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Funny word of wisdom quotes
January 10, 2019 Anniversary Wishes For Parents No comments

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. Gore Vidal Golda Meir (This is one of my favorite funny quote. Leave a.

Famous One-Liners

There are literally thousands of popular one liners in English (and also in other languages). A hand-picked collection of thoughtful one liners, keen and winged words of wisdom (as an inspiration) for speeches, letters, greeting cards, weddings, birthdays, and goodbye / farewell.
This List of quotes and sayings commonly used in everyday conversational English, can help to speak English like a native speaker by learning English idiomatic expressions and proverbs.



Funny One Liners

When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list.

I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.


Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

Well, here I am! What are your other two wishes?

One Liners about life

Sounds like its time to get that Enterprise built!

Time does'nt exist. Clocks exists.

My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with facts.

Talk is cheap. Until you hire a lawyer.

Take my advice — I'm not using it.

I got lost in thoughts. It was unfamiliar territory.

Sure, I'd love to help you out ... now, which way did you come in?

I would like to slip into something more comfortable - like a coma.

I started with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

There is no dance without the dancers.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

If you are here - who is running hell?

If nothing was learned, nothing was taught.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes...

The dogs bark but the caravan moves on. [Arabic saying]

Smart One Liners

Which one of these is the non-smoking lifeboat?

Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

The problem with sex in the movies is, that the popcorn usually spills.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."

Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

I want patience - AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!

A day for firm decisions! Or is it?

Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.

Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.

Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!

A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff.

Every organisation is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting.

Inspirational One Liners

Welcome to Utah: set your watch back 20 years.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Under my gruff exterior lies an even gruffer interior.

Jesus loves you, it's everybody else that thinks you're an a...

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes, and you will learn a lot today.

Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software.

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.


If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

 

Jokes: One Liners

I want to go to IKEA, hide in a wardrobe, wait for someone to open it and yell "WELCOME TO NARNIA".

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass ... it's about learning to dance in the rain!

 

My conscience is clean — I have never used it.

Sugar - Honey - Iced - Tea ... Guess what it means.



 

 

These Thanksgiving quotes, which are a mix of inspiring, funny, and share some of these words of wisdom with your friends and family and.

Funny Words to Live By

funny word of wisdom quotes

Laughter is the best medicine in life, and these funny inspirational quotes and sayings are guaranteed to brighten your day by putting a smile on your face.

No one can ever laugh too much, and these funny quotes will inspire you to smile bigger and laugh harder.

As they say, “laughter is the best form of medicine”.

While the doctor might not prescribe it, the ability to find humor in our situation is key for maintaining of sanity, patience, and peace of mind.

Believing in our future doesn’t have to be scary, and change doesn’t have to be painful.

You are allowed to have fun along the way!

Don’t hesitate to take it easy at times.

Smile at strangers, laugh at yourself, and know that you’re free to start over.

I received a request to post some funny inspirational quotes, so I went for it.

These funny inspirational quotes are pretty tame (around 5 – 10 schools have made me aware that they use my blog as a quote resource), but they will surely make you smile!

On our journey towards personal greatness, it’s important that we laugh at our setbacks, slip-ups, and blunders.

Why? That’s because plenty more are on the way.

To help you stay focused and stay loose, below is our collection of funny inspirational quotes, collected from a variety of sources over the years.

Have fun reading!

Funny inspirational quotes for work and life

1.) “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

2.) “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

3.) “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

4.) “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain

5.) “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra 

6.) “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

7.) “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley

8.) “Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.” – Langston Coleman

9.) “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler

10.) “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz

Funny inspirational quotes about life that will motivate you

11.) “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes

12.) “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire

13.) “When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” – Sydney Harris

14.) “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” – Joe Girard

15.) “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.” – Robert Frost

16.) “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

17.) “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain

18.) “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke

19.) “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” – Maureen Dowd

20.) “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Funny inspirational quotes about life and career

21.) “The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm.” – Malcolm Forbes

22.) “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” – Louis Agassiz

23.) “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch

24.) “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

25.) “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

26.) “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”  – Oscar Wilde

27.) “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration.” – Robert Bresson

28.) “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”  – Dave Barry

29.) “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A.A. Milne

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Thanking friends for their wishes

76 Funny Quotes about Life

funny word of wisdom quotes

Wisdom is the invisible gift that makes our lives better on planet earth.

Elders in the African system (for the most part) are respected not just for their grey hairs but most importantly the cost and worth of those grey hairs. They are a symbol of experience and lessons learnt. Basically the elderly have seen it all and been through it all.

On the other hand, life is a ride we must learn to enjoy whether it is smooth or bumpy. Through the thick and thin, it is the cheerful spirit that inspires us to never give up.

Have you ever had an experience in the past that left you feeling humiliated, tensed or even silly; only to remember them years later with uncontrollable laughter.

So the essence of this article is to beat nature. If you will eventually find this turbulent and confusing moment hilarious someday why not do so now.

Education is complete and most effective when it’s fun and enjoyable. It is the sugar that helps the medicine go down.

So here you have it, funny wisdom quotes that will delight and educate you:

1. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone – Anthony Burgess.

2. A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple – John Florio

3. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired – Jules Renard. 

4. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city – George Burns. 

5. Blessed is he that can laugh at himself, he will never cease to be amused – Unknown.

6. My life needs editing – Mort Sahl.

7. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive – Elbert Hubbard.

8. Creditors have better memories than debtors – Ben Franklin.

9. I can’t be out of money, I still have checks left – Unknown.

10. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else –  Will Rogers.

11. He that drinks beer, thinks beer – Washington Irving.

12. In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life: it goes on – Robert Frost.

13. He who dies with the most toys is still dead – Unknown. 

14. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone – Reba McEntire.

15. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday – Don Marquis.

16. The trouble with the rat-race is that, even if you win, you’re still a rat – Lily Tomlin(American comedienne).

17. Cheer up! Remember the less you have, the more there is to get – Unknown.

18. If “ifs” and “ands” were pots and pans, there’d be no work for tinkers’ hands – Charles Kingsley.

19. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone away – Cassandra Chatfield.

20. Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong? – Jane Austen. 

21. There are 2 kinds of people in the world; those who with positive outlook who jump out of bed in the morning and say, “Good morning Lord!” and those who pull the sheets over their heads and moan “Good Lord is morning!”.

22. Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability – George Bernard Shaw. 

23. I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party – Ron White.

24. To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except exercise, get up early, or be respectable – Oscar Wilde.

See Also: 100+ African Proverbs and Meanings You Didn’t Know

25. In God we trust; all others pay cash – American (on money).

30. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape – Anon.

31. If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise, they’ll kill you – Oscar Wilde. 

32. A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the better lawyer – Robert Frost.

33. It is better to swallow words than to have to eat them later – Franklin Roosevelt.

34. Don’t talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave – Wilson Mizner.

35. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself – Eleanor Roosevelt. 

Explore 1000 Funny Quotes by authors including Mark Twain, Abraham I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. . Design is a funny word.

Funny Words of Wisdom

funny word of wisdom quotes

76 Funny Quotes about Life

Life has its funny moments. Let these funny quotes about life remind you of such times but also you can read between the lines and find the wisdom that they offer.

If you laugh every day it helps to take the stress of life away. Reading funny quotes or stories is a great way to do that.

The serious moments of life come every day, so make sure you find amusing and even silly things to laugh at each day!




  1. "I've met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you - you're 20 minutes." Jan Sterling
    Tolerance



  2. Life must bring ups and downs.
    In life's ring let's be clowns!
    Learn their way to make folk smile;
    Dullest day, hardest mile.
    Wilhelmina Stitch
    Funny Poems



  3. Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get. Ray Kroc
    Motivational Quotes



  4. "Watching a person who successfully loses fifty pounds and changes her life is more inspirational than listening to a fitness coach with a perfect body." Martin Meadows, How to Think Bigger
    Inspirational Quotes



  5. There are two sources of unhappiness in life. One is not getting what you want and the other is getting it. Cassey Stolrich, How to be Happy In Life
    Happiness



  6. You are upgrading your technology, and you've not upgraded yourself! Eric Thomas
    Personal Development Quotes





  7. I guess we do all become our Mothers eventually and we have daughters like ourselves. Helen C. Escott, I Am Funny Like That
    Mother Daughter Quotes



  8. A cousin is a person who knows all of your warts and faults yet has a heart filled with love for all those like me that stumble upon the way. Happy birthday! Byron Pulsifer
    Happy Birthday Cuz



  9. If the grass is greener on the other side it's probably getting better care. Earl Nightingale
    Short Quotes



  10. "When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it." Bernard Bailey
    Funny Quotes




  11. "The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been." Madeleine L'Engle
    Inspirational Sayings



  12. "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." Mark Twain
    21st Birthday Quotes plus 30th, 40th, 50th
    Every parent can relate to this saying. While it appears funny, it has a lot of wisdom in it.



  13. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.
    Martin Luther King Jr.
    Pain



  14. Without Sunday, I wouldn't know when to put on the brakes of a hurtling life. Byron Pulsifer
    Sunday Quotes




  15. Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. Carl Sandburg
    Inspirational Quotes about Life and Struggles
    A good analogy. Living life has its ups and downs, sad times and happy times, challenging times and easy times!



  16. "Running a multimillion dollar business can feel like a piece of cake when facing a defiant and dramatic teenage daughter." Colleen O'Grady, Dial Down the Drama
    Daughter



  17. There is more to life than increasing its speed. Mahatma Gandhi
    Cute Life Quotes



  18. "I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights." Maya Angelou
    Character



  19. "Want is a growing giant whom the coat of Have was never large enough to cover...." Ralph Waldo Emerson
    Motivational Quotes about Life




  20. "I have never developed indigestion from eating my words." Winston Churchill
    Words of Encouragement



  21. Pursue, keep up with, circle round and round your life, as a dog does his master's chaise. Do what you love. Know your own bone, gnaw at it, bury it, unearth it, and gnaw it still. Henry David Thoreau
    Encouraging



  22. When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make lemonade."
    Dale Carnegie
    Funny Graduation Quotes
    How many times have we heard this saying. The first time it may have made you smile, but when you think about life there are many times that our attitude will determine whether we see a lemon or we see lemonade.



  23. "A lot of people think the whole purpose of life is just to collect stuff. You've seen the bumper sticker: 'He who dies with the most toys, wins.' The truth is, 'He who dies with the most toys ... still dies!' Rick Warren
    Purpose




  24. Life's a tough proposition but the first hundred years are the hardest. Wilson Mizner
    Funny Birthday Quotes



  25. "On his seventy-fifth birthday a photographer said: 'I hope, sir, that I will shoot your picture on your hundredth birthday.' Churchill answered: 'I don't see why not, young man. You look reasonably fit and healthy.'" William Manchester, The Last Lion
    Birthday



  26. "Lucille Ball taught me that the best comedy need never be cruel to be funny." Marie Osmond, The Key Is Love
    Lucille Ball Quotes



  27. "Try walking forward while looking over your shoulder and see how far you get. The same goes for life. Look forward!" Martin Henderson, Fatherhood
    Future
    Great life advice! Like the saying goes, "you can't change the past but you can change the future."



  28. "It's funny, I spent the first half of my life desperately trying not to become my mother, and now I am spending the second half of my life desperately hoping to become half the woman that she is." Helen C. Escott, I Am Funny Like That
    Mother




  29. "Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code." Jelani Daniel, King of Quotes
    Quotes about Taking Risks



  30. Every one desires to live long, but no one would be old.
    Abraham Lincoln
    Famous Quotes about Life



  31. If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.
    Albert Einstein Quotes



  32. I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much. Mother Teresa
    Trust




WATCH THE VIDEO ON THEME: Bob Marley - Motivational Wise Quotes (HD) + Music (Part 1)

clever quotes · funny quotes · wisdom quotes · good questions words of wisdom - wisdom quotes Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. 9. When I hear.

funny word of wisdom quotes
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