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Funny wishes for birthday

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Funny wishes for birthday
October 28, 2018 Anniversary Wishes For Parents No comments

The warmest birthday greetings to my dear coworker. My work days are more lively and fun with you. Thank you for your cheerfulness. Wishing you only the best.

1. “Two older men sit on a park bench. One says, “Joe, I’m 84 years old, and I have nothing but aches and pains. How do you feel?” Joe says, “I feel like a newborn babe!” “Really, a newborn babe?” “Yes! I have no teeth, no hair, and I think I might’ve wet my pants!” Happy birthday!”

2. “Listen, I hate to be the one to do this, but you need to get your birthday habit under control. It’s been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will, in fact, kill you. So give it a rest will you?”

3. “Happy birthday! Want to feel young and thin again? Let’s go hang out with a bunch of old and fat people.”

4. “Happy birthday! You know you’re getting old when you never walk past a bathroom without saying “well, I’m here already – I may as well pee.””

5. “You know what they say: it’s better to be over the hill than buried 6 feet underneath it. Happy birthday!”

6. “On your birthday I’m going to share the secret to staying young: lying about your age.”

7. “Smile – today is your birthday. Be happy and remember that things could be worse. Just think about what you’ll be like in ten years – yikes!”

8. “Happy birthday! Congrats on joining the 28-years-old-forever club. We have millions of members all over the world.”

9. “Congratulations on finally reaching the snapdragon phase of your life: one part of you has snapped, and the other part of you is dragging. Happy birthday!”

10. “Happy birthday! They say that age is just a number. Yea right – and jail is just a room!”

11. “Don’t be bummed about your birthday! You know what they say: it’s better to be a year older than to be one month late. Happy birthday!”

12. “Happy birthday! Today, I would advise you to be nice to your kids. Remember, the older you get, the closer you get to having them choose a nursing home.”

13. “Wait – you’re how old today? You’re so lucky you’re not a dog. They would have put you down by now. Oh, well! Happy birthday!”

14. “Congratulations! You only look one year older than you did on your last birthday.”

15. “Happy birthday! May you live to be so old, people start wondering if you’re the walking dead.”

16. “Here’s to you on your birthday! May you live to be so old, you sincerely wish you were dead.”

17. “Happy birthday! Don’t let a 27-year old Olympic gold medal winner make you feel like a failure on your birthday.”

18. “Happy birthday. I’m so sorry you’ve reached an age where pop culture marketers are no longer targeting you.”

19. “It’s a special day – your birthday! Let’s go out and celebrate you being one year closer to removing your age from your Facebook profile.”

20. “Happy birthday! Congrats on reaching an age that makes your receding hairline seem appropriate.”

21. “Forgetting your birthday was merely an April Fool’s Joke. Unless, of course, I did remember it, in which case – please disregard this message. Happy birthday!”

22. “I wish you a very happy birthday! Just please remember to tell me how old you’re pretending to be, so we can keep up the charade.”

23. “Happy birthday to a person whose age now makes them cry even more than the day they came into this world.”

24. “Happy birthday to someone who is now taking drugs on their birthday for serious medical reasons.”

25. “I’m so sorry for sending you belated birthday wishes. Honestly, I didn’t think you would live this long. Happy birthday!”

26. “Happy birthday! I sincerely hope that you don’t take this early birthday message as a sign that you might not make it.”

27. “On your birthday, remember this: age is only a number that represents how attractive, happy and able-bodied you are. Really, it’s nothing to get worked up over. Happy birthday!”

28. “Wishes may come and go, but age always sticks with you. Happy birthday!”

29. “I believe you forgot my birthday present last year. I’m returning the favor this year. I’m afraid a Happy Birthday is all you’re going to get.”

30. “Happy summer birthday! Get out and enjoy it while you’re still young enough to not fall into the “high risk” category for heat stroke death.”

31. “Happy birthday! You’re how old? Oh man – that’s like, dead in dog years.”

32. “I would be so much more into your birthday if it were my birthday.”

33. “You know, I would be a whole lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will. Happy birthday!”

34. “Happy birthday! Let’s celebrate the anniversary of your clever escape from the womb.”

35. “As you get older, there are three important things that happen. First, you lose your mind. I can’t remember the other two. Happy birthday!”

36. “Happy birthday! Remember this today: if you lick all the frosting off a cupcake, it becomes a muffin – and muffins are healthy.”

37. “Happy birthday! After seeing all the candles on your cake, I seriously hope that you topped off your fire insurance.”

38. “Happy birthday to the one person I hope is still around when the iPhone 547 comes out.”

39. “A “few” years ago, you were smart, handsome and young. Today, you’re just an old fart. Happy birthday!”

40. “Happy birthday! May the number of candles outnumber your gray hairs.”

41. “Wishing a happy birthday to someone who should probably start worrying about what the government is saying about Medicare.”

42. “I know you received so many birthday wishes yesterday, but who’s here with you today? That’s right! Me.”

43. “Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.”

44. “You know, they say that age is really all in the mind. The key is to prevent it from trickling down into your body. Happy birthday!”

45. “Experts say that people lose their minds when they get old. What they forget to mention is that you really won’t miss it. Happy birthday!”

46. “Happy birthday! You know you’re old when the candles start costing more than the cake.”

47. “On your birthday, I want you to remember that you are only as old as you feel. But you’ll still always be older than me. Happy birthday!”

48. “Happy birthday. It’s official – you can now begin your quarter-life crisis.”

49. “It’s your birthday today, and I’m once again reminded how old I’m getting. Oh well – enjoy your day!”

50. “Today, you turn 29! I promise to stop counting the years after this one. Happy birthday.”

51. “Happy birthday to someone who is old enough to have had a Blockbuster card.”

52. “I hope that your birthday is the best it can possibly be for someone who can barely function in society.”

53. “Happy birthday!! You only look as old as the last selfie you took.”

54. “Happy birthday, babe! We’re such a great match because you hate celebrating your birthday, and I’m just too darn lazy to plan anything.”

55. “Happy birthday to someone we’ll never have to say “died too young”.”

56. “Wishing you a very happy birthday. You don’t look a day over whatever age you were just a few years ago.”

57. “Happy birthday! Let’s go see Jurassic World. It’ll make you feel less like a dinosaur.”

58. “I was going to send you a paper card, but my Internet connection came back just in time for me to send you his message.”

59. “Happy birthday to someone who has attended more birthday parties for kids than adults this year.”

60. “Happy birthday! We’re so glad we can count you among the living for another year.”

61. “Happy birthday weekend! You’re so lucky that you don’t have to endure an office birthday party.”

62. “It’s your birthday – a time for celebration. You’ve now reached an age where you can use the candles on your cake to light up your entire home. Happy birthday!”

63. “Happy birthday to someone who’s age has finally surpassed their number of Twitter followers.”

64. “I’m sending this birthday wish to someone who is now too old to sit through a whole movie without having to get up to use the bathroom.”

65. “I hope your birthday is filled with happiness and joy. Oh, you’re spending it with your family? I’m sorry –truly.”

66. “For your birthday this year, I’m going to give you a piece of paper that might be worth $450 million – but is probably really worth nothing.”

67. “Happy birthday to someone who is so old and lonely, they could be the subject of a spooky Halloween ghost story.”

68. “Happy birthday! May you live to be so old, handicapped stalls become a necessity and not just a spacious place to do your business.”

69. “I hope that you live to be so old, your family members talk about you like you’re not even there. Happy birthday!”

70. “Hey – don’t stress about getting older. You’re still young enough to be a professional curler, and that’s saying something. Happy birthday!”

71. “Happy birthday! I would have bought you a present, but I didn’t think you wanted me to take money out of the alcohol budget.”

72. “Sending birthday wishes to someone who can still pass for a non-embarrassing age.”

73. “May you live long enough to be the direct cause of a Silver Alert. Happy birthday!”

74. “Happy birthday to someone I truly hope is not having a mid-life crisis.”

75. “Happy birthday to someone I hope realizes is way too old to go snowboarding or surfing.”

76. “Congratulations! You’re now so old, you’ll need performance-enhancing drugs just to ride a stationary bike. Happy birthday!”

77. “Wishing a happy birthday to someone who is old enough to have sent out birthday wishes on MySpace.”

78. “Happy birthday to someone who is almost old enough to die from the flu.”

79. “Happy birthday to a person so old, they use their smartphone to make an actual phone call.”

80. “Here’s to a special birthday! May you get so intoxicated, you forget how old you’re getting.”

81. “I hope your birthday is at least half as exciting as you portray it on Facebook and Instagram. Happy birthday!”

82. “Happy birthday! You’ve now reached an age where it’s no longer appropriate to claim you’re 29.”

83. “Happy birthday to the one person whose agelessness is incredibly irritating.”

84. “Happy birthday and congratulations on becoming that “old, weird” person at summer music festivals.”

85. “It’s your birthday – let’s over-celebrate!”

86. “Happy birthday, girl. I remember a time when you weren’t so disturbingly old.”

87. “Happy birthday to you – and your newest chin.”

88. “Happy birthday! I’m just here for some cake.”

89. “Hey there! Happy birthday! I was going to bake you a delicious rum cake, but I decided to go with a regular cake. Also, I’m really drunk.”

90. “Birthdays are nothing more than nature’s way of telling us to sit down and eat more cake! I’m so glad that today is your birthday, and I can eat – I mean, share – your cake.”

91. “Happy birthday, old man! You know, when I turned two, I panicked because in one year, I doubled my age. I thought, if I keep going this way, I’ll be 64 by the time I turn 5. Thank goodness things don’t work this way.”

92. “Happy birthday to someone who thought they would have it all together by the time they reached this age.”

93. “You look great birthday girl – considering your age. Happy birthday!”

94. “Happy birthday! Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell anyone how old you really are.”

95. “They say that wisdom comes with age. That’s why you’re the wisest person I know. Happy birthday!”

96. “You know you’ve reached the old age when you back your car into the neighbor’s swimming pool from across the street and still believe that it was the car’s fault. You’re not quite there yet, but you’re close. Happy birthday!”

97. “As people get older, they gain the respect of the people around them. I just wanted to let you know that today, on your birthday, I have all the respect in the world for you.”

98. “On your birthday, we ask that you kindly act your age – not your shoe size. Thanks!”

99. “Happy birthday! This is the oldest I’ve ever seen you. Just wait until next year.”

100. “Happy belated birthday! I didn’t forget your birthday – I just forgot yesterday’s date!”

101. “Look, if you want me to remember your birthday, you’re going to have to start looking older. Happy birthday!”

102. “I really tried to send you something amazing for your birthday, but I couldn’t fit in any of the boxes at the post office. Happy birthday!”

103. “You may not be getting any younger, but at least you’re still younger than me. Happy birthday!”

104. “You know, when you think about it – a belated birthday wish is really just an extremely early birthday wish for next year. So technically, I’m already covered for next year. Happy birthday!”

105. “You are such a sweet, polite, honest and witty person. I hope you accept my birthday wishes and these white lies today!”

106. “I really hate to be the one to tell you this, but your wheelchair will be arriving tomorrow. Happy birthday!”

107. “Happy birthday. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that you don’t look old. That’s what your relatives are for.”

108. “I know you really want to turn back the clock, but with the number of years you’ve racked up, I’m really not sure that’s even possible. Happy birthday anyway!”

109. “Happy birthday! I hope you don’t mind, but I re-wrapped the gift you gave me last year. You’re going to love it!”

110. “Happy birthday to someone who is officially so old, it’s creepy to watch teenage vampire movies.”

111. “I wanted to wish you a happy birthday today and let you know that I truly do look forward to honoring your request of not getting you a gift this year.”

112. “Happy birthday! I just wanted to let you know that I picked out your coffin on the way here.”

113. “Congrats – you’re officially too old to go to rock concerts. Happy birthday!”

114. “Happy birthday. By the time you reach the next “new 40”, you’ll already be dead.”

115. “Hey, happy 29th birthday – again. For the 20th”

116. “Now you know you’re getting old when you can’t even remember how old you are. Happy birthday!”

117. “I had plans to put an awesome, gorgeous present in your cake, but honestly, I didn’t want to get frosting in my hair. Happy birthday!”

118. “Happy birthday! It’s great to be healthy, young and filled with so much energy. Can you even remember what that was like?”

119. “Alright, you can light the candles on your birthday cake now. I’ve alerted the fire department. Happy birthday!”

120. “You’re at that age where you’re old enough to know better, but you’re still young enough to do it anyway. Happy birthday and enjoy!”

121. “Today, it’s important to smile and laugh as much as you can. You don’t know how much longer you’ll have teeth! Happy birthday!”

122. “Happy birthday! I wish you many more candles, and for a cake that’s big enough to fit them all.”

123. “You’re so special, your birthday should be a national holiday. I would be happy to volunteer as the first person to take a day off of work in your honor. Happy birthday!”

124. “Happy birthday! Never let anyone tell you that you’re old – especially if you can actually hear them say it without even having to read their lips.”

125. “Happy birthday! Today, we add another candle to your cake, and your doctor will add another prescription to your arsenal of medication.”

126. “It’s normal to ponder your life’s purpose and to have a personal crisis on your birthday. At least you get to be normal one day out of the year. Happy birthday!”

127. “I try to give people birthday cards that match their age. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get my hands on a stone tablet or some ancient papyrus. This modern greeting will have to do. Happy birthday!”

128. “On your birthday, I want you to remember that it’s not this day that makes you old; it’s the 364 other days in the year. Happy birthday!”

129. “Just this morning I was wishing that you were one year older today. Look at that – my wish came true! Happy birthday!”

130. “On your birthday, I wish you enough air to blow out all of your candles. Happy birthday!”

131. “Happy birthday! Let’s make a deal – I’ll keep the presents, and you keep the age and cake. Come on! It’s a good deal.”

132. “Happy, happy birthday! I hope you enjoy those senior citizen discounts. You truly do deserve them.”

133. “Don’t be depressed about getting old. It sure beats the alternative. Happy birthday!”

134. “Happy birthday to a person that is smart, funny, witty, attractive and reminds me a lot of myself. :)”

135. “You know you’re getting old when the only thing you want on your birthday is not to be reminded of it. Happy birthday!”

136. “Happy birthday! No, you’re not getting older. You’re just collecting wrinkles.”

137. “I have some good news and some bad news on your birthday. The good news is that you’re one year older and so much wiser. The bad news? The hangover isn’t going to be any better this year, so please make the most of it! Happy birthday!”

138. “Happy birthday! I got you a pair of sunglasses this year, so you can protect your eyes from the blinding light of all these candles.”

139. “Happy birthday! Not sure if you’re old yet? If you need the kids to help you blow out the candles, you’re definitely over the hill.”

140. “You know, you’re a really hard person to buy gifts for. After searching far and wide, I realized that there’s no greater gift than my presence. That’s my present to you – my presence. Get it? Happy birthday!”

141. “I hope your birthday’s a great one! Just stay away from the karaoke machine, and everyone will have a good time.”

142. “At your age, there’s nothing funny about birthdays. So let’s share a drink and celebrate the times when you were a young spring chicken! Happy birthday!”

143. “Congratulations! There are so many candles on your birthday cake – NASA can see it from space.”

144. “On your birthday, I hope you choose not to resist temptation. The older you get, the more temptation starts avoiding you, so enjoy the sweeter things in life while you still can. Happy birthday!”

145. “Happy birthday! Today is the perfect day to forget all about your cares – and the fact that I didn’t get you a birthday gift.”

146. “When your birthdays start coming more often than you do, you know you have something to worry about. Happy birthday!”

147. “It’s your birthday, so you’re free to cry if you want to. But please don’t. That wouldn’t be much fun for the rest of us. We’d rather you have a few drinks and do something stupid and indecent. Happy birthday!”

148. “If I were you, I’d be concerned about my birthday. This year, you’ll probably need a flame thrower to light all of those candles. Happy birthday! Stay safe.”

149. “Wishing a happy birthday to someone who is wiser, more mature and could care less about material things. That’s why I know you won’t be upset about my lack of a birthday present.”

150. “Birthdays are really a double-edged sword. Sure, they bring parties and good times. But they also bring wrinkles and saggy bits. Happy birthday!”

151. “Time may be a wonderful healer, but it’s a terrible beautician. Oh well! Happy birthday.”

152. “Sending you lots of love and laughter on your birthday. Just don’t try too hard to blow out your birthday candles this year. You may lose your dentures!”

153. “Happy birthday! Counting your wrinkles is like trying to count the stars in the sky.”

154. “Happy birthday to someone I’m happy to share a cake with! Too bad you won’t be having any.”

155. “Wishing a happy birthday to someone I can only assume was still around when America relied on bayonets and horses.”

156. “Happy birthday! Just 364 more days until you have to endure another barrage of birthday wishes.”

157. “Happy birthday. You know, it would be a whole lot easier to get you the perfect gift if you’d just buy one yourself.”

158. “Happy birthday to a rare breed of person that was delivered into this world without a status or update or tweet.”

159. “Happy birthday! I would bake you a cake if I knew how to use an oven.”

160. “It’s your birthday! You shouldn’t stop yourself from getting ridiculously intoxicated just because it’s a Monday.”

More than 50 unique ways to say Happy Birthday, Mom. These birthday wishes range from sincere to cute to just plain funny.

Funny Birthday Wishes for Friends (2019 Update)

funny wishes for birthday

Happy birthday funny folks! Celebrating big days with friends and family are the best times to put your good humor on display. Nearly everyone tends to be in a good mood and looking for a reason to laugh. Don’t disappoint them – come with your “A” game. Check out some messages, wishes, quotes and jokes below for ideas.

Funny Birthday Wishes

For your birthday, I wish that every mirror in the world would vanish so you wouldn’t know that you are getting older. Enjoy!

You are gradually getting to the top of the hill. It’s better than being buried under it.

You should be proud of your age. This year you are wiser, smarter and very close to reaping the benefits of senior discounts at restaurants.

Don’t regret the grey hairs on your head. Aging is a privilege granted to a select few. Happy Birthday!

Sister

To someone totally awesome, gorgeous, funny, and sort of reminds me of myself! You are a fabulous sister and you know you owe it all to me!

Dearest sister, please stop being younger than me every year! It just isn’t fair! Best wishes to you on your special day. May your beauty and humor never fade!

I can’t believe that someone so annoying and immature grew up to be someone I love dearly and consider one of my best friends! Happy Birthday to my wonderful, beautiful, and intelligent sister!

Congratulations on having survived another year with me as your sister! May this year be your best year yet!

Brother

Before you go out today, make sure your pockets are empty. It’s your day to have others treat you! I hope you enjoy your birthday, dear brother.

You might get all the responsibility for being the older brother, but you have no idea how hard it is to be the favorite of the family. Enjoy your day!

As the true and good-hearted brother that I am, I have remembered your birthday and forgotten your age.

You’ve already taught me so much as my older brother. Now I’m learning from you on how (not) to age gracefully. Have a great Bday!

 

Happy Birthday Funny Friends

For your birthday, I wanted to give you something that was both funny and charming, but then I remembered you already have me in your life.

May my friend on this special day be able to set all the jealous people on fire and use the flame to burn the candles and blow them off with a happy smile, a very happy and amazing day to you.

I made you a birthday cake to celebrate, but I couldn’t light the candles. It turns out the fire department requires a permit for bonfires.

Having friends never has been more awesome! You truly are a great person to have around, even when you eat everything on the table. We still love you anyway! Happy birthday!

Tip: These Happy Birthday Funny Messages work nicely as captions for social media.

You might like: Cool and Hip Quotes.

Husband

I do love how you stick to me like glue, it certainly makes it easy for me to keep track of where you are and what you are doing at all times.

You’re the best husband a lady could hope for. Kind, handsome, charming and clever. If only were also tall. Not to worry, 4 out of 5 boxes are not bad at all!

I didn’t get you a fancy gift this year, instead I thought it best to go with something sentimental. Remember that time you told me how happy it makes you when I wear red? Well, I’ve bought a whole new outfit and accessories in lush red colors. Just for you!

It’s time for me to start pulling my weight around the house I know. So today for your birthday I’ve cleaned all the rooms and made the house pretty, all for you! So now do your part, get in the kitchen and make us some dinner.

Funny Messages for Birthday Celebrations

No one will stop tonight from eating your favorite items. I wish you a happiest birthday ever.

Happy birthday. At your age, you should really try to see everything as larger than life…starting with LARGE print.

Hey, no matter how old have you become today, just make sure that you don’t forget that where you kept the car keys. Good luck!

Can you remember those young, healthy and colorful days of our young age? It’s always feels awesome when you can recall all those memories.

Messages

Don’t be sad you’re a year older. Keep your chin up…both of ’em! Well, you know what I mean.

If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them!

This year is the easiest one for me to pick a birthday gift for you,

I choose makeup for you to apply plenty of it to hide your wrinkles and your age.

At our age, the only way to look younger is to add at least a decade to your age.

So, you are still younger than the age you will be on the next birthday. Have a special celebration.

Just smile while you still have your natural teeth.

Another year has gone, but that doesn’t mean you’ve become wiser.

We need a flamethrower instead of a lighter to light up all of your candles.

Check out our Funny Birthday Quotes from Dr Seuss.

Witty and Comical

Don’t count the candles on your cake or the wrinkles on your face. Just be glad that you’re not down for the count.

The main thing to do to remain young is to lie when it comes to your age, eat slowly and dress like a teenager.

You’ve finally reached the age of wisdom but nobody wants to listen to you.

There are plenty of years that I can remember for those history classes in our schools. But, the bad news is I can’t remember your birth date as it wasn’t in our course. May be I’m late, but have a great one.

You should count your age not your wrinkles. Count your experiences and blessings not your mistakes.

Stop counting your candles and start counting your blessings. You still have hair on your head, not in your ears and nose!

The room is getting hotter, please blow the candles before your room gets on fire.

It’s cold out there, but I feel much warm for your candles. Man, your birthday is hot!

They say that with age comes wisdom. I’m not so sure…I’ve met a lot of really stupid old people. So far, you’re not one of them.

Time may heal all wounds, but it leaves you with an unhealthy glow, saggy skin and crow’s feet.

Funny Birthday Images and Memes

 

In Spanish

Muchas muchas felicidades del día!

Que puedas disfrutar de este día haciendo las cosas especiales que le gusta hacer. Feliz cumpleaños a it.

Amigo del feliz cumpleaños !! Que puedas superar todas las dificultades y desafíos que vienen en su vida.

Que Dios te bendiga en tu cumpleaños. Te enviamos nuestro amor.

Felicidades en tu día! Espero que lo pases genial.

Humorous Quotes for the Big Day

Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
Robert Frost

You’re getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it.
Felix Severn

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
Unknown

The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.
Rose Nylund

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope

Laughable Sayings

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
John Glenn

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday.’
Steven Wright

Years ago we discovered the exact point, the dead centre of middle age. It occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
Franklin P. Adams

The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills.
Richard J. Needham

Life would be infinitely better if we could be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.
Mark Twain

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Father Larry Lorenzoni

The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you’ll grow out of it.
Doris Day

I’ve got everything I had 20 years ago, except now it’s all lower.
Gypsy Rose Lee

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.
Bette Midler

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.
Mary Schmich

Middle age is when you have the choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.
Edgar Watson Howe

The bad news is that I have a bad memory and am no good at math. The good news is that I have no idea how old I am.
Melanie White

Jokes

What’s the easiest way to remember your wife’s birthday?
Forget it once!

What do you always get on your birthday?
Another year older!

What did the elephant wish for on his birthday?
A trunkful of presents!

What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They were all born on holidays.

Where do you get a birthday present for your cat?
From a cat-alogue.

How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?
They relish the moment.

You might like our hilarious Dad Jokes.

Age Riddles

What goes up and never comes down?
Your age!

What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake.

Why did Susan stand on her head at the birthday party?
They were having upside-down cake!

Were any famous men born on your birthday?
No, only little babies.

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.

What’s the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary?
Get married on his birthday.

What did the bald guy say when he was given a comb for his birthday?
Thanks, I’ll never part with it.

Why did Tommy hit his birthday cake with a hammer?
It was a pound cake!

What was the average age of a cave man?
Stone Age!

What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake.

What did the birthday cake say to the ice cream?
You’re cool!

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105 Funny Birthday Wishes and Messages

funny wishes for birthday

Choosing a birthday card is just half the battle; now you have to think of something funny to write inside. We’ve scoured the internet, searched our own cards and trawled thousands of ideas to bring you a list of the 69 funniest things you can say inside your card. From the rude and offensive to the cheeky and light-hearted messages, simply choose your favourite and pass it off as your own. You’re welcome!

General Funny Birthday Wishes

1. I always limit my budget on buying birthday gifts according to what that person gave me as a gift on my birthday. Enjoy your gift of nothing!
2. Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
3. Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
4. May your Facebook wall be filled with birthday wishes from people you’ve never met, haven’t seen in years, or genuinely couldn’t care less about.
5. On your birthday don’t forget to set goals that are sky high, and spend the rest of the year miserably trying to build a rocket to get there.
6. You’re a really hard individual to shop for… so I didn’t get you anything. Happy birthday!
7. Happy birthday to the only person I would rescue in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
8. If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas!
9. Smart, good looking, and funny. But enough about me. Happy birthday!
10. It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.
11. Right, let’s get you so drunk that you end up believing it’s my birthday and buying me drinks all night 😉
12. Happy birthday! Can you believe we used to think people our age were adults and had their life in order?
13. Congratulations on getting slightly older!
14. Well done – you have still been alive for several years!

Old Age Jokes

1. Happy birthday – I’m so glad you’ll always be older than me 
2. Remember that growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional!
3. Birthdays are like spotting Bigfoot. You really do want to see them but you’re a little afraid of what they’ll look like…
4. If you look back through all the years you’ve lived, the first thing you’ll notice is that you need a telescope.
5. Happy birthday – So far, this is the oldest you’ve ever been!
6. At least you’re not as old as you will be next year… if you make it!
7. If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them!
8. Yes, we have reached that age… when every compliment we get is usually followed by ‘for your age’. You’re still looking great though… for your age!
9. As you get older, three things happen. The first thing is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
10. Congratulations! You are now old enough to need TWO packs of candles for your cake.
11. We all knew this day was coming. It’s best to just suck it up and accept it’s no longer acceptable for you to eat a happy meal in public.
12. Don’t worry about your age… alcohol will make it all better!
13. I will stop making age jokes on your birthday now… you’ve reached the age where it’s genuinely not funny anymore.
14. Just remember the more candles on the cake, the bigger the cake you’ll get! Now who’s laughing?
15. Another year older and you’re one step closer to getting those Velcro shoes!
16. Remember that age is just a number… just a really, REALLY high one in your case!
17. I regret to inform you that your childhood has EXPIRED.

Rude Birthday Messages

1. Happy birthday! Let’s celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else’s bed…
2. I hope you have a happy annual celebration of escaping from your mum’s uterus. I wish that you may never again have to return to your dark underwater prison.
3. Birthdays are like bogeys. The more you have, the harder it is to breathe!
4. I hope your birthday is better than walking through a fart with your mouth open.
5. Since it’s your birthday, I’ll let you leave the lights on.
6. May your day be more beautiful than a unicorn farting rainbows.
7. I hope you celebrate your birthday the way you came into this world, naked and screaming!
8. Some say that age is just a number. I say that’s bullsh**. I mean, you’re getting really old. Happy birthday anyway.
9. Happy birthday… congratulations on now being of the age where understand the horror of waking yourself up with your own fart!
10. You might be old, but you’re still a d***.
11. Older and wiser… but still a bit of a pr***.
12. I didn’t know where to start on your birthday present so I thought I’d trawl the internet. After a couple of hours I found some really good stuff. But then I remembered I was supposed to be finding you a birthday present and it was too late. Sorry!
13. Have a mucking farvellous birthday!
14. Some things are better with age. Too bad you aren’t one of them.

Sarcastic Birthday Messages

1. You’re the least famous person I know of who was born on your birthday.
2. I couldn’t think of a message that would make you laugh for your birthday card… you’re too boring…
3. I hope your birthday is better than the card I sent you…
4. Seriously, I don’t know how many more of your birthdays I can handle.
5. Another year older… and you still can’t grow a beard.
6. If I made fun of how many years old you are, it would be beyond funny.
7. Getting someone as awesome as me to send a birthday message to you, has undoubtedly been your biggest achievement this year.
8. Congratulations on being a year older and still maintaining such a low level of maturity; you are truly an inspiration.
9. Happy birthday! Here is a piece of card to show you how little I care…
10. What are you so happy about? It’s your birthday and you are going to have to spend a lot of money to keep us happy. At least have fun doing it!
11. Life was meant to be celebrated more often than just one day a year. Man, you’re missing opportunities the other 364 days!
12. I decided to keep having birthdays because it beats the alternative… Death.

Belated Birthday Wishes

1. I know you had lots of birthday wishes yesterday, but who is thinking of you today? Me, that’s who. Happy belated birthday!
2. I’m sorry my birthday wishes are belated—I honestly didn’t think you’d live this long. Happy birthday!
3. Sorry I wasn’t there with you to mourn the loss of your youth. Happy birthday!
4. It’s not your fault, buddy. No one can help the fact that you’re growing old, and that I totally forgot… Happy belated birthday!
5. You’re amazing, wise, super cool, fantastic, brilliant, intelligent – but don’t get too excited. I’m only saying all these things because I’m a couple of days late! Happy birthday!
6. It wasn’t my fault… Facebook forgot to remind me about your birthday!
7. It’s so tough to believe that you are getting older, that I decided to wish you happy birthday late this year.
8. Sorry I missed your birthday… hopefully you’ll have another one next year…

Funny Birthday Quotes

1. Two things that are inevitable for any living person are birthdays and taxes.
2. Birthdays are like cheese. They stink more the older they get.
3. Aging is the worst side effect of birthdays.
4. There’s really only one true birthday. The rest are simply anniversaries of the day of a person’s birth.
5. Birthdays are like vacations. You don’t have one too often and they come and go too quickly.
6. The old pessimist focuses on his growing number. The old optimist focuses on his growing blessings.
7. Getting older is just part of life… and the other parts are even worse.
8. The older you get, the more disoriented your hair gets. Once it leaves your head, it seems to get lost.

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In this article, we've prepared We have prepared for you: 100 funny Birthday Wishes For For Your loved ones, I hope you find them interesting.

269+ Most Funny Birthday Wishes EVER

funny wishes for birthday

Birthdays are joyful occasions! They mark dates in which special people came into this world. The best people that one can be associated with are the ones who appreciate funny things in life. Being able to laugh about situations, even the fact that one is getting older, is a good thing! It is the sign of someone who knows how to handle different occurrences and has a great sense of humor! Of course, teasing should always be handled with care, because you wouldn’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings, let alone on their birthday…

To celebrate the special people you associate with who know not to take life too seriously, one must send them messages that are funny. Located here are messages you can send to friends, women, and men that are humorous and commemorate their special days in the light-hearted ways that suit their personalities.

Contents

Hilarious Birthday Messages for Friends

  • When I looked at the date, I realized that it was your birthday, friend! When I thought about the year in which you were born, I almost fainted! You don’t look a day over a hundred!
  • Today, my friend, you have made me grateful for something…that I’m not the oldest person here!
  • Friend, on this day of the year, many, many years ago, you were born! I guess that’s something!
  • Friend, I hope that a million birthday wishes come true for you! It will match your age!
  • If I tried to count up to your age today, I would go hoarse! Happy Birthday, buddy!
  • Happy Birthday, friend! You were educated in the old ways! The pyramids wouldn’t have been built without you!
  • Happy Birthday to a friend, who is unforgettable! Mainly because you are the grayest one here!
  • Before there were maps, people used the stars to guide them. You would know!
  • Today friend, you should be glad! You can paint on canvas and not in a cave!
  • On this date friend, you might ache a little more. That is because you are old!
  • Remembering you today, friend, is easy! The sheer number of your years is astounding!
  • Friend, don’t mind me, but ask anyone and they’ll tell you the same: calling you young would be a mistake! A HUGE mistake!
  • Cheers to a friend who can tell me when bread was only five cents!
  • As your friend, I am here to remind you of significant things! Like always use Bengay!
  • Friend, some people are obsessed with age! Like me! I can’t believe how old you are!
  • Today, friend, count your blessings, not your years. You don’t have that kind of time!
  • Friend, you really exemplify a phrase, for me! Long in the tooth, comes to mind!
  • Now is the time to tell you what you truly are, friend! An old geezer!
  • Happy Birthday, friend! Age is not a big deal… to me! I’m still young!
  • Happy Birthday, friend! You are as old as you are dear to me!
  • Dear friend, I know you know who I am, but I hope you get tons of wishes from all those other stalkers on the web who call themselves your ‘friends’ too.
  • I was going to send your gift in the mail, but the mail service said I weighed too much, so here I am.
  • Hey bestie, I know you are sad about your age this year, but no worries- I’m here to blow out your candles for you so you can feel like a real kid again!
  • We have stuck by each other through thick and thin. We’ve been there for each other all these years and we’re still two bitches who are better together than apart. That says something, don’t you think? Stay fabulous, babe.
  • Wait, you are how old? Oh jeez, that’s almost dead in doggy years. I’m so glad we met when we’re kids. Happy birthday, bestie.

 

Absurd Birthday Messages for a Woman

  • May your hair dye and mascara never run! Happy Birthday, old lady!
  • Cheers to a woman who has been thirty, fifty times!
  • Happy Birthday, to an ancient woman! Someday, you will tell me what it was like to build Stonehenge!
  • You are no longer a young woman. That’s all I got!
  • Wishing you the very best! Goodness, woman! You are really old! I mean, really, really…
  • When you were born, the sun shone…for the very first time!
  • Happy Birthday to the woman who has it all! One hundred years of accumulation would result in that!
  • Cheers to a woman who rises above others! In age and amount of wrinkles!
  • Happy Birthday to a friend that has no secrets from me but always fills in her ‘birth date’ field alone.
  • Looking at you fills me with hope! A woman can live to be a hundred!
  • Now, you can tell me what it’s like to be the oldest woman there is!
  • Today, avoid all mirrors! You don’t want to see that old lady!
  • Cheers to a woman who has dyed her gray hair so many times, she doesn’t remember what its original color is!
  • Here is to all the years that you have been alive, and the cake budget we cut down, just because candles cost a lot! Happy Birthday, woman!
  • There is something that makes you stand out, woman! I know what it is: your age!
  • Today, girl, there are things to marvel at! Like the length of time that you have been here!
  • You are a woman whose very presence makes others happy! Thanks for reminding us that we’re not as old as you!
  • Happy Birthday, woman! Sometimes, I feel like you have been around, forever! (That’s because you have!)
  • Looking at you, woman, reminds me of a simpler time. Like, before there was electricity!
  • Cheers to a woman who stays young! (Only because she lies about her age) Best wishes!

Funny Happy Birthday Quotes for a Man

  • Cheers to an old man who still thinks he is young! Call it “experience” and enjoy your birthday, anyway!
  • Here is to another year of a receding hairline and holding in that gut!
  • Since the dawn of time, you have been here! Today, is no different!
  • Your beard may be gray, your wrinkles may be deep, but hey, at least there is cake!
  • Here is hoping that toupee and girdle works out for you! Happy Birthday, old man!
  • A man like you deserves to have fond memories of his childhood, recalled to him. Unfortunately, there are no more dinosaurs!
  • Happy Birthday, to a man who has witnessed great things! Invention of the wheel, the first cave drawing…
  • Today, you have officially gotten past things! Like youth and hair that isn’t gray! Happy Birthday, man!
  • Today, reflect on the fact that you have been here from the beginning! I mean, the very beginning! Happy Birthday, man!
  • On this day, some people will tell you that you are still a young man. Those people are liars!
  • Man, you are like a tree in the woods! Old and still managing to stay grounded!
  • Today is a day to ask important questions! Like, why are you so old?
  • Cheers to a man who thinks he is still thinks he is young, but isn’t! You have really embraced delusion!
  • As your birthday approaches, you might dread becoming an old man. Don’t worry about that! You already are!
  • Today, you have really achieved something! How does it feel to be the oldest man alive?
  • If someone doesn’t acknowledge your age, then that person is not really looking at you! Happy Birthday, man!
  • Happy Birthday, to a man who is old and gray! So old and so gray!
  • Someday, you will tell me how you survived the dinosaurs! Happy Birthday, man!
  • Happy Birthday, man! Remember nothing is promised! Like the amount of aches that you will get!

 

Hilarious Birthday Messages for your Sister

  • Do you know the similarity between you and a cow? Well, just the face. Happy birthday, dear sister. May you moo till the end of times.
  • I thought of doing some charity today, and you are the nearest mentally-ill person I could find. So, happy birthday, sweet sister! Now keep smiling like you are doing right now.
  • You are very gifted person; in a race of two people, you would always be the first runner up. So, a very happy birthday to you, sis. May your talents keep shining like this always.
  • I have always said you were ‘special’, because the term ‘retards’ is politically incorrect. But anyway, I love the way you are. Happy birthday, little sister.
  • You remember how mother used to say to keep our mouths shut unless we had something good to say? Well, it appears I can only say one thing, since the rest would be horse shit: Happy birthday, sis.
  • You never seem to age you bitch, so let me remind you how old you really are: you’re old enough to drink, young enough to get pregnant, and just the right age to make something of yourself. So by all means, hurry up before it’s too late! Oh, and, as they say, many happy returns.

 

Funny Happy Birthday Messages for your Brother

  • This is one of the few days when you can come out of the jungle and act like humans. To celebrate that, I wish you a very happy birthday.
  • I am happy for you today, even though you are adopted and were found in a bin. Wishing you a very happy and prosperous birthday, bro.
  • A wise man said “we hurt only those who we love”. This is probably why I beat you all the times. Happy birthday, brother. May your bones heal soon.
  • It really doesn’t matter that you are ugly, stupid and useless. For me, you will always be family. Happy  birthday, brother.
  • Dear bro, I know we don’t always get along, I mean, except when we’re both wasted, but I really want to wish you a very happy birthday. So, I brought beer. You’re welcome.
  • Hey brother, you’re very welcome. You have such a great sister in me, no wonder you turned out so awesome! Have the best birthday ever. We both deserve it.
  • Wishing a happy birthday to my favorite brother of all time- I know you’re my only brother, but still. You’re the best I could ask for all year round.
  • Stellar, rock star, rad, amazing, super awesome, gorgeous- wait, who are we talking about? Oh sorry, that was me. But you’re pretty cool too, bro. Have a very special birthday!
  • Wishing happy birthday to a bro who reminds me of the lil’ sister I never got. You came really close.

 

Ludicrous Birthday Messages for your Husband

  • My dear husband, science says that women live longer than men. Since you have lesser birthdays than me, I hope to make each one of them special. Happy birthday, darling.
  • Despite the numerous times you forgot to wish me on my birthday, I have a kind heart and pure soul. So, being gracious enough, I wish you a very happy birthday. May God bless you with a better memory and make you always find your car keys.
  • During our marriage, you promised that we will share everything with me. So I bought you an expensive makeup kit, which you can later share with me. Happy birthday, my love.
  • You have always been the best husband ever. Apart from the fact you are ungrateful, careless, lazy, pompous, dim-witted and too short. Apart from that, you are just perfect. Happy birthday, honey.
  • Hey old man, I knew when I met you that you’d be the best father, grandpa, and husband I could have asked for. So far, you’ve proven me wrong. Let’s just say you’re not the best, but you’re pretty close.
  • Babe, as you blow the candles out and make a wish today, I know your wish is for us both to be happy together. So, let’s go on that vacation I’ve always wanted.

 

Funny Birthday Quotes for your Wife

  • So, today is the day you get one more year older. Shouldn’t it be the right time to finally tell me your exact age? Anyway, happy birthday, my love. May you remain this beautiful forever.
  • You keep getting more beautiful with each year passing. For this, I have to give my gratitude to your beautician. Happy birthday, darling. May the cosmetics be with you.
  • Wishing a very happy birthday to the women who taught me to say “sorry” without any apparent reason. Stay the way you are (or maybe, be a little less like a Ninja Turtle, if possible).
  • Today is your great day. I do not want to ruin it by telling you that your food is overcooked and lacks taste, or that you create more mess than I did when I was 5 years old. So, I would simply like to tell you that you are an amazing wife. Happy birthday, my love.
  • Honey, today on your birthday don’t lift a finger. Don’t worry about the messy house or the dishes. It will all be there tomorrow.
  • Wishing a very happy birthday to my WIFE- sexy date for life. I love you with all my heart (and butt).
  • Babe, did you hear? Someone I absolutely love was born today! It’s YOU! Happy birthday, sweetheart. I loved you from the start and always will.
  • If I could count all the stars to tell you all the many ways you make my life happier and better, I would. But since you didn’t marry a scientist or astrologer, I’m just going to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY so you’re not further disappointed.

 

Entertaining Birthday Messages for your Mom

  • Hey, mother. Even though I have always criticized your food, the shit that they serve at the mess made me realize that your hand was pure gold. May you live forever and continue to make that delicious food for me.
  • Every time you threw a sandal/slipper at me, it only helped to keep me in line and make me a better human being. For that alone, I will be forever grateful to you.Happy  birthday, ma. May you live a long, long life.
  • I used to thing that mothers are the jailors for who have yet not had the chance to visit the jail. Now that I am an adult and have to wash my own clothes, I realize that mothers are simply the gifts for those who are too incapable to take care of themselves. Wishing you a very happy birthday, mom.
  • Remember the time when I used to wish that you get swapped by my best friend’s mom? Well, not saying that his mom is any less, but I have grown rather fond of you, so stay where you are. Happy birthday, mother. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
  • Dear mother, I know I was never perfect as a kid, and I’m still working on it, but thanks for not dropping me off at the shopping center and leaving me for grabs. I know it crossed your mind. But you’re just too good of a mom.
  • Dear mom, don’t be sad. You’re still so good looking that weird old guys mistake us for sisters. You still got it! Many happy returns.
  • To a mom who wiped my butt, fed me, clothed me and all the rest, you truly are the best. Of course, they tell me all that stuff was your job and came with the package.

Funny Happy Birthday Quotes for your Dad

  • Happy birthday, dad. I simply can’t believe that it has been only 30 years since you were 18! May you look this young forever.
  • Have you heard of the phrase “Wiser with age”? Because I really doubt that you have (just kidding, don’t slap me). Happy birthday, dear father. May you continue to be this awesome forever.
  • I wish you keep smiling and showing your teeth like this forever (or as long as you actually have teeth). Wishing you a very happy birthday, dad.
  • Just FYI, my gift to you would be the hell lot of candles I had to buy to match your age. Apart from that, wish you a very happy and prosperous birthday, daddy.
  • Happy happy birthday to the greatest dad, farter, I mean father, and best friend. I love you, dad.
  • Happy birthday, dad. I know I say this enough, but I really appreciate all the horse shit you put up with from me. It makes me feel so much better about my future kids.
  • Hi daddy, just wanted to say thank you for marrying my mother- she really is great. Have the bestest of birthdays!

 

Silly Birthday Messages for your Boyfriend

  • Hey, honey: I know you birthday is almost over, but this is what you get for forgetting my birthday. I guess you have learnt your lesson now. Happy birthday, my love.
  • Remember how you told me that you want a Rolex watch as your birthday present? Well, I realized that it was stupid, so you are getting nothing. Wish you a very happy birthday, baby.
  • It is wonderful how you look younger with every year passing. Soon, I might go to jail for dating a teenager. Happy birthday, sweetheart. May you stay young in your heart.
  • To my dearest, sexy boyfriend: I just want to say that I really do love you with all my ___insert body past of interest here___. Happy birthday, babe.
  • Hi handsome, I know surprise parties aren’t your thing, plus I can’t keep a secret. So let’s just enjoy the company of being together and celebrating another year of this happiness. I love you and happy birthday. You’re the best boyfriend ever.
  • Babe, I’ve never met anyone more committed and focused to snack munching and TV watching than you. Congrats on all your biggest accomplishments. Of course, your best one is me.

 

Funny Happy Birthday Messages for your Girlfriend

  • Remember the time I said birthdays are for kids? Well, Happy birthday, my love. Hope you continue to spread that glorious smile of yours to everyone around you, even if that seriously tires your jaw.
  • Happy birthday, baby. And I seriously believe that you should tell me your age, because every time I try to guess it, my calculations land you under 18 and me under arrest. Apart from that, enjoy your special day.
  • There is not nearly enough times when I have told you how beautiful , caring and amazing you are. Do not listen to the people who say I am compulsive liar, they are just jealous that I have you. Happy birthday, baby.
  • Hey girlfriend, I’m so excited that you chose to spend the day with me rather than your actual ‘girlfriends’. It’s makes me feel so special. I’m so glad I found you and that we are the same type of weird. The world will never break us apart.
  • Wishing a happy birthday to the healthiest, sexiest, loveliest bitch I know. I’m beyond grateful to have you in my life.
  • To my amazing girlfriend: don’t worry about age, another year older is just another year you look hotter to me. I love you lots, baby.

 


Q&A Birthday Jokes

Q: Do you by any chance know what constantly goes up, but never ever comes down?
A: Your ever-growing age!

Q: What does the average cat love to eat at her birthday party?
A: Mice cream.

Q: What do Jesus Christ and Abraham Lincoln both have in common?
A: They were both born on public holidays.

Q: What do people who have the most birthdays have in common?
A: Old age.

Q: Why did couples have problems with each other before the 2000s?
A: Because Facebook reminder didn’t exist at that time to remind them of their partners’ birthdays.

Q: What happened to all the guests at Kim Jong-un’s birthday party bash?
A: Kim nuked them all so he wouldn’t share his cake with anyone!

Q: What do chickens love to eat at their birthday parties?
A: Coop-cakes!

Q: Where can you find the best birthday present for your cat?
A: Inside a cat-alogue!

Q: What kills a person faster than cancer?
A: Too many birthdays!

Q: What type of cake was served at the birthday party of Penny from the Big Bang Theory?
A: Cheese cake.

Q: What type of cake do the people of North Korea serve at their birthday parties?
A: Cakes decorated with Kim Jong-un’s face.

Q: What gift do you always receive on your birthday?
A: A brand new age.

 

You Know You’re Old when… 

  • …the numerous candles on your birthday cake not only become more expensive than your cake itself, but also negatively impact the environment.
  • …kids feel safe to tell you their secrets because they know you will end up forgetting them.
  • …a teenager refers to you as a middle-aged man/woman.
  • …your mates start having children on purpose and not accidentally.
  • …people assume the first pet you ever owned was a dinosaur.
  • …your favorite songs are now elevator music.
  • …you see a smoking hot chick in bikini and the first thought that crosses your mind is, “I hope she’s wearing sun block”.
  • …all your favorite sportsmen and women have retired.
  • …it takes forever to scroll down to choose your year of birth on a website.
  • …the candles on your cake create a bonfire.
  • …your mates start running for president and other public offices.
  • …the once adorable Karate Kid is now an old man.
  • …you start feeling sleepy at the same time you used to go out at night to have fun.
  • …your fridge consists of more food than beer.
  • …teenagers start mistaking you for the legendary Keith Richards.
  • …that adorable kid you used to baby sit is no longer a kid.
  • …a Donna Summer song brings back a lot of memories.
  • …you can be slapped with the death penalty.
  • …prefer eating in than eating out.
  • …you fall down and die when someone tells you to act your age.
  • …you feel there’s nothing left in life to learn.
  • …in your childhood, Blackberry and Apple were nothing more than fruits.
  • …you start worrying about how you’ll pay your mortgage.
  • …acne problems are a thing of the past.
  • …birthdays remind you something to be forgotten.
  • …you lie about your age or are tempted to do so.
  • …your patronage of condoms begins to drastically decline.
  • …you start finding teenagers’ birthday parties annoying and repulsive.
  • …your loved ones keep telling you how young you look.
  • …hostage takers are not interested in taking you hostage.
  • …your friends pay firefighters to be on standby for your birthday bash because they are afraid your birthday candles might cause a disaster.
  • …you witnessed people getting burnt alive at the stake.
  • …you search everywhere for your reading glasses when it is on your head.
  • …if you have ever attended a Beatles concert.
  • …marketers start targeting you with anti-aging wrinkle creams.
  • …you can date someone half your age without breaking any man-made laws.
  • …your neighbors don’t even know it when you organize a party.
  • …your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them or have died.
  • …you finally know where your prostate is located.
  • …you once used telegraphs to send messages to your loved ones in faraway places.

 

Funny to Celebrate My Special Day | Short Jokes about your own Birthday

  • It is my birthday and I have no doubt in my mind that this is nature’s way of telling me to eat more cakes!
  • I guess this is the year I should start lying about my age. Happy birthday to me!
  • Wishing myself a super duper birthday! I hope my friends remember my birthday and not my age.
  • At this age, I don’t need to worry much about temptation because it is no longer interested in me.
  • Blowing out the candles on my birthday cake was indeed one heck of a good exercise for my lungs.
  • Today I understand why the word “birthday” ends with the letter Y!
  • They say the good die young. If that is true, then I must be a really bad a**. Happy birthday to me!
  • Today is my birthday and I’m another year closer to my death yet my family and friends are happy for me. What a terribly strange world we live in.
  • Few years ago, I fell down on the street and people laughed at me. However, today I fell and everyone was in a state of panic. I guess this means I’ve become an Old Timer. Happy birthday to me.
  • Today is my Big Day, and I’m proud to announce to the world that I don’t look a day over my actual age. Isn’t that awesome?!
  • On my birthday, I plead with all my friends who really love me to refrain from making any age-related jokes.
  • I am officially a year older today and I’m not bothered at all about that because I know my age is just the number of years that I have been a blessing to this world.
  • On my Big Day, I’m going to party in such a wild manner that many religions will waste no time condemning me straight to hell.
  • It is my birthday today, and I have every right to support wildlife by organizing a wild party.

Hilarious Birthday Quotes For Your Son

  • Dear son, although your birthday couldn’t rise to the prestigious status of national holiday, your mom and I will try to treat it as one. Maybe you should become president to make that happen.
  • Son, your taste, like your ken, has advanced in sophistication; so finding a gift for you was difficult. We hope you are not offended that we went with the basics — cakes!
  • I hope that the candles didn’t make you extremely hot for the new girls on the block. I don’t think they would mind, anyways! Happy birthday, my dear.
  • If you were a politician, your party color would be neither red nor blue but white because you are such a maverick! Happy birthday to you, my dearest son.
  • We should share, equally, all those lovely presents because today is also my day of being a mother/father. Happy birthday to you, son. I love you.

Absurd Birthday Messages For Your Daughter

  • Statisticians will consider your age insignificant, and just focus on counting your candles instead. But I know better than that! Happy birthday to my lovely daughter!
  • Your height is disproportional to your age, and makes me look like your younger sibling. But I love you, anyway. Keep soaring and growing, dear.
  • You are such a lovely, walking paradox; on the one hand, we are happy that you are growing, but on the other, we are reminded of how fast we are aging.
  • It seems like only yesterday when I ordered your first diaper change. Soon, the tables might turn, and you will order my last diaper change. Happy birthday, daughter!
  • Your mom/dad and I failed to name you appropriately. “Epitome of Beauty” is what should have been on your birth certificate.

Funny Birthday Greetings For Your Niece

  • Good to see that you are making progress towards the ultimate prize of great grand motherhood, many wrinkles, and, to be honest, lots of charm. Enjoy your day!
  • May Santa visit you this year, making your pockets heavier than your weight; not the other way round, like he did last year. Wishing you a joyous birthday with love.
  • Happy birthday, my dear niece. You may eat all the candies and biscuits you want but will have to pay a tax of 80% to me. I love and miss you so much, my dear.
  • At this nubile age, be careful of charming, hipster boys; they are predictable, ravenous puppies who will go to anyone who has the bone. Happy birthday, my love.
  • My dear niece, I pray that you will be manumitted from the ostensibly in vogue shackles of social media. Here’s to a free life!

Funny Birthday Messages For Your Nephew

  • I hope you are not going to keep shouting “mommy” like you did with a crying voice when you came out of the womb.  We love you so much, our precocious fellow. Have a blast!
  • I won a huge lottery on the day you were born, so please continue to bring me good luck each year with your charming smile. Happy birthday, my dear nephew.
  • Today, it will rain lots of ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, and peanut butter jelly sandwiches solely for your sweet tooth. Enjoy your day, darling.
  • Your parents are going to kill me today because you are about to be incredibly spoiled with amazing goodies! But it won’t hurt because I just can’t stop loving you.
  • I was usually the reluctant counselor when the young girlfriend had issues but now no more, because you can take care of things yourself. Happy birthday to my amazing, grown-up nephew!    

Absurd Birthday Greetings For Your Workmate

  • You make recalcitrant managers and superiors appear like wee boys, at least in our heads! Truly, office work is less cumbersome when you are around. Happy birthday, mate!
  • The buzzing sound of your short-tempered Benz, which stops every quarter of a mile, is always an indication that it’s closing time. Thanks for the service, mate.
  • Your hard talk and spontaneous outbursts are always welcome distractions from the throes of office labor. Just tone them down a bit next time. Wishing you a fun-filled birthday, mate.
  • If you ever find yourself at the point where you are forced to choose between a quarter-life crisis and a mid-life crisis, opt for the former because not all crises are created equal. Have a blissful birthday. Happy birthday, mate.
  • If I could dismiss everybody from work and hire only you, I would. Your childlike heart, and mega brains make you so indispensable. Happy birthday, and have a blast!    

Amusing Birthday Greetings For Your Grandma

  • Dear granny, I thought that your birthday won’t be special without me, but I realized that you have more beautiful, smart, and talented grand kids in your arsenal. May God continue to bless you.
  • Sweet grandma, I see that you are growing more youthful, athletic, and agile than most of us. We will love to have you on our baseball team this year. Wishing you a happy birthday!
  • Thank you for calling me out on my silly, puerile and dumb stuff. All the credit goes to you for grounding me in reality and making me a pragmatic person. Have a blast, grandma!
  • My dear granny, I want to be like you when I grow up, playing smart and invoking the “elderly clause” whenever I want to have things done my way. Wishing you a blissful birthday.     

Ludicrous Birthday Quotes For Your Grandpa

  • Dear grandpa, as you blow your candles, please wish to become a superhero so that I can play with you all day long and on vacations! Sending you lots of love and cheer.
  • Granddad, thank you for keeping mom and pa in check whenever they won’t let me have my way. You are the best partner in crime a kid could ask for. Sending you lots of love.
  • Grandpa, this year, the candles on your cake will be too many for you to blow alone. You can hire me for a nominal fee to do this routine work for you. Have a great birthday!

Hilarious Birthday Messages for all

  • Many happy returns! I believe you are officially able to be appraised on Antique Roadshow!
  • Happy Birthday to you. I hope you enjoy your day as much as I’ll enjoy eating free cake and ice cream.
  • Your birthday only comes once a year but the wrinkles it brings will last a lifetime.
  • If you were a dog…you’d be 7 times older than you are now! Think about it. Happy Birthday, Old Yeller!
  • That’s your birthday cake?! I thought we were having a bonfire in the middle of your dining room. Happy Birthday… should I call and cancel the fire department then?
  • Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Facebook told me it was your birthday and that I should write on your wall.
  • Happy Birthday from one of the most spectacular, sensational, wisest people you know. You are one-in-a-million.
  • My best wishes! I hope your husband treats you to a night out on the town–so you can enjoy having the house to yourself!
  • Happy Birthday to someone who knows everything there is about me and STILL enjoys being my friend. I hope we have many more years of wild and crazy adventures together.
  • Did you know Chuck Norris was born on your birthday? Just kidding. That would be pretty kick butt though wouldn’t it? Your birthday is still on a pretty good day.
  • Wishing you the best! I would say you don’t look another year older but if I tell one lie now it might make anything else I say later on unbelievable. You look pretty good for your age!
  • If you were a grape I would stomp on you and make you into a delicious vintage wine. Happy Birthday, Friend!
  • The best part of birthday is the birthday cake. Wishing you the best. Where’s the cake?
  • Happy Birthday to a friend who I wouldn’t trade for all the Nutella in the world.
  • I couldn’t fit Channing Tatum in the box but I hope this gift will do. Happy Birthday to the future Mrs. Channing Tatum.
  • So I was watching Jurassic Park and I remembered it was your birthday. Happy Birthday, you old dinosaur!
  • I was watching Grumpier Old Men and I remembered it was your birthday. I hope we get put in the same room at our future nursing home. We would make some kick butt BINGO partners! We would clean up!
  • I have a particular set of skills. Skills that I have learned over a lengthy friendship with you. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you give me a piece of cake, I will leave. If you don’t, I will find your cake and I will blow out your candles.
  • Happy Birthday, my friend! I’m looking forward to getting together with you tonight to go over all of your Facebook birthday wishes from people that don’t give a rats behind about you the rest of the year.
  • On Wednesdays we wear pink. Happy Birthday, my totally fetch friend!
  • I’ll tell you a secret. I do believe it’s somebody’s birthday and just in case that person is you, Happy Birthday.
  • Happy Birthday to someone who remembers how to do the ‘Macarena’.
  • Stop crying. This is supposed to be a joyous occasion where we fill up on divine birthday cake and drink good cheer. Celebrate in merriment the day of your birth into this lustrous world. Forget the wrinkles, sore joints, forgetfulness, and gray hair. Happiest of Happy Birthday to you, dear friend!
  • If someone asks if you’re a God, you say ‘YES!’ . If you don’t Mr. Stay Puft will wreck havoc on our town. That was life lesson #1, right? Happy Birthday to a friend who is fluent in movie quotes just like me.
  • Happy Birthday to someone good looking, super smart, charismatic, and charming. Wait…I meant FROM someone.
  • Best wishes. You’re not THAT old. You’re just getting up there. In the words of Elsa, “Let it go! Let it go!”
  • Your 21st Birthday party was SO successful you decided to celebrate it for more than 20 years in a row!
  • I was thinking about it and I think if someone was to make a movie about your life, Linda Blair would be perfect to play you.
  • You know that old sang the older you are the wiser you are? I used to think it was true but then I met you! Just kidding, friend. Happy Birthday to you.
  • I was at the antique store downtown and I ran across one of the toys from your childhood that you always talk about. Happy Birthday and Congratulations to someone who is old enough to have their childhood toys listed in the latest edition of the Kovel’s Antique Guide! Well done!
  • When you get to be your age you really should just throw caution to the wind and go “Why the hell not?!”. You are only young once! Go skydiving! Go skinny dipping in Tahiti! Go for a leisurely stroll up Mt. Everest.
  • Of all the people celebrating their birthday today, you are the least likely to be called “young” by a door-to-door salesman. Enjoy your day!
  • Happy Birthday to someone who is getting more valuable and better with age! Oh wait–that’s wine. Happy Birthday to someone who is just getting old!
  • Just to let you know that getting older doesn’t necessarily mean you have to grow up. You can always be a ‘Toys R’ Us’ kid who wears scrunchy socks, jelly shoes, and drives a Big Wheel.
  • Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! You act like a monkey and you smell like a mountain goat. I think that means you belong in a zoo!
  • Happy Birthday to someone I am proud to say will ALWAYS be older than me. I love having you as my friend, even if it is only to make myself feel better about my age.
  • I know you’re not thirty, flirty, and thriving but hey you’re still driving! You’re not in too bad of shape.

Wrap-up

Once you have come up with the perfect birthday greeting for your friend, it is time to figure out how to send it. Written birthday cards are becoming a thing of the past but they seem to be more appreciated because of the care and time it takes to write out the card. Email and text message birthday greetings are perfectly acceptable, however, less personal. They are fast and easy to type and send. If you remember a birthday and are in the middle of a busy day it might be good to quickly send out a quick email or text so that you have your bases covered if you forget to call or send a handwritten greeting later on.


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Share the precious gift of laughter with the funny birthday wishes, memes and eCards here. Give a giggle today.

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Written by Modal
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