Funny words of wisdom for new moms

Advice For New Parents

There is no sugar coating it. Parenting is the most fulfilling and wondrous thing you will ever experience, but it is hard! It can be gut-wrenching. Which is why this post offers REAL advice for new parents.

Funny Advice For New Moms

1. Parenting is a job like any other job. No one loves their job 100% of the time.
2. It’s okay not to “love” every moment of motherhood.
3. It’s okay to go back to work.
4. You are your own worst critic. No one is judging you more than you are judging yourself.
5. Even the best parents don’t know what they’re doing sometimes. We’re all just winging it.
6. It’s okay to make mistakes.
7. If you think there is something wrong, there probably is. Check it out!
8. It’s okay if you don’t fall in love with your baby right away.
9. You may need more naps than what you’d expect.
10. Sometimes you will feel stuck in the middle of your kids.
11. Sleep deprivation sucks but it won’t kill you.
12. Being a mother is THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB YOU WILL EVER HAVE. Try to enjoy it. No really, actually try to enjoy it.
13. Days will seem slow but years fly by in the blink of an eye.
14. The best you can do is to love your children, your husband and yourself.
15. Your friends will eventually understand why, as a mother of a baby, you look like a zombie.
16. You can feel 40 different emotions within 5 minutes. Sometimes, all at once!
17. Asking for help is a WIN, not a fail.
18. We can have all we want. We just can’t have it all at once.
19. Celebrate the small victories. Is everyone fed, clothed and seemingly happy? If so – good job.
20. Don’t compare your worst days to someone else’s best days.
21. Asking for help just to take a shower, or to go to the bathroom, is okay.
22. Take time for romance, despite the exhaustion, mommy belly, etc.
23. The 2am, 4am, 6am feedings will pass. It does get better.
24. Mothering: If you can still laugh at yourself, you’re doing it right.
25. Household chores can wait.
26. Say yes to your children as often as you can, provided they are safe and happy.
27. Don’t compare yourself to others. You are you. Besides, you may not be comparing yourself to a true picture.
28. Be kind to yourself. Take a break.
29. As soon as you are able to, develop a routine, and include a shower for yourself.
30. There is no prize for being Supermom. Stop trying to be one.
31. Motherhood is NOT a competition.
32. Pinterest, Facebook, and the internet, in general, is not going away. Check those out later when your kids are asleep. Your children come first.
33. Breakfast for dinner is okay. Kids love it!
34. Treat yourself as you would treat someone else who is overwhelmed.
35. It’s all temporary. They really do grow fast, and in the end, you will remember only the good stuff. If you remember the bad stuff, it will seem funny.
36. A bad day doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent.
37. If the day didn’t go well, try again tomorrow.
38. They won’t remember the messy house. They’ll remember that they were loved.
39. It’s okay not to be good at scrapbooking. It’s okay if everything is piled away in a box that you will likely never sort through.
40. Choose your battles.
41. Any person who makes the baby and toddler years sound wonderful, is no longer in it. Either that or they have a nanny or au-pair.
42. You don’t have to do it all.
43. In a few years, you won’t be sorry about taking your kids to the drive-thru for dinner.
44. Your kids think you’re amazing and beautiful.
45. Spend time with your child – the dishes/ laundry/ whatever can wait.
46. Laugh out loud when there are cereal and flour and milk all over the floor, and permanent marker on the couch. Laugh when you think your house cannot look any worse.
47. Being a mom doesn’t mean you have to give up on the things you love – the things that make you, you.
48. Postpartum depression can last for up to a year.
49. Don’t stress over the fact that they’re watching ‘another’ show or something that is not perfect – especially when you’ve had a hard day.
50. When you think your kids cannot be any more disobedient or negligent or irresponsible or fill in the blank. Take a moment for yourself and go watch a comedy or a sitcom.
51. Having fun is way more important than following imaginary rules set by supposedly perfect parents or experts who’ve never been parents themselves.
52. Stressing over the little things is not worth it.
53. Don’t analyze your marriage or your life in the first year after your baby is born.
54. Even on the days that you doubt yourself, your kids will still think you’re the best.
55. Your body will never be the same, but it would still be beautiful.
56. Don’t listen to others. Do it YOUR way.
57. Ponytails are technically a hair-do.
58. There is no right way. It’s your way.
59. You don’t have to do what the books say. Do what feels right for you.
60. If you don’t have a job or other kids to take care of, remove the clocks from your house. Sleep when you and baby want to, eat when you want to.
61. It’s okay to cosleep or not to cosleep. Who cares what others say.
62. All this will pass. One day, you’ll be a granny and you will get to see your children being good parents because you were a good parent.
63. Stop trying to make everything perfect.
64. It gets easier. Sleep will come, eventually, and you will feel more like yourself again.
65. It’s okay to cry.
66. Have more snowball fights.

Thanks for reading this post about “Advice for New Parents.” From one mom to another, I do hope it’s helpful. I hope it helps you realize that we all feel overwhelmed and incapable and… fill in the blanks. But knowing there are others who are feeling the same way, makes you feel less alone.

And if I could quote one piece of advice for new parents: It’s temporary.

If you have even more advice for new parents, definitely add it in the comments. We’d be happy to add it to the list because THIS is a community service of moms helping moms.

Funny Baby Quotes

Here's a collection of funny baby quotes! 

It's not always easy with a newborn in the house and having a new baby or kids in general is not always fun. I know that first-hand... Take a funny saying about parenthood and family life and brighten the new parents' day. Everybody will be able to relate!  

funny baby quote by Leo Burke

If you are looking for inspirational quotes for babies, please follow the link at the bottom of this page. 

Funny Quotes For Parents Of Newborn Babies:

I love Daddy!

A perfect example of minority rule is a baby in the house.  (Milwaukee Journal)

A child enters your home and for the next twenty years makes so much noise you can hardly stand it. The child departs, leaving the house so silent you think you are going mad. (John Andrew Holmes)

Insomnia: A contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.
(Shannon Fife)

A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be. (unknown)

The art of being a parent is to sleep when baby is not looking. (unknown)

Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.
(Ed Howe)

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
(Franklin P. Jones)

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'.  (Bruce Lansky)

Before I got married I had six theories about raising children. Now, I have six children and no theories. (John Wilmot)  

The only things kids wear out faster than their shoes are their parents. (John J. Plomp)

24/7. Once you sign on to be a mother, that's the only shift they offer! (Jodi Picoult)

The hardest part of raising a child is having to stick to all these rules yourself! (unknown)

Children nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannise their teachers (Sokrates) ... but just a little toothless smile and mummy and daddy are happy!

More Funny Baby Sayings:

Babies are always more trouble than you thought - and more wonderful.
(Charles Osgood)

Starting today, it is me who'll decide when we get up! - baby

People who say, they sleep like a baby, usually don't have one.  (Leo Burke)

Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be very rough.  (Wilhelm Busch)

Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. (Carol Burnett)

A conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. (unknown)

There's this girl who stole my heart... She calls me Daddy! (unknown)

Life doesn't get more real than having a newborn at home. (Eric Church)

I have given up single-life and have moved to a shared apartment - I like it there! - baby

Today I have given notice on my studio apartment and have moved in with my parents. - baby  

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me. But I think she enjoyed it. (Mark Twain)

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised moment than most people can do all day...

funny newborn quote

Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math. (unknown)

Your home has just been enlarged... by 2 feet. (unknown)

Good moms have sticky floors, messy kitchens, laundry piles, dirty ovens and happy kids. (unknown)

My fingers may be small, but I've got daddy (mom, my parents) wrapped around them. (unknown)

There is only one pretty child in the world - and every mother has it! (Chinese proverb)

Having a new baby is like suddenly getting the world's worst room mate. (Anne Lamott)

Although there are many trial marriages there is no such thing as a trial child. (Gail Sheehy)

For a little sister or brother:

In the cookies of life, sisters / brothers are the chocolate chips. (unknown)

this is love...

Use These Humorous Newborn Quotes And Messages For:

These new baby sayings are great for use in your baby congratulation cards or baby shower cards. They make the new parents smile and you can write them together with some personal sentences for the new family.

A (new) parent might like to write them down as a baby announcement message, in a photo album or in a family scrapbook. And they make nice nursery wall art, too. 

Funny Baby Quotes For Twins:

It's double the giggles and double the grins, and double the trouble, if you're blessed with twins. (unkown)  

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.
(Josh Billings)

Twins: born with a best friend! (unknown)

Not double trouble, but twice blessed! (unknown) 

A good neighbor will babysit. A great neighbor will babysit twins! (unknown) 

Twins: two unique souls united by birth. (unknown)  

Baby twins: born together, grown together - friends forever! (unknown)  

You used to have time. Now you have twins! (unknown)

On yourtwin birth announcement: We used to have time. Now we have twins!

insomnia...

Browse new baby poems and poems for twin babies.

Best Baby Gifts Homepage.

Recently, we had an awesome discussion on our Facebook page about the best parenting advice we ever got. Which led to some insightful, honest, and often hilarious contributions from our own community.

Here, a wonderful range of parenting advice from our very own readers. And hey, don’t be shy on jumping in on Cool Mom Picks Facebook discussions; you never know who you might be helping.

1. When people ask if your child sleeps through the night, just lie and say yes. It helps you avoid all that sleep advice. -Nancy

2. It’s okay to mourn your old life and think, “Dear God what have we done!” -Lindsey

3. Ask for help. Accept help when offered. -Mom the Pirate

4. Supermom doesn’t exist -Ducks in a Row

5. Ask yourself whether what you are upset about will be important in five years or even in five minutes. -Nancy

6. You’re not a bad mom if you don’t love every single stage of child-rearing. -Susan

7. Don’t try to accomplish too much in any given day. Aim for one thing: grocery shopping, unloading the dishwasher, a walk around the block. But not all three. -Mommy Gearest

8. Read your baby, not your baby book. You are enough. -Leah

9. You’ll never look back and wish you held your baby less. -Christine

10. It’s perfectly okay to abandon a shopping cart full of groceries if your baby gets fussy. -Rachel S

11. Buy a pair of nice cotton pajamas and wear them for two weeks after birth to remind your family that you’re still recovering. (And to remind your husband that you’re not back to your bouncy self!) -Sarah

12. Don’t compare your chaotic, sleepless life to other “edited” versions. -Rhiannon

13. Just when you think you’ve reached the best milestone with your baby, it keeps getting better. -Sheila

14. Beware of everyone who wants to tell you the right way to do things: breast feeding, foods, sleeping arrangements. They all want to sell you something. -Tess

15. It’s okay to cry. And it’s okay to be tired. Take a moment, recharge, and bury your face in your baby’s neck. Breathe him in and stop for a moment, counting to ten. And then suddenly, it’s all okay again. Repeat as necessary. – Mahta

16. Airline attendants tell the adult passengers to put their own oxygen masks on before helping small children. It’s okay to let a baby cry for two minutes if you need to pee or to make a sandwich. -Karen

17. You’re a good mom if you’re doing your best. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not. – Sheila

18. If you breast feed, bite on a leather belt before you chip a tooth from the initial pain. -Tess

19. Walk. With the baby. Even it’s just to the corner. The fresh air will do you both good. -Pea to Pumpkin

20. The days are long but the years are short. -Rachel

21. This too shall pass. -Bree

Do you agree with these suggestions? What was your favorite parenting advice you ever got as a new parent?

Tags: humor, parenting

Congratulations! You’re a new mom, or you soon will be, and you are over the advice from “experts.” What you need is some hard-core, from-the-trenches, say-it-like-it-is advice. You’ve come to the right place.

Photo credit: Jessica Peterson/Brand X Pictures/Getty Images

Advice sucks

Childbirth is the most painful, life-altering event most women will ever experience. It is our unspoken bond, and it makes us all think that a) we are experts on children and b) we are now licensed to share unsolicited advice. All you can do is listen politely, smile and nod, take away what makes sense and put the rest in your mental diaper pail. The only exception to this is if the advice is coming from your mother-in-law. In this situation, it’s OK to get up and leave the room (because after living with her son and learning all the supreme ways in which she dropped the ball, you really don’t have the patience to take parenting advice from her).

About poop…

You might think we’re going to give you a few tips on how to handle your tiny new poop rocket, but we’re going to focus on you. There is an undeniable truth about childbirth that no one will tell you, because if they did, we’d all stop having babies. After you have a baby, your bowels will go on hiatus — and when they finally give up their stubborn battle against you, it will make childbirth seem like a walk in the park. See “Wives’ tales that work” below for a time-honored remedy.

Babies are creatures of habit

As a new mother, you need to develop a well-thought-out strategy for how you want to spend your days and nights. If you nurse a baby every five minutes, she’ll want to eat every five minutes. If you carry a baby around on your body like a kangaroo all day, he will not want to be separated from you. If you rock a baby to sleep every single night, she won’t go to sleep without being rocked — and once you put her down, she will wake up.

You can still enjoy breastfeeding, wearing and rocking your baby, bearing a few things in mind. If you get your baby on a routine feeding schedule, preferably one that allows for three- to four-hour breaks between each feeding, you and your nipples will be a lot happier. If you want to wear your infant for an hour at a time, knock yourself out — but take breaks throughout the day. Carrying your baby around all day on your person turns your baby into a Stage 5 clinger, and it ruins your back. Lastly, feel free to rock your baby for five to 10 minutes at bedtime, but put that little guy in a crib after that unless you want to be chained to a rocking chair until he’s in junior high.

Keep female relatives close

We’ve all wondered why humans have the parent/child relationship for at least 18 years, right? It’s so your mother, grandmothers and aunts can serve as knowledgeable experts when the next generation has a baby. Lean on mothers you respect within your family or your circle. They will be all too happy to assist. Steer clear of the moms whose kids turned out like freaks. You can turn your kids into freaks all on your own — you don’t need help for that. If you don’t have any of these women in your life, don’t worry. That’s what Ask-a-Nurse is for.

Wives’ tales that work

Like most mothers, I’m going to give you unsolicited advice on wives’ tales that made sense to me, so I tried them and they worked.

• I nursed all day and fed my babies formula at night. They both slept through the night at six weeks. (Nipple confusion is bunk.)

• When your bowels freeze up on you after childbirth, mix equal parts of prune juice and 7Up (it’s not bad — it kind of tastes like Dr Pepper). Drink once or twice a day. You’re welcome.

• If your baby falls asleep with a pacifier, slip it out of her mouth about 10 minutes after she falls asleep, so she doesn’t wake up when it falls out a half-hour into her nap. It also makes it easier to break the child of a pacifier later on.

• Don’t force potty-training. It will become a contest of wills, and your toddler will win. Also, once you think, “Fine! I don’t care if this kid goes to Kindergarten in diapers!” that’s right about the time he will potty train.

• Sleep when your baby sleeps. The end. The filth and bills can wait. You’ll be a much more effective mother if you don’t hate your baby three weeks into being a mom because you’re sleep-deprived.

More for new moms

How Google is helping moms breastfeed
How to get your groove back after having a baby
Dealing with sleep deprivation