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Hilarious birthday wishes for friends

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Hilarious birthday wishes for friends
July 21, 2019 Anniversary Wishes 3 comments

A big list of birthday wishes for a best friend. These messages range from sincere to funny, so you can find the perfect birthday wish for your bestie.

A friend is someone who is endeared to you. In fact, “there’s a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” One of the best times to let your friends know how much they mean to you is during their birthdays. You may not have money or other luxurious gifts to give them on that day, but a well crafted birthday wish can be valued more than money and the most precious material gift you can think of.

And, your birthday wishes to a friend can be appreciated even more when you integrate lively humor to put a smile on your friend’s face. This is why we’ve created this database of hilarious greetings for your pals, so that you will never get stuck when it comes to funny messages to send to a friend on his or her special day.


Happy Birthday, you son of a really nice lady who deserves respect!

Funny Birthday Wishes for Friends

  • Happy birthday, dear friend. A friend in need is a friend in deed; I’m in need of your car, to have it as mine, can you give it to me as a mark of being a friend indeed?
  • Happy birthday, my great friend. I wish you long life, and I’m sure you love that wish. But, let me warn; the day you start buying anti-aging cream, you may intercept the long-life wish, because aging is the only way to live a long life!
  • Happy 45th birthday, my friend. Don’t worry about the increasing wrinkles, you should rather be grateful for your blessings.
  • Happy birthday to my lovely friend. The best facial makeover as you get older is smiles all the way.
  • Cracking a Birthday Joke | Huge List of Funny Birthday Messages and Wishes
  • My dear girlfriend, how old are you today? Never mind, I already know the answer as always, +1. Best wishes on your birthday.
  • They said time heals all scars. So, as you get older, expect your scars (emotional and otherwise) to be healed…But, that doesn’t include wrinkles anyway. In fact, the wrinkles get worse as you age. Happy birthday, dear friend.
  • There’s one thing that can definitely make you live long and enjoy long life, and that is aging. So, don’t be afraid to age, it’s the best prescription for long life! Happy birthday to a wonderful friend.
  • Needless to ask what you need as a birthday present, dear friend. Since you are obsessed with chocolate, I’ve invited the chocolate company to your birthday, so that you can have over-doze of it. Best birthday wishes to a lovely friend.

If you find your new age hard to swallow, just add some… Tequila!

Funny Wishes to an Intimate Friend

  • Happy birthday, my bosom friend. I long for you every day as I would long for food. Please, are you available for my next meal?
  • My sweet girl, I thought of the best gift for you on this special day and only one thing could cross my mind – to paste 25 hot kisses on your tender cheeks. But, that’s only if your cheeks won’t be on flames! Happy birthday to my special girl.
  • What Connects Us : Birthday Wishes for All Kinds of Best Friends
  • Dear sweet friend, my special wish on your birthday is that you will live long. Well, that may also mean having long wrinkles on your face. How about that?
  • Sweetheart, the older you are, the wiser you become. How about expediting your age, so that you can become the wisest person on earth? Best wishes on your birthday.
  • My dear, as you celebrate your birthday today, forget the ugly past because it is past, and focus on the present since it’s here with you. So, don’t expect any other ‘present’, it’s already here with you! Happy birthday to a wonderful friend.
  • My sweet pie, I have just one request on your birthday – can I watch you all day instead of us going to see the movies? That will surely make me happy on your birthday. Happy birthday to my beautiful babe.
  • My darling friend, I don’t want to give you a flower as a birthday gift because it will wither. There’s a special gift from me that will surely not wither – my undying love for you! Sweet wishes on your birthday.
  • Dear, do you want a GETAWAY birthday gift? Oh, I’m not asking you to GET Away from me, you will remain my dearest friend forever! I only mean a time alone with you, away from everyone else. Happy birthday, dearest friend.

Blow me!

  • I started rhyming the alphabets I wrote down this morning and discovered that I missed ‘U’. Then, I suddenly realized it wasn’t the letter U that I missed, but YOU, my darling friend. Happy birthday!
  • Funny Birthday Wishes for your Family and Friends
  • Sweet friend, the older you become, the wiser you get. How about getting older by the day, so that you will become wiser by the day? Have a swell time on your birthday, my dearest friend.

Funny Birthday Message to a friend on iPhone

 

Funny Birthday Messages for Guys

  • Dude, today I pronounce you guilty of becoming a year older! You’re hereby sentenced to a life devoid of your youth!
  • Dang! Life isn’t fair! You are not as wealthy as you thought you’d be by this age, and on top of that you’re old!
  • May God give you the appetite to enjoy your Big Day to the max despite the fact that you are older and wrinklier today than you were yesterday.
  • You are my friend, and I genuinely care about your happiness, which is why on your Big Day, I pray that God will make your bank account fat enough to always put a smile on your face. Happy birthday.
  • On your birthday, my new nickname for you is “Methuselah”. I guess you never thought that someday you’d become an old fart?! Happy birthday!
  • You might be tempted to feel sad about the fact that you have become older today, but you should take comfort in the fact that you are still blessed with hair on your head. There are many out there who can’t boast of this. Happy birthday.
  • As you age, your heart is probably screaming, “Why God? Oh God, why?!” But buddy, there is no point screaming. You’re old, and that’s a fact! Happy birthday!

Happy Unspecified Birthday!

Funny Birthday Wishes for Girls

  • Happy birthday to a friend who is lucky to be blessed with the most phenomenal friend in the world! Dang! I envy you!
  • You might be a little bit disappointed that you are older today, and rightly so. Becoming an old woman isn’t the easiest of things for a woman. Happy birthday.
  • Wishing you a super duper birthday celebration. My advice for you is this: Please be mindful of your dentures as you blow out the forest of candles covering your cake.
  • Sweetheart, on your Big Day, I am a little bit worried about how you are going to act your age, considering the fact that you have never been this old before. Happy birthday.
  • Happy birthday, bestie. I swear I didn’t notice your birthday on the upper right corner of my page on Facebook!
  • On your birthday, I hope you get everything that you chase after – including that cute crush of yours. Happy birthday.
  • Honey, if your money were to grow as fast your age, then I have no doubts in my mind that by now you’d be competing with Oprah Winfrey for the title of the richest woman in the world! Happy birthday.
  • Worried about getting older today? Worry no more. Just think of it this way: You are increasing in value not getting older.
  • God is capable of doing the impossible, which is why on your Big Day, I pray that He will give you a body as slim as that of a Victoria’s Secret model and make the bodies of your enemies as fat as cows. Happy birthday.

 

Funny Wishes to an Elderly Friend

  • Happy 60th birthday to you. I know the secret to retaining your glory as you age – don’t pick out your grey-hair, it’s a crown of glory!
  • Happy 50th birthday, my senior friend. I hope you’re counting your blessings, not your wrinkles.
  • Dear senior friend, I couldn’t buy the candles you requested for. The candle company said they don’t have provision for delivering 60 candles. As for the confectionary store, they said they don’t have the technology to make a cake that can accommodate 60 candles. Oh, the fire-fighters said they don’t have up to 60 fire extinguishers to bring to your birthday party. Happy birthday to my sweet, senior friend.

Happy Birthday!…But take it easy on birthdays. Scientists agree that…too many of them might kill you.

  • I wish you long life on earth, and that means not intercepting your age in any way, including using anti-aging and anti-wrinkle creams.
  • Funny Birthday Wishes for an Older Friend
  • My elderly friend, don’t worry about those wrinkles, they help to make your eyes twinkle!
  • A faster way to enjoy the privileges of a senior citizen is to age faster. Happy birthday, senior friend.
  • If aging were a criminal offense, then you’d be one of the most dangerous criminals in the world. Happy birthday.
  • Whenever life knocks you down, may you have the strength to pick yourself up and tell life the words: “You hit like a b****”.  Happy birthday.
  • Happy birthday, my beloved friend. May you achieve prosperity and fame without needing to work very hard.
  • I can’t believe you are celebrating your birthday again! Wasn’t it just yesterday when you celebrated your birthday? Are you really sure you are not a descendant of Methuselah?

Age is not important unless you are a fine cheese! Happy Birthday.

  • At this age, you are a fully fledged old woman/man – there’s absolutely no two ways about that! Happy birthday, and I hope you enjoy every moment of old age.
  • On your birthday, my prayer for you is that your wallet never be like an onion so that you don’t cry when you open it. Have a wonderful life, my dearest friend.
  • Happy birthday, dear. The trouble with old age is that when you get down it can be pretty difficult getting back up. Dear friend, at this age, I hope you never get down. Happy birthday.
  • Relax, dear friend. No one said that, just because you are older today, you are an old fossil. Have a blast! It’s your special day!
  • Old age is all one big joke until it hits you squarely in the face. Happy birthday.

 

Funny Birthday Wishes for a Friend’s 30th Birthday

  • I can Google to find almost everything in this world, but I can never Google to find such a wonderful friend like you. Happy 30th birthday.
  • Remember when you were kid and you thought someone turning 30 was so old? Well, now is your turn. Some kid somewhere sees Methuselah in you! Happy 30th!
  • Happy birthday, my dearest friend. Please be informed that effective today, your 20s are gone forever. Happy 30th birthday.
  • Happy 30th birthday, dear friend. May your accomplishments be bigger than Donald Trump’s ego!
  • At your age Mark Zuckerberg was raking in billions of dollars. I hope you aren’t feeling bad about yourself if you aren’t raking billions. Think of it this way: At least you are raking old age, which is better than raking nothing at all. Happy 30th!
  • Kiss your 20s goodbye and embrace your 30s. Now that you are thirty, I guess you must be really thirsty. Let’s go quench your thirst in a bar.
  • Abracadabra! Nope, it didn’t work! You’re still old. Enjoy your 30th birthday!

Happy Birthday! The trailer load of candles is arriving soon.

Funny Birthday Wishes for a Friend’s 40th Birthday

  • I can’t believe you are 40 already! I swear if old age had a face, I would punch it so hard for doing this to you. Happy birthday though!
  • Happy 40th birthday! I can bet my bottom dollar that you never in your wildest dreams believed that you’d turn 40 so quickly.
  • Don’t worry about getting older today.  Look at the brighter side of life and take comfort in the fact that you are one of the youngest 40-year-olds in the world. Enjoy your 40s.
  • They say you never grow up to your parents. However, at this age, I guess even your parents feel you are one heck of a grown ass man/woman! Happy 40s.
  • Happy 40th birthday, friend. I hope you’re not planning to blow off candles today, or we will need a trailer load of candles to represent your age.
  • Happy birthday to my wonderful friend who is 40 years young today. Being 20 with 20 years of experience under your belt is nothing short of awesome!
  • Today, it is with much regret that I inform you that that your thirties have just expired. Try to enjoy you 40s as much as possible. Happy birthday.
  • It is your natural right to grow. It’s good to see you making use of this right to the fullest! Happy 40th birthday, my friend.
  • Wishing a super duper birthday to the coolest 40-year-old fart that I know. Don’t worry about turning 40, because in the world of Celsius you are just only 18. Enjoy your day.

Has anybody told you how young you look?…


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Happy Bday, BFF! | Birthday Wishes for Real Friends

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There's plenty of birthday wishes for your best friend to chose from. So whether you are looking for something sentimental, funny, weird, casual, or something in.

50 of The Best Happy Birthday Quotes

hilarious birthday wishes for friends

Birthdays are joyful occasions! They mark dates in which special people came into this world. The best people that one can be associated with are the ones who appreciate funny things in life. Being able to laugh about situations, even the fact that one is getting older, is a good thing! It is the sign of someone who knows how to handle different occurrences and has a great sense of humor! Of course, teasing should always be handled with care, because you wouldn’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings, let alone on their birthday…

To celebrate the special people you associate with who know not to take life too seriously, one must send them messages that are funny. Located here are messages you can send to friends, women, and men that are humorous and commemorate their special days in the light-hearted ways that suit their personalities.

Contents

Hilarious Birthday Messages for Friends

  • When I looked at the date, I realized that it was your birthday, friend! When I thought about the year in which you were born, I almost fainted! You don’t look a day over a hundred!
  • Today, my friend, you have made me grateful for something…that I’m not the oldest person here!
  • Friend, on this day of the year, many, many years ago, you were born! I guess that’s something!
  • Friend, I hope that a million birthday wishes come true for you! It will match your age!
  • If I tried to count up to your age today, I would go hoarse! Happy Birthday, buddy!
  • Happy Birthday, friend! You were educated in the old ways! The pyramids wouldn’t have been built without you!
  • Happy Birthday to a friend, who is unforgettable! Mainly because you are the grayest one here!
  • Before there were maps, people used the stars to guide them. You would know!
  • Today friend, you should be glad! You can paint on canvas and not in a cave!
  • On this date friend, you might ache a little more. That is because you are old!
  • Remembering you today, friend, is easy! The sheer number of your years is astounding!
  • Friend, don’t mind me, but ask anyone and they’ll tell you the same: calling you young would be a mistake! A HUGE mistake!
  • Cheers to a friend who can tell me when bread was only five cents!
  • As your friend, I am here to remind you of significant things! Like always use Bengay!
  • Friend, some people are obsessed with age! Like me! I can’t believe how old you are!
  • Today, friend, count your blessings, not your years. You don’t have that kind of time!
  • Friend, you really exemplify a phrase, for me! Long in the tooth, comes to mind!
  • Now is the time to tell you what you truly are, friend! An old geezer!
  • Happy Birthday, friend! Age is not a big deal… to me! I’m still young!
  • Happy Birthday, friend! You are as old as you are dear to me!
  • Dear friend, I know you know who I am, but I hope you get tons of wishes from all those other stalkers on the web who call themselves your ‘friends’ too.
  • I was going to send your gift in the mail, but the mail service said I weighed too much, so here I am.
  • Hey bestie, I know you are sad about your age this year, but no worries- I’m here to blow out your candles for you so you can feel like a real kid again!
  • We have stuck by each other through thick and thin. We’ve been there for each other all these years and we’re still two bitches who are better together than apart. That says something, don’t you think? Stay fabulous, babe.
  • Wait, you are how old? Oh jeez, that’s almost dead in doggy years. I’m so glad we met when we’re kids. Happy birthday, bestie.

 

Absurd Birthday Messages for a Woman

  • May your hair dye and mascara never run! Happy Birthday, old lady!
  • Cheers to a woman who has been thirty, fifty times!
  • Happy Birthday, to an ancient woman! Someday, you will tell me what it was like to build Stonehenge!
  • You are no longer a young woman. That’s all I got!
  • Wishing you the very best! Goodness, woman! You are really old! I mean, really, really…
  • When you were born, the sun shone…for the very first time!
  • Happy Birthday to the woman who has it all! One hundred years of accumulation would result in that!
  • Cheers to a woman who rises above others! In age and amount of wrinkles!
  • Happy Birthday to a friend that has no secrets from me but always fills in her ‘birth date’ field alone.
  • Looking at you fills me with hope! A woman can live to be a hundred!
  • Now, you can tell me what it’s like to be the oldest woman there is!
  • Today, avoid all mirrors! You don’t want to see that old lady!
  • Cheers to a woman who has dyed her gray hair so many times, she doesn’t remember what its original color is!
  • Here is to all the years that you have been alive, and the cake budget we cut down, just because candles cost a lot! Happy Birthday, woman!
  • There is something that makes you stand out, woman! I know what it is: your age!
  • Today, girl, there are things to marvel at! Like the length of time that you have been here!
  • You are a woman whose very presence makes others happy! Thanks for reminding us that we’re not as old as you!
  • Happy Birthday, woman! Sometimes, I feel like you have been around, forever! (That’s because you have!)
  • Looking at you, woman, reminds me of a simpler time. Like, before there was electricity!
  • Cheers to a woman who stays young! (Only because she lies about her age) Best wishes!

Funny Happy Birthday Quotes for a Man

  • Cheers to an old man who still thinks he is young! Call it “experience” and enjoy your birthday, anyway!
  • Here is to another year of a receding hairline and holding in that gut!
  • Since the dawn of time, you have been here! Today, is no different!
  • Your beard may be gray, your wrinkles may be deep, but hey, at least there is cake!
  • Here is hoping that toupee and girdle works out for you! Happy Birthday, old man!
  • A man like you deserves to have fond memories of his childhood, recalled to him. Unfortunately, there are no more dinosaurs!
  • Happy Birthday, to a man who has witnessed great things! Invention of the wheel, the first cave drawing…
  • Today, you have officially gotten past things! Like youth and hair that isn’t gray! Happy Birthday, man!
  • Today, reflect on the fact that you have been here from the beginning! I mean, the very beginning! Happy Birthday, man!
  • On this day, some people will tell you that you are still a young man. Those people are liars!
  • Man, you are like a tree in the woods! Old and still managing to stay grounded!
  • Today is a day to ask important questions! Like, why are you so old?
  • Cheers to a man who thinks he is still thinks he is young, but isn’t! You have really embraced delusion!
  • As your birthday approaches, you might dread becoming an old man. Don’t worry about that! You already are!
  • Today, you have really achieved something! How does it feel to be the oldest man alive?
  • If someone doesn’t acknowledge your age, then that person is not really looking at you! Happy Birthday, man!
  • Happy Birthday, to a man who is old and gray! So old and so gray!
  • Someday, you will tell me how you survived the dinosaurs! Happy Birthday, man!
  • Happy Birthday, man! Remember nothing is promised! Like the amount of aches that you will get!

 

Hilarious Birthday Messages for your Sister

  • Do you know the similarity between you and a cow? Well, just the face. Happy birthday, dear sister. May you moo till the end of times.
  • I thought of doing some charity today, and you are the nearest mentally-ill person I could find. So, happy birthday, sweet sister! Now keep smiling like you are doing right now.
  • You are very gifted person; in a race of two people, you would always be the first runner up. So, a very happy birthday to you, sis. May your talents keep shining like this always.
  • I have always said you were ‘special’, because the term ‘retards’ is politically incorrect. But anyway, I love the way you are. Happy birthday, little sister.
  • You remember how mother used to say to keep our mouths shut unless we had something good to say? Well, it appears I can only say one thing, since the rest would be horse shit: Happy birthday, sis.
  • You never seem to age you bitch, so let me remind you how old you really are: you’re old enough to drink, young enough to get pregnant, and just the right age to make something of yourself. So by all means, hurry up before it’s too late! Oh, and, as they say, many happy returns.

 

Funny Happy Birthday Messages for your Brother

  • This is one of the few days when you can come out of the jungle and act like humans. To celebrate that, I wish you a very happy birthday.
  • I am happy for you today, even though you are adopted and were found in a bin. Wishing you a very happy and prosperous birthday, bro.
  • A wise man said “we hurt only those who we love”. This is probably why I beat you all the times. Happy birthday, brother. May your bones heal soon.
  • It really doesn’t matter that you are ugly, stupid and useless. For me, you will always be family. Happy  birthday, brother.
  • Dear bro, I know we don’t always get along, I mean, except when we’re both wasted, but I really want to wish you a very happy birthday. So, I brought beer. You’re welcome.
  • Hey brother, you’re very welcome. You have such a great sister in me, no wonder you turned out so awesome! Have the best birthday ever. We both deserve it.
  • Wishing a happy birthday to my favorite brother of all time- I know you’re my only brother, but still. You’re the best I could ask for all year round.
  • Stellar, rock star, rad, amazing, super awesome, gorgeous- wait, who are we talking about? Oh sorry, that was me. But you’re pretty cool too, bro. Have a very special birthday!
  • Wishing happy birthday to a bro who reminds me of the lil’ sister I never got. You came really close.

 

Ludicrous Birthday Messages for your Husband

  • My dear husband, science says that women live longer than men. Since you have lesser birthdays than me, I hope to make each one of them special. Happy birthday, darling.
  • Despite the numerous times you forgot to wish me on my birthday, I have a kind heart and pure soul. So, being gracious enough, I wish you a very happy birthday. May God bless you with a better memory and make you always find your car keys.
  • During our marriage, you promised that we will share everything with me. So I bought you an expensive makeup kit, which you can later share with me. Happy birthday, my love.
  • You have always been the best husband ever. Apart from the fact you are ungrateful, careless, lazy, pompous, dim-witted and too short. Apart from that, you are just perfect. Happy birthday, honey.
  • Hey old man, I knew when I met you that you’d be the best father, grandpa, and husband I could have asked for. So far, you’ve proven me wrong. Let’s just say you’re not the best, but you’re pretty close.
  • Babe, as you blow the candles out and make a wish today, I know your wish is for us both to be happy together. So, let’s go on that vacation I’ve always wanted.

 

Funny Birthday Quotes for your Wife

  • So, today is the day you get one more year older. Shouldn’t it be the right time to finally tell me your exact age? Anyway, happy birthday, my love. May you remain this beautiful forever.
  • You keep getting more beautiful with each year passing. For this, I have to give my gratitude to your beautician. Happy birthday, darling. May the cosmetics be with you.
  • Wishing a very happy birthday to the women who taught me to say “sorry” without any apparent reason. Stay the way you are (or maybe, be a little less like a Ninja Turtle, if possible).
  • Today is your great day. I do not want to ruin it by telling you that your food is overcooked and lacks taste, or that you create more mess than I did when I was 5 years old. So, I would simply like to tell you that you are an amazing wife. Happy birthday, my love.
  • Honey, today on your birthday don’t lift a finger. Don’t worry about the messy house or the dishes. It will all be there tomorrow.
  • Wishing a very happy birthday to my WIFE- sexy date for life. I love you with all my heart (and butt).
  • Babe, did you hear? Someone I absolutely love was born today! It’s YOU! Happy birthday, sweetheart. I loved you from the start and always will.
  • If I could count all the stars to tell you all the many ways you make my life happier and better, I would. But since you didn’t marry a scientist or astrologer, I’m just going to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY so you’re not further disappointed.

 

Entertaining Birthday Messages for your Mom

  • Hey, mother. Even though I have always criticized your food, the shit that they serve at the mess made me realize that your hand was pure gold. May you live forever and continue to make that delicious food for me.
  • Every time you threw a sandal/slipper at me, it only helped to keep me in line and make me a better human being. For that alone, I will be forever grateful to you.Happy  birthday, ma. May you live a long, long life.
  • I used to thing that mothers are the jailors for who have yet not had the chance to visit the jail. Now that I am an adult and have to wash my own clothes, I realize that mothers are simply the gifts for those who are too incapable to take care of themselves. Wishing you a very happy birthday, mom.
  • Remember the time when I used to wish that you get swapped by my best friend’s mom? Well, not saying that his mom is any less, but I have grown rather fond of you, so stay where you are. Happy birthday, mother. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
  • Dear mother, I know I was never perfect as a kid, and I’m still working on it, but thanks for not dropping me off at the shopping center and leaving me for grabs. I know it crossed your mind. But you’re just too good of a mom.
  • Dear mom, don’t be sad. You’re still so good looking that weird old guys mistake us for sisters. You still got it! Many happy returns.
  • To a mom who wiped my butt, fed me, clothed me and all the rest, you truly are the best. Of course, they tell me all that stuff was your job and came with the package.

Funny Happy Birthday Quotes for your Dad

  • Happy birthday, dad. I simply can’t believe that it has been only 30 years since you were 18! May you look this young forever.
  • Have you heard of the phrase “Wiser with age”? Because I really doubt that you have (just kidding, don’t slap me). Happy birthday, dear father. May you continue to be this awesome forever.
  • I wish you keep smiling and showing your teeth like this forever (or as long as you actually have teeth). Wishing you a very happy birthday, dad.
  • Just FYI, my gift to you would be the hell lot of candles I had to buy to match your age. Apart from that, wish you a very happy and prosperous birthday, daddy.
  • Happy happy birthday to the greatest dad, farter, I mean father, and best friend. I love you, dad.
  • Happy birthday, dad. I know I say this enough, but I really appreciate all the horse shit you put up with from me. It makes me feel so much better about my future kids.
  • Hi daddy, just wanted to say thank you for marrying my mother- she really is great. Have the bestest of birthdays!

 

Silly Birthday Messages for your Boyfriend

  • Hey, honey: I know you birthday is almost over, but this is what you get for forgetting my birthday. I guess you have learnt your lesson now. Happy birthday, my love.
  • Remember how you told me that you want a Rolex watch as your birthday present? Well, I realized that it was stupid, so you are getting nothing. Wish you a very happy birthday, baby.
  • It is wonderful how you look younger with every year passing. Soon, I might go to jail for dating a teenager. Happy birthday, sweetheart. May you stay young in your heart.
  • To my dearest, sexy boyfriend: I just want to say that I really do love you with all my ___insert body past of interest here___. Happy birthday, babe.
  • Hi handsome, I know surprise parties aren’t your thing, plus I can’t keep a secret. So let’s just enjoy the company of being together and celebrating another year of this happiness. I love you and happy birthday. You’re the best boyfriend ever.
  • Babe, I’ve never met anyone more committed and focused to snack munching and TV watching than you. Congrats on all your biggest accomplishments. Of course, your best one is me.

 

Funny Happy Birthday Messages for your Girlfriend

  • Remember the time I said birthdays are for kids? Well, Happy birthday, my love. Hope you continue to spread that glorious smile of yours to everyone around you, even if that seriously tires your jaw.
  • Happy birthday, baby. And I seriously believe that you should tell me your age, because every time I try to guess it, my calculations land you under 18 and me under arrest. Apart from that, enjoy your special day.
  • There is not nearly enough times when I have told you how beautiful , caring and amazing you are. Do not listen to the people who say I am compulsive liar, they are just jealous that I have you. Happy birthday, baby.
  • Hey girlfriend, I’m so excited that you chose to spend the day with me rather than your actual ‘girlfriends’. It’s makes me feel so special. I’m so glad I found you and that we are the same type of weird. The world will never break us apart.
  • Wishing a happy birthday to the healthiest, sexiest, loveliest bitch I know. I’m beyond grateful to have you in my life.
  • To my amazing girlfriend: don’t worry about age, another year older is just another year you look hotter to me. I love you lots, baby.

 


Q&A Birthday Jokes

Q: Do you by any chance know what constantly goes up, but never ever comes down?
A: Your ever-growing age!

Q: What does the average cat love to eat at her birthday party?
A: Mice cream.

Q: What do Jesus Christ and Abraham Lincoln both have in common?
A: They were both born on public holidays.

Q: What do people who have the most birthdays have in common?
A: Old age.

Q: Why did couples have problems with each other before the 2000s?
A: Because Facebook reminder didn’t exist at that time to remind them of their partners’ birthdays.

Q: What happened to all the guests at Kim Jong-un’s birthday party bash?
A: Kim nuked them all so he wouldn’t share his cake with anyone!

Q: What do chickens love to eat at their birthday parties?
A: Coop-cakes!

Q: Where can you find the best birthday present for your cat?
A: Inside a cat-alogue!

Q: What kills a person faster than cancer?
A: Too many birthdays!

Q: What type of cake was served at the birthday party of Penny from the Big Bang Theory?
A: Cheese cake.

Q: What type of cake do the people of North Korea serve at their birthday parties?
A: Cakes decorated with Kim Jong-un’s face.

Q: What gift do you always receive on your birthday?
A: A brand new age.

 

You Know You’re Old when… 

  • …the numerous candles on your birthday cake not only become more expensive than your cake itself, but also negatively impact the environment.
  • …kids feel safe to tell you their secrets because they know you will end up forgetting them.
  • …a teenager refers to you as a middle-aged man/woman.
  • …your mates start having children on purpose and not accidentally.
  • …people assume the first pet you ever owned was a dinosaur.
  • …your favorite songs are now elevator music.
  • …you see a smoking hot chick in bikini and the first thought that crosses your mind is, “I hope she’s wearing sun block”.
  • …all your favorite sportsmen and women have retired.
  • …it takes forever to scroll down to choose your year of birth on a website.
  • …the candles on your cake create a bonfire.
  • …your mates start running for president and other public offices.
  • …the once adorable Karate Kid is now an old man.
  • …you start feeling sleepy at the same time you used to go out at night to have fun.
  • …your fridge consists of more food than beer.
  • …teenagers start mistaking you for the legendary Keith Richards.
  • …that adorable kid you used to baby sit is no longer a kid.
  • …a Donna Summer song brings back a lot of memories.
  • …you can be slapped with the death penalty.
  • …prefer eating in than eating out.
  • …you fall down and die when someone tells you to act your age.
  • …you feel there’s nothing left in life to learn.
  • …in your childhood, Blackberry and Apple were nothing more than fruits.
  • …you start worrying about how you’ll pay your mortgage.
  • …acne problems are a thing of the past.
  • …birthdays remind you something to be forgotten.
  • …you lie about your age or are tempted to do so.
  • …your patronage of condoms begins to drastically decline.
  • …you start finding teenagers’ birthday parties annoying and repulsive.
  • …your loved ones keep telling you how young you look.
  • …hostage takers are not interested in taking you hostage.
  • …your friends pay firefighters to be on standby for your birthday bash because they are afraid your birthday candles might cause a disaster.
  • …you witnessed people getting burnt alive at the stake.
  • …you search everywhere for your reading glasses when it is on your head.
  • …if you have ever attended a Beatles concert.
  • …marketers start targeting you with anti-aging wrinkle creams.
  • …you can date someone half your age without breaking any man-made laws.
  • …your neighbors don’t even know it when you organize a party.
  • …your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them or have died.
  • …you finally know where your prostate is located.
  • …you once used telegraphs to send messages to your loved ones in faraway places.

 

Funny to Celebrate My Special Day | Short Jokes about your own Birthday

  • It is my birthday and I have no doubt in my mind that this is nature’s way of telling me to eat more cakes!
  • I guess this is the year I should start lying about my age. Happy birthday to me!
  • Wishing myself a super duper birthday! I hope my friends remember my birthday and not my age.
  • At this age, I don’t need to worry much about temptation because it is no longer interested in me.
  • Blowing out the candles on my birthday cake was indeed one heck of a good exercise for my lungs.
  • Today I understand why the word “birthday” ends with the letter Y!
  • They say the good die young. If that is true, then I must be a really bad a**. Happy birthday to me!
  • Today is my birthday and I’m another year closer to my death yet my family and friends are happy for me. What a terribly strange world we live in.
  • Few years ago, I fell down on the street and people laughed at me. However, today I fell and everyone was in a state of panic. I guess this means I’ve become an Old Timer. Happy birthday to me.
  • Today is my Big Day, and I’m proud to announce to the world that I don’t look a day over my actual age. Isn’t that awesome?!
  • On my birthday, I plead with all my friends who really love me to refrain from making any age-related jokes.
  • I am officially a year older today and I’m not bothered at all about that because I know my age is just the number of years that I have been a blessing to this world.
  • On my Big Day, I’m going to party in such a wild manner that many religions will waste no time condemning me straight to hell.
  • It is my birthday today, and I have every right to support wildlife by organizing a wild party.

Hilarious Birthday Quotes For Your Son

  • Dear son, although your birthday couldn’t rise to the prestigious status of national holiday, your mom and I will try to treat it as one. Maybe you should become president to make that happen.
  • Son, your taste, like your ken, has advanced in sophistication; so finding a gift for you was difficult. We hope you are not offended that we went with the basics — cakes!
  • I hope that the candles didn’t make you extremely hot for the new girls on the block. I don’t think they would mind, anyways! Happy birthday, my dear.
  • If you were a politician, your party color would be neither red nor blue but white because you are such a maverick! Happy birthday to you, my dearest son.
  • We should share, equally, all those lovely presents because today is also my day of being a mother/father. Happy birthday to you, son. I love you.

Absurd Birthday Messages For Your Daughter

  • Statisticians will consider your age insignificant, and just focus on counting your candles instead. But I know better than that! Happy birthday to my lovely daughter!
  • Your height is disproportional to your age, and makes me look like your younger sibling. But I love you, anyway. Keep soaring and growing, dear.
  • You are such a lovely, walking paradox; on the one hand, we are happy that you are growing, but on the other, we are reminded of how fast we are aging.
  • It seems like only yesterday when I ordered your first diaper change. Soon, the tables might turn, and you will order my last diaper change. Happy birthday, daughter!
  • Your mom/dad and I failed to name you appropriately. “Epitome of Beauty” is what should have been on your birth certificate.

Funny Birthday Greetings For Your Niece

  • Good to see that you are making progress towards the ultimate prize of great grand motherhood, many wrinkles, and, to be honest, lots of charm. Enjoy your day!
  • May Santa visit you this year, making your pockets heavier than your weight; not the other way round, like he did last year. Wishing you a joyous birthday with love.
  • Happy birthday, my dear niece. You may eat all the candies and biscuits you want but will have to pay a tax of 80% to me. I love and miss you so much, my dear.
  • At this nubile age, be careful of charming, hipster boys; they are predictable, ravenous puppies who will go to anyone who has the bone. Happy birthday, my love.
  • My dear niece, I pray that you will be manumitted from the ostensibly in vogue shackles of social media. Here’s to a free life!

Funny Birthday Messages For Your Nephew

  • I hope you are not going to keep shouting “mommy” like you did with a crying voice when you came out of the womb.  We love you so much, our precocious fellow. Have a blast!
  • I won a huge lottery on the day you were born, so please continue to bring me good luck each year with your charming smile. Happy birthday, my dear nephew.
  • Today, it will rain lots of ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, and peanut butter jelly sandwiches solely for your sweet tooth. Enjoy your day, darling.
  • Your parents are going to kill me today because you are about to be incredibly spoiled with amazing goodies! But it won’t hurt because I just can’t stop loving you.
  • I was usually the reluctant counselor when the young girlfriend had issues but now no more, because you can take care of things yourself. Happy birthday to my amazing, grown-up nephew!    

Absurd Birthday Greetings For Your Workmate

  • You make recalcitrant managers and superiors appear like wee boys, at least in our heads! Truly, office work is less cumbersome when you are around. Happy birthday, mate!
  • The buzzing sound of your short-tempered Benz, which stops every quarter of a mile, is always an indication that it’s closing time. Thanks for the service, mate.
  • Your hard talk and spontaneous outbursts are always welcome distractions from the throes of office labor. Just tone them down a bit next time. Wishing you a fun-filled birthday, mate.
  • If you ever find yourself at the point where you are forced to choose between a quarter-life crisis and a mid-life crisis, opt for the former because not all crises are created equal. Have a blissful birthday. Happy birthday, mate.
  • If I could dismiss everybody from work and hire only you, I would. Your childlike heart, and mega brains make you so indispensable. Happy birthday, and have a blast!    

Amusing Birthday Greetings For Your Grandma

  • Dear granny, I thought that your birthday won’t be special without me, but I realized that you have more beautiful, smart, and talented grand kids in your arsenal. May God continue to bless you.
  • Sweet grandma, I see that you are growing more youthful, athletic, and agile than most of us. We will love to have you on our baseball team this year. Wishing you a happy birthday!
  • Thank you for calling me out on my silly, puerile and dumb stuff. All the credit goes to you for grounding me in reality and making me a pragmatic person. Have a blast, grandma!
  • My dear granny, I want to be like you when I grow up, playing smart and invoking the “elderly clause” whenever I want to have things done my way. Wishing you a blissful birthday.     

Ludicrous Birthday Quotes For Your Grandpa

  • Dear grandpa, as you blow your candles, please wish to become a superhero so that I can play with you all day long and on vacations! Sending you lots of love and cheer.
  • Granddad, thank you for keeping mom and pa in check whenever they won’t let me have my way. You are the best partner in crime a kid could ask for. Sending you lots of love.
  • Grandpa, this year, the candles on your cake will be too many for you to blow alone. You can hire me for a nominal fee to do this routine work for you. Have a great birthday!

Hilarious Birthday Messages for all

  • Many happy returns! I believe you are officially able to be appraised on Antique Roadshow!
  • Happy Birthday to you. I hope you enjoy your day as much as I’ll enjoy eating free cake and ice cream.
  • Your birthday only comes once a year but the wrinkles it brings will last a lifetime.
  • If you were a dog…you’d be 7 times older than you are now! Think about it. Happy Birthday, Old Yeller!
  • That’s your birthday cake?! I thought we were having a bonfire in the middle of your dining room. Happy Birthday… should I call and cancel the fire department then?
  • Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Facebook told me it was your birthday and that I should write on your wall.
  • Happy Birthday from one of the most spectacular, sensational, wisest people you know. You are one-in-a-million.
  • My best wishes! I hope your husband treats you to a night out on the town–so you can enjoy having the house to yourself!
  • Happy Birthday to someone who knows everything there is about me and STILL enjoys being my friend. I hope we have many more years of wild and crazy adventures together.
  • Did you know Chuck Norris was born on your birthday? Just kidding. That would be pretty kick butt though wouldn’t it? Your birthday is still on a pretty good day.
  • Wishing you the best! I would say you don’t look another year older but if I tell one lie now it might make anything else I say later on unbelievable. You look pretty good for your age!
  • If you were a grape I would stomp on you and make you into a delicious vintage wine. Happy Birthday, Friend!
  • The best part of birthday is the birthday cake. Wishing you the best. Where’s the cake?
  • Happy Birthday to a friend who I wouldn’t trade for all the Nutella in the world.
  • I couldn’t fit Channing Tatum in the box but I hope this gift will do. Happy Birthday to the future Mrs. Channing Tatum.
  • So I was watching Jurassic Park and I remembered it was your birthday. Happy Birthday, you old dinosaur!
  • I was watching Grumpier Old Men and I remembered it was your birthday. I hope we get put in the same room at our future nursing home. We would make some kick butt BINGO partners! We would clean up!
  • I have a particular set of skills. Skills that I have learned over a lengthy friendship with you. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you give me a piece of cake, I will leave. If you don’t, I will find your cake and I will blow out your candles.
  • Happy Birthday, my friend! I’m looking forward to getting together with you tonight to go over all of your Facebook birthday wishes from people that don’t give a rats behind about you the rest of the year.
  • On Wednesdays we wear pink. Happy Birthday, my totally fetch friend!
  • I’ll tell you a secret. I do believe it’s somebody’s birthday and just in case that person is you, Happy Birthday.
  • Happy Birthday to someone who remembers how to do the ‘Macarena’.
  • Stop crying. This is supposed to be a joyous occasion where we fill up on divine birthday cake and drink good cheer. Celebrate in merriment the day of your birth into this lustrous world. Forget the wrinkles, sore joints, forgetfulness, and gray hair. Happiest of Happy Birthday to you, dear friend!
  • If someone asks if you’re a God, you say ‘YES!’ . If you don’t Mr. Stay Puft will wreck havoc on our town. That was life lesson #1, right? Happy Birthday to a friend who is fluent in movie quotes just like me.
  • Happy Birthday to someone good looking, super smart, charismatic, and charming. Wait…I meant FROM someone.
  • Best wishes. You’re not THAT old. You’re just getting up there. In the words of Elsa, “Let it go! Let it go!”
  • Your 21st Birthday party was SO successful you decided to celebrate it for more than 20 years in a row!
  • I was thinking about it and I think if someone was to make a movie about your life, Linda Blair would be perfect to play you.
  • You know that old sang the older you are the wiser you are? I used to think it was true but then I met you! Just kidding, friend. Happy Birthday to you.
  • I was at the antique store downtown and I ran across one of the toys from your childhood that you always talk about. Happy Birthday and Congratulations to someone who is old enough to have their childhood toys listed in the latest edition of the Kovel’s Antique Guide! Well done!
  • When you get to be your age you really should just throw caution to the wind and go “Why the hell not?!”. You are only young once! Go skydiving! Go skinny dipping in Tahiti! Go for a leisurely stroll up Mt. Everest.
  • Of all the people celebrating their birthday today, you are the least likely to be called “young” by a door-to-door salesman. Enjoy your day!
  • Happy Birthday to someone who is getting more valuable and better with age! Oh wait–that’s wine. Happy Birthday to someone who is just getting old!
  • Just to let you know that getting older doesn’t necessarily mean you have to grow up. You can always be a ‘Toys R’ Us’ kid who wears scrunchy socks, jelly shoes, and drives a Big Wheel.
  • Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! You act like a monkey and you smell like a mountain goat. I think that means you belong in a zoo!
  • Happy Birthday to someone I am proud to say will ALWAYS be older than me. I love having you as my friend, even if it is only to make myself feel better about my age.
  • I know you’re not thirty, flirty, and thriving but hey you’re still driving! You’re not in too bad of shape.

Wrap-up

Once you have come up with the perfect birthday greeting for your friend, it is time to figure out how to send it. Written birthday cards are becoming a thing of the past but they seem to be more appreciated because of the care and time it takes to write out the card. Email and text message birthday greetings are perfectly acceptable, however, less personal. They are fast and easy to type and send. If you remember a birthday and are in the middle of a busy day it might be good to quickly send out a quick email or text so that you have your bases covered if you forget to call or send a handwritten greeting later on.


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105 Funny Birthday Wishes and Messages

hilarious birthday wishes for friends

Funny Birthday Wishes for Best Friend

Were found 32 happy birthday messages:

My man is getting older today. Another year and so many memories. Happy birthday, dude!

From the bottom of my heart I’m wishing you the best, and I'm hoping time starts to slow down or else you'll soon become an old man!
Sooner than you think, there will be no point in colouring your hair; it’s all going to start falling out and then you will have to buy a wig anyway. So stop worrying about the inevitable.

I wish you a spectacular and funny birthday and many more amazing days to come, dear friend!
Happy birthday, my dear friend!

Knowing all your secrets never stopped
me from wanting to be your friend or
from getting to know you better. It should
have, but it didn’t.

There is most certainly something wrong
with me, but that’s ok because there is
something wrong with you too!

Have an awesome birthday, you lovely weirdo!
People say as you get older, you become wiser. This is so true… about everyone else. These people obviously haven’t met you.

Don’t be mistaken, you are old. You are really old. But not the least bit smarter.

Have a great birthday, dear friend!
Age is just a number, but in your case it’s quite a large number indeed. Have a great birthday, my friend!
Party, check. Cake, check. Candles, check. Gifts, check. Wait, I’m forgetting something. Oh yeah, best friend, check! Have the greatest of days!
Happy birthday, best friend!

It is amazing the number of years we have known each other.

Why have we put up with each other for so long? Do you think it’s because we like each other? Nope, it’s quite simple, we just know too many of each other’s secrets.

Have a fantastic day!
You think that age is but a number and you’re only as old as you feel. 

Well, tell that to your arthritis when the time comes and you will soon see that age does, in fact, matter a lot.

I hope you have a fantastic day and a fantastic year to come, my friend!
Forgetfulness is one of the many
symptoms of ageing, my friend.

I know your memory is starting to
play tricks on you, but you shouldn’t
worry, I will always be your best friend.
I’ll be around long after you've
forgotten who I am.

Happy birthday!
Today is the day we celebrate the birthday of my best friend! You are such an amazing person, a spectacular human being, the noblest of all the nobles and a super mega friend.

So to celebrate this day I thought I would give you an equally great, amazing, super, fantastic and mega gift. I began wondering what such a gift should be. Perhaps a big parade with floats and a marching band or maybe have fireworks spell out your name in the sky. Whatever the gift would be, it would have to be something spectacular, amazing and awesome. But then I realized you don’t need all that, as you already have me!

May your birthday be filled with laughter!
Getting old is all about losing things. You start to lose your memory, your hair and even your keys. But just focus on the positive side, at least you still have your teeth. Remember to smile while you still have them.

Happy birthday, best friend!

Wishing happy birthday to my best friend is always a daunting task to are silly, some are sweet, but all are appropriate for a true friendship.

269+ Most Funny Birthday Wishes EVER

hilarious birthday wishes for friends

Birthdays are special to all of us. If anyone forgets to wish you on your day, chances are high that you will never forget that they didn’t. It is important to wish loved ones, friends and family on their special day and put a smile on their face. Birthday wishes make people feel loved and remembered. A call, text or even a Facebook message goes a long way in saying “we care”. A simple call at midnight to wish “Happy Birthday” or a bouquet of flowers with a card and chocolates does the trick.

But then again that is all cliché. Isn’t it much more fun when you can poke others about turning older? People are taking to funny birthday wishes to make the other person smile from ear to ear. It is effective, simple and can go on to be one of the most memorable wishes. Whatever you do, here are some tips to keep in mind while sending out a funny birthday wish:


Damn, you’re so old, your first pet must have been a dinosaur!


These are some funny and witty messages that you can share on social media or send to someone out on a birthday ecard, SMS or via e-mail on their special day.

Short Funny Birthday Wishes

  • We thought we would get the right amount of candles to put on your cake this year, but quickly ran out of space. Happy Birthday!
  • One of the best pieces of advice in life is “you have to appreciate the little things”. That said, I know that spotting little things is easier said than done at your age! Happy Birthday!
  • Seeing as I usually forget everyone’s birthdays, you should consider it a miracle that I’m sending you this message. Happy Birthday!
  • It’s about time one of us turned 18! Drinks are on you, then! Happy Birthday!
  • Don’t let your age get you down, it won’t be long until you are allowed to start learning to drive. But until then, on your bike! Happy Birthday!
  • To my brother who still owes me several big ones. I didn’t get you a gift this year, so let’s call it even. Happy Birthday!
  • Ain’t no Cake Big Enough! | Funny Birthday Wishes for Older and Younger Brothers
  • I can’t believe how big you’re getting! Long gone are the days when I could steal cake from your plate and no one would ever be the wiser. Happy Birthday!
  • Don’t you think it’s about time we grew up a bit and stopped painting the town? I know exactly what you’ll say. Next year. Happy Birthday!
  • I’m not a fan of overly sweet messages as you know, birthdays are for fun! So let’s ditch the old folks later and get out and about like we used to! Happy Birthday!

Oh yeah, one more year to annoy everyone you know.

  • Oh yeah, one more year to annoy everyone you know. Happy Birthday, anyway!…
  • I hope you have low expectations for your meal and cake this year, I hear dad’s having a go at being the chef. Happy Birthday!
  • Happy Birthday, you’re closer to seeing another century pass.
  • Your LOL Message! | Funny Birthday Wishes for a Friend
  • One more year to pretend you’re old enough to care about people around you.
  • You’re not old. You’re just old enough to know better and not old enough to care. Happy Birthday!
  • The emergency department is on speed dial just in case you have an unexpected asthma attack blowing the candles.
  • Party like it’s 1959, when you could still dance and drink alcohol without ending up you to the hospital.
  • Remember when we stayed up late running from the law? No? Good. I don’t either. Happy Birthday oldie!

Another year to prove that older doesn’t really mean wiser.

  • Another year to prove that older doesn’t really mean wiser. Happy birthday!
  • Going old happens. Growing up is a choice. Happy Birthday.
  • Happy Birthday. You’re one step closer to diapers being mandatory!
  • I made a list about the words of wisdom I wanted to give you for your birthday. It’s still blank. Maybe next year.
  • May all your birthday wishes come true — except for the illegal ones!

Happy Birthday. Thank you for always being older than me.

  • It’s your birthday, but make sure you get all your present before you offend everyone.
  • Today is your birthday, the only day you’re allowed to say things that you’d regret on any other day.
  • Oh yeah! You’re getting closer to the age when the government sends you money every month. Happy Birthday!
  • Statistics show that people who live longer have more birthdays, costing us more money for presents!
  • If you counted your birthday in dog years, you’d now be a teenager! Happy Birthday.
  • Another year to kick your bucket list to the curb.

More Birthdays bring a longer life. No science in that. Happy Birthday!

  • Happy birthday! Here’s to being immature for a lifetime.
  • As your younger sister, it’s only right for me to remind you on your birthday that you’re still older than me. Ha!
  • A Great and Hilarious Tribute to your Sis! | Funny Birthday Wishes for your Sister
  • When I reach your age I’ll still younger than you, you dinosaur! Happy bday!
  • Today is the start of the rest of your life. What? You’re how old. Revise: Today is the start of the oldest part of your life.

If you counted your birthday in dog years, you’d now be a teenager! Happy Birthday.

  • Don’t you wish you were a kid again? Of course not, cause you’re still doing the same things you did back then.
  • Here’s hoping that you enjoy your birthday as much as you enjoy torturing everyone all year.
  • I tried to find something that represented the year you were born. Unfortunately, the thrift shops were closed. Happy Birthday.
  • Congratulations bud! You are now officially 20 years away from turning 50.

You’re still young! Happy Bday.

  • I’m just coming over for the treat. By the way, many happy returns.
  • Here is a hug! Happy birthday!!!! PS: I’m broke!
  • You just lost one more year of your life. Happy birthday, man!
  • It is said that those who have the most birthdays, live the longest. Birthdays are great. Happy birthday, dude.

Happy birthday, Oldie.

  • Happy birthday, Dinosaur.
  • You turned 50? Well that botox is certainly working.
  • You asked for it. Here is nothing. Happy birthday.
  • I hope you see the day when you have no teeth.
  • Will there be cake tomorrow or no?
  • Happy birthday, my 30-year-old Grandma.

This year, do it your way.

  • Want to look young today? Play chess with Grandpa.
  • Want to look young today? Go to an old age home.
  • You just tuned 40? Well, your mom just told me you are 43.
  • Your grandmother wants her walking stick back. Happy Birthday!
  • I can never forget your birthday. It always comes after the day you remind me of it. Happy birthday.
  • Happy 500th birthday, Vampire. May you stay forever young!
  • Do I have to remind you at your age that TODAY is your birthday? Happy birthday to you.

Your age today… is the new black.

  • You’re great and even greater on your birthday. YES, I’ve been drinking!
  • The funny thing about you is that you age, but your maturity levels always stay the same!
  • This time we made sure that your candles cost less than the cake. We just got the two numbers. Have a happy 85th birthday!
  • The secret to a great birthday is not remembering what happened that day. Just don’t wake up in jail.
  • Now it’s time to fall in love, get married and make me a grandparent. And hopefully do all those things in this order! Until then Happy Birthday!
  • Your wife say you’re definitely getting better with age. Does that mean you started to take the trash out? Happy Bday.

On the occasion of this birthday, looking for the meaning of life in the back of my head.

  • This birthday means it’ time to start treating your kids like gold. They’ll be choosing your nursing home soon.
  • It’s your birthday. The good news is that you’re only as old as you act and right now you’re in kindergarten.
  • I will never send you one of those greeting cards making fun about your age. I know how sensitive old folks are about their age.
  • Finally you’re 21 and legally able to do everything you’ve been doing since you were 14 years old.

  • What comes with being 18 years old? Bills, bills and more bills… and waiting three more years to do what you really want.
  • I can’t believe you’re 50. You don’t look a day over 49 and a half.
  • You know you’re getting old when your kids are lecturing you. Fight the power! Happy Birthday!

Birthdays are nuts!

  • I bet if you knew at 18 years old what you know now, you’d have still done the same stupid things that you did. Here’s to staying young. Happy Birthday.
  • I thought about sending you a birthday card mocking your age, but I decided against it. Remember that when you are writing your will.
  • You’re the best young person I know. You make me thankful to be old.
  • Don’t worry about getting old. You’re still above ground.
  • The secret to staying young is lying about your age. Happy Birthday!

Blow this candle and hope for the best.

  • Let’s be honest! You don’t really care what I write on this card. You probably won’t even read it. All you care about is the gift inside! And that’s why I love you, happy birthday!
  • Consider the positives. You have another birthday and you still have all your teeth.
  • I just wanted to remind you that you’re a year older than you were last year.
  • Today is the day when everyone reminds you you’re a year older and we all pretend to be happy about it.
  • Happy Birthday! You don’t look a day over… whatever age you were at your last birthday!
  • You had me at “there will be cake and ice cream”. Happy Birthday to a truly special person who admires candy!

Happy Baaaaaaaaarthday!

Longer Funny Birthday Wishes

  • We all knew this day was coming, it’s not bad luck, its nature. It’s best to just suck it up and accept the truth. It’s no longer acceptable for you to eat a happy meal in public. Happy Birthday!
  • Mum, it’s that time of year again! You do make it hard for us, don’t you?! You never chose a favorite cake for us to get, or special thing for us to do. You can never give us a list of things you want or favorite meal for us to prepare! You are the hardest woman on earth to please! For these reasons we were forced to make it up, so don’t blame us if the day is not up to scratch! Happy Birthday to the world’s biggest fence-sitting mum!
  • Not quite an adult, but no longer a child. This is one of the toughest ages of your life. You have most of life’s firsts to look forward to, and a whole mess of early mistakes to leave behind. Let me give you one single piece of advice, that I wish someone had told me when I was your age: Stay away from bad boys.

Dear friend, have you ever wondered why I’ve kept you around for so long? You know too many of my secrets!

  • You made it! You are now officially old! Maybe no one else has the guts to let you know, but don’t worry. In my opinion you’ll make a sexy grey fox for sure!
  • Another year, another birthday to organize, another headache. You better get used to headaches; they become more and more common when pushing middle age!
  • You may be just a one year old baby! So you can’t read this message yet! But since we have Twitter, Facebook and the Cloud, doing this kind of thing now makes sense!
  • Last year it was a nice dinner at a fantastic hotel, the year before we went to Vegas, and now this year you’re just staying in? I guess the rumors are true, old age does ruin people. Happy Birthday! Have a good one!

Happy Birthday. Enjoy this day.

  • I never celebrate my birthday with a huge party, and you always ask me why. While tomorrow you will be surrounded by mess and a pile of huge hospitality bills, I will be enjoying a nice quiet lie in. That’s why.
  • If you are hung over, struggle to think clearly and suffer a terrible headache in the morning, don’t worry. It only means you’ve had one of the best nights of your life!
  • If you were a boy I would be telling you to have a great time, not to be shy, to be brave, talk to everyone and not to get into too much trouble! But since you’re a girl I’m obliged to remind you that talking to strangers is a bad idea. Stay away from all naughty looking boys and don’t get into any trouble at all! Enjoy!

Birthday and liking it.

  • You should see your age as something to boast about, not worry over. The next time someone makes an age joke at you, remind them that you’ve been around longer than they’ve been able to walk, and if they make it to half your age, they should consider themselves lucky!
  • To the world’s greatest dad, you make me laugh, you keep me fed, you brush my hair and buy me clothes. So I guess it’s only fair that I return the favor and spoil you this one day of the year! Don’t expect big things though, please remember I’m only small. Happy Birthday.

If we’re late, keep us some cake.

  • You probably haven’t been told this before, but when you were first born the doctors thought there was something wrong with you! With those eyes, strange ears and funny nose, it’s genuinely quite amazing they ever let you leave the hospital.
  • To my dearest, most favorite and most precious little sister. Our family was so very blessed the day you were born. It was such a joy to grow up with you and share so many great moments together. Remember these kind words when you’re cutting and dishing out the cake portions later!
  • The best thing about your birthday is that you’ve now reached the age to say: “Those kids don’t know anything. When I was young…” and then go on blathering all day, annoying everyone around you.
  • I just wanted you to know that they say 50 is the new 30, skinny jeans are out and the saggy, relaxed look is in! Also, neatly pressed polo shirts are out and well worn and wrinkled is in! Happy Birthday you trendsetter you!!

May your day be more beautiful than a Unicorn farting rainbows!

  • Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. You smell like my husband and you sorta look like him too.
  • You remind me of a jar of pickles. You’re pretty well preserved for your age. Happy Birthday, my dear old friend!
  • Happy Birthday—-& just to let you know the tablecloth is flame resistant, I have the fire department on stand-by and there is a fire extinguisher under the table.

And then he tells me I’m just 27.

  • I have sources that have informed me that it’s your birthday and that you are a die-hard Obama fan. Enjoy this premium roast coffee that is imported and served at the White House! Kenya Arabica Bean Anniversary of Barack Obama’s Kenyan Birth blend.
  • You have more preservatives in you than a jar of mayonnaise! There isn’t an expiration date on your bottom, is there? Happy Birthday, my fantastically well preserved friend!
  • My momma always said “Life was like a box of chocolates. You gotta keep sticking your finger in them until you find the one that you want to get.” Happy Birthday.

If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas!

  • “You want answers?! You can’t handle the truth!” …but I will tell you anyways. It’s your god*amn birthday!
  • I hope your birthday leaves you less hot & bothered than when you read 50 Shades of Grey. Happy Birthday.
  • Don’t think of them as wrinkles. Think of them as creases that just need some starch and a bit of ironing. Cheers to another year & another crease.
  • Birthdays are like spotting Bigfoot. You really do want to see them but you’re a little afraid of what they’ll look like…..

Birthdays are a freud. Nobody is getting any junger.

  • Congratulations! You are another year closer to being able to get that senior discount at Target and wear the underwear that you can pee in!!
  • Brother, I figured today would be as good a day as any to tell you that you were adopted!! Just kidding. Happy Birthday—or is it??
  • Lucille Ball said it best when she said, “The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” May you stay forever 28—LIAR!

Lucille Ball said it best when she said: The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age! May You stay forever 28…Liar!

  • I don’t want to grow up, I’m a Toys “R” Us kid. If you are now singing the end of this magical verse, you are most certainly an 80s kid. Happy Birthday to my NKOTB loving, neon scrunchy wearing, slap bracelet collecting friend.
  • If you’re having vanilla cake I would like some ice cream… but on the side. If it’s chocolate cake, no ice cream. If you’re having vanilla and chocolate marble cake, I would like the ice cream served on top of the cake. If there’s no cake, than just a scoop of chocolate ice cream. Happy Birthday to a friend that always goes above and beyond!!
  • I hope you enjoy your birthday as much as Kim Kardashian enjoys taking selfies!
  • I would like to wish you a politically correct birthday so I won’t encourage overindulgence of alcohol, getting less than the recommended 9 hours of sleep, or listening to excessively loud rock music…..but happy birthday, even if all the fun has been sucked out of it!

And I’m saving all my love for your birthday cake tonight.

  • Chuck Norris wanted to apologize for not being able to make it to your birthday party. He was busy geocaching in Antarctica. Happy Birthday.
  • Cougar was so last year. This year you are a cheetah, fierce & fabulous!! Happy Birthday!!!
  • If  ‘only the good die young’,…..I’m afraid you’re going to be celebrating a few more birthdays.
  • One must not simply wish someone a happy birthday, one must shout it from the rooftops, start a conga line in the middle of town, resurrect Julia Child to bake a triple layer ice cream cake!
  • Do you want to eat some ice cream? Come on, how about some chocolate cake? I never see you anymore. Come out the door. Come on let’s go and make a wish! Don’t tell me to ‘let it go’ because your birthday comes only once a year. We used to be best buddies but now we’re not. Do I really smell that bad? I want to wish you happy birthday, to your face. Not from behind a door.

I love parties. Happy Birthday.

  • I’m glad I don’t need Facebook to tell me it’s your birthday. Happy Birthday!
  • To show how not old we are I am going to wish you happy birthday in under 140 characters. #happybirthday #youngandhot #stillgettingcarded
  • Happy Birthday to someone who is aging better than Britney Spears AND Lindsay Lohan!!
  • Happy 16th Birthday, Sweetie! After digging out your old baby photo albums, I found the cutest picture of you wearing nothing but socks and a smile! I wished you happy birthday on your Facebook and Instagram. I couldn’t figure out how to upload the darn photo on Twitter. I hope you have a great day! I love you!

Just call me when the cake comes in.

  • May the odds be ever in your favor… and if they’re not I hope there is a Katniss to take your place because it isn’t going to be me!
  • Brace yourself. An explosion of Facebook notifications is coming. Happy Birthday from the Lannisters… we never forget.
  • “We got no food! We got no jobs! Our pets heads are falling off!!” I hope you are having a better day than Harry & Lloyd. Happy Birthday, friend!
  • You’re depressed about being another year older? Look on the bright side, you don’t live in North Korea where that evil dictator Kim Jong-un could kill you for it.
  • You know you’re old when your social calendar has bi-weekly ‘meet friends for coffee @ blood pressure clinic’ on it. Happy birthday, you old fart.
  • I promise when you get old and forgetful I won’t let you forget to wash your hands after you pee or feed the cat food to your cat and not yourself. Happy Birthday, Mother!

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> Avoid cracking any jokes that will hurt the other person’s feelings.

> Consider the person and his age while sending the joke.

> Be sure that the other person will take things in his/her stride.

> Make sure that you share that kind of leg pulling relationship with the person otherwise things can get awkward.

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Written by Mazusida
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