Today we will examine duties of the wife to her husband. that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was asked: “What is the best wife?.
Muslim conferences and conventions (like the one being held by the Islamic Society of North America & Muslim American Society, Imam W. D. Mohammad) are just one of the many places Muslims in North America often meet potential spouses either to make a final decision or to initiate the marriage communication process.
Other places include fundraising dinners, regional seminars, lectures, at the home of a relative or friend, and the local mosque.
Sadly though, Islamic guidelines pertaining to proper conduct between men and women are not always respected at these meetings.
It is not uncommon to see or hear about potential candidates meeting in private, brothers and sisters “scoping the territory” for a spouse that looks good at Muslim events like conferences or lectures, or starting up a flirtatious conversation with someone they are interested in. None of these things fall within the guidelines of Islam.
Below are some Islamic principles, both general and specific, to consider if you will be meeting or seeking a potential spouse for yourself or someone else at a conference, lecture, the mosque or another event:
This is a good question to ask even if you are meeting the person to make a final decision because it will be a reminder about the real purpose of marriage from an Islamic perspective.
Marriage is part of faith and it is part of the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him.
As well, “my intention should be I am looking for someone with whom I will build a family,” says Imam Muhammad Nur Abdullah, a member of the North American Fiqh Council. He conducted pre-marriage counseling in the U.S. for two decades.
“Marriage is a commitment and relationship that starts in this Dunya (world) and will continue Insha Allah in Paradise together,” he adds.
Abu Hurairah related that the Prophet said: “Men choose women for four reasons: for their money, for their rank, for their beauty and for their religion, but marry one who is religious and you will succeed” (Bukhari, Muslim).
This of course, applies to women as well.
However, religion it seems, is not always foremost in the minds of many people. In fact, it's probably the last factor on too many Muslims' list.
According to Tasneem Qadeer, one of the seven volunteers who runs the Islamic Society of North America's matrimonial service, being a doctor or a lawyer is much more important to many Muslim women than piety.
And the men are not any better. Many matrimonial advertisements in Islamic publications for instance, demonstrate a key demand for a wife who is “fair, slim and beautiful”.
“If we want to have healthy Muslim families then Deen has to be first,” says Aneesah Nadir, president of the Islamic Social Services Association of the United States and Canada.
She is one of the co-developers of the program “Marriage the Islamic way”, which teaches various aspects of marriage such as how to find a spouse, the wedding and the post-wedding marriage relationship.
This may seem like a contradiction, but it's not. Looking for a spouse who has the right qualities and whom you are physically attracted to does not mean throwing out the obligation to lower the gaze for both sexes.
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do” (Quran 24:30).
“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms...” (Quran 24:31).
“Scoping the territory”, from this perspective, would not be Islamically acceptable.
Imam Nur Abdullah notes that looking at a potential mate is recommended according to the Hadith in which the Prophet said: “When one of you asked a woman in marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so. ...” (Abu Dawud).
This means the two potential spouses can look at each other but not ogle or stare.
Abdullah also notes there is no limit on the number of times the two people can look at each other. However, both should fear Allah and remember the purpose of this is to satisfy the need for physical attraction to the person you are marrying.
He also notes it is not permissible for a man to see a potential wife without Hijab, since he is not her Mahram (a relative with whom marriage is not possible, or her husband). Abdullah says seeing her face and hands are enough to determine attraction.
Marriage is not something to throw yourself into all by yourself. Getting the help of someone, especially parents, relatives, an Imam, and/or respected and trustworthy members of the Muslim community to either look for the right spouse or initiate and participate in a communication process is very important.
Involving others, by the way, does not mean signing over your right to say yes or no to a marriage proposal. It simply increases the likelihood of finding out important information about a prospective partner in a way that maintains rules of Islamic modesty (i.e. not meeting alone, see next point).
Getting that third party involved also helps verify if the person you are interested in is decent, honest and respectful. This person(s) often checks out references, asks about the individual's character and behavior, and looks out for your best interest in general.
This person should be a trustworthy Muslim, since you are seeking a Muslim in marriage, and would want someone familiar with the Islamic way of doing things.
For those blessed with Muslim parents, remember that they are probably your best allies and helpers in seeking the right husband or wife. They have known you all of your life, and have your best interest at heart.
However, parents must be open and attentive to what their children are looking for, and never forget the element of choice. Ultimately, it is their son or daughter who is going to make the final decision. They must never become too pushy or aggressive, whether this pressure is being applied on their own son or daughter, or on the person s/he is interested in.
If parents, other family members, an Imam or members of the community are not available, you can also try seeking a husband or wife through the matrimonial services offered by a number of different Muslim organizations.
This is also where your “third party” comes in handy. Not only will they be able to be your reference. They can also check out a prospective mate's references.
A reference can include an Imam who knows the brother who proposed to you, a sister who knows the woman you may want to marry well, a family friend, a boss, a co-worker, and/or business partner.
A note about honesty and references: the people you ask may know something not very nice about your prospective spouse. Remind them that if they reveal this information, they would not be backbiting from the Islamic perspective. In fact, in the case of seeking marriage, complete information should be given about an individual, both good and bad.
The advice of one of the companions of the Prophet, Umar Ibn al-Khattab, can help in this regard:
A man came to Umar ibn al-Khattab and spoke in praise of another. Umar asked him: “Are you his nearest neighbor such that you know his goings and his comings?”
“Have you been his companion on a journey so that you could see evidence of his good character?”
“Have you had dealings with him involving dinars and dirhams [money] which would indicate the piety of the man?”
“I think you saw him standing in the mosque muttering the Quran and moving his head up and down?”
“Go, for you do not know him...”
And to the man in question, Umar said, “Go and bring me someone who knows you.”
(quoted from Islam The Natural Way by Abdul Wahid Hamid, p. 66)
This gives you three types of people you can ask about a prospective mate's character: a neighbor, business colleague or someone who has traveled with them.
The Prophet said: “Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Shaytan makes a third” (Tirmidhi).
He also advised men: “Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative within the prohibited degrees” (Bukhari, Muslim).
Meeting alone, in the hotel room during a conference for instance, is not permissible. The prospective spouses should not place themselves in a situation where no one else can see or hear them.
Instead, a discreet, chaperoned meeting should be set up. The chaperone, while allowing the two to talk, is in the same room, for example.
As well, parents or guardians should set a time limit, recommends Shahina Siddiqui, president of the Islamic Social Services Association‘s Canada branch. A whole day, for example, is too long for this kind of a meeting.
The purpose of meeting and talking to each other must also remain within Islamic guidelines. That means no flirtatious speech of a sexual nature on either side.
Imam Nur Abdullah says some of the topics discussed can include each other's interests, financial situation of the man, who is Islamically responsible for providing for his wife and children, and the two potential spouses' relationship with their parents.
He notes that conversations between potential mates cannot be talking just for the sake of talking. There should be a firm and clear intention of either pursuing engagement and marriage, or, if one of the two or both the man and woman feel they are not compatible, a quick end to the relationship.
This ensures both sides are safe from getting hurt more than they could in this kind of a situation and remain within the bounds of Islam, Insha Allah.
With regards to questions pertaining to a person's sexual history (for example, has s/he had a boy/girlfriend, does s/he have any type of sexually transmitted diseases), Imam Nur Abdullah says these things have to be investigated at the very beginning, when the communication for marriage begins. This is not something that should be brought up at the last stage.
Other topics that should also be discussed at the early stages include level of Islamic knowledge and practice, future career and education plans, home making skills and where the couple will live right after marriage and in the future (state and/or country, with in-laws or in their own apartment/home).
The Imam also says the couple can even get a blood test to ensure both are healthy. Some states require this before marriage.
Seeking marriage is something highly recommended in Islam. While looking for a potential mate should be something Muslims help each other with, this cannot be done at the expense of Islamic rules pertaining to modesty and respect between the sexes.
Samana Siddiqui is Sound Vision's Content Manager. She is also a reporter and columnist for the Chicago Crescent newspaper.
Islamic Marriage Quotes for Husband and Wife are About Marriage In Islam [ Last Updated: 18-April-2015] I try my best to keep this Husband and Wife Quotes .
أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم
I Seek Refuge With (الله)God From The Stoned Shaitan (Satan)
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In The Name Of (الله)God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
How To Be A Good Husband In Islam
We begin with Allah's Blessed name; we praise Him and we glorify Him as He aught to be glorified and we pray for peace and blessings on all His noble messengers and in particular the last of them all, the blessed Prophet Muhammad (Sali Allah tala alahi walahi wasahbi wasalam).
Many of unmarried women feel obligated to be good, partly due to the desire to get a good and pious husband also, based on the core clause contained in the
الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ ۖ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ ۚ أُولَٰئِكَ مُبَرَّءُونَ مِمَّا يَقُولُونَ ۖ لَهُم مَّغْفِرَةٌ وَرِزْقٌ كَرِيمٌ
Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women), such (good people) are innocent of (each and every) bad statement which they say, for them is Forgiveness, and Rizqun Karim (generous provision i.e.Paradise).
Allah says in the Qur'an:
"You have indeed in the Messenger of Allah, a beautiful example (of conduct) for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Final Day, and who remembers Allah much."
The Prophet Muhammad (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) overlooked his wives' shortcomings, and tolerated their unreasonable behavior. The books of ahadith are replete with examples of how he ignored what he did not like about their actions, with a smile and patient silence. Once, when he became very angry with all of them, he left their company and resolved not to talk to them for a month.
Instead of shouting or verbally reprimanding your wife for every mistake, just ignore her. If she is fighting with you or being unreasonable, you can always leave the room and not answer back, which is the best strategy. When you will ignore her for some time, she will willingly relinquish the behavior which angered you.
Narrated Abu Hurairah (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه), Allah's Messenger (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) said:"Woman was created from a bent rib. If you want to enjoy her, you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you will try to straighten her, you will break her."
[Sahih Al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim]
How to be a good husband in Islam is something that every Muslim man should learn before entering into a wedlock. For a long time now, I have been wondering why so much has been written about a woman being an “Ideal wife in Islam” as against writing about a man being an “Ideal Husband in Islam”. Allah says “
Surat Al-Baqarah (The Cow) - سورة البقرة
Chapter No: 31
Verse No: 228
وَالْمُطَلَّقَاتُ يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ ثَلَاثَةَ قُرُوءٍ ۚ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهُنَّ أَن يَكْتُمْنَ مَا خَلَقَ اللَّهُ فِي أَرْحَامِهِنَّ إِن كُنَّ يُؤْمِنَّ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ ۚ وَبُعُولَتُهُنَّ أَحَقُّ بِرَدِّهِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ إِنْ أَرَادُوا إِصْلَاحًا ۚ وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ ۗ وَاللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ
And divorced women shall wait (as regards their marriage) for three menstrual periods, and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allah has created in their wombs, if they believe in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation. And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.
Aren’t men included in this command? If there are things that wife needs to do for husband, then there are things that husband also has to do for wife. The rulings on rights of Husband and wife on each other are very clear in Islam, which is not found in any other religion or its scriptures.
Although awareness is needed to educate women regarding their duties to their husband, it is equally important to stress the need to educate the men regarding their duties to their wives. Why has it always been that only women are instructed to sacrifice, to dedicate, to be patient etc when it comes to their husband? Why aren’t husbands instructed in the same way??
The Husband expects every good from his wife, but when it is his turn to reciprocate, he ignores it. This is a common scenario world wide, irrespective of which community one belongs to. It is very important to reiterate this aspect of Islam so that husband-wife relation becomes more stronger and pure.
Woman was made from the rib of the man (as Qur’an confirms), She was’nt created from his head to top him, Nor from his feet to be stepped upon, She was made from his side to be close to him, From beneath his arm to be protected by him, Near his heart to be loved by him.
Once the prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) was sitting in a room with Aisha (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰعنها) and fixing his shoes. It was very warm, and Aisha (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰعنها) looked to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. She became overwhelmed by the majesty of that sight was staring at him long enough for him to notice. He said, “What’s the matter?” She replied, “If Abu Bukair Al-Huthali (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه), the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you.” The Prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) asked, “What did he say?” She replied, “Abu Bukair (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه) said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everybody to see.” So the Prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and said, “Wallahi ya Aisha, you are like that to me and more.”
[Narrated in Dala'el Al-Nubuwa for Imam Abu Nu'aim with isnad including Imam Bukhari and Imam Ibn Khuzaina.]
Such was the lovely relation between Prophet and his wives. There are many narrations in the books of hadiths which speak about how Prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) used to treat his wives, that is, with great respect and love. He was very caring and always tried to keep them happy. He understood the nature of a woman well and hence dealth with them accordingly.
The Following Are Some Of The Quotes From Sahih Hadith Regarding Treatment Of Women:
Jabir (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه) narrates that Rasoolallah (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) also gave these instructions in his sermon during the Farewell Pilgrimage. “Fear Allah regarding women; for you have taken them (in marriage) with the trust of Allah”.
The Holy Prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) has said during the farewell sermon: “O people, your wives have a certain right over you and you have certain rights over them. Treat them well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers”.
Abu Huraira (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه) reported Allah’s messenger (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) as saying, “The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives “
Abu-Darda (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه) narrated that the Prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) instructed him: “Spend as much as possible upon your family. . . “
The Prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) has said: “Helping wives (in their domestic work) earns (men) the reward of charity.”
Al-Aswad (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه) Narrated: I asked A’isha (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰعنها), “What did Rasoolallah (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) do at home? ” She said, “He used to work for his family and when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out.”
During the farewell Pilgrimage the Prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) said to the camel driver: “Anjasha, drive slowly; for you are carrying (on the camels, women, delicate like fine) glassware.”
Abu Qatadah (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه) Narrated that the Prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) said: “When I stand for prayer, I intend to prolong it, but on hearing the cries of a child, I cut it short, as I dislike to trouble the child’s mother.”
Rasoolallah (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) has said: “O men. There is a reward in your affinity with the wife.”
Therefore, Let Me Give You A Few Pointers On How To Be A Good Husband In Islam:
1. Treat Her With Respect & Care Especially During Intimacy:
Remember Allah said that your wife is made out of your rib, which is very close to the heart. This means that she is not meant to be oppressed or subjugated or harassed. Have you ever tried to harass your organs closer to heart? How about cutting of an artery which is close to heart? How about breaking all the ribs? Well, you know the result. Therefore, woman has been made out of something close to the heart which means she needs to be cared, protected and loved.
Sexual gratification is the foremost reason why men get married, and they make serious mistakes right in the beginning, which cause the greatest blows to their marital relationship. Muslim men should fear Allah regarding how they handle their wives during intimacy.
Narrated Jabir Bin Abdullah [may Allah be pleased with him], "The Prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) did not allow sexual intercourse before fondling (the wife)."
It is a sad fact that nowadays, when a man gets married, he has already seen a lot of porn or sexually graphic movie scenes, courtesy the different forms of media available to him to satisfy his curiosity, which poison his mind about how to treat a woman, much before he actually brings home a wife.
O Muslim Brother! That innocent girl you bring home has no affinity to that sultry siren you've watched on TV - she's vulnerable, innocent and scared. So be gentle and get her to relax, and don't cause any irreparable damage by being hasty. In Islam, a woman is a jewel -- a gem, which should be taken care of and treated with dignity and respect.
Imam al-Daylami (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه) records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه) that the Messenger of Allah (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) is reported to have said: "One of you should not fulfill one's (sexual) need from one's wife like an animal, rather there should be, between them, foreplay of kissing and words."
[Musnad Al-Firdaws of Al-Daylami, 2/55]
The good Muslim husband should, therefore, forget the marketing policies of Hugh Hefner's multimillion-dollar, testosterone-driven industry and focus on the advice of Prophet Muhammad (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) Movies and romance novels are not the sources from which you should be drawing instructions for intimacy. Also, you as a Muslim should learn to respect women in general, before you get married.
Remember that when a prostitute came to ask Allah's Messenger (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) for monetary help, he helped her and did not treat her disrespectfully. What about you? Have there been times when you have seen or met a woman who tempted you, and you thought: "slut", or "whore"? Have you ever verbally or mentally used abusive words, such as "bitch", for any woman? Do you believe, due to your cultural baggage, that women are inherently evil; that Eve tempted Adam to eat the forbidden fruit, that women should be locked up inside the house because they lead men astray when they go out? Do you believe that women are inferior to men? Do you believe that women are the basic cause of the prevalence of decadence and sin? Do you shout at your mother and sister for not serving you your food or coffee when you ask for it? If so, you really need to change your thinking and attitude towards women before you enter marriage, because a man, who has truly grasped the essence of Islamic teachings regarding the kind treatment of women, will never, ever answer the above questions in the affirmative. And if he does, it is highly likely that he will disrespect his wife, and not be able to keep her happy.
2. Refrain From Insulting Your Wife:
Never insult your wife, degrade her or make fun of her in front of others. Nor should you ever tell about her weakness to others. She is not your slave or servant, rather she is your partner of life. So treat her that way!
3. Maintain Personal Grooming And Hygiene:
Once every two weeks, trim, shave or clip anything that grows on your body. Keep your hair and beard washed and combed -- smelling and looking clean.
Use the siwak (tooth-stick), floss, toothpaste, mouth-spray or mouthwash to maintain oral hygiene. Shower daily and use deodorantsor other strong fragrance to smell good at home, not just at the Jum'uah or Eid congregation.
Remember that doing all this is the sunnah (way) of the Prophet Muhammad (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) who abhorred any kind of body odour (mouth, armpit or foot) emanating from himself. Wear the colors and clothing styles that your wife prefers, if Islam permits them.
4. Give Time To Your Wife:
Irrespective of how busy you are, take out time for your wife. Spend time with her, take her out, talk to her and listen to her. Keep one day of the week dedicated to your wife, like Sunday, and let her know that you dedicated it specially for her. This makes her feel special in your eyes.
5. Listen To Her Attentively:
A good husband is always a good listener. Listen to everything that your wife talks about and try to indulge in the conversation. Don’t give a deaf ear to your wife. How would you feel if someone gives deaf ear to you when you speak? Trust me, it is really annoying. So stop doing this to your wife and start listening to her attentively.
6. Your Wife Is A Consultant, Not A Personal Valet Or Slave:
The foremost quality which Muslim men desire in a wife, after beauty and physical attractiveness, is that she be obedient and servile, and that she do their chores without being told e.g. ironing their clothes, cooking their meals, or doing the laundry.
However, it is a fact that there is a difference of opinion among Islamic scholars regarding whether it is obligatory or preferred (mustahab) for a wife to serve her husband. Majority declare it to be praiseworthy but not obligatory, even though most Muslim women happily do their household work themselves, without being asked.
The Prophet Muhammad (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) did his personal chores himself, and we do not know of any ahadith in which his wives were known to serve him elaborately. Therefore, the good Muslim husband truly appreciates the work his wife does around the house. If she forgets something, he overlooks it and remains silent. He also consults her in important matters before making the final decision e.g. naming their children, changing his job, making an investment, going on a trip, having his family members move in, or in even small matters such as what she'd like to order for herself when they eat out at a restaurant. He never overlooks her say in these matters.
7. Praise Your Wife’s Beauty:
Always praise your wife’s beauty in front of her, irrespective of how ugly she is in reality. Try to make her feel special. Use statements like “I have never seen a more beautiful woman than you” or “You are the most beautiful woman in this world” or “I am so lucky to find such a beautiful woman” or “Even if the beauty of this entire universe comes together, it is no match to your beauty” and so on…Praising the beauty of a woman gives her great happiness. So do it regularly and as often as you can. This will keep her happy.
8. Take Care Of Her During Her Pregnancy And Breastfeeding:
Unmarried men usually have no idea of the tremendous physical pain that Allah has decreed for the daughters of Adam. They find this out after marriage, when they witness their wife going through monthly cramps, or the rigors of pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding. If nothing more, it should increase their respect for women in general.
However, some married Muslim men stay out late at night with friends, at clubs, restaurants, games or the movies, while their pregnant or newly-mother wife stays at home with the baby. They hand over the responsibility of taking care of her to their mothers or sisters. This behavior is inappropriate, and it will cause hatred to develop in the wife's heart.
The good Muslim husband offers extra moral and physical support to his wife during these difficult phases in her life. Don't feel your manly ego busted if you have to give the baby its bottle or pacify it, while your wife attends to an older child or her own genuine needs. The Muslim husband is a doting and hands-on father; and this attribute makes his wife love him even more!
9. Exchange Gifts Frequently:
A’ishah (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰعنها) reported, The Prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) said: “Give gifts to one another, for gifts take away rancour.” The gift may not be necessarily an expensive one. Giving a simple “I love you” card also counts in gifts. Try to buy her a dress or something that she wants. If you can’t afford it, then at least let her know that you are eagerly collecting money to buy that thing for her. Trust me, she will be flattered by this gesture and finally you don’t really have to buy it!
10. Help Her Out In The Household Work:
Occasionally washing the dishes, vacuuming the carpets, making your own breakfast or tea (especially if your wife is asleep or not well), or cooking a simple meal will raise your status in your wife's eyes and increase love for you in her heart.
Contrary to what Asian culture dictates, a man doesn't become effeminate by doing household chores. He, in fact, becomes more manly and attractive to his spouse.
It goes without saying that chores such as getting groceries on the weekend, taking your wife to her doctor, fixing the faucet or mowing the lawn should also be taken care of by you.
11. Remember That Your Wife Will Age And Her Beauty Will Die:
Men have been programmed by Allah to desire beauty in women. However, a wise Muslim man knows that just like everything else in this world that glitters, the beauty of his wife (or of any other woman, for that matter), is temporary. Hence, he focuses more on her other important and more long-lasting good traits.
Allah says in the Qur'an:"
..and treat them (i.e. your wives) kindly; then if you hate them, it may be that you dislike a thing while Allah has placed abundant good in it."
Most men desire children; however, they soon witness that having children makes their wives' bodies lose their shape. A good Muslim husband therefore, reminds himself that beauty is of secondary importance, especially when the Shaytaan makes non-mahrumwomen appear more attractive to him. He reminds himself that the only permanent pleasure of beholding perpetually beautiful women is reserved for righteous people in Para
12. Do Not Look At Other Women:
It obviously follows that if you want to make your marriage a true success and a haven of love and mercy, you should obey the advice of the Prophet Muhammad [صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم] in theahadith below:
Jareer ibn ‘Abdullah (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه) said: "I asked the Messenger of Allah (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) about an accidental glance at a woman. He commanded me to turn my gaze away."
The Messenger of Allah (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) said: "O Ali (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه) [his cousin], do not follow a glance with another, for you will be forgiven for the first, but not for the second."
Therefore, do not hang around men who stare at and pass comments on women's bodies, who have a string of women friends, or who regularly attend mixed parties. Keep all kinds of conversations with women to a basic minimum, either at work, or on the Internet, or on your cell phone. Be business-like when talking to them due to necessity.
Sound boring? Well, you can't be a good Muslim unless you train yourself to obey the Prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) even if it goes against your base desires. And being a good Muslim husband can only be possible if you are a good Muslim first.
13. Learn To Give Physical Pleasure:
It is a common complaint from married women that they are treated like a Sex toy and that husbands satisfy themselves and do not care for the satisfaction of the wives. Remember that women are humans to and they too have physical needs. A good husband not only enjoys her wife, but also reciprocates the same to his wife. This is called a healthy mutual sex life.
14. Do Not Use The Qur'an And Ahadith To Establish Your Authority:
It is very common for Muslim men to pointedly remind their wives in the first few days after marriage, of the Qur'anic verses and ahadith declaring their superiority and special rights over her. The most common reminders are: the husband's right to take up to four wives, without his wife's consent; the hadith that if prostration were permissible to other than Allah, the Muslim woman would be commanded to prostrate to her husband; the fact that Islam gives the husband the exclusive right to issue divorce verbally, call her for sexual intimacy at any inopportune time, or restrain her movement outside the house, even for visiting her blood relatives.
So many Muslim women I know were told by their husbands in the first month of marriage that they could only visit their parents for such-and-such number of days per month, and they could of course not work or study, even if they were involved in righteous Da'wah work or religious education, only once or twice a week.
What impact does this action - of reminding your wife of your superior rights - have on the innocent and well-meaning Muslim girl who has come to your house? What will she think of you, if you say these things to her? What does saying such things to her imply about you as a person? Definitely, that you, as a man, are insecure, and are using your Islamic rights in a feeble attempt to establish authority over her. A man who is self-confident and righteous will never use this inappropriate method to try to overshadow and dominate his wife. He doesn't feel insecure in his status as her husband; he does not think that the only way to "have her all to himself" is to trap her in his house, making her serve him all day like a personal valet.
Therefore, a good Muslim husband should never remind his wife of his higher status, unless she persistently disobeys him or does actions that are forbidden by Allah. The best way to make her obey you is to let her have everything she wants -- within Islamic limits of course -- and to focus on giving her, her rights, over and above what she deserves. She will then automatically become the devoted, faithful and obedient wife that you want her to be.
15. Your Wife's Adherence To Religious Obligations And Her Education Are Your Responsibility:
After years of marriage, eventually a time comes when most Muslims husbands have no idea how their wives spend their days. It doesn't bother them to know that their bored wives gossip for hours on the phone, watch excessive movies and television, or waste time doing window shopping, attending ladies' lunches or tea-parties, or hip-hopping from the mall to the tailor to get new outfits made.
A good Muslim husband is aware that his wife's secular and religious education is his responsibility. He knows that Allah will question him about this, so he strives to make sure that his wife gains knowledge of the Qur'an and attends sermons, halaqah's, seminars or workshops for gaining knowledge of Islam. He also spends on her secular education, if she wants to pursue a degree.
It is imperative that the husband make his wife fulfill the obligations of Islam, by using gentle reminders and arranging her education about Islam. He should ensure that she performs the five daily prayers on time, fasts during Ramadan, pays the zakaah on her gold/silver/money, and wears modest clothing with hijab in front of men. She should also be taught how to recite the Qur'an properly, and trained in implementing the essential principles of Islamic character-building in the upbringing of her children.
16. Keep Unnecessary Jealousy In Check:
A point to note is that being concerned about your wife's activities and pastimes does not justify spying on her or being unnecessarily suspicious, overbearing and nosy about her affairs. Let her have a productive and intellectual life during the day. Your job is to fulfill your responsibility of her religious character-building, but do this by dealing with her in the most beautiful manner.
It is of course, one of the lowest deeds, to suspect your wife of displaying her beauty or flirting with other men without any credible evidence. Pathological jealousy is a disease that destroys love between a husband and wife. Don't mix the praiseworthy "ghiyarah" [protectiveness from harm and from falling into sin] that Muslim men should possess about their families, with this poisonous jealousy. Remember that to slander a chaste woman inany way, is a grave sin that incurs Allah's wrath.
17. Maintain Her Privacy From Your Family:
Most husbands cannot afford separate accommodation during the first years of marriage, even though this is a right of the wife (especially if she comes from an affluent family), necessitating living with the husband's family in the same house for a few years.
A good Muslim husband should manage matters in such a way, by having diplomatic negotiations with everyone in the house, that his wife's privacy is maintained. This is especially important if his brothers, uncles, male cousins or male servants are dwelling freely within the house, frequenting the same kitchen and sitting room. Many families bring their daughter-in-law home after her marriage, without realizing that from now on, proper measures need to be observed in order to follow the Prophet Muhammad's (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) advice:
It was narrated from Uqbah Bin Amir (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه) that Allah's Messenger (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) said, "Beware of entering upon women." A man from the Ansar said, "O Messenger of Allah! What about the in-law?" He said, "The in-law is death."
[Sahih Al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim]
This hadith implies how careful a Muslim husband should be about his male relatives entering upon his wife, especially in her private space (such as her bedroom). You as a husband, can ensure the following:
Lastly, don't reveal her secrets or personal affairs to your family members. If they ask too many questions, make it politely clear that this kind of questioning behavior is not right.
18. Respect Her Family:
Never unnecessarily degrade or demean any of her relatives, by pointing out their faults or making fun of them. If someone from her family is being unreasonable, by interfering in your matters or intimidating her against you, you can intervene to stop this action. However, always be polite and respectful to them.
19. Ditch The TV On Weeknights:
The average Muslim husband spends more time giving his undivided attention to TV or his laptop than to his wife. Yes, wives nag. Yes, they are full of complaints when you return from work, and you'd rather unwind on the couch with your favorite TV show and a warm drink than with her "boring" monologue. However, keep in mind that this will have a detrimental effect on your own marriage. Marriage, like your career, needs your time, serious attention and work. It doesn't bloom and flourish on its own.
Ditching the TV entirely has had enormous positive impacts on households, and not all of them are Muslim. People have testified to becoming more productive after they chucked the TV out of their homes, finding more time for their families, themselves and for fun outdoor activities.
If you can't remove the TV from your home, at least move it out of your bedroom! You will see the positive impact of this on your marital relationship, insha'Allah. Also, if your household has several television sets, reduce them to just one, and keep it in the family room. Never have your meal while watching something on TV.
20. Consulting Others On Mutual Consent:
A good husband always takes the permission of his wife before consulting on their marital problems with others. A woman feels much more comfortable if it is discussed with someone she can trust. So make sure you take her consent.
21. Steer Away From Both Extravagance And Miserliness:
It is not uncommon for husbands to give in to their wives' unnecessary demands -- expensive foreign vacations, clothes,jewelry, a new car or a bigger house. Some even go as far as to relinquish their own relatives financially, because their wife's demands are always first to be met. On the other extreme, we witness Muslim men who listen only to their parents about how to spend their money, and fulfill all the latter's demands, giving money to all far-flung family members, but keeping their wife and children in one small bedroom for years on end, providing them just the bare minimum in order to sustain their living.
The good Muslim husband pays his wife her dower (Mahr) in full, the morning after she has come to his home. He hands it over to her to spend as she wishes, not to her father or any other male relative. Also, he maintains a delicate balance in spending on his wife, children, parents and other relatives. He does not cave in to the unnecessary demands of any of them, and always fears Allah in ensuring that he fulfills the responsibility of adequately providing for all his family members.
22. Remember That The Rib Is Bent:
The good Muslim husband should keep in mind that women of the world always come with their shortcomings - they are, at times, cranky, emotional, irrational, moody, sharp-tongued, gullible and prone to tattle. They have two hormones gushing in their bodies, as a result of which their moods and feelings swing between extremities like a pendulum. Put up with her irrational behavior - the unjust accusations, suspicion, complaining, crying, screaming, and shouting - for the sake of Allah. Remember that Allah made her that way - i.e. she's beautiful to behold; you can't do without her company; the house seems desolate when she leaves; but when she's with you, she will display her negative traits too. Be patient and overlook them.
Narrated Abu Hurairah (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه), Allah's Messenger (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) said:"Woman was created from a bent rib. If you want to enjoy her, you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you will try to straighten her, you will break her."
[Sahih Al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim]
23. Applaud Your Wife:
A good husband always encourages her wife in everything she does. Encouraging a woman in every task makes her perfect. For example, a wife might not cook well. But if she is trying hard to learn, a good husband would praise her cooking and effort thus encouraging her to become perfect in it.
24. Share The Responsibility:
Is there are rule that husbands should not look after the kids or the household work? Absolutely No! Look at the example of our Prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ). The Prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) said “Helping wives (in their domestic work) earns (men) the reward of charity.” Narrated Al-Aswad (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ عنه): I asked A’isha (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰعنها) , “What did the Prophet (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) do at home? ” She said, “He used to work for his family and when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out.” (end quote). So start helping out your wife in washing clothes & dishes, cleaning the house, changing the diaper of your baby and all the related work when you are at home. Stop behaving like a NUT just because you earn for the family. You have no idea how hard it is for a woman to manage work! Get off that couch on holidays and help out your wife!
25. Forbiddened To Hate:
It is Haraam (forbidden) to hate your believing wife. Allah’s Messenger (سيدنا محمد ﺻﻠﯽ الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺍٓﻟﮧ وصحبه ﻭﺳﻠﻢ) said “A believing man must not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another (of her good qualities).” No human is perfect. Your wife might have some qualities that are displeasing to you, but there are surely some characteristics that are very pleasing to you. Prophet commanded us to look for those good characteristics in her.
26. Give Her Freedom (Shariah Compliant):
Your wife is a human and requires freedom and space to breath. Don’t push her too much that she breaks down. Give her freedom as far as she is within the limts that Allah has defined. The same goes for you as a man. Both men and women can practice freedom within the limits defined by Allah. Let your wife have freedom to think, to do what she wants and to decide in matters. Ask her to advice you in your decisions for the family. This makes her feel special.
27. Handle Her With Care:
Finally Woman is fragile both physically and mentally, hence handle her with Care!
I hope these 2 sentences from my side will help you improve your marital life, inshallah!
Praise be to Allah.
Marriage is a sacred bond…
Entered into by two people who are committed in their goal to fulfil the Sunnah and attain the pleasure of their creator.
It is also a natural human impulse to want to share your life with someone special and create a family.
When everything is new, it is easy to remain enthusiastic, but the reality is that somehow along the way in that journey, many people lose sight of the beauty in a good marriage and fall into negative patterns.
The truth is that the bond between a husband and wife in Islam is something that needs to be grown and cultivated with equal effort from both sides.
Whether you are just beginning your marital journey or you are looking for ways to add value to a long-standing marriage, here are…
Aisha (RA) reported that she was with Allah’s messenger during a journey. She said, “I was not bulky”. He told his companions to move forward and they did. He then told me: “Come and race me”. I raced him on foot and I beat him. But, on another journey, when I became bulky, he asked me to race him. I raced him and he beat me. He started laughing and said: “This makes up for that beating”.
When it comes to love and marriage, there really is no greater gift that you can give your spouse than taking some time to be present to them and their needs.
It is easy to get caught up in daily living. Pressures of the modern day often mean that not just husbands but also wives are now part of the workforce. This means that time for nurturing the marriage is often at a premium. Yes, it may be challenging, but it is of vital importance to set aside time, not just for the normal daily activities and children, but with each other as man and wife. It is this primary bond that will build the foundation of the family, so it has to be nurtured. Take drives, go out on walks, and even sit back at the end of the evening with a cup of tea or coffee to have a meaningful conversation.
“And of His signs is that He has created spouses for yourselves from your own selves so you might take comfort in them and He has created love and mercy among both of you. In this there is evidence (of the truth) for the people who (carefully) think.” (Surah 30, Verse 21).
Love and mercy should be the hallmarks of any solid marriage and relationship. We see that it is stipulated within the scriptures. But is this truly what is practised in modern daily life?
The truth is that once you are in a routine, with a person that you’ve been married to for a while, it is easy to take certain acts of kindness for granted. That extra snack that your wife packs into your lunchbox or when your husband agrees to take the children away so that you can have time at your Mum’s place, can all seem mandatory and expected. However if you think about it, your life would become more challenging if you didn’t have that in place. Just taking the time to articulate the words ‘thank you’ between a husband and wife in Islam, is a good start. You can also express your gratitude through acts of consideration, doing something thoughtful or using your own perception to do something meaningful for your partner.
Sayyiduna Ibn Abbās radiallahu anhu said: “As my wife adorns herself for me, I adorn myself for her. I do not want to take all of my rights from her so that she will not take all of her rights from me because Allah, the Exalted, stated the following: “And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them.” (Qur῾ān2 :228.)
Dress in good clothing, keep your personal hygiene in check, and always remember that your spouse is a deserving recipient of your best. Marriage can be a complex situation at times, but there are still basic principles of a man and woman and attraction at play in a husband and wife relationship in Islam and an effort made in this department can help strengthen the marital bond. A good scent, a clean body, good dress, and some makeup and accessories for the ladies all communicate to your spouse that you have a positive attitude about yourself and that you respect your marriage enough to make the effort. Men must also make the effort to be well-groomed to the best of their ability.
The Prophet (sall Allahu alaihe wa sallam) stated, “Allah is pleased when a husband plays with his wife, due to this he fixes thawaab (good reward) for them or he establishes halal rizq (lawful sustenance) for them.” (Al-Ifsah Ibn Hajr Haithami)
From an Islamic perspective, marriage is treated with the utmost solemnity. However, this does not mean that fun within the marriage context should not be had.
As much as marriage can fall into a routine, it is important that as a couple you two retain the identity of man and wife. Before the two of you may have become mum and dad, you were both each other’s sweethearts and it is important to retain that identity and grow the love that exists there. Play games, eat out at your favourite restaurants, and get the heart rate up with some fun adrenaline -filled sport. Create a buzz that you will remember and talk about for years to come.
“Be kind towards your women. Take heed! You have rights over your women and your women also have rights over you. Their rights over you are that you provide food and clothing for them in good faith. Your rights over them are that they do not allow and nor do they give permission, for people to trespass into your house whose presence you dislike.”
There is an understanding from this Hadith and the essence of that understanding is that there are rights and responsibilities that exist between men and women. A man must take the helm as a provider, but equally, a woman needs to close ranks and protect the home from any presence that may threaten it.
It is through this synergy and language of give and take that strong marriage is built upon. Love and a successful marriage are defined by kindness and acts of giving between a husband and wife in Islam. At times, we give in kind, such as giving our love, time, effort, energy, imagination and compassion and that is enough. However, there are other times when a well-timed present makes a person feel that much more special. Slip that special ‘I love you’ note into your spouse’s wallet. Get him or her, their favourite attar or book they would like to read. Contrary to what it may seem like, these are not necessarily material expressions of love. What it does convey, is that you took the time to observe and listen to your partners needs and found ways to meet them, which is in itself an ideal way to endear yourself to your partner.
The Prophet (sall Allahu alaihe wa sallam) said, “I severely dislike that woman who puts her cloak on and leaves the home in order to complain about her husband.” (Tabrani, Haithami)
If indeed your marriage has come to the point, where you feel that you need to go outside of the home to vent and complain about your spouse, perhaps it might be time to re-examine your methods of communication.
Consider taking the time to discuss feelings and emotions. Both men and women are different in the ways in which they feel and interpret behaviour. Women are often known for being the more vocal sort, needing to communicate with and connect to the people who inhabit their world. On the other hand, men may be the strong silent type, who internalise their feelings rather than expressing them.
While there are exceptions to every rule, there has to be a safe space between couples that allow for those feelings to surface. Make sure conversations are constructive, rather than destructive. Speak from a place of building rather than breaking down. As husband and wife in Islam, you should always speak about how you feel and don’t just express displeasure but also speak of your joys and successes.
Narrated AbuHurayrah: When the Prophet (peace be upon him) congratulated a man on his marriage, he said: May Allah bless for you, and may He bless on you, and combine both of you in good (works).
Sunan of Abu Dawood – Book 11 Hadith 2125
From this narration of hadith, it is evident that each partner needs to take responsibility for the attitude and the actions that they bring to the table in married life. The good works referred to isn’t necessarily a reference just to actions and deeds, but also to acting in good faith and good spirit toward one another.
They say that in this life, your experience is based exactly on what you give. If this is the case, what type of energy are you bringing to the table? When it comes to marriage our approach needs to be equally as awakened and careful. A note to every Muslim husband and wife: to women, be tender in your approach, men; try to be more accommodating of minor mishaps and mistakes that your wife might make. No matter what challenges a marriage may be faced with if you change from the sour, frustrated, heavy attitude to a more pleasant demeanour it makes a world of difference to the general view of the marriage.
“The most perfect believer in faith is the one whose character is finest and who is kindest to his wife.” Hadith
Love and marriage thrive under positive action. Kindness, care and consideration to the marriage will all amount to a healthy dose of energy towards building a better bond.
Take that leave that you’ve been putting off. For just one evening in the week, skip gym and get home a little earlier to your wife. Ladies, meet your husband in the middle of a work day for a lunch date. Most importantly speak to your spouse in the quiet times about acts of spontaneity that would add value to their lives. Then make it a part of the marriage ‘bucket-list’ to go about adding those highlights to their lives.
When you are tired from the rigours of daily living and feel overwhelmed by the number of commitments on your plate, just remember that all it takes is one of you to do something exciting and kind to start a positive chain reaction.
“They (your wives) are a clothing (covering) for you and you too are a clothing (covering) for them.” (Surah 2, Verse 187)
What this essentially means, is that each marriage partner has the responsibility to protect the other’s honour. Marriage is the ultimate act of team work. One of the best examples of this is seen through Prophet Muhammad (sall Allahu alaihe wa sallam) and Sayyidah Khadijah R.A, who were in fact the ultimate team.
With this in mind, protect your partner, speak positivity into their life. Remember that you are not just a marital partner, but the other half of a winning team. Inshallah, your marriage is a growing asset and foundation upon which you will raise wonderful children and fulfil the goals of half of your deen. Bearing this in mind, you owe it yourself and your marriage to fuel your mind with positives and how you do this is by reinforcing the good times. Speak about your joys, talk about those things that make you both laugh, highlight each other’s positive attributes and qualities. It is in this manner that you give your marriage a firm foundation to stand upon.
Narrated by Thawban: When (the wahi) “And those who hoard gold and silver” came down they were with the Prophet (sall Allahu alaihe wa sallam) on one of his journeys. One of his companions said, “It has come down about gold and silver. Would that we knew which property is best so that we might acquire it!” He replied, “The best property is a tongue which mentions Allah, a grateful heart, and a believing wife who helps a man with his faith.”
Ahmad, Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah transmitted it.
[Al-Tirmidhi – Hadith 2275]
For all the trappings of the world and the outside perceptions that we worry about, what is it that truly matters? We go about our daily lives, worrying about finance, and the glitter of coins and what our neighbours think of us. By doing so, we end up moving further and further away from who we are supposed to be and what is important.
Accept your spouse for who they are. Be present in the relationship and the marriage that you have built. Simply put, what this means is accepting your spouse and allowing them the space to be themselves. Too often in marriages, one or the other spouse tends to dominate, scold or belittle the other in front of guests and the children just to keep up appearances. Such behaviour places a damper on the spirit of the marriage. Yes, there may be aspects in the other that cause you irritation, but the truth is that variety is the spice of life. If you really have a problem with the way your husband slurps his soup or if you find your wife’s laughter to be a little too high-pitched at a social gathering, quietly and lovingly address such issues away from the public eye. Remember that the purpose of a journey in marriage is to grow together and part of that is allowing your loved one to be true to who they are.
When all is said and done, there are a number of ways in which to add positivity to a marriage. Often, the ‘spice’ that is missing in a marriage comes in the simple form of being kinder, listening more and taking the other’s thoughts and feelings into consideration. Try some of these smaller acts and tips and see how you can bring the care, compassion and lustre back to your marriage.
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perfect love quotes for husband ISLAMIC QUOTATIONS The best of you.
In the modern age, the status of men and women is often the topic of arguments or discussions. Islam has given great focus on balanced and ethical marriage that leads to happy families and married couples.
Our religion has explained to the Muslim ummah a number of aspects – from the rights of husband and wife to men and women and from children to parents – the requirements for every individual and their status are briefly stated with examples of Holy figures and evidences.
However, due to the social customs and pressure, the requirements are twisted into patterns in order to meet the wants and needs of the society and not of the religion. Marriage being one of the targets ruined by the norms of our society.
Woman and man are the wheels that make a vehicle work – however, men are given a larger portion of qualities that make them stronger in terms of guarding their families:
“Men are the maintainers of women, because Allah has made some of them to excel others…”(4:34).
Islam has given men the responsibility of supporting their women and their families.
According to our Prophet (PBUH), “Men are the guardians of their families and it is the responsibility of every guardian to guard those who fall under his own guardianship.” – (Mustadrak, vol 2, p 550)
A man should understand that the woman he marries also has her own rights and desires towards her life, freedom and expectations from his husband – she must not be taken as a servant. Therefore, it is important that he meets the requirements of his wife, while a wife meets her set of requirements.
The secret behind the prosperity of a family is that the way a husband treats his wife and vice versa. The expression of affection towards your wife is your responsibility, according to Islam. Islam values the sacrifices women make and therefore, Allah blesses love between a married couples for the betterment of their life:
“..And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” (30:21)
“Whoever is our friend, expresses his kindness to his spouse more”. – Imam Sadiq (AS) – (Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103, p 227)
‘’The more one becomes faithful the more one expresses kindness to his spouse’’. – Prophet (PBUH) – (Ibid, p 228)
“The words of a man who tells his wife, ‘I love you truly’, should never leave her heart” – Prophet (PBUH) – (Shafi, vol 2, p 138)
Islam strictly forbidden beating of wife, while our culture continues to abuse women physically and mentally. On the other hand, even looking at each other with love brings blesses and joy to the relationship.
There is no argument on how modern age men sometimes disregard the importance and pain during pregnancy and treat it as an “ordinary” condition. However, Islam has given great significance to this matter as well.
According to Imam as-Sadiq (AS), “The food of a fetus, is provided by the nourishment that the mother receives” – (Bihar al-Anwar, vol 60, p 342) and this nourishment is provided by the husband.
During this sensitive matter, it is not just a test for the wife alone, but also for the husband as they will be giving birth to their future generation.
Men and women play their part in giving birth to the fruit of the marriage – children. Often our society dumps the matter of bringing up children on the wife alone, while ignoring that a father is equally responsible for this duty as well.
Neither is not fair on the mother to wake up in the middle of the night to attend the needs of the crying baby (if the baby requires more than just feeding), nor it is fair on the mother to be held responsible alone.
It is your right to help your wife as well as an act of kindness.
Prophet (PBUH) said, “‘The best of men is one who treats his wife well and I, amongst you, am the best man with regard to the good treatment of my wife”—(Wasa’il al-Shi’ah, vo114, p 122)
It is an ethical, human and Islamic duty of both parents to properly bring up their children in order to raise good Muslims and family members.
The Prophet (PBUH) also said, “The best of you is the one who is better towards his family, and I am to my family the best among all” – (Wasa’il al-Shiah, vol 14. p 122)
While these may sound as very basic rights, our society tends to ignore them, leading to a number of domestic quarrels that are not ideal for families.
Based on Quran we learn that God discourages divorce and encourages the continuation of marriage. Striving to preserve marriage is a duty for both husband .