever forget to keep in touch with her especially when you’re apart from each other. Let her know what you’re up to. This will make her feel secure and that her feelings matters a lot to you.

17. Always trust her.
One thing a relationship needs is trust. You should always trust her, may it be her decisions in life or the things she does. It will also build a connection between the two of you, thus, making your feelings for each other grow.

18. Be loyal to her.
As a servant to your queen, you should give your loyalty to her. Don’t ever hurt her with any form of disloyalty, thus, cheating is a big NO. Reassure her that you will always be right by her side even in the toughest times.

19. Always remember important dates.
For girls, special dates are really important and you should never forget about it. Birthday, monthsary and anniversary are just some of the dates that you should always keep in your mind. These really means a lot them because it has special memories and should always be remembered.

20. Never take her for granted.
If you want to treat your girl like a queen, you should never ever take her for granted. Always be grateful to all the things she has done to you even for just a simple gesture. Appreciate her efforts towards you. Give her compliments whenever you got the chance.

ALSO READ: 11 Ways to Make Your Girlfriend Feel Appreciated

There is a saying, “If you treat your woman like a queen, she will treat you like a king”. This is true. If you want to be her king, treat her like how true royalties treat their royal queen. Eventually, a woman who was given the love and care she deserves will give back far more than what she had received. Don’t be afraid to take risks just for her to be happy. It’s the effort that counts anyway.

ALSO READ: How to Treat Your Girlfriend Like a Princess

Photo by Mary Fatima Berongoy, InspiringTips.com

Jeraldyn always starts her day with a cup of coffee. She is a Kpop lover and an aspiring photographer. And she also dreams to travel around the world someday.

Filed Under: Love & Relationship

Don't sweat finding the perfect Christmas present for your girlfriend. Our gift guide has everything from unique gifts to romantic experiences.

14 Little Things A Guy Can Do To Make His Girlfriend Feel Special

ideas to treat your girlfriend

1. Tell your girlfriend nice things

Saying things like "you mean the world to me" and "you make my days better" help make your relationship a great one. Try coming up with other sayings in order to appreciate and love your girl.

2. Smile at her

Smiling at your girlfriend helps build your love for her. One of the best ways to smile at her is after you start holding her hand. Also when you two are just doing nothing but relaxing with each other, that's a great time to smile.

3. Make them their favorite food/meal

Making your girl her favorite food/meal is one of the best ways to show your love and care for her. You can also ask them what other foods and meals she likes, which will help as well.

4. Give her foot rubs

Almost every girl loves foot rubs from their man. This shows them how much their man really cares how he treats her. Be careful not to go too hard or tickle her though.

5. Text her good morning and good night

One of the sweetest things to do for your loved ones. This makes her feel appreciated and know that you are always on her mind every morning and night.

6. Watch a movie she has never seen before or that both of you like

Introducing her to a movie she has never seen before will open her to watch it with you. Talk about what both of your favorite movies are and if you two have some of the same favorites or same movies you two like, watch them together.

7. Walk in the park with each other

Park walks are a great way to talk to each other along with getting fresh air and to improve both your and her health. Picnics in the park during the spring and summer times are good ideas to help make your relationship better.

8. Cuddle with each other

Cuddling helps increase your love for her and decreases you and her stress levels. If planning to cuddle I recommend that you do it on the couch since the bed often results in temptation for sex.

WATCH THE VIDEO ON THEME: 10 Fun Things to Do with Your Girlfriend or Girl - Best Creative Date Ideas

Use these 36 sweet things to do with your girlfriend to do just that! The sweetest things you can do for your girlfriend are the smallest and #14 A spa treat.

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Written by Mezibei
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