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Jokes on birthday wishes

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Jokes on birthday wishes
March 25, 2019 Anniversary Wishes For Parents 5 comments

Birthday wishes for – how should we say it – the older gentleman are quite often designed to ridicule and mock. Joking about their age, bodily.

Choosing a birthday card is just half the battle; now you have to think of something funny to write inside. We’ve scoured the internet, searched our own cards and trawled thousands of ideas to bring you a list of the 69 funniest things you can say inside your card. From the rude and offensive to the cheeky and light-hearted messages, simply choose your favourite and pass it off as your own. You’re welcome!

General Funny Birthday Wishes

1. I always limit my budget on buying birthday gifts according to what that person gave me as a gift on my birthday. Enjoy your gift of nothing!
2. Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
3. Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
4. May your Facebook wall be filled with birthday wishes from people you’ve never met, haven’t seen in years, or genuinely couldn’t care less about.
5. On your birthday don’t forget to set goals that are sky high, and spend the rest of the year miserably trying to build a rocket to get there.
6. You’re a really hard individual to shop for… so I didn’t get you anything. Happy birthday!
7. Happy birthday to the only person I would rescue in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
8. If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas!
9. Smart, good looking, and funny. But enough about me. Happy birthday!
10. It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.
11. Right, let’s get you so drunk that you end up believing it’s my birthday and buying me drinks all night 😉
12. Happy birthday! Can you believe we used to think people our age were adults and had their life in order?
13. Congratulations on getting slightly older!
14. Well done – you have still been alive for several years!

Old Age Jokes

1. Happy birthday – I’m so glad you’ll always be older than me 
2. Remember that growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional!
3. Birthdays are like spotting Bigfoot. You really do want to see them but you’re a little afraid of what they’ll look like…
4. If you look back through all the years you’ve lived, the first thing you’ll notice is that you need a telescope.
5. Happy birthday – So far, this is the oldest you’ve ever been!
6. At least you’re not as old as you will be next year… if you make it!
7. If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them!
8. Yes, we have reached that age… when every compliment we get is usually followed by ‘for your age’. You’re still looking great though… for your age!
9. As you get older, three things happen. The first thing is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
10. Congratulations! You are now old enough to need TWO packs of candles for your cake.
11. We all knew this day was coming. It’s best to just suck it up and accept it’s no longer acceptable for you to eat a happy meal in public.
12. Don’t worry about your age… alcohol will make it all better!
13. I will stop making age jokes on your birthday now… you’ve reached the age where it’s genuinely not funny anymore.
14. Just remember the more candles on the cake, the bigger the cake you’ll get! Now who’s laughing?
15. Another year older and you’re one step closer to getting those Velcro shoes!
16. Remember that age is just a number… just a really, REALLY high one in your case!
17. I regret to inform you that your childhood has EXPIRED.

Rude Birthday Messages

1. Happy birthday! Let’s celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else’s bed…
2. I hope you have a happy annual celebration of escaping from your mum’s uterus. I wish that you may never again have to return to your dark underwater prison.
3. Birthdays are like bogeys. The more you have, the harder it is to breathe!
4. I hope your birthday is better than walking through a fart with your mouth open.
5. Since it’s your birthday, I’ll let you leave the lights on.
6. May your day be more beautiful than a unicorn farting rainbows.
7. I hope you celebrate your birthday the way you came into this world, naked and screaming!
8. Some say that age is just a number. I say that’s bullsh**. I mean, you’re getting really old. Happy birthday anyway.
9. Happy birthday… congratulations on now being of the age where understand the horror of waking yourself up with your own fart!
10. You might be old, but you’re still a d***.
11. Older and wiser… but still a bit of a pr***.
12. I didn’t know where to start on your birthday present so I thought I’d trawl the internet. After a couple of hours I found some really good stuff. But then I remembered I was supposed to be finding you a birthday present and it was too late. Sorry!
13. Have a mucking farvellous birthday!
14. Some things are better with age. Too bad you aren’t one of them.

Sarcastic Birthday Messages

1. You’re the least famous person I know of who was born on your birthday.
2. I couldn’t think of a message that would make you laugh for your birthday card… you’re too boring…
3. I hope your birthday is better than the card I sent you…
4. Seriously, I don’t know how many more of your birthdays I can handle.
5. Another year older… and you still can’t grow a beard.
6. If I made fun of how many years old you are, it would be beyond funny.
7. Getting someone as awesome as me to send a birthday message to you, has undoubtedly been your biggest achievement this year.
8. Congratulations on being a year older and still maintaining such a low level of maturity; you are truly an inspiration.
9. Happy birthday! Here is a piece of card to show you how little I care…
10. What are you so happy about? It’s your birthday and you are going to have to spend a lot of money to keep us happy. At least have fun doing it!
11. Life was meant to be celebrated more often than just one day a year. Man, you’re missing opportunities the other 364 days!
12. I decided to keep having birthdays because it beats the alternative… Death.

Belated Birthday Wishes

1. I know you had lots of birthday wishes yesterday, but who is thinking of you today? Me, that’s who. Happy belated birthday!
2. I’m sorry my birthday wishes are belated—I honestly didn’t think you’d live this long. Happy birthday!
3. Sorry I wasn’t there with you to mourn the loss of your youth. Happy birthday!
4. It’s not your fault, buddy. No one can help the fact that you’re growing old, and that I totally forgot… Happy belated birthday!
5. You’re amazing, wise, super cool, fantastic, brilliant, intelligent – but don’t get too excited. I’m only saying all these things because I’m a couple of days late! Happy birthday!
6. It wasn’t my fault… Facebook forgot to remind me about your birthday!
7. It’s so tough to believe that you are getting older, that I decided to wish you happy birthday late this year.
8. Sorry I missed your birthday… hopefully you’ll have another one next year…

Funny Birthday Quotes

1. Two things that are inevitable for any living person are birthdays and taxes.
2. Birthdays are like cheese. They stink more the older they get.
3. Aging is the worst side effect of birthdays.
4. There’s really only one true birthday. The rest are simply anniversaries of the day of a person’s birth.
5. Birthdays are like vacations. You don’t have one too often and they come and go too quickly.
6. The old pessimist focuses on his growing number. The old optimist focuses on his growing blessings.
7. Getting older is just part of life… and the other parts are even worse.
8. The older you get, the more disoriented your hair gets. Once it leaves your head, it seems to get lost.

If you are looking for a funny birthday card, browse through our funny birthday cards range.

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Wishing myself a super duper birthday! I hope my friends remember my.

100+ Funny Birthday Wishes For Loved Ones

jokes on birthday wishes

Happy birthday funny folks! Celebrating big days with friends and family are the best times to put your good humor on display. Nearly everyone tends to be in a good mood and looking for a reason to laugh. Don’t disappoint them – come with your “A” game. Check out some messages, wishes, quotes and jokes below for ideas.

Funny Birthday Wishes

For your birthday, I wish that every mirror in the world would vanish so you wouldn’t know that you are getting older. Enjoy!

You are gradually getting to the top of the hill. It’s better than being buried under it.

You should be proud of your age. This year you are wiser, smarter and very close to reaping the benefits of senior discounts at restaurants.

Don’t regret the grey hairs on your head. Aging is a privilege granted to a select few. Happy Birthday!

Sister

To someone totally awesome, gorgeous, funny, and sort of reminds me of myself! You are a fabulous sister and you know you owe it all to me!

Dearest sister, please stop being younger than me every year! It just isn’t fair! Best wishes to you on your special day. May your beauty and humor never fade!

I can’t believe that someone so annoying and immature grew up to be someone I love dearly and consider one of my best friends! Happy Birthday to my wonderful, beautiful, and intelligent sister!

Congratulations on having survived another year with me as your sister! May this year be your best year yet!

Brother

Before you go out today, make sure your pockets are empty. It’s your day to have others treat you! I hope you enjoy your birthday, dear brother.

You might get all the responsibility for being the older brother, but you have no idea how hard it is to be the favorite of the family. Enjoy your day!

As the true and good-hearted brother that I am, I have remembered your birthday and forgotten your age.

You’ve already taught me so much as my older brother. Now I’m learning from you on how (not) to age gracefully. Have a great Bday!

 

Happy Birthday Funny Friends

For your birthday, I wanted to give you something that was both funny and charming, but then I remembered you already have me in your life.

May my friend on this special day be able to set all the jealous people on fire and use the flame to burn the candles and blow them off with a happy smile, a very happy and amazing day to you.

I made you a birthday cake to celebrate, but I couldn’t light the candles. It turns out the fire department requires a permit for bonfires.

Having friends never has been more awesome! You truly are a great person to have around, even when you eat everything on the table. We still love you anyway! Happy birthday!

Tip: These Happy Birthday Funny Messages work nicely as captions for social media.

You might like: Cool and Hip Quotes.

Husband

I do love how you stick to me like glue, it certainly makes it easy for me to keep track of where you are and what you are doing at all times.

You’re the best husband a lady could hope for. Kind, handsome, charming and clever. If only were also tall. Not to worry, 4 out of 5 boxes are not bad at all!

I didn’t get you a fancy gift this year, instead I thought it best to go with something sentimental. Remember that time you told me how happy it makes you when I wear red? Well, I’ve bought a whole new outfit and accessories in lush red colors. Just for you!

It’s time for me to start pulling my weight around the house I know. So today for your birthday I’ve cleaned all the rooms and made the house pretty, all for you! So now do your part, get in the kitchen and make us some dinner.

Funny Messages for Birthday Celebrations

No one will stop tonight from eating your favorite items. I wish you a happiest birthday ever.

Happy birthday. At your age, you should really try to see everything as larger than life…starting with LARGE print.

Hey, no matter how old have you become today, just make sure that you don’t forget that where you kept the car keys. Good luck!

Can you remember those young, healthy and colorful days of our young age? It’s always feels awesome when you can recall all those memories.

Messages

Don’t be sad you’re a year older. Keep your chin up…both of ’em! Well, you know what I mean.

If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them!

This year is the easiest one for me to pick a birthday gift for you,

I choose makeup for you to apply plenty of it to hide your wrinkles and your age.

At our age, the only way to look younger is to add at least a decade to your age.

So, you are still younger than the age you will be on the next birthday. Have a special celebration.

Just smile while you still have your natural teeth.

Another year has gone, but that doesn’t mean you’ve become wiser.

We need a flamethrower instead of a lighter to light up all of your candles.

Check out our Funny Birthday Quotes from Dr Seuss.

Witty and Comical

Don’t count the candles on your cake or the wrinkles on your face. Just be glad that you’re not down for the count.

The main thing to do to remain young is to lie when it comes to your age, eat slowly and dress like a teenager.

You’ve finally reached the age of wisdom but nobody wants to listen to you.

There are plenty of years that I can remember for those history classes in our schools. But, the bad news is I can’t remember your birth date as it wasn’t in our course. May be I’m late, but have a great one.

You should count your age not your wrinkles. Count your experiences and blessings not your mistakes.

Stop counting your candles and start counting your blessings. You still have hair on your head, not in your ears and nose!

The room is getting hotter, please blow the candles before your room gets on fire.

It’s cold out there, but I feel much warm for your candles. Man, your birthday is hot!

They say that with age comes wisdom. I’m not so sure…I’ve met a lot of really stupid old people. So far, you’re not one of them.

Time may heal all wounds, but it leaves you with an unhealthy glow, saggy skin and crow’s feet.

Funny Birthday Images and Memes

 

In Spanish

Muchas muchas felicidades del día!

Que puedas disfrutar de este día haciendo las cosas especiales que le gusta hacer. Feliz cumpleaños a it.

Amigo del feliz cumpleaños !! Que puedas superar todas las dificultades y desafíos que vienen en su vida.

Que Dios te bendiga en tu cumpleaños. Te enviamos nuestro amor.

Felicidades en tu día! Espero que lo pases genial.

Humorous Quotes for the Big Day

Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
Robert Frost

You’re getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it.
Felix Severn

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
Unknown

The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.
Rose Nylund

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope

Laughable Sayings

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
John Glenn

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday.’
Steven Wright

Years ago we discovered the exact point, the dead centre of middle age. It occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
Franklin P. Adams

The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills.
Richard J. Needham

Life would be infinitely better if we could be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.
Mark Twain

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Father Larry Lorenzoni

The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you’ll grow out of it.
Doris Day

I’ve got everything I had 20 years ago, except now it’s all lower.
Gypsy Rose Lee

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.
Bette Midler

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.
Mary Schmich

Middle age is when you have the choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.
Edgar Watson Howe

The bad news is that I have a bad memory and am no good at math. The good news is that I have no idea how old I am.
Melanie White

Jokes

What’s the easiest way to remember your wife’s birthday?
Forget it once!

What do you always get on your birthday?
Another year older!

What did the elephant wish for on his birthday?
A trunkful of presents!

What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They were all born on holidays.

Where do you get a birthday present for your cat?
From a cat-alogue.

How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?
They relish the moment.

You might like our hilarious Dad Jokes.

Age Riddles

What goes up and never comes down?
Your age!

What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake.

Why did Susan stand on her head at the birthday party?
They were having upside-down cake!

Were any famous men born on your birthday?
No, only little babies.

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.

What’s the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary?
Get married on his birthday.

What did the bald guy say when he was given a comb for his birthday?
Thanks, I’ll never part with it.

Why did Tommy hit his birthday cake with a hammer?
It was a pound cake!

What was the average age of a cave man?
Stone Age!

What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake.

What did the birthday cake say to the ice cream?
You’re cool!

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You’re on Happy Birthday Funny.

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20 Funny Birthday Wishes and Quotes for Dad

jokes on birthday wishes

Turning a year older can be tough. Fortunately, we can lean on friends to offer moral support as we navigate difficult milestones such as birthdays.

Just kidding, of course. Most friends prefer to rub it in, especially if the one turning a year older is a guy. Birthday wishes for an older man – however you want to define “older” – can be downright brutal. In fact, phrases like “old fart” and “old bastard” are par for the course with this sort of birthday message.

If you’re looking to give a male friend a good ribbing on his birthday, we have just the list for you. In fact, we have more funny wording ideas than he can shake his elderly fist at. So, without further ado, here are 21 uniquely humorous ways to say “Happy Birthday, old man!”

  • Happy Birthday to someone who deserves to be treasured. After all, fossils of your era are hard to find.
  • Happy Birthday, old fart. There’s just one thing I want to know. What did they put on top of your birthday cake before the invention of fire?
  • I heard you were middle-aged… as in, born in the Middle Ages. Happy Birthday, ye olde farte.
  • Everything gets harder when you get older… except for your penis, of course. Happy Birthday, you old softy.
  • Welcome to the curmudgeonly years, you crusty old bastard you.
  • Happy Birthday to a relic from a bygone era.
  • I was going to make fun of you on your birthday. Fortunately for you, I was taught to respect my elders.
  • Better to be an old fart than a dumb ass. Happy Birthday!
  • Birthdays suck when you’re old, but at least you don’t have too many more to go.
  • Happy Birthday, old man. Hope you have an exciting birthday celebration… followed by a nice, long nap.
  • Happy Birthday, old fart. Hope your birthday doesn’t stink.
  • Relax, old man. You survived disco. You can survive another birthday.
  • Happy Birthday, old fart. What’s that, you couldn’t hear me? HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OLD FART!
  • You know how guys get better looking with age? Yeah, that doesn’t last forever. Happy Birthday, you sexy old bastard.
  • Happy Birthday, old man. Now might be a good time to stop acting your age.
  • They say that with age comes wisdom. You must be the exception that proves the rule. Happy Birthday to an exceptional old guy.
  • Congratulations! After years of seasoning, you’re officially a salty old bastard.
  • Your birthday is one of my favorite days of the year. It reminds me that you will always be older than me.
  • They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. That’s because old dogs already know all the tricks. Happy Birthday, dawg.
  • You’re at an age where you no longer give a shit. Heck, at your age, you’re happy when you can take a shit.
  • You know what an old fart is? It’s when you say you’re 35 and it doesn’t pass the smell test.
  • Hope you enjoyed these birthday wishes for old farts. Just remember that what comes around, goes around. You can expect similarly harsh (and hilarious) treatment when your own birthday arrives.

    For more funny birthday messages, check out this list of birthday cake sayings.

    6 days ago Writing a funny birthday wish message for Dad is not a very easy task to do. Here's to more bad jokes and a happy birthday to you, Dad!.

    Happy Birthday Old Man! 34 Hilarious Birthday Wishes for Him

    jokes on birthday wishes

    Whether it is the birthday of a friend, sibling or relative, the best way you can wish them is through a combination of magical words. People tend to love everything that makes them laugh, be it a joke, quote or person and so we have a list of funny birthday wishes that will help you greet the birthday boy or girl in a humorous way. Despite the fact that a surprise party and gifts are important to make a person feel good on his/her birthday, but have you ever thought making someone feel special rather than just good on this great day? Funny Birthday wishes create a different kind of impact that is matchless and if the wish makes the person laugh, it definitely remains memorable.

    One of the most difficult tasks in this world is to make someone laugh and here we have a ton of funny birthday wishes that may not make the birthday boy or girl burst into laugh but will create a mixture of emotional and comedy impact. This will make your wish stand out from other people who would be using typical birthday wishes. If you use these wishes creatively in a humorous manner, it could create a great impact.

    Contents

    Top Funny Birthday Wishes – Funny Birthday Greetings :

    •  Happy birthday! At our age, I don’t know why people expect us to remember their birthdays. On a good day, we’re lucky if we even remember where our car keys are!
    • For your birthday, I have been thinking of something grandiose, superb, and impressing. But anyway, I do not cost anything to think, right?
    •  I haven’t brought any cake for you. Because I know you love this bottle of champagne more. Happy birthday.
    •  Birthdays are like boogers. The more you have, the harder it is to breathe!

    20 Funny Birthday Wishes and Greetings – Happy Birthday Wishes

    1: ) Happy birthday. At your age, you should really try to see everything as larger than life…starting with LARGE print.

    2: ) At least you’re not as old as you will be next year! Happy Birthday!

    3: ) Enjoy every moment, smile, be happy and remember one thing: today is the most special day of the year, so live it to the fullest!

    4: ) Better to be over the ground than under it. Happy Birthday!

    5: ) 1066, 1492, 1776, and…your birthday? The good news is that they aren’t teaching the date of your birth in history classes yet. The bad news is that means I don’t have the date memorized. Happy belated birthday!

    6: ) It’s proven that at the age 41 you start to lose your memory. We can only hope!

    7: ) Hey, though it’s older, but yet it’s not better yet. Have a wonderful birthday.

    8: ) It’s nice to be young, healthy and full of energy. Do you remember what that used to feel like?

    9: ) Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.

    10: ) Can you sniff all of these candles or should I call the fire department?

    11: ) You are gradually getting to the top of the hill. It’s better than being buried under it.

    12: ) Happy birthday. I guess we’ve reached the age when every compliment we get is typically accompanied by “for someone your age.”

    13: ) On your birthday, a few wise words: smile while you still have teeth. Happy Birthday!

    14: ) It’s cold out there, but I feel much warm for your candles. How hot your birthday is.

    15: ) See how many candles on your cake. You’ll have to blow them out only by sniffing. Ha ha!

    16: ) Happy birthday. Don’t be sad you’re a year older. Keep your chin up…if you can! Well, you know what I mean.

    17: ) May today be the happiest day of your life, and may tomorrow be even happier than today!

    18: ) No one will stop tonight from eating your favorite items. Happy birthday.

    19: ) Hey, can you blow out all these candles by yourself or should I call our local fire department to help you in this regard.

    20: ) It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.

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    Latest Funny Birthday Greetings and Funny Birthday Wishes

    21: ) You look different. Did you lose some weight? Did you change your hairstyle? Did you get a haircut? There is something different about you. Oh, I know. You are one year older!

    22: ) May my friend on this special day be able to set all the jealous people on fire and use the flame to burn the candles and blow them off with a happy smile, a very happy and amazing day to you.

    23: ) Another year has gone, but that doesn’t mean you’ve become wiser.

    24: ) Jack Benny said, “Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” But in your case, I think it matters; it matters a LOT!

    25: ) Like good wine, you get better with the years.

    26: ) Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest

    27: ) Happy birthday. At our age, the only way to look younger is to add at least a decade to your age.

    28: ) I would wish you, “May all your dreams come true,” but I am afraid that, if they do come true, I will have nothing to wish you next year.

    29: ) Too many birthday means, you are getting closer to death. It’s scientifically proven, not my own words.

    30: ) In the hallway? In the bathroom? On the kitchen table? In front of the chimney? At 40, it is truly remarkable to remember when you left your car keys. Happy Birthday!

    31: ) If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them! Happy birthday!

    32: ) So, you are still younger than the age you will be on the next birthday. Have a special celebration.

    33: ) People may wish you many things. I only wish you two: never and always. To never be sad, and to always be happy.

    34: ) I have been looking everywhere for a decent gift, but I found nothing suitable for someone as special as you, so accept a good thought and my best wishes, accompanied by a sincere “Happy Birthday!”

    35: ) So, it’s another birthday with you. Statistics prove that those who have earned more birthdays, have lived the longest life in the earth.

    36: ) Better to be over the hill than buried under it.

    37: ) Celebrate, or simply take the time for yourself. It is your day, so make the most of it in any way you like. Happy Birthday!

    38: ) It’s okay to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I’ve already alerted the fire department.

    39: ) The nature has kept this day special because you are permitted to eat as much cake as you can.

    40: ) It is older, but not better! Happy Birthday! Napoleon must have been in command since you were separated from your moth

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    41: ) Is it getting hotter in here, or is it just all the candles on your cake?

    42: ) What a great presence! What a remarkable intelligence! What charm, and what beautiful eyes! But, enough about me. Happy Birthday!

    43: ) Happy birthday! Considering all the candles on your cake, I hope you remembered to top up your fire insurance.

    44: ) You realize you are getting older when the candles on your cake are more expensive than the cake itself.

    45: ) Hey, no matter how old have you become today, just make sure that you don’t forget that where you kept the car keys. Good luck!

    46: ) Did you really think that I forgot about a day as special as your birthday? I wholeheartedly send this birthday message and I assure you of my everlasting friendship!

    47: ) Too many candles on the cake means you are getting older too fast.

    48: ) It’s your birthday. Have a buffet cake night and eat as much as you can.

    49: ) People often compare birthdays with boogers. Because, with the increase of its number, people find breathing harder.

    50: ) In the bathroom? In the toilet? On your desk? On the fireplace? At 40, it is still a great achievement to remember where the car keys are! All the best!

    51) Happy Birthday! May you live to be old and toothless.

    52) Another birthday comes by with more candles on your cake and fewer hairs on your head!

    53) I hope you enjoy your birthday just like when you were born in this world. Without clothes.

    Hope you like this collection of Funny Birthday Wishes and Greetings.For more stay tune with us.

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    Wishing myself a super duper birthday! I hope my friends remember my.

    jokes on birthday wishes
    Written by Nikolrajas
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