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Funny words of wisdom for the bride and groom

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Funny words of wisdom for the bride and groom
October 27, 2018 Anniversary Wishes 1 comment

Words of Wisdom for the bride and groom including funny and poignant quips and jokes to make your best man speech THE BEST MAN SPEECH.

All newly wed couples need a little bit of advice so send them on their way to married bliss with some sensible and not so sensible words of wisdom for your best man speeches.

  • (Groom), you will be given loads of advice from the married men here today, so let me give you mine; Always remember that it's very important to get along with your Mother in Law. I didn鈥檛 speak to mine for the first two years of my marriage. It wasn鈥檛 that I didn鈥檛 like her - I was just too polite to interrupt.


  • 聽These are some words of wisdom for the Bride and Groom.


  • Firstly ( Groom ) I'd like to share with you the women's dictionary.


  • 1. FINE .....She thinks she's right but you might have a good argument this means that you should shut up. YOU should never use the word fine especially about how she looks.
  • 2. FIVE MINUTES ...... This means half an hour very similar to the five minutes we use when a football match is on and she wants to go shopping. So fairs fair.
  • 3. NOTHING .......... if she says NOTHINGS up something's up you should be on your toes. NOTHING usually signifies an argument that will last "FIVE MINUTES" and will end with the word "FINE"
  • 4. GO AHEAD ...... Under no circumstances go ahead... it's a dare if you go ahead you're in for an argument about "NOTHING" that really means something that will last "FIVE MINUTES" and you won't be FINE .
  • 5. DONT WORRY ABOUT IT now be aware that this is a dangerous statement. This means it's something that she's asked you to do several times but is now doing it herself. This will later result in you asking What's wrong and the wife's response will be "nothing" I'm FINE.



  • Married life can be confusing, in the first year, the Bride speaks and the Groom listens, in the second year the Groom speaks and the Bride listens, and in the third year they both speak and the neighbours listen.

  • My Wife Says that I Never Listen or Something Like That...


  • The best way to remember your anniversary ..... is to forget it the once.


  • Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.

  • Now I'd like all the husbands and wives here to stare deeply into each other's eyes .................... statistically you are staring at the person most likely to murder you !

  • Statistics also say that married men live longer than single men this is not true It only seems longer.


  • I have recently discovered that most marriage break ups are down to the Husband thinking too much....... looks like we wont have a problem there then.


  • A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.


  • Wisdom can come from many places, but commitment must come from within.


  • Stay in love, Stay married, Stay hopeful and Stay together ........................ because divorce costs too much.


  • Marriage does'nt mean you own the other person............................... just all their stuff.


  • Never say goodnight or goodbye angry. Always ask yourself would you rather be right or would you rather be happy ?


  • I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.


  • Some of you may know (Bride) loves her cats now I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.


  1. Husband and Wife - Fun was had in bed
  2. Love and Marriage - Drama again, love
  3. Honeymoon - Money? oh no


  • A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.


  • 3 Rings make a marriage: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring and Murdering if you dont behave.


  • Its not how life starts, or how it ends.its what happens in between that matters.


  • Never forget to say those three magical words to her ...... Your right dear.


  • Marry Miss Right but make sure her first name is'nt Always.


  • Marriages are made in heaven. Then again so is thunder and lightning oh and tornado's.

We've gathered up ALL of the best advice out there on what it takes to have helping me create the MOST AMAZING “marriage advice bridal shower” for . The best way to get the last word in following an argument is to say, “I'm sorry. We have had friends that made fun of us for this but then later agreed.

Funny Wedding Wishes

funny words of wisdom for the bride and groom

Speaking in front of a crowd for any occasion needs a little prep, let alone the most important day of a couple's new life together. And giving a toast might seem like small potatoes among all of the things you have to do that day—but you still don't want to goof it up.

Whether you're the best man or maid of honor tasked with making a speech, one of the members of the happy couple wanting to honor your new love or a parent tasked with creating a touching moment, you want the words to come out right. Prevent yourself from becoming an "epic fail" meme all over social media (and you know people will be filming). Incorporate these heartfelt quotations, quick quips, or famous sayings into your wedding day speech or toast. 

Wedding Toast, From the Groom to the Bride

Here's to the prettiest, here's to the wittiest,
Here's to the truest of all who are true,
Here's to the neatest one, here's to the sweetest one,
Here's to them, all in one—here's to you.

To the Groom

Here's to the groom, a man who keeps his head though he loses his heart.

To the Bridesmaids

A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Here's to these beautiful bridesmaids.

We admire them for their beauty, respect them for their intelligence, adore them for their virtues, and love them because we can't help it.

To the Bride

May she share everything with her husband, including the housework.

Wedding Toast, From the Groom to the Bride

She knows all about me and loves me just the same.

Wedding Toast, From the Parents of the Bride and Groom

It is written: When children find true love, parents find true joy. Here's to your joy and ours, from this day forward.

To the Gathering

Let us toast the health of the bride;
Let us toast the health of the groom,
Let us toast the person that tied;
Let us toast every guest in the room.

To the Bride and Groom

Look down. you gods, and on this couple drop a blessed crown.

Remember that if you ever put your marital problems on the back burner, they are sure to boil over.

Happy marriages begin when we marry the one we love, and they blossom when we love the one we married.

My greatest wish for the two of you is that through the years your love for each other will so deepen and grow that years from now you will look back on this day, your wedding day, as the day you loved each other the least.

May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future.

Marriage: A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves—making, in all, two.

May the roof above you never fall in and may you both never fall out.

To the lamp of love—may it burn brightest in the darkest hours and never flicker in the winds of trial.

May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse.

The man or woman you really love will never grow old to you.
Through the wrinkles of time, through the bowed frame of years,
You will always see the dear face and feel
The warm heart union of your eternal love.

May you have many children
and may they grow mature in taste
and healthy in color
and as sought after
as the contents of the glass.

Quotes From the Famous

Rainer Maria Rilke
A good marriage is that in which each appoints the other guardian of his solitude.

Gwendolyn Brooks
We are each other’s harvest; we are each other’s business; we are each other’s magnitude and bond.

Jane Austen, "Pride and Prejudice"
Oh, Lizzy! Do anything rather than marry without affection.

Mignon McLaughlin
In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.

Friedrich Nietzsche
It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.

Franz Schubert
Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.

The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage.

Elizabeth Ashley
In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes.

George Jean Nathan
Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.

Elizabeth Gilbert
To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.

Robert Anderson"Solitaire & Double Solitaire"
In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.

Sydney J. Harris
Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity, yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.

Amy Grant
The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.

Mother Teresa
The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.

Paul Valery
Love is being stupid together.

American Proverb
You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.

Dr. James C. Dobson
Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.

Franklin P. Jones
Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

Kristen Kappel
Love is when you look into someone's eyes and see everything you need.

Lucy Van Peltin "Peanuts," by Charles M. Schulz
All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!

Tony Heath
Be presidents of each other's fan clubs.

Dave Meurer
A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.

Madonna
To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give; that takes courage. Because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.

WATCH THE VIDEO ON THEME: Touching wedding speech by father of the bride
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Irish wedding blessings for a happy couple on their big day

funny words of wisdom for the bride and groom

We've been there: You shop long and hard to find the perfect wedding card for the soon-to-be married couple and then you get home and have a pretty rough time figuring out what to write in it. The good news is, there are no hard-and-fast rules about what to write in a wedding card. As long as your wedding congratulations message is heartfelt and offers the couple a positive wish for their marriage, you're good to go.

Wedding Card Etiquette 101

It should almost go without saying that wedding cards are customary for anyone who wants to send wedding wishes to an engaged or newly married couple. If you're following traditional wedding guest etiquette, you'll either want to bring the card to the wedding reception or mail it directly to the couple (usually between the time you receive the wedding invitation and a few weeks after the wedding). Honestly though, you can send it whenever you want. You could even send a nice card if the wedding is small and you're not invited. Simply put: Wedding congratulations are welcome anytime by anyone!

As for the card itself, wedding cards come in lots of different formats—from standard greeting cards you find at a cute stationery shop to homemade cards, small tags attached to gifts and even simple, digitally created wedding messages that are printed and shipped to the couple with their gift. All of the above pass as a wedding card and are considered okay, so don't feel the need to have more than one. (Then again, if you bought a gift off the couple's registry and want them to also have a pretty card from you, take one to the reception and drop it in a wedding card box or on a gift table!)

Is It Okay to Write the Term "Congratulations?"

In short, yes. That said, it used to be saying or writing "congratulations" to a newly married woman was once considered a faux pas because it was thought of as congratulating her on actually landing a man! (Yep, you read that right.) Today though, that's considered an outdated rule and school of thought. Still, if the couple happens to be very traditional or come from a very traditional family, you might want to avoid the term altogether and just say "best wishes."

What to Write in a Wedding Card

The perfect wedding wish is sentimental, sweet and totally tailored to the couple. Is it for your favorite cousin and his new wife? Or your hilarious college roommate who finally settled down? Below are dozens of examples of wedding wishes quotes for inspiration. Use the quick links below to craft an amazing (genius!) wedding message:

Formal Wedding Wishes

Just because it's a formal wedding with floor-length dresses and tuxes doesn't mean you have to send a formal card with stuffy wording. (The card doesn't have to perfectly match the event.) Still, if you want to write a nice message that's timeless and romantic, a formal note is the way to go.

Examples:

  • "Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness."
  • "Your wedding day will come and go, but may your love forever grow."
  • "Best wishes on this wonderful journey, as you build your new lives together."
  • "May the years ahead be filled with lasting joy."
  • "May the love you share today grow stronger as you grow old together."
  • "May your joining together bring you more joy than you can imagine."
  • "May today be the beginning of a long, happy life together."
  • "Thank you for letting us/me share in this joyful day. We/I wish you all the best as you embark on this wonderful union."
  • "Wishing you joy, love and happiness on your wedding day and as you begin your new life together."
  • "May the love and happiness you feel today shine through the years."

Casual Wedding Wishes

If you don't feel comfortable with formal wedding sayings, then don't do it. Be yourself. It's completely fine to write a more casual wedding message in the card, no matter the recipient. Put it this way: Short and sweet is always fine, as long as you're saying something nice or including a wish for the couple's future.

Examples:

  • "Best wishes!"
  • "Congratulations!"
  • "Congratulations on your wedding!"
  • "We're/I'm so happy for you!"
  • "Wishing you lots of love and happiness."
  • "We/I love you. Congrats!"
  • "Lots of love today and beyond."
  • "Here's a little something to start your life together." (If you're including a gift.)
  • "Hugs and kisses."
  • "Wishing you a long and happy marriage."
  • "Here's to a long and happy marriage!"
  • "Wishing you the best today and always."
  • "So happy to celebrate this day with you both!"
  • "Best wishes for a fun-filled future together."

Funny Wedding Wishes

Go ahead and write something funny in the card that you think will make them laugh. Just be careful with your marriage wishes. What might easily come across as a joke in conversation could be taken the wrong way on paper. As a rule of thumb, avoid jokes that are sarcastic or snarky. Also off-limits? Steer clear of anything that could be considered insulting, imply that one of them is the "better half" or mention anything about it having taken way too long (or way too little time) to get married. Oh, and no divorce jokes!

Examples:

  • "As Bill and Ted said, 'Be excellent to each other.'"
  • "Thanks for inviting us to eat and drink while you get married. Congrats!"
  • "Wishing you lots of love—and lots of makeup sex!" (If this is appropriate given your relationship with the couple.)
  • "Our marriage advice: Love, honor and… scrub the toilet." (Or fill in any other funny advice you have.)
  • "Love is all you need… stick with that crap and you'll do great!" (If this is appropriate given your relationship with the couple.)
  • "Treat marriage like a hockey game. No roughing!"
  • "Thanks for the free booze. Best wishes on a long, happy marriage!"
  • "Getting married is like going to drama school. May there be more comedy than melodrama."

Religious Wedding Wishes

If the couple is religious, then this might be the best option. Religious wedding card messages can mention God, tell them of your prayers or quote scripture. Before writing a religious message in a wedding card, consider the couple's beliefs and practices, and customize the message to them. If they aren't too religious or don't worship regularly, something very religious could make them uncomfortable, so it's be best to tone down religious elements or avoid them altogether. And if you're unsure of what religious message to write, opt for more general wedding words instead.

Christian Examples:

  • "May God bless you and your union."
  • "May God grant you all of life's blessings and love's joys."
  • "Sending you prayers for unending love and happiness."
  • "God bless you both on this day with a lifetime of shared love and joy."
  • "May the One who brought you together bless your marriage, enrich your lives and deepen your love throughout the years."
  • " 'God has poured out His love into our hearts.' – Romans 5:5"
  • " 'Love is patient. Love is kind… Love never fails.' – 1 Corinthians 13:4-13"

Jewish Examples:

  • "Mazel Tov! May the joy that is yours today always fill your life."
  • " 'I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine.' – Shir Ha'Shirim/Song of Songs 6:3" Or " 'Ani L'Dodi, v'Dodi Li.' – Shir Ha'Shirim/Song of Songs 6:3"
  • "May you be blessed."
  • "Mazel Tov on your wedding!" or "Mazel Tov on your marriage!"

Wedding Wishes for a Family Member

When writing a wedding card for family, you can go very general or very personal—it's completely up to you and the type of message you want to convey.

Examples:

  • "Congratulations on your marriage, and welcome to the family!"
  • "We are/I am so happy to welcome a new family member. Best wishes to you both!"
  • "We're/I'm so happy [name] has found 'the one.' Welcome to the family!"
  • "We're delighted to share this day with you both."
  • "What a wonderful day for our family, and especially you two. May the joy you feel today last a lifetime."
  • "Today, we add one more member to our family, and we couldn't be happier. Best wishes to you both."
  • "What a wonderful addition to our family. We're/I'm so happy to share in your celebration. Congratulations!"
  • "We/I couldn't be happier to call you both family. Best wishes for a long and happy future together."
  • "We/I love you both. Thanks for letting us share in your celebration!"
  • "Congrats! Love and hugs."

Wedding Wishes for Your Sister or Brother and Sister-in-Law or Brother-in-Law

So you're writing a message on your brother's or sister's wedding card? The key here is personality. In some cases, sibling relationships are strained, in which case you might want to go general. But more often, your brother or sister is the person whom you know best, to whom you can make inside jokes or recall some of your favorite moments together. Just remember to mention the new spouse in your note!

Examples:

  • "It seems like yesterday we were playing 'house' in the backyard, and now you get to do it in real life. I couldn't be happier for you both. Congratulations!"
  • "I always wanted a brother/sister and now I get one. Congratulations to you both on finding one another."
  • "Best wishes to my best friend and sister/brother and new sister/brother as you start your life together."
  • "We/I love you both. Today I gain a new sibling and I couldn't be happier!"
  • "Lots of love and happiness to you both on this exciting and joyful day for our family."
  • "Remember when you made that list of qualities of a 'perfect man/woman?' Well, you found him/her. Lots of love now and always."
  • "Lots of love to the best sister/brother in the whole world and her/his new partner for life. May you have a marriage full of love and happiness!"
  • "You bring my sister/brother so much joy. All my love!"
  • "I'm so thankful to have a sister/brother like you. And I wish you and your new husband/wife lifelong joy."
  • "My/our deepest love and very best wishes to you both."

Wedding Wishes for Your Son or Daughter and Son-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law

It's a big deal when your son or daughter marries. And when you're the mother or father of the bride or groom, you'll most likely feel a flurry of emotions that are extra tricky to get down on paper. What's most important is that you wish the couple well. From there, add in some personal touches to the otherwise standard wedding wishes quote to give your wedding card message meaning. If you're happily married, you could even add some of your own marriage advice.

Examples:

  • "We are/I am so happy to welcome a new son/daughter to the family."
  • "What a wonderful day for our family, and especially you two. May the joy you feel today last a lifetime."
  • "Today, we add one more member to our family, and we couldn't be happier. Best wishes to you both."
  • "Best wishes to my son/daughter and son-in-law/daughter-in-law as you start your life together."
  • "We/I love you both. We/I couldn't be happier!"
  • "Lots of love and happiness to you both on this exciting and joyful day for our family."
  • "My/our deepest love and very best wishes to you both."
  • "Son/daughter, I/we feel many emotions on this day. Most of all, I'm/we're happy you've found someone wonderful to share your life with. Best wishes to you both."
  • "We/I know we're/I'm not losing a son/daughter. We're/I'm gaining a son/daughter. Much happiness to you."

What to Write on a Wedding Card to a Friend

It's just as good of a choice to go classic with wedding wording on a friend's wedding card as it is to get specific and personal. Before you write, consider your relationship and how funny, serious, personal or sentimental you want to get with your wedding wishes. Then go from there.

Examples:

  • "I'm so happy to call you both my friends. Congratulations!"
  • "That fortune-teller we saw in Vegas was right. You did meet the man/woman of your dreams. Best wishes to you both!"
  • "Of all the big life events we've celebrated over the years, today tops the list. Congrats!"
  • "Thank you for inviting me to share in this day with you and your family. Best wishes."
  • "I'm/we're so thrilled to celebrate this wonderful day with you both."
  • "Best wishes for a long and happy life together."
  • "May you bring each other as much happiness as your friendship has brought to my life -- and more!"
  • "We've had so many laughs together! May you always make each other laugh!"
  • "Here's to love and friendship!"
  • "Congratulations to a wonderful friend and his/her new husband/wife."

What to Say in a Wedding Card to a Coworker

When writing a card to your coworker who's getting married, you're probably not going to want to wish them "lots of love." Instead, it's best to go with general wording. Use one of the formal or casual examples above, or see below for a few appropriate, work-inspired quotes. All that said, it's more than possible that your coworker is a good friend. If that's the case, scroll up to "Wedding Card Wishes for a Friend."

Examples:

  • "Thank you for inviting me to share in this day with you and your family. Best wishes."
  • "I'm so glad to have gotten to know you at work, and I wish you and your new husband/wife a long and happy life together."
  • "Best wishes to a very cool coworker and his/her new husband/wife."
  • "Wishing you success—and most of all happiness—in your marriage."
  • "You've got a new title: husband/wife! Wishing you and your spouse the best."
  • "What a wonderful day to celebrate my coworker and his/her spouse. All the best to you both in your marriage."

Wedding Card Sayings for a Parent and Stepparent

Whether you're thrilled or lukewarm about the union, if your mom or dad is getting married (or remarried), it's completely normal to agonize a little over the right wedding card wording. Our best piece of advice? Be honest and tell the truth. Don't say you're crazy about the new husband or wife if you're not, but instead wish them both a happy future together. After all, isn't that what you want for your parent?

Examples:

  • "Congratulations! [Name of stepparent], you make my mom/dad so happy. I look forward to getting to know you better."
  • "Mom/Dad, I'm so happy you found a partner to share your life with. Congratulations."
  • "I'm/we're thrilled you make each other so happy. Best wishes!"
  • "Welcome to the family. We love you both!"
  • "Mom/Dad, thank you for all the advice you've given me over the years. Now here's mine: [Fill in your own advice]."
  • "I'm overjoyed to see you so happy. Lots of love."
  • "Mom/Dad, we/I love you. [Name of stepparent], we/I warmly welcome you to the family. Congratulations."
  • "I'll give you the advice you once gave me. [Fill in your parent's best love advice.]"
  • "To the best mom/dad I could ever ask for, and his/her new husband/wife. Much happiness to you both."
  • "So now we get to enjoy [stepparent's name]'s cooking on holidays? Yes!" (Or refer to something else you really like about the new stepparent.)

Giving a best man speech or a father of the bride speech? Browse our list of funny opening lines for wedding speeches, and kick things off with a joke! bridesmaid, groomsman, bridesman, groomsmaid, father of the bride/groom, mother I always knew it would be hard to follow and I was right, I couldn't follow a word of it.

Funniest Marriage Advice and Quotes to Laugh Out Loud

funny words of wisdom for the bride and groom

Ah, weddings – the joyous, official ceremony for two individuals deeply in love with each other. You’ll need some funny marriage advice too to make everyone laugh! Like the vow says, ‘in sick and in health, till death do us part’. Well, at least a short part of it says that anyway. Here’s what you can expect at weddings – wedding vows, wedding toasts (not bread!), good food and some light partying. Perhaps you’d even find some champagne and wine to add to the occasion, although that is fully dependent on the couple’s preference.

Of course, like all other starting of marriages, you are going to need some unique and special wedding quotes or messages to spice it all up. You can have these on wedding cards, on a mini blackboard as your wishes to the couple, or simple as a light-hearted wedding toast that you can give them! Alternatively, you might be needing some marriage advice from your elders before you walk down the aisle. Psst, even if you’re the groom looking for inspiration on what to say for your wedding speech to your wife, we understand! Whatever it is that you’re looking for, you can take a look at the list of funny marriage advice and quotes below and bend it to your needs!

 

Funny Marriage Advice

Here are some funny marriage advice and quotes you’ll love.

Marriage Tip: The smell of cigarettes is hard to hide…McDonald’s breath is harder…
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Marriage Tip: Bad Day? Starbucks Need to apologize? Starbucks Last minute gift? Starbucks Lost the kids?


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Marriage Tip: Marriage is 5% love, 5% compromise, and 90% knowing when you’ve already lost an argument and just folding the laundry for once, Ted…


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Marriage Tip: Never respond to a question that starts with “I need an honest opinion…” unless there are clean sheets for the guest bed!
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Marriage Tip: An anniversary lasts a day, a forgotten anniversary survives the eventual heat death of the universe and into the afterlife…

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Marriage Tip: Marriage is all about “What’s mine is yours” with the exception of the iron curtain that divides sides of the bed.

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Marriage Tip: Change your scale units from pounds to kilograms to lose half your weight overnight!


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Marriage Tip: Everyone’s shower is cold if you’re the only one that knows how to fix the water heater.
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Marriage Tip: Posting pictures of sentimental gifts to Facebook lets you remember what/when you were given an item by your spouse!

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Marriage Tip: When in doubt….just get her a puppy…

 

Funny Marriage Advice and Quotes

WATCH THE VIDEO ON THEME: How to Give an Awesome Best Man Speech With Ideas For A Funny & Emotional Wedding Toast

Struggling to find the right words for a wedding card message? If you're close to the bride or groom and know them to have a good sense of humour, Some future advice for the Groom: the most effective way to remember.

funny words of wisdom for the bride and groom
Written by Nemuro
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