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Words of wisdom for newlyweds

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Words of wisdom for newlyweds
March 03, 2019 Anniversary Wishes For Parents 3 comments

Let these marriage quotes be ones that you share with the person you love - the person you are spending the rest of your life with. Life is good.

Getting ready for your wedding day is just the start – once you’ve tied the knot, there’s a whole lifetime of commitment to consider. While it will certainly bring you years of love and joy, marriage is also a challenge that is certain to strain your patience from time to time.

As author Fawn Weaver says, “A great marriage isn’t something that just happens; it’s something that must be created.” To help you with this long-term project, we’ve culled some of the best marriage advice, tips and words of wisdom for newlyweds.

What is Marriage?

“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.” – French actress Simone Signoret

“Marriage is hard… Just two people slogging through the shit, year after year, getting older, changing. It’s a marathon, okay?” – Julianne Moore in The Kids Are All Right

“A great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” —  author Dave Meurer

“Marriage isn’t supposed to make you happy and satisfied. It’s your job to make your marriage happy and satisfying.” — Diane Sollee, founder and director of Smart Marriages.

“Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends.” — author Harville Hendrix


Practical Marriage Advice

“Secret of a happy marriage: before opening your mouth, ask yourself three questions: 1) Does this need to be said? 2) Does this need to be said by ME? and 3) Does this need to be said by me RIGHT NOW?” — Craig Fergeson

Forbes suggests that newlyweds designate a bill payer and have regular money meetings to make sure saving and spending habits are on the level. While one person should be made responsible for paying the bills, the other should always be aware of what is happening with the finances.

Always answer the phone when your husband/wife is calling. When possible, try to keep your phone off when you’re together with your spouse.

“Have regular times, even if it’s just for 15 minutes, to check in on your relationship and what you appreciate about each other. No talk about kids, schedules, etc. allowed.” — Mary Kay Aide, MS, via

“How chores and responsibilities are divided in a couple should not be based on equality, but rather on who cares more about the thing and who’s better at it,” life coach Laurie Gerber told The Huffington Post.


Advice for When You’re Fighting

“When you are in denial about your part in the relationship, then you are no better than a child flinging sand at another child in a sandbox. ” — Carin Goldstein, LMFT, via

“I shock couples when I tell them it’s better to go to bed angry than force a make-up before bedtime,” John Gray, Ph.D., author of the Mars/Venus series told The Huffington Post. “When tensions arise in a relationship, her hormones encourage her to talk more, but his hormones are designed for fight or flight — not a good combination when both of them are already tired.”

Marriage researcher Dr. John Gottman believes humorous “repair attempts” — gestures to reach out to one another to diffuse tension in the midst of conflict — are the most effective. This could be anything from making a funny face or getting naked mid-argument.

“No matter how bad the fight, how frustrated you are, look for something to be thankful for in your spouse. It will help calm you and give you a second to clear your head.” – Reddit user Inconspicuously_Here.

“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce.  The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” – Robert Anderson, author of Solitaire & Double Solitaire

“One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.” — Judith Viorst

Advice for Keeping Your Marriage Strong

“The happiest marriages are made up of two people who are engaged in separate passions, separate pursuits and who are wholly engaged in something beyond their partnership,” Iris Krasnow, author of The Secret Lives of Wives: Women Share What It Really Takes To Stay Married series, told The Huffington Post. “They know that counting on someone else to make you happy is a ticket to divorce.”

“Couples need to get proactive about forming a marriage culture that is uniquely their own,” wrote couples therapist Zach Brittle. “I encourage couples to start by ‘having a thing.’ Sometimes it’s the creation of a ritual… Sometimes it’s the cultivation of a value… Sometimes it’s agreeing on a dream and working toward it.”

Watching movies about romantic relationships will likely make your marriage last longer. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology found that discussing films about relationships can cut the divorce rate of newly married couples in half.  


“Always have each other’s back in public. Never belittle your spouse. Have all the disagreements people normally do, but let the world know you two are best friends,” wrote.

“Love your partner for who they are. Be curious about the things that are hard for them, be open to what they’re interested in, and strive to fully accept the person they are, even if some of the things they do drive you crazy.” – Jessica Adler

Always think of “us.” A study from the University of California, Berkeley found that couples who use the word “we” and “us” during conflicts were better able to resolve arguments and suffered less stress from those arguments, compared to couples who used words like “I,” “me,” and “you.”

“The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little extra every day, as often as possible, for as long as we both shall live.” — author Fawn Weaver

“Look in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person worth sticking with.” – J.K. Simmons in Juno

Sex and Romance Advice

“See problems — boredom in the bedroom, lack of conversations, resentment — as symptoms and treat those symptoms just as you would treat a chronic illness that seemingly has no cure.” – relationship coach Alisa Bowman,via

“People often have a regimented idea of when they want sex to happen, especially in a long-term relationship,” Dr. Laura Berman, sexual health expert, author, and host of In The Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman, told Huffington Post. “But a midweek quickie could be just what you need to stay connected with your partner and in tune with your sexuality (not to mention, it’s just plain fun).”

“Hold hands, rub shoulders, hug, kiss, give high-fives or even fist-bumps or bottom pats. When you give a quick hug or kiss, try to lengthen it to at least 5 or 10 seconds for more effective results!” — Lori Lowe, MA, via

“You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves.” – author Toni Sciarra Poynter


Every Day: Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds and Not So Newlyweds [Cynthia Bond Hopson, Roger Hopson] on *FREE* shipping on qualifying.

Married couples are sharing some pretty compelling advice for newlyweds

words of wisdom for newlyweds

Giving newlyweds a few words of advice can be helpful, yet isn't always appreciated. However, starting a new life together can be stressful and listening to sage advice garnered from years of experience may be the very words newlyweds need to hear.

Asking for Advice

The best way to get advice is to ask for it. Parents and grandparents used to be the main source of advice for a person's upcoming married life. As the typical family changes face and divorce rates have grown, however, they may not be able to offer much. Trusted friends and neighbors may be able to add to any insights parents pass on.

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For general marriage advice, couples often choose to make it part of their wedding activities. Bridal party members might choose to offer advice as part of a wedding toast. A popular activity at a bridal shower is for the host to ask attendees for words of wisdom that will be placed in a scrapbook or photo album of the event.

Couples can also solicit advice from their guests that will be shared with everyone. You can choose to devote a portion of your wedding website or wedding newsletter to advice your guests tell you. Be sure to credit who offered which words of wisdom.

Finally, couples can ask for advice at their wedding reception. A wedding card box with pens and notecards can be set up near the guest book table, with instructions for writing advice. The videographer can also shoot clips of guests who have suggestions on surviving the first year of married life.

Advice for Newlyweds

The actual advice that newlyweds get is often varied. From humorous jokes about splitting chores to sentimental clichés about love, people will offer advice that runs the gamut. If you are going to be asked to give advice, draw upon the following resources:

  • Personal experiences with marriage or relationships
  • Clichés, and why they may or may not be true
  • Quotations on love and marriage
  • Marriage poems
  • Advice from talk shows like Dr. Phil or other media sources

Newlyweds should be careful not to put too much stock into any advice they are given. Advice is meant to be a helpful suggestion, not comprise a how-to manual for their entire married lives. What works for one couple may not work for another. Take your own relationship into consideration when using advice.

Private Advice

Newlyweds often need advice on more private matters that they are dealing with directly. These are situations that are often personal and may make you feel uncomfortable sharing with a large group of people. Traditional wedding advice often does not cover these kinds of situations and should only be discussed with your closest friends or relatives.

Seek out a confidant in person for advice on the following:

  • Personal money issues
  • Physical or sexual advice
  • Advice on dealing with future in-laws
  • Guidance in personal matters you want to keep private

Personal crisis and other private issues can also be dealt with in pre-marriage counseling. A licensed therapist or religious counselor may be able to offer practical advice on dealing with matters before they become problematic.

Troubled Marriage Advice

In this day of quickie divorces, couples may be ready to give up at the first sign of trouble. Though pre-marital counseling can help calm waters for a smoother start, life may get in the way. Bankruptcy, job loss, family crisis or health issues in the first few years of marriage can make even the most solid couples falter in their life together.

Couples dealing with a little rough patch may be able to work it out by keeping lines of communication open or reading a book on advice together. Discussing more serious issues with a therapist can help newlyweds work through any trouble before making a decision regarding their entire marriage.

Wedding planning is hectic and exciting at the same time. Too often, couples will overlook the marriage that results from the big event. Newlyweds who seek out helpful advice along with happy wedding wishes will be more prepared for their future together.

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Words of wisdom for newlyweds: How the “$5 Rule” saved our marriage

words of wisdom for newlyweds

It is that (excellent?) time of the year again when millions of couples around the world are getting ready to tie the knot. With many details to sort out like the number of guests, seating arrangements, the variety of menu, venue, flower arrangements, and much more it is necessary to keep in mind these funny words of wisdom for newlyweds to get a reprieve from all the tension and stress.

These funny words of wisdom for newlyweds will help  will help the grooms keep their wives happy

1. The most important rule of wedded bliss

The essential rule of marital bliss is to understand that there are two people in a marriage; one who is always right and the other is the husband. If you want to keep your wife happy, then it’s better to remember that whenever there is a disagreement, she is always right.

2. In marriage, you get what you see

One thing that’ll help make a strong foundation for a long and happy marriage is that don’t try to change your spouse. She will always fuss over her nail color or the fitting of her dress, and you will have to live with that while all those brides out there if you think that you can turn him into a better man you are sadly mistaken. Enjoy each other as you are!

3. Pack up and stash away your romance novels

These hilarious words of advice for newlyweds obviously concern the bride. Now that you are (finally) married it’s time to pack up your romance novels and enter the real world of smelly socks, different degrees of gross behavior and untidiness.

4. You should have eyes only for your wife

Now that you are married, other girls cease to exist for you. You should have eyes only for your wife. If you are not able to control your roving eye be discreet about it so your wife doesn’t catch you!

5. Toilet etiquettes will save your hide

These funny words of wisdom for newlyweds concern both the husband and the wife. Husbands, if you don’t want to start the next world war, it’s always advisable to leave the seat down after you have used the toilet and it’s essential for the wives to use the bathroom at least twenty minutes after your husband has done so to save your nose.

6. Time takes on a different meaning after marriage

If your husband says he’ll be home in an hour when you call him to find out for how long he will stay out with his friends, don’t be alarmed if he isn’t home even after three hours. Newlywed husbands should always keep a safety margin of one hour when your wife asks the time when you have to leave for a party or a dinner reservation. This rule doesn’t apply when you are visiting the in-laws as there is a hundred percent chance that she will be ready before you are!

7. Your girlfriend will change into someone else

The next words of wisdom for a newly married couple concern the husband. If you think your girlfriend won’t change after marriage, then you are in for a big surprise. It’s a fact that as soon as she has your ring on her finger, she will turn into a totally different person. She may become broody or temperamental, but you will have to live with it as you can do nothing about it.

The following funny words of wisdom for newlyweds will help the brides keep their husbands on their toes:

  • Whenever your husband starts to tell you about his horrible boss or the amount of work he had to do in a day nod and be sympathetic. Pretend that you are listening to him even if you have no interest in whatever he’s sharing with you.
  • Pick your fights wisely. Don’t worry about trivial stuff and focus on big issues like what kind of movie to watch.
  • If you want to get something (big or small) done around the house, don’t ask your husband. Play the damsel in distress card! Attempt to do it yourself and do it so badly that when he does it, he feels like a hero! Men love feeling needed.
  • Make sure to feed him before you ask him for something because men get cranky when they’re hungry. If you wish to effectively bend him to your will, you should cook him his favorite dish first, and then ask for what you want.

The secret to happiness

The above-mentioned funny words for wisdom for newlyweds should’ve taught you something, the secret to a happy marriage isn’t in material things. Couples who have the best of everything are not the most successful couples. Instead, it’s the couples who try to make the best of everything and work to be content with what they have, with having each other being the most important thing!

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BEST Marriage Advice for Newlyweds! – Part 1

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Without a doubt, marriage is a wonderful gift and a true blessing. But it is also something that can be powerfully difficult. Marriage is a union that requires compromise, selflessness, forgiveness, and effort. Marriage is not always easy, but most of us would have to agree, it’s absolutely worth it.

We asked some of the married people we know to share their very best marriage advice for newlyweds. What are the tips that have helped them succeed in their own partnerships? What indispensable advice would you offer a young couple on their wedding day?

40+ people shared their words of wisdom for newlyweds. Below you’ll find a veritable encyclopedia of solid relationship advice for the married couple. What’s the secret to a good marriage? Read on to find out. 

Marriage Advice for Newlyweds

Learn to practice empathy. It is inevitable that you will have disagreements with each other. Sometimes that will escalate into anger and even a fight or two. Take a minute to breathe and try to see things from your spouse’s point of view. Try to find ways that they could be seeing things differently from you. Even if you still do not agree with them, if you can understand where they are coming from it will be easier to resolve your issues.  –Dan, married 4 years.

Travel together, and not just for your honeymoon! If you can survive holidays together then you’ll be all set for married life. Travelling is the most enjoyable, but often the most stressful experience you can have as a couple, and for most, being together in unfamiliar places and situations can help bring you even closer. It sometimes feels like an ‘us against the world’ when we’re away, which has done wonders for keeping our marriage a very happy one. It also makes us appreciate our lives back home, which may seem mundane at times, but after a few weeks of tramping through jungles or lugging suitcases around cities, returning home to happily married life is a blessing.

You’ll get to know each other a lot better when you travel too, sharing the highs and the lows (we spent most of our honeymoon in South America being ill, or seasick, or both!) and that will only make you stronger as a couple. Try and travel together often to keep things fresh. It doesn’t have to be an exotic holiday abroad, just a quiet weekend away in the countryside is just as good. It’s the secret to a long and wonderful marriage! –Heather, married 11 years

Do your best to enjoy spending time together. This may be something simple like making your partner laugh every day. But for us it was important to build a life together. We’ve seen a lot of couples live entirely separate lives. Not only do they work apart, but they have different friends, different interests. In my opinion, this leads to a couple that grows apart rather than together.

Sure, it’s healthy to spend time apart, but ensure you enjoy spending quality time together. In the end, it will be the two of you together for decades. It’s important to find quality ways to spend those decades together. Travel together. Cook together. Exercise together. Spend time with your friends together. Make the most of your time and grow together as a couple. –Amber, married 17 years

Learn the other one’s love language! The “5 Love Languages” is a book and concept by Gary Chapman. It has been such a game changer for us. Understanding how you can show love effectively on a level your partner intuitively understands and feels makes an incredible difference in a relationship.

Naturally, we will use our own preferred love language to show love to our partner. But that might not be the way they best receive love. So learn your partner’s love language and start “speaking” it. It could be as simple as giving them an extra hug every day. –Leo, married 8 months

*Note from Two Drifters: We love The 5 Love Languages, too! It’s an incredibly helpful book. You can get your own copy of The 5 Love Languages here. And read more about one of the languages “Words of Affirmation” in this post by our friend Tiffany.

Honesty and trust are the two pillars of a strong marriage. For any marriage to be happy and to last both partners need to be patient with each other, give each other space, encourage each other and most importantly give their best to the relationship. Focus on the good and watch the love grow! –Deeptha, married 14 years

It can be easy to neglect your relationship when life gets busy, stressful or when kids are added to the mix. For this reason it is so important to make time to connect as a couple, even when you’re tired or busy. If this is becoming a struggle, don’t hesitate to schedule time in as part of every day when you are spending quality time together. It could be as simple as having breakfast together each morning or an after-dinner chat to reflect on your day. Communication is going to keep you feeling connected as a couple and supporting one another. -Holly, married 9 years

I’d say never go to bed angry. Communicate, when you’re angry, take a break, walk away, then revisit the issue when you’re calm. Let the little shit go, leave the past in the past. Don’t hold a grudge. Talk shit out and no matter how angry you are don’t ever call names. That hurts more than anything. -Jen, was married 7 years

Always talk it out. It’s definitely the harder option when you are in the middle of a fight, and often you just want to walk away. But if you don’t speak about it and clear the air things will build up over time and you will find yourself fighting about something new and bringing up the past! Save yourself time and heartache and just talk, talk and talk some more. –Felicity, married 5 years

Learn to let the little things go. In a marriage, arguments happen. Some are important and need to be resolved. But, many are about trivial things, often blown out of proportion when someone is already feeling tired or overwhelmed. If you snap at each other over the dirty socks left on the floor, or whose turn it is to run the kids to soccer practice, let the frustration go when the conversation is over.

Holding onto petty arguments will eventually turn into resentment. When he left those dirty socks on the floor, he probably didn’t do it with the intention of adding to your workload or out of a lack of respect. Honestly, he was probably tired and forgot. Let it go, and you will both be happier. –Kristin, married 6 years

When faced with difficulties, remember this: It is both of you against the world, not against each other. –Eva, married 2 years

My wife and I tied the knot in Las Vegas, after travelling the world for over a year. During our travels, spending every day together we witnessed each other’s personalities (good and bad). Though this wasn’t the main reason that solidified our relationship. The strange thing was, it was sharing our expenses. Our travels forced us to share our finances uniting us together with a common goal (visiting amazing places).

After we arrived back home in Australia as newlyweds. We organised a joint account (Romantic, I know). For myself, letting control of my own money and to trust my wife was difficult. It wasn’t like she would run away with all our money or go on a crazy shopping spree. It was more than that money was a personal thing, I’ve never had to justify buying anything before. I couldn’t just buy a new surfboard because it looked super fun or shiny new climbing gear without bringing it up for discussion first. It’s also very tricky to justify all the fast food on the bank statement.

But the benefits when I did, was well worth the initial discomfort. I’ve only been married for a few years and I know shared finances is a boring subject. Though It’s truly paved the foundation for a trusting relationship and has strengthened our marriage as a partnership. –Simon, married 3 years

It’s been about six months since our wedding and boy, what a ride! While it’s early in our marriage, this journey has already taught me so much. Wedding planning can be a stressful, tumultuous time and just when you’re through to the other side comes adjustment to the marriage itself. It’s been a time of growth and happiness and my best marriage advice so far is: give each other the benefit of the doubt.

Remember, in the midst of silly arguments and tough days, that you are both on the same team. Bearing in mind that neither of you is intentionally hurting the other, that continuously improving your communication skills is key, will help set the foundation for increasing trust and love. –Nausheen, married 6 months

Be a team from day one. Try to avoid things like “my money” or “my house” especially if the scale may be uneven. You’re in this together, so work together from the start and share your life as partners, not roommates. When you fight (and you will) remember this and don’t throw around these terms as a way to hurt the other person. You will each bring valuable parts to the relationship. One day the tables may turn and the words you used may be coming back at you. -Amanda, married 14 years

Talking about finances openly and honestly is an important part of a strong marriage. Getting into this habit as newlyweds is a smart move and sets the tone for financial transparency through your marriage. A married couple with joint financial goals is a powerful force, we often have two incomes – at least to start with – and reduced expenses from sharing a home. But marriages don’t always start out like that.

Some of us bring debt to the relationship, one partner might be a spender while the other saves every spare penny. Laying bare all outstanding debt, repayments amounts and other financial commitments sets the bar for honest money talk in the future. Discuss your opinions on home ownership, children and any other financial goals you might have. By establishing clear communication about your financial situation, early in your marriage (or ideally, beforehand) you will strengthen your bond, and give your marriage the best chance at standing the test of time. –Emma, married 8 years

Be open and honest with each other, love and accept each other completely and travel together far and wide as much as possible! –Betsy, married 32 years

Never stop exploring together. And while that can obviously include traveling the world, it doesn’t necessarily have to. A big part of keeping a relationship fresh over a long period of time is not allowing yourself to fall prey to the humdrum repetition of the routine. People tend to get bored when they’re stuck in a rut, which is one reason so many people ultimately get fed up living the usual 9 to 5 lifestyle.

If you can afford the luxury of traveling often, that’s great! But if not, find other ways to explore new things together. Eat at new restaurants, sample exotic cuisines, or just order something weird you haven’t had before. Go to a museum exhibiting the art of another culture, or check out a concert by a band from a country very different from your own. Take a picnic and go hiking in a state park you have never been to before. Take classes together: Learning new hobbies like photography, pottery, or gardening can help establish new bonds.

We’re 10 years into our relationship now, and we try to keep learning, growing, and seeking new adventures together. Whether we’re at home or exploring abroad, our boundless curiosity keeps us young, vibrant, and even more in love than we were during the “honeymoon” phase. –Bret, married 10 years

We firmly believe in realizing dreams. Not hoping for them to happen. Not waiting for that maybe-we’ll-do-that-when-we’re-retired kind of plan. But acting on them now. To be able to do that, we talk and dream together. And then we start planning how we can work towards them.

Not every dream is possible straight away and not every dream might be achievable in the way that you want it to be. You might have to save money. Or you have to quit your job and that feels like a very big step. Or you might have to put yours aside for a bit, to work on your partner’s. But working on those dreams together, as a team, makes a marriage stronger and happier. –Babs, married 8 years

Don’t forget the inside jokes and funny things that happen early in your relationship. It helps keep the laughter going between the two of you for years and years. The other day my husband and I were laughing at something that happened when we were first dating. Things that are only funny to the two of you never get old. –Jaime, married 16 years

Compare it to a house, just because a lightbulb is broken you don’t buy a new house, you fix the lightbulb. So, stick together and try to work out whatever there is to work out. Communication, understanding and compromising are the key. –Josephine, married 2 years

Learn how to navigate hardship together early. Do difficult fun but things (like going backpacking for a few days), and work out rules to get through the tough times, like when you’re tired, hungry, being swarmed by bugs and it starts raining.

Those rules you agree on — how to communicate, how to avoid problems and how to solve them — will serve you many times in the future, in situations you didn’t bring on yourselves. It’s great to work out the rules when the stakes aren’t too high. -Dana

Open discussion. But if you feel discussing something might turn into a big fight when you regret saying things, write an e-mail instead. That way you have a chance to explain the problem calmly and fully and the other one has time to react without misunderstanding or cutting it short. Some might say it is strange or impersonal to write an e-mail instead of talking but it really helped us in the first couple of years. –Emese, married 10 years

Language is the most important thing in a relationship. The language you use in an argument or when you are frustrated with your partner is extremely important. And this can be difficult, especially when emotions are high. However, the difference between switching a “You” for an “I” can make your partner feel less like you are blaming them for something which will make them defensive, and more like they need to listen to you because there is something that is bothering you. For example, “You never listen to me.” Versus, “I feel like I am not being listened to.” –Mike, married 3 years

I think one of the most important things to remember when you first get married is that you can’t change the other person. Once you realize that, it’s freeing. I think you can give your opinions freely but know that your partner is who they are and you married them for that. You can hope that someday they’ll change but don’t make it your goal to change them. But aside from that, my favorite words to a successful marriage are honesty, respect, and selflessness. –Grace, married 12 years

The 60-40 rule! Always aim to give 60% and only expect your spouse to give 40%. If you focus too hard on being exactly equal in effort, you’ll fall into the trap of assuming (possibly incorrectly, due to bias!) you’re putting in an unfair amount of work for your marriage. Then you might resent your spouse for not doing enough! But by aiming for 60-40, you help eliminate the confirmation bias and avoid resentment. Plus genuinely aiming to contribute 60% and genuinely expecting only 40% will help you and your spouse better appreciate each other!

The 60-40 rule also helps you realize when there truly is an unfair division of effort in your marriage. If you start to see 70-30, and there aren’t extenuating circumstances, then you and your spouse can reevaluate what you’re both doing. The 60-40 rule applies to work/chores, romance, etc.–anything that requires dual efforts. –Brita, married 5 years

It’s so hard to do sometimes, but try not to go to bed angry with each other. Take time to cool down when you get into a disagreement so no one says anything they regret, but then come back together and talk about it once you are both calm. Apologize, ask for forgiveness, or sometimes just agree to disagree.

The icing on the cake is having passionate makeup sex! –Alexis, married 12 years

In my tiny 3 years of marriage (5 years cohabitating) I’ve learned a lot, but one thing sticks out the most, and it is that you should always put both the toilet seat AND the lid down, so both partners do equal work. This will clear up at least half of all your marital problems! –Shanna, married 3 years

Talk about what you don’t want. When we first started dating, my now husband and I focused on what we didn’t want: all the ways we didn’t want to speak to each other, we didn’t want to go to bed angry, we didn’t want to put down each other’s ideas. At the start especially, we just lived by our own self imposed rules. By doing so it allowed us to evolve and put our energy into growing into the couple we wanted to be. A decade later and 40+ countries traveled together, we are so glad we did that. –Tiffany, married 11 years

My best marriage advice is an oldie, but a goodie. Never go to bed mad. Whenever we do this, I know I start the next day feeling mad too and it can take a while to get over the fight and any resentment. This can seem easy at times when it is a small fight and it’s not last thing at night.

However, when it’s late and you’re tired and you probably just both want to be right, it can be really hard to make up. I recommend that at those times, you have some type of time out where you already have a plan of what happens next so the “discussion” can go on hold until a time where you are going to not be half asleep so you can work it out. Then you can put it to the side for the evening and still go to bed not mad at each other. I recommend you agree to kiss and hug before sleep time no matter how mad you are. –Suzi, married 12 years

*A note from Two Drifters: in our post on Relationship Myths, we dispel the idea that you can never go to bed angry. As Suzi says, sometimes you have to go to bed and put the discussion on hold ’til the morning.

Get to know your partner before you decide to tie the knot. This way you are making a sound decision. My hub and I dated for 6 years before settling down. Both of us love to travel, so we enjoyed doing that together and have been traveling ever since. –Mayuri, 2.5 years

Appreciate every little thing your partner does for you. Once you’re married, it can be easy to take each other for granted, but that’s exactly what you shouldn’t do! So when your other half makes you dinner after a long day at work, say thank you.

When they offer to come pick you up after a night out with your friends, make sure you offer to do it for them the next time around. If they squeeze your hand when your favourite character dies on tv, remember how lucky you are to have found them. It’s these little things we often forget to appreciate, but they’re the ones that matter the most. –Anna, married 4 1/2 years

Always give the other person the benefit of the doubt. It can be difficult to blend two lives together so give each other some grace, assume the best of the other person’s intentions, and always try to be kind. Kindness costs nothing as well as the small gestures that make the other person’s load lighter.

Marriage is about making the other person’s path in life easier by sharing the burdens. Tasks and balance may shift throughout the years but if each person is trying to help the other it’ll all turn out ok! –Alexis, married 4 years

Marry only that man who already lived alone (no more with his parents) and is able to take care of himself. – Sarka, married 14years

I don’t know why, but things change when you first get married. The first year of marriage was really hard for my husband and I and we came close to getting a divorce. Just remember why you got married in the first place and work hard to appreciate each other and value each other’s opinions and feelings. Also, make time to do fun things together. It helps keep the spark going. –Hollee, married 3 years

The first year, as they say, is hard. Even if you lived together before, some things do change. Not for the bad, not for the worse, but they change. Most of all have patience and learn to fight. Don’t call names, don’t yell. Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship. Set a good base and you’ll be fine. –Cris, married 6 years

Spend time together and apart. Have separate hobbies you like to do on your own outside of the things you like to do together. Being with someone 24/7 will can destroy the mystery and ruin the relationship. –Casie, married 6 years

Your first year of marriage, there will be times you think you have made a mistake. More often than not, you have not made a mistake. Don’t run to your friends or family and gossip about arguments because you and your partner are a team. At the end of the day, you will still love your partner but your family and friends are not beholden to do the same. Always think in terms of being a team. –Jaime, married 1 year

My best advice is don’t travel together… no, I’m kidding. My husband and I recently got back from 5 weeks away, we didn’t kill each other but we came close a few times. I think you need to make sure to listen to each other and compromise to ensure you are both getting to do and see the things you want to see. I’d also recommend (especially for long trips) that you plan a spa day or a day trip to go on alone, give each other a few hours of space / you time as living in each other’s back pockets for weeks can just about drive anyone crazy! –Samantha, married 4 years

Travel together. It’s like an extreme form of marriage because you’re together 24/7, and it promotes bonding at an accelerated pace. That’s the beauty of honeymoons. It can also bring up differences at a great rate, so – as long as you work at it – you can learn how to solve a lot of problems quickly that might come up in the future. Just remember that compromise is the key.

If you want to see ALL the sights and your partner wants to do nothing but sit in a cafe, see fewer sights but at a greater depth and make sure you take breaks between each one. Travel is a great romance builder so use this time to foster affection. Make an effort to go for a few lazy dinners with low lights and wine. Hold hands when you see the Eiffel Tower, and appreciate the fact that the experience is magnified because you’re sharing it with someone special. That said, don’t be afraid to give each other space – a little breathing room in any marriage can go a long way. –Carol, married 5 years

Be best friends first. Be funny. Be prepared to flirt. Treat your spouse like your most lucrative client – always. –Marisa, married 15 years

Being married from 11 yrs I have tons of marriage advice (which even I struggle to follow!).Newlywed couples are living in fairyland feeling so much love and dreams. All the romantic movies you had watched over the time, seems like true and most of us imagine the great loving married life ahead. All of your relatives are ready to give you a secret of a successful marriage. Believe me, no one gives you the BEST because in any relationship no set formula works!!!

To be a really happy married couple, you should have “ BAD MATHS”. I am asking you to be bad in calculations although your parents and teachers always ask you to do best. In marriage, we always use “mathematics”. I give more, she gives less. I am loving him more, he doesn’t. I do my best to make the best life for us, he/she is just not putting real efforts into it.

All the math equations you hate, you are using them into your marriage life. For example, comparison. Who is a better spouse? Who loves more? Who cares more? Even, who earns more? Right? So you are calculating your feelings. Stop doing such mathematics. Do you know in marriage who give up is a real winner. All the rules and calculations are worthless if you love truly. Be bad at maths, don’t calculate who is doing more or who is best. Stop comparing, forget each other’s mistakes and leave every small argument which makes you an opponent, not a partner.  –Arti, married 11 years

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Categories Relationships

There are no guarantees or foolproof formulas in marriage, but AllProDad's offers some words of advice on marriage from a lifelong couple.

words of wisdom for newlyweds
Written by Teran
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