Very funny jokes and wishes. Enjoy our joke collection here at short-funny.com. Birthday Jokes and Funny Birthday Wishes One Liners · Hilarious Jokes.
1. “Two older men sit on a park bench. One says, “Joe, I’m 84 years old, and I have nothing but aches and pains. How do you feel?” Joe says, “I feel like a newborn babe!” “Really, a newborn babe?” “Yes! I have no teeth, no hair, and I think I might’ve wet my pants!” Happy birthday!”
2. “Listen, I hate to be the one to do this, but you need to get your birthday habit under control. It’s been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will, in fact, kill you. So give it a rest will you?”
3. “Happy birthday! Want to feel young and thin again? Let’s go hang out with a bunch of old and fat people.”
4. “Happy birthday! You know you’re getting old when you never walk past a bathroom without saying “well, I’m here already – I may as well pee.””
5. “You know what they say: it’s better to be over the hill than buried 6 feet underneath it. Happy birthday!”
6. “On your birthday I’m going to share the secret to staying young: lying about your age.”
7. “Smile – today is your birthday. Be happy and remember that things could be worse. Just think about what you’ll be like in ten years – yikes!”
8. “Happy birthday! Congrats on joining the 28-years-old-forever club. We have millions of members all over the world.”
9. “Congratulations on finally reaching the snapdragon phase of your life: one part of you has snapped, and the other part of you is dragging. Happy birthday!”
10. “Happy birthday! They say that age is just a number. Yea right – and jail is just a room!”
11. “Don’t be bummed about your birthday! You know what they say: it’s better to be a year older than to be one month late. Happy birthday!”
12. “Happy birthday! Today, I would advise you to be nice to your kids. Remember, the older you get, the closer you get to having them choose a nursing home.”
13. “Wait – you’re how old today? You’re so lucky you’re not a dog. They would have put you down by now. Oh, well! Happy birthday!”
14. “Congratulations! You only look one year older than you did on your last birthday.”
15. “Happy birthday! May you live to be so old, people start wondering if you’re the walking dead.”
16. “Here’s to you on your birthday! May you live to be so old, you sincerely wish you were dead.”
17. “Happy birthday! Don’t let a 27-year old Olympic gold medal winner make you feel like a failure on your birthday.”
18. “Happy birthday. I’m so sorry you’ve reached an age where pop culture marketers are no longer targeting you.”
19. “It’s a special day – your birthday! Let’s go out and celebrate you being one year closer to removing your age from your Facebook profile.”
20. “Happy birthday! Congrats on reaching an age that makes your receding hairline seem appropriate.”
21. “Forgetting your birthday was merely an April Fool’s Joke. Unless, of course, I did remember it, in which case – please disregard this message. Happy birthday!”
22. “I wish you a very happy birthday! Just please remember to tell me how old you’re pretending to be, so we can keep up the charade.”
23. “Happy birthday to a person whose age now makes them cry even more than the day they came into this world.”
24. “Happy birthday to someone who is now taking drugs on their birthday for serious medical reasons.”
25. “I’m so sorry for sending you belated birthday wishes. Honestly, I didn’t think you would live this long. Happy birthday!”
26. “Happy birthday! I sincerely hope that you don’t take this early birthday message as a sign that you might not make it.”
27. “On your birthday, remember this: age is only a number that represents how attractive, happy and able-bodied you are. Really, it’s nothing to get worked up over. Happy birthday!”
28. “Wishes may come and go, but age always sticks with you. Happy birthday!”
29. “I believe you forgot my birthday present last year. I’m returning the favor this year. I’m afraid a Happy Birthday is all you’re going to get.”
30. “Happy summer birthday! Get out and enjoy it while you’re still young enough to not fall into the “high risk” category for heat stroke death.”
31. “Happy birthday! You’re how old? Oh man – that’s like, dead in dog years.”
32. “I would be so much more into your birthday if it were my birthday.”
33. “You know, I would be a whole lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will. Happy birthday!”
34. “Happy birthday! Let’s celebrate the anniversary of your clever escape from the womb.”
35. “As you get older, there are three important things that happen. First, you lose your mind. I can’t remember the other two. Happy birthday!”
36. “Happy birthday! Remember this today: if you lick all the frosting off a cupcake, it becomes a muffin – and muffins are healthy.”
37. “Happy birthday! After seeing all the candles on your cake, I seriously hope that you topped off your fire insurance.”
38. “Happy birthday to the one person I hope is still around when the iPhone 547 comes out.”
39. “A “few” years ago, you were smart, handsome and young. Today, you’re just an old fart. Happy birthday!”
40. “Happy birthday! May the number of candles outnumber your gray hairs.”
41. “Wishing a happy birthday to someone who should probably start worrying about what the government is saying about Medicare.”
42. “I know you received so many birthday wishes yesterday, but who’s here with you today? That’s right! Me.”
43. “Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.”
44. “You know, they say that age is really all in the mind. The key is to prevent it from trickling down into your body. Happy birthday!”
45. “Experts say that people lose their minds when they get old. What they forget to mention is that you really won’t miss it. Happy birthday!”
46. “Happy birthday! You know you’re old when the candles start costing more than the cake.”
47. “On your birthday, I want you to remember that you are only as old as you feel. But you’ll still always be older than me. Happy birthday!”
48. “Happy birthday. It’s official – you can now begin your quarter-life crisis.”
49. “It’s your birthday today, and I’m once again reminded how old I’m getting. Oh well – enjoy your day!”
50. “Today, you turn 29! I promise to stop counting the years after this one. Happy birthday.”
51. “Happy birthday to someone who is old enough to have had a Blockbuster card.”
52. “I hope that your birthday is the best it can possibly be for someone who can barely function in society.”
53. “Happy birthday!! You only look as old as the last selfie you took.”
54. “Happy birthday, babe! We’re such a great match because you hate celebrating your birthday, and I’m just too darn lazy to plan anything.”
55. “Happy birthday to someone we’ll never have to say “died too young”.”
56. “Wishing you a very happy birthday. You don’t look a day over whatever age you were just a few years ago.”
57. “Happy birthday! Let’s go see Jurassic World. It’ll make you feel less like a dinosaur.”
58. “I was going to send you a paper card, but my Internet connection came back just in time for me to send you his message.”
59. “Happy birthday to someone who has attended more birthday parties for kids than adults this year.”
60. “Happy birthday! We’re so glad we can count you among the living for another year.”
61. “Happy birthday weekend! You’re so lucky that you don’t have to endure an office birthday party.”
62. “It’s your birthday – a time for celebration. You’ve now reached an age where you can use the candles on your cake to light up your entire home. Happy birthday!”
63. “Happy birthday to someone who’s age has finally surpassed their number of Twitter followers.”
64. “I’m sending this birthday wish to someone who is now too old to sit through a whole movie without having to get up to use the bathroom.”
65. “I hope your birthday is filled with happiness and joy. Oh, you’re spending it with your family? I’m sorry –truly.”
66. “For your birthday this year, I’m going to give you a piece of paper that might be worth $450 million – but is probably really worth nothing.”
67. “Happy birthday to someone who is so old and lonely, they could be the subject of a spooky Halloween ghost story.”
68. “Happy birthday! May you live to be so old, handicapped stalls become a necessity and not just a spacious place to do your business.”
69. “I hope that you live to be so old, your family members talk about you like you’re not even there. Happy birthday!”
70. “Hey – don’t stress about getting older. You’re still young enough to be a professional curler, and that’s saying something. Happy birthday!”
71. “Happy birthday! I would have bought you a present, but I didn’t think you wanted me to take money out of the alcohol budget.”
72. “Sending birthday wishes to someone who can still pass for a non-embarrassing age.”
73. “May you live long enough to be the direct cause of a Silver Alert. Happy birthday!”
74. “Happy birthday to someone I truly hope is not having a mid-life crisis.”
75. “Happy birthday to someone I hope realizes is way too old to go snowboarding or surfing.”
76. “Congratulations! You’re now so old, you’ll need performance-enhancing drugs just to ride a stationary bike. Happy birthday!”
77. “Wishing a happy birthday to someone who is old enough to have sent out birthday wishes on MySpace.”
78. “Happy birthday to someone who is almost old enough to die from the flu.”
79. “Happy birthday to a person so old, they use their smartphone to make an actual phone call.”
80. “Here’s to a special birthday! May you get so intoxicated, you forget how old you’re getting.”
81. “I hope your birthday is at least half as exciting as you portray it on Facebook and Instagram. Happy birthday!”
82. “Happy birthday! You’ve now reached an age where it’s no longer appropriate to claim you’re 29.”
83. “Happy birthday to the one person whose agelessness is incredibly irritating.”
84. “Happy birthday and congratulations on becoming that “old, weird” person at summer music festivals.”
85. “It’s your birthday – let’s over-celebrate!”
86. “Happy birthday, girl. I remember a time when you weren’t so disturbingly old.”
87. “Happy birthday to you – and your newest chin.”
88. “Happy birthday! I’m just here for some cake.”
89. “Hey there! Happy birthday! I was going to bake you a delicious rum cake, but I decided to go with a regular cake. Also, I’m really drunk.”
90. “Birthdays are nothing more than nature’s way of telling us to sit down and eat more cake! I’m so glad that today is your birthday, and I can eat – I mean, share – your cake.”
91. “Happy birthday, old man! You know, when I turned two, I panicked because in one year, I doubled my age. I thought, if I keep going this way, I’ll be 64 by the time I turn 5. Thank goodness things don’t work this way.”
92. “Happy birthday to someone who thought they would have it all together by the time they reached this age.”
93. “You look great birthday girl – considering your age. Happy birthday!”
94. “Happy birthday! Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell anyone how old you really are.”
95. “They say that wisdom comes with age. That’s why you’re the wisest person I know. Happy birthday!”
96. “You know you’ve reached the old age when you back your car into the neighbor’s swimming pool from across the street and still believe that it was the car’s fault. You’re not quite there yet, but you’re close. Happy birthday!”
97. “As people get older, they gain the respect of the people around them. I just wanted to let you know that today, on your birthday, I have all the respect in the world for you.”
98. “On your birthday, we ask that you kindly act your age – not your shoe size. Thanks!”
99. “Happy birthday! This is the oldest I’ve ever seen you. Just wait until next year.”
100. “Happy belated birthday! I didn’t forget your birthday – I just forgot yesterday’s date!”
101. “Look, if you want me to remember your birthday, you’re going to have to start looking older. Happy birthday!”
102. “I really tried to send you something amazing for your birthday, but I couldn’t fit in any of the boxes at the post office. Happy birthday!”
103. “You may not be getting any younger, but at least you’re still younger than me. Happy birthday!”
104. “You know, when you think about it – a belated birthday wish is really just an extremely early birthday wish for next year. So technically, I’m already covered for next year. Happy birthday!”
105. “You are such a sweet, polite, honest and witty person. I hope you accept my birthday wishes and these white lies today!”
106. “I really hate to be the one to tell you this, but your wheelchair will be arriving tomorrow. Happy birthday!”
107. “Happy birthday. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that you don’t look old. That’s what your relatives are for.”
108. “I know you really want to turn back the clock, but with the number of years you’ve racked up, I’m really not sure that’s even possible. Happy birthday anyway!”
109. “Happy birthday! I hope you don’t mind, but I re-wrapped the gift you gave me last year. You’re going to love it!”
110. “Happy birthday to someone who is officially so old, it’s creepy to watch teenage vampire movies.”
111. “I wanted to wish you a happy birthday today and let you know that I truly do look forward to honoring your request of not getting you a gift this year.”
112. “Happy birthday! I just wanted to let you know that I picked out your coffin on the way here.”
113. “Congrats – you’re officially too old to go to rock concerts. Happy birthday!”
114. “Happy birthday. By the time you reach the next “new 40”, you’ll already be dead.”
115. “Hey, happy 29th birthday – again. For the 20th”
116. “Now you know you’re getting old when you can’t even remember how old you are. Happy birthday!”
117. “I had plans to put an awesome, gorgeous present in your cake, but honestly, I didn’t want to get frosting in my hair. Happy birthday!”
118. “Happy birthday! It’s great to be healthy, young and filled with so much energy. Can you even remember what that was like?”
119. “Alright, you can light the candles on your birthday cake now. I’ve alerted the fire department. Happy birthday!”
120. “You’re at that age where you’re old enough to know better, but you’re still young enough to do it anyway. Happy birthday and enjoy!”
121. “Today, it’s important to smile and laugh as much as you can. You don’t know how much longer you’ll have teeth! Happy birthday!”
122. “Happy birthday! I wish you many more candles, and for a cake that’s big enough to fit them all.”
123. “You’re so special, your birthday should be a national holiday. I would be happy to volunteer as the first person to take a day off of work in your honor. Happy birthday!”
124. “Happy birthday! Never let anyone tell you that you’re old – especially if you can actually hear them say it without even having to read their lips.”
125. “Happy birthday! Today, we add another candle to your cake, and your doctor will add another prescription to your arsenal of medication.”
126. “It’s normal to ponder your life’s purpose and to have a personal crisis on your birthday. At least you get to be normal one day out of the year. Happy birthday!”
127. “I try to give people birthday cards that match their age. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get my hands on a stone tablet or some ancient papyrus. This modern greeting will have to do. Happy birthday!”
128. “On your birthday, I want you to remember that it’s not this day that makes you old; it’s the 364 other days in the year. Happy birthday!”
129. “Just this morning I was wishing that you were one year older today. Look at that – my wish came true! Happy birthday!”
130. “On your birthday, I wish you enough air to blow out all of your candles. Happy birthday!”
131. “Happy birthday! Let’s make a deal – I’ll keep the presents, and you keep the age and cake. Come on! It’s a good deal.”
132. “Happy, happy birthday! I hope you enjoy those senior citizen discounts. You truly do deserve them.”
133. “Don’t be depressed about getting old. It sure beats the alternative. Happy birthday!”
134. “Happy birthday to a person that is smart, funny, witty, attractive and reminds me a lot of myself. :)”
135. “You know you’re getting old when the only thing you want on your birthday is not to be reminded of it. Happy birthday!”
136. “Happy birthday! No, you’re not getting older. You’re just collecting wrinkles.”
137. “I have some good news and some bad news on your birthday. The good news is that you’re one year older and so much wiser. The bad news? The hangover isn’t going to be any better this year, so please make the most of it! Happy birthday!”
138. “Happy birthday! I got you a pair of sunglasses this year, so you can protect your eyes from the blinding light of all these candles.”
139. “Happy birthday! Not sure if you’re old yet? If you need the kids to help you blow out the candles, you’re definitely over the hill.”
140. “You know, you’re a really hard person to buy gifts for. After searching far and wide, I realized that there’s no greater gift than my presence. That’s my present to you – my presence. Get it? Happy birthday!”
141. “I hope your birthday’s a great one! Just stay away from the karaoke machine, and everyone will have a good time.”
142. “At your age, there’s nothing funny about birthdays. So let’s share a drink and celebrate the times when you were a young spring chicken! Happy birthday!”
143. “Congratulations! There are so many candles on your birthday cake – NASA can see it from space.”
144. “On your birthday, I hope you choose not to resist temptation. The older you get, the more temptation starts avoiding you, so enjoy the sweeter things in life while you still can. Happy birthday!”
145. “Happy birthday! Today is the perfect day to forget all about your cares – and the fact that I didn’t get you a birthday gift.”
146. “When your birthdays start coming more often than you do, you know you have something to worry about. Happy birthday!”
147. “It’s your birthday, so you’re free to cry if you want to. But please don’t. That wouldn’t be much fun for the rest of us. We’d rather you have a few drinks and do something stupid and indecent. Happy birthday!”
148. “If I were you, I’d be concerned about my birthday. This year, you’ll probably need a flame thrower to light all of those candles. Happy birthday! Stay safe.”
149. “Wishing a happy birthday to someone who is wiser, more mature and could care less about material things. That’s why I know you won’t be upset about my lack of a birthday present.”
150. “Birthdays are really a double-edged sword. Sure, they bring parties and good times. But they also bring wrinkles and saggy bits. Happy birthday!”
151. “Time may be a wonderful healer, but it’s a terrible beautician. Oh well! Happy birthday.”
152. “Sending you lots of love and laughter on your birthday. Just don’t try too hard to blow out your birthday candles this year. You may lose your dentures!”
153. “Happy birthday! Counting your wrinkles is like trying to count the stars in the sky.”
154. “Happy birthday to someone I’m happy to share a cake with! Too bad you won’t be having any.”
155. “Wishing a happy birthday to someone I can only assume was still around when America relied on bayonets and horses.”
156. “Happy birthday! Just 364 more days until you have to endure another barrage of birthday wishes.”
157. “Happy birthday. You know, it would be a whole lot easier to get you the perfect gift if you’d just buy one yourself.”
158. “Happy birthday to a rare breed of person that was delivered into this world without a status or update or tweet.”
159. “Happy birthday! I would bake you a cake if I knew how to use an oven.”
160. “It’s your birthday! You shouldn’t stop yourself from getting ridiculously intoxicated just because it’s a Monday.”
Check out this wonderful collection of short birthday wishes, quotes, messages Hey, I heard it's your birthday, so I wanted to wish you a happy one, may all your wishes come true! You are the funniest and kindest person I have ever met.
Birthday is an opportunity to make people feel loved and remembered. So, happy birthday wishes sum up joy, laughter, love and jokes in a very optimistic way, and even though life had many challenges and plenty of reasons not to smile, happy birthday funny quotes and images will remind the beautiful things in the world and put a smile on their face.
Birthdays are really joyful and funny occasions. You should give the birthday messages careful thought. Just to be on the humorous side of things, think of your friend’s personality, and you can always find funniest jokes or hilarious one liners for your greetings.
Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional. tweet
I didn’t forget your birthday, I just forgot today’s date! tweet
Old enough to know better…Young enough to still do it. tweet
Another year older, another cake to eat!
You wake up one day and realize that this day is more special than other days ... it's your bestie's bday! So, obviously you have to blow up her Facebook and Instagram with all the best happy birthday quotes to get her feeling special the moment she wakes up.
Your best friend is one of the most special people in your life. She has been there with you for so many memories both good and bad.
You have had wild times getting into some fun trouble and being partners in crime. You have had amazing experiences maybe traveling or going through life stages together. And you have been supportive through all of the hard times that both of you have come by.
The bottom line is your best friend is so important to you and you want to show them that you always care.
You could bake them a cake. If it were my best friend I would want vanilla with buttercream frosting *cough cough*.
RELATED: The Perfect Birthday Present For The Friend Who Has Everything, Per Their Zodiac Sign
You could get them an awesome gift, maybe something she has been hinting at for a while. Or something sentimental that would make her smile. Or you could take her out, drinks, dinner all of that fun stuff.
It can be tough to celebrate your bestie's bday if you are far apart.
If you are in Philadelphia and your best friend lives in Boston it can be tough to get up there to see her if you both have busy schedules. But that doesn't mean you still can't do something special!
Sending her a quote or a message just to show that you care is a great way to just warm her heart. It doesn't have to be anything big or fancy to be special. You can just say a few small things and the rest will be taken care of.
If you are running out of funny, sweet or sentimental birthday wishes for your number one, look no further!
We have got a whole list of funny happy birthday quotes and wishes for you to share with your very best friend!
"Here's to another year of laughing until it hurts, dealing with stupid people and keeping each other moderately sane. Happy Birthday best friend!"
"You are my best friend, my human diary, and my other half. You mean the world to me and I love you"
"Birthdays come around every year, but friends like you only come once in a lifetime. I'm so glad you came into my life. Best wishes on your special day"
"Happy Birthday to my amazing, beautiful, and fabulous best friend"
Happy Birthday beautiful friend. May your day be as beautiful as you are"
"Happy Birthday. May each an every moment of your special day be filled with the same joy and happiness you bring to others."
"Every day you sparkle but today you rule! Happy Birthday"
"Happy Birthday. Live beautifully, love generously, laugh freely. Thanks for being a fantastic friend. I hope this year brings you the best that life has to offer"
"Happy Birthday to my irreplaceable friend"
"Happy Birthday to one of my best friends! Here's to laughing at our own jokes and keeping each other sane! Love ya"
RELATED: 100 Inspiring Quotes That Capture Your Wacky, Wonderful Friendships
"A big birthday hug for you!"
"Wishing my friend a beautiful day. Hopes and dreams I'm sending your way. May all be good and all come true on this very special day for you"
"Happy Birthday to my incredible friend. I hope the year ahead is full of reasons to celebrate"
"May you live to be so old that the mere site of you horrifies young children and ex-lovers."
"Fabulosity has no age. Happy Birthday, Girl!"
"Happy Birthday to my best friend. Without our conversations, my therapy bills would be outrageous."
"I wish for you tremendous love, luck and laughter. For today, tomorrow and for days thereafter. Have a wonderful birthday!"
"I hope your Birthday finds you this happy."
"Wishing you happiness to welcome each morning. Wishing you laughter to make your heart sing. Wishing you friendship sharing and caring. And all of the joy the birthday can bring"- Noble Diary
"Happy Birthday to my best friend. May we grow to be the hottest cougars around!"
RELATED: 11 Birthday Quotes From Old-Time Celebrities
"May your special day be sweet and spicy just like you, bestie!"
"Can't keep calm, it's my best friend's birthday"
"I treasure our friendship! Happy Birthday!"
"Happy Birthday. My partner in crime, my very best friend"
"Happy Birthday my friend! Today is a day to celebrate you, so make it special and surround yourself with everything that makes you feel like the star you are!"
"I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and to let you know that you are not alone. Should you need someone to lean on, I will be here for you."
"A new year begins and it's like a movie. You are the director. Make it a good one. Happy Birthday"
"I will sing Happy Birthday to you so much you'll wish you'd never been born ... Happy Birthday!"
"Late in the evening, far, far away there is a glow beyond the horizon, and I know deep in my heart... It's your birthday cake"
"Knowing someone as fabulous as me should be the only present you need."
RELATED: These 15 Quotes Prove Getting Older Is Freaking Awesome
You wake up one day and realize that this day is more special than other days it's your bestie's bday! So, obviously you have to blow up her.
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Forget about the present, I didn't get you one. 4. May your Facebook wall be filled with birthday wishes from people you've never met, haven't.