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Wise and clever quotes
February 18, 2019 1st Anniversary Wishes 2 comments

Funny wise quotes and sayings: 'I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.'.

Wisdom need not always be verbose. In fact, some of the wisest, most memorable quotes by famous people are pretty darn short, yet they pack a lot of meaning in their punch. Keeping it short works well probably because of K.I.S.S.: "Keep it simple, stupid."

George Bernard Shaw: "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

Mother Teresa: "If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

Lucille Ball: "Love yourself first, and everything else falls into place."

Stephen Colbert: "Dreams can change. If we’d all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses."

Oprah Winfrey: "Failure is another stepping-stone to greatness."

Stephen Hawking: "Be curious."

Mother Teresa: "If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one."

Michelle Obama: "Success isn't about how much money you make. It's about the difference you make in people's lives."

Wayne Gretzky: "You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take."

Gabrielle Giffords​: "Be bold, be courageous, be your best."

Madeleine Albright: "Real leadership...comes from realizing that the time has come to move beyond waiting to doing."

Babe Ruth: "Don't let the fear of striking out hold you back."

Seneca: "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity."

Anna Quindlen: "Don’t ever confuse the two: your life and your work. The second is only part of the first."

Thomas Jefferson: "He who knows best knows how little he knows."

Dolly Parton: "If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."

Francis David: "We need not think alike to love alike."​

John Quincy Adams: "If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader."

Maya Angelou: "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." 

Malcolm X: "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."

Hillary Clinton: "Every moment wasted looking back keeps us from moving forward."

Thomas A. Edison: "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

Katie Couric: "You can't please everyone, and you can't make everyone like you."

Jon Bon Jovi: "Miracles happen every day. Change your perception of what a miracle is and you'll see them all around you."​

Eleanor Roosevelt: "Do one thing every day that scares you." 

Tina Fey: "There are no mistakes, only opportunities."

Francis Bacon: "A prudent question is one half of wisdom."​

Sheryl Sandberg: "If you're offered a seat on a rocket ship, don't ask what seat! Just get on."

Eleanor Roosevelt: "Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Florence Nightingale: "I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took any excuse."

Edwin Land: "Creativity is the sudden cessation of stupidity."

Maya Angelou: "You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have."

Mahatma Gandhi: “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” 

Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching: "When I let go of who I am, I become what I might be."

Rosa Parks​: "When one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear."

Henry Ford: "Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right."

Gloria Steinem: "Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.​​"​

Christopher Reeve: "Once you choose hope, anything's possible."

Kate Winslet: "Life is short, and it is here to be lived."

Mahatma Gandhi: “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” 

Alice Walker: "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any."

Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching: "Great acts are made up of small deeds."

Amelia Earhart: "The most difficult thing is the decision to act. The rest is merely tenacity."

Ellen DeGeneres: "Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others." 

Walt Disney: "All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them."

Wise Quotes and Sayings: Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, anymore than standing in your garage makes you a car. I moaned because I had no.

Clever Quotes

wise and clever quotes

A list of 195 clever sayings and quotes about life and love to get you thinking.

“A clever man is one who never shows his cleverness to others”

“its better to know what you think you know, then not to know nothing at all.”

“A balanced diet means a cookie in both hands.”

“A candle is never diminished by lighting another candle.”

“A fool isn’t someone who is wrong, a fool is someone who is afraid of being wrong.”

“A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it.”

“A person is talented only when he has the talent to express his talent.”

“A person who asks a question is a fool for 5 minutes..but a person who don’t is a fool forever.”

“A poor man with weird habits is an idiot, a rich man with weird habits is eccentric.”

“A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station.”

“Advice…a clever man doesnt need it…a fool won’t take it…”

“After one realizes he’s been a fool,he’s not a fool anymore.”

“All is Legal. Until you get Caught…”

“All people have a photographic memory, some just don’t have the film. I do, but it never develops quite right…”

“Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”

“Always say what you mean and mean what you say.”

“An eye for an eye will ultimately, leave the whole world blind.”

“Anger is one letter short of danger.”

“Anyone can be glamorous. All you have to do is to stand still and look stupid.”

“As technology develops we will do what we did in half the time, yet we are more stressed, more busy and can’t get things done.”

“Build a man a fire, he’s warm for a day. Light a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life.”

“Clever people master life; the wise illuminate it and create fresh difficulties.”

“Clever people will recognize and tolerate nothing but cleverness.”

“Cleverness is what a guy has, well at least he’s got something besides brains!!!”

“Climbing the stairs step by step because you were to afraid to take the elevator.”

“Copying from a single source is called plagiarism, copying from multiple source is called research.”

“Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.”

“Do unto others as you would have other do unto you.”

“Do you often find yourselves questioning a question with a question when questioned?”

“Don’t live in the past because the future may become your past fast!”

“Don’t trust me I’m a liar.”

“Early bird gets the worm, but the early hunter gets the bird.”

“Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.”

“Fly straight or get shot down.”

“Flying is easy! Just jump off a building and try not to hit the ground!”

“Give a man fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll sit all day in a boat drinking beer.”

“Half of this planet is dieing of starvation and the other half is on a diet.”

“He who falls into the water doesn’t drown, but the one who stays in it does.”

“He who smiles in the face of adversity clearly has a scapegoat.”

“He who waits to take the first step, will spend his entire life on one foot.”

“He who waits, will be late for the rest of his life.”

“How can you tell me to never say never when you just said never?”

“I am not always right but I am never wrong.”

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”

“I asked my parents what’s it like to have such an awesome kid, they told me to ask my grandparents.”

“I could act normal, but it would be acting and it wouldn’t be normal.”

“I did today, what I should do tomorrow. So now what?”

“I didn’t fail math. I just found a lot of ways not to do it.”

“I hate two faced people. It’s hard to decide which face to slap first.”

“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life… Provided I die in the next hour or so.”

“I haven’t failed at anything, I’ve just found all the wrong ways of doing it!!”

“I like to spoon after I fork.”

“I never do anything by accident. I just like people to think I do.”

“I started out with nothing… and I still have most of that!”

“I thought you would have realized by now that no one loves you.”

“I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.”

“I’ll jump in front of a train for you, as long as the train is not moving.”

“I’m leery of people who like me.”

“I’m not clever, I just don’t know how to be stupid.”

“I’m not random you just don’t think as fast as me.”

“If all boys are the same, why are girls so picky?”

“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, try again until you bleed.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, try and fail again…”

“If I look confused… I probably am.”

“If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.”

“If life is so hard how come so many idiots are doing it?”

“If men had wings and bore black feathers, Few of them would be clever enough to be crows.”

“If nobody is perfect then I must be a nobody.”

“If practice makes perfect,and no one is perfect,then why practice?”

“If the grass is always greener on the other sides I want to be color blind.”

“If the grass is greener on the other side, turn on your sprinkler!”

“If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.”

“If the grass looks greener on the other side its time to fertilize yours.”

“If there is evil in this world it lurks in the hearts of man.”

“If we do not ever take time how can we ever have time.”

“If you aim at nothing, your accuracy will be immense.”

“If you are ever looking for something you will find it in the last place you look.”

“If you believe that guns are the cause of murders and other crimes then pencils must be responsible for misspelled words.”

“If you can’t convince them, confuse them.”

“If you can’t see the bright side, shine the dull side.”

“If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day, if you give a man a fishing rod, he will probably swap it for a fish.”

“If you think you’re nobody, just recall who’s perfect!”

“If you try to fail and succeed, then which have you done?”

“If you want people to remember you. Borrow money from them.”

“If you’re going through hell, just keep going.”

“If you’re not very clever you should be conciliatory.”

“Imagination is a power you can’t imagine.”

“In our pursuit to find the enemy we come face to face with ourselves.”

“Is the cup half empty or half full? Why hasn’t someone filled the cup already?”

“It is one thing to be clever and another to be wise.”

“It’s good to be clever, but not to show it.”

“It’s not necessary to be educated, to be intelligent.”

“Its better to have tried and failed, than not to have tried at all.”

“Its good to be clever. But whats really clever is not showing it.”

“Just cause you’re paranoid doesn’t mean that everyone isn’t out to get you!”

“Life has its ups and downs, use the ups to overcome the downs!”

“Life is like a ten speed bike, most of us have gears we never use…”

“Life may give you sh*t but that’s what toilet paper is for.”

“Light a man a fire and he is warm for the night. Light a boy a fire and he burns down the house.”

“Light a man a fire and he’ll be warm for the night, light a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.”

“Love all, trust a few.”

“Love is like a rose in the winter, only the strong survive.”

“Love is like a wind,..you can feel it but you can’t see it.”

“Money does not buy happiness but, it sure pays off stress.”

“Most people who drive in a hurry are never in a hurry.”

“My favorite text message “I will be there in 5 minutes, if not read again.”

“My parents told me “You watch too much TV and should try reading more!” So I turned on the subtitles.”

“Never point your finger at some one, you will always have three fingers pointing back at you.:

“Never value first impressions cos along with it comes deception.”

“No matter where you go, there you are!”

“One is the loneliest number.”

“One word could save the world, Communication.”

“Opportunity knocks but once, so be sure and leave a forwarding address.”

“Over analysis creates paralysis.”
“Pain only means you’re still alive.”

“Patience is not a virtue, it is a waste of time.”

“Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.”

“People are like chocolates some soft centered some hard some are just plane nutty.”

“People talk so much. Yet say so little.”

“Problem free life never makes a strong person.”

“Push will get a person almost anywhere- except through a door marked pull.”

“Remember, wherever you are, that’s exactly the place to be.”

“Remember..Less is More, but then if Less is More, just think how much More, More would be.”

“Sell a man a fish, he will eat for a day, teach a man to fish, you’ll be out of a job…”

“Skill is luck becoming a habit.”

“Sometimes the most clever thing to say is nothing at all.”

“Speed Kills, Kills Time…”

“Spoon feeding teaches us nothing, except the shape of the spoon.”

“Stupidity is the greatest disguise for the clever, if, you can pull that off.”

“Sure hard work pay’s off in the future! But Laziness Pay’s off Right Now!”

“Technology is not complete if I can’t download money.”

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…Yeah but it could roll.”

“The day you realize you’re not as young as you used to be is the day you start dying.”

“The early bird catches the early worm…”

“The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

“The glass is neither half full nor half empty. It’s simply twice as big as it needs to be.”

“The grass is always greener on the other side when you’re not the one mowing it.”

“The grass is greener on the side you water.”

“The grass may be greener on the other side, but then again you still have to mow it…”

“The man that says he can’t and the man that says he can are both right!”

“The message below is a lie, The message above is the truth…”

“The more you know, the more you forget, the more you forget the less you know.”

“The most dangerous lies are the lies you tell yourself.”

“The only difference between genius and stupidity, is that genius has its limits.”

“The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don’t have it.”

“The search for love is like a blind man looking in a dark room for a black cat that was never there in the first place.”

“There are more stars in the sky then there are grains of sand on Earth.”

“There are plenty more fishes in the sea, maybe you just need to swim in a different ocean.”

“There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.”

“There is no chance unless you take one.”

“There’s no “I” in team, there’s no “we” in team either.”

“They say never judge a book by its cover but they also said a picture is worth a thousand words.”

“They say violence isn’t the answer but actions speak louder than words.”

“They say when life gives you lemons…but what happens when life gives you a banana?”

“They say, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.”

“Those who do not know, do not know that they do not know.”

“Those who Know they do not Know that to Know is to Know what they do not Know!”

“Those who say money can’t buy happiness are shopping at the wrong places!”

“To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.”

“To be old and wise, first you must be young and stupid.”

“To do is too difficult to do.”

“To someone else, we are someone else.”

“Tough times never last, but tough people do.”

“Visits always give pleasure… If not the arrival, the departure.”

“Well I’m here to tell you, if my grass was being watered twice a day, it would be pretty green.”

“What people say, what people do, and what they say they do are entirely different things.”

“When he touched me, I was touched!”

“When in doubt, Google it.”

“When in doubt, mumble.”

“When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and have the world wondering how the hell you did it.”

“When life gives you lemons, say ok lemons…what else you got?”

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye!!!!!”

“When life gives you lemons, throw them back and grow your own”

“When life throws you lemons, retaliate, throw watermelons!”

“When push comes to shove, I hope you’re standing next to a cliff.”

“When someone tells you stories of how they wrecked someone, its only a matter of time till its your turn.”

“When someone ties to impress you … It means he/she is already impressed by you!”

“When the going gets rough, you are obviousley in the wrong place.”

“Whether you’re first or last in the queue depends which way your looking.”

“Why is it that when you pay someone a compliment they proceed to list their faults.”

“Wisdom = refined stupidity.”

“Wise man speaks and the fools follows them”

“Wise man talk because they have something to say, fools talk because they have to say something.”

“Without order nothing could exist, But without chaos nothing could evolve.”

“You can only get smarter by playing a smarter opponent.”

“You can’t be late until you show up.”

“You do not become smarter by blowing your own horn. You become smarter by being humble.”

“You do not have to prove something for it to be true. However, you do have to prove something for others to believe it true.”

“You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.”

“You don’t see it until its not there.”

“You know that you’ve become wise when your sarcasm is so advanced that people actually think you’re stupid.”

“You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question.”

“You’ll lose a lot of money, chasing women. Buy you’ll never lose women, chasing money.”

“You’ll never be old and wise if you weren’t young and crazy.”

The following below infographic includes a listing of inspiring and thought provoking quotes from Dr. Suess.

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195 Funny Clever Sayings about Life and Love

wise and clever quotes

Clever Quotes

Quotes tagged as "clever" Showing 1-30 of 289


“The Doctor: Doctor Song, you've got that face on again.
River: What face?
The Doctor: The "He's hot when he's clever" face.
River: This is my normal face.
The Doctor: Yes it is.
River: Oh, shut up.
The Doctor: Not a chance.”
― Steven Moffat


“Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy


“To be heroic is to be courageous enough to die for something; to be inspirational is to be crazy enough to live a little.”
― Criss Jami, Venus in Arms


“Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?' Minho asked...
"Go ahead," Newt replied.
Minho nodded and faced the crowd. 'Be careful,' he said dryly. 'Don't die.'
Thomas would have laughed if he could, but he was too scared for it to come out.
'Great. We're all bloody inspired,' Newt answered.”
― James Dashner, The Maze Runner

“Perhaps he knew, as I did not, that the Earth was made round so that we would not see too far down the road.”
― Isak Dinesen, Out of Africa

“To ugly ducklings everywhere,
Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:
They'll never get to be swans”
― Zoë Marriott, The Swan Kingdom



“An open Facebook page is simply a psychiatric dry erase board that screams, “Look at me. I am insecure. I need your reaction to what I am doing, but you’re not cool enough to be my friend. Therefore, I will just pray you see this because the approval of God is not all I need.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.”
― Honore de Balzac

“What the hell makes you smart?" I asked.
"I wouldn't go for coffee with you."
"Listen - I wouldn't ask you."
"That," she replied, "is what makes you stupid.”
― Erich Segal, Love Story

“Whenever I think of something but can't think of what it was I was thinking of, I can't stop thinking until I think I'm thinking of it again. I think I think too much.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy


“My name is Stephen Leeds, and I am perfectly sane. My hallucinations, however, are all quite mad.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Legion

“The aching in my chest
isn't because I miss you,
it's realizing that you have
become someone I no longer know,
your fears, your 4 am thoughts,
your achievements,
are things I no longer have an equivalent to.
Who we were and who we are
are four different people,
and the me from now
doesn't relate to the me from then,
let alone to the you from now.
-Tanzy Sayadi and Jarod Kintz”
― Tanzy Sayadi, liQUID PROse QUOtes


“You need to be clever to best him. Are you clever, Rachel?”
Oh God. She wants to know if I’m clever. I glanced at Al, and he stared at me, then shrugged. Licking my lips, I said, “It’s the shiny pot that puts a hole in the sky.”
Al’s mouth dropped open, but Newt thought about it, her expression thoughtful and her fingers finally leaving her knife. “Very true,” she said as she eased back into the cushions.
With a soft click of his teeth, Al’s mouth shut. His eyes were cross, and he seemed peeved that I’d found a way to satisfy her without compromising myself at all.”
― Kim Harrison, Pale Demon



“Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals.”
― Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

“Right person, wrong timing doesn’t mean God was wrong. It means you were there at the right time to fulfill something else. Look for it.”
― Shannon L. Alder




Glad to share the best 100 clever sayings with our dear visitors to inspire them by wise thoughts of successful people & sayings from popular to anonymous.

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To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.  Reba McEntire

Funny Wisdom: Topics on This Page

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms
Grouch Marx

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Will and Guy's Favourite, Best and Hilarious Funny Wisdom

  1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
  2. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  3. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  4. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
  5. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
  6. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
  7. Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
  8. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  9. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  10. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
  11. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
  12. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
  13. Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don't have film.
  14. If you dig a hole for someone else, you'll fall into it. - Hungarian proverb
  15. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
  16. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  17. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  18. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
  19. You never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother.
  20. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

The Wisdom of An Angel

An angel appears at a meeting of religious leaders and tells their leader that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behaviour, God will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.

Without hesitating, the leader selects infinite wisdom.

'Done!' says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the leader, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.

One of the others whispers, 'Say something.'

The leader sighs and says, 'I should have taken the money.'

Get Rich Now

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Anon.

A Word to the Wise: Some of Will and Guy's Favourite Words of Wisdom

  • Patience is the companion of wisdom - Saint Augustine
  • Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow - Aristotle
  • To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it - Confucius
  • He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot.  He that dare not is a slave - Andrew Carnegie
  • An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind - Shakyamuni Buddha
  • The only way to have a friend is to be one - Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist - Indira Gandhi
  • You must be the change you wish to see in the world - Mahatma Gandhi
  • A bowl belongs to whoever needs it - A Native American saying
  • Without memory, there is no healing; without forgiveness, there is no future - Desmond Tutu
  • Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something - Plato
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder - Anon
  • See more motivational thought of the day quotes.

The mediocre teacher tells.
The good teacher explains.
The superior teacher demonstrates.
The great teacher inspires - William A. Ward

Have Your Judicious Words Ready

I doubt there's any marriage where the partners don't quarrel once in a while.

When Roger's daughter was a teenager, she greeted him one morning with, 'I understand you and Mum had some words last night.'

Roger replied, 'Well, I had some all ready, but never got a chance to use them.'

The Funny Wisdoms of Life: Some Are Witty and Some Are Even True

  1. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order - Brian Pickrell
  2. Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it - Author unknown
  3. He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard - Unknown
  4. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer - Douglas Adams
  5. The empty vessel makes the greatest sound - William Shakespeare
  6. Silence and smile are two powerful words.  Smile is the way to solve many problems and Silence is the way to avoid many problems - Anon
  7. Knowledge talks, wisdom listens
  8. There cannot be a crisis next week.  My schedule is already full - Henry Kissinger
  9. He could start a row in an empty house - Sir Alex Ferguson on footballer Dennis Wise
  10. I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure - Clarence Darrow
  11. He has all the virtues I dislike, and none of the vices I admire - Winston Churchill
  12. I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure - W.C. Fields
  13. In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back - Charlie Brown
  14. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone - Reba McEntire
  15. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway - Anon
  16. Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later a collection of mistakes called Experience leads us to success
  17. A wise man listens to advice - Proverbs 12:15
  18. See more funny wise sayings and quotes

To do is to be - Descartes
To be is to do - Voltaire
Do be do be do - Frank Sinatra

A Story Written by a Wise Man

A story for people of all religions and, indeed, none. 

One night a man had a dream. He dreamt he was walking along the beach with the Lord.  Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints on the sand: one belonging to him and the other to the Lord.  When the last scene had flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints and he noticed only one set. 

He also noticed that this happened during the lowest and saddest times of his life. This bothered him and he questioned the Lord. 'Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk all the way with me, but I noticed that during the most troublesome times of my life there was only one set of footprints. I don't understand why, when I needed you most, you deserted me.'

The Lord replied, 'My precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, those were the times when I carried you in my arms.'

Sticking Together: Another Story by an Astute Man

A flock of wild geese had settled to rest on a pond. One of the flock had been captured by a gardener, who had clipped its wings before releasing it. When the geese started to resume their flight, this one tried frantically, but vainly, to lift itself into the air. The others, observing his struggles, flew about in obvious efforts to encourage him; but it was no use.

Thereupon, the entire flock settled back on the pond and waited, even though the urge to go on was strong within them. For several days they waited until the damaged feathers had grown sufficiently to permit the goose to fly.

Meanwhile, the unethical gardener, having been converted by the ethical geese, gladly watched them as they finally rose together and all resumed their long flight.

Story by Albert Schweitzer

Amusing Childhood Perception

Young Mia, only four years old, returned home from Wicor Nursery School complaining, 'Mummy, I've got a stomach ache.'

'That's because your stomach is empty,' Sarah, her mother replied kindly. 'You'll feel better when you have something in it.'

She made Mia a small snack and sure enough, Mia felt better immediately.

Later that afternoon Mia's class tutor dropped by to see Sarah. While she was chatting with Mia's mum, she mentioned she'd had a bad headache all day long.

Mia perked up straightaway and announced to her teacher, 'That's because it's empty. You'd feel better if you had something in it!' 

Witticisms

  • Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
  • Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.
  • When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. (Oscar Wilde)
  • I stayed up all night playing Texas Hold'em with a deck of tarot cards.  I got a royal flush and five people died.
  • It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  • See more Witticisms

The Shrewd Farmer's Donkey

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out a way to get him out. Finally he decided it was probably impossible and the animal was old and the well was dry anyway, so it just wasn't worth it to try and retrieve the donkey.  So the farmer asked his neighbours to come over and help him cover up the well. They all grabbed shovels and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, when the donkey realized what was happening he cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down and let out some happy brays. A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well to see what was happening and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was shaking it off and taking a step up.

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he continued to shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, to everyone's amazement, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.

Will and Guy consider that the moral of this tale is: Life is going to shovel dirt on you. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.  Through applying wisdom every adversity can be turned into a stepping stone.  The way to get out of the deepest well is by never giving up but by shaking yourself off and taking a step up.

What happens to you isn't nearly as important as how you react to it.

More Funny Words of Wisdom

  • The early worm gets eaten!
  • To cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.
  • There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.  Mary Wilson Little
  • Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
  • See more Words of Wise Wisdom

Amusing Word Play

  • Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
  • Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
  • With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
  • When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
  • 'Underground' is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters 'und.'
  • See more Funny Words

Thoughts to Ponder

Here are an international collection of laws which have never been repealed, and thus are probably still in force.   Our favourite is: 'Royal Navy ships that enter the Port of London must provide a barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London'.  Will has applied for the post of Constable of the Tower, just so that he can ensure this perk continues.

  • Eating mince pies on Christmas Day is banned in Britain.
  • In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
  • In Germany it is illegal to wear a mask.
  • In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad.
  • In Ohio, it is against state law to get a fish drunk.  In Alaska it's illegal to get as drunk as a fish - you cannot win them all.
  • See more amusing thoughts to ponder

Funny Perks for the Over 60

  • Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
  • Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
  • I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
  • Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.  Today, they called it golf.
  • The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.  Friedrich Nietzsche
  • See more amusing insights of the Over 60s

Footnote:
Please send us your funny words of wisdom or amusing phrases and sayings.


Spread the humour

A list of 195 clever sayings and quotes about life and love to get you thinking “ Clever people master life; the wise illuminate it and create fresh.

wise and clever quotes
Written by Kazitilar
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