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Funny wedding wisdom

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Funny wedding wisdom
September 05, 2019 1st Anniversary Wishes 3 comments

Ah, weddings – the joyous, official ceremony for two individuals deeply in love with each other. You'll need some funny marriage advice too to make everyone.

Let's toast to all the happy couples this weekend with some words of kindness and a great Irish wedding blessing. 

Wise old words from Ireland abound, and Irish blessings and sayings for weddings are no exception. Some are heartwarming and tender, some are funny and charming, but all sincerely express wishes of love and happiness for the lucky couple.

Today I give you a world of Irish marriage wishes at your fingertips. Or better still, a world of Irish wedding blessings on the tip of your tongue, so you can rhyme them off at will, as you wish the happy grooms and brides the very best for their future lives together.

Some of these sayings crossed the Atlantic many years ago, and have become more widely quoted in America than in modern Ireland.  But I hope these blessings and sayings will keep Irish eyes smiling and laughing during any wedding celebration, wherever the festivities may be.

Read more: Harry and Meghan’s wedding will have nothing on an Irish hooley!

You may be in search of an Irish marriage prayer, an Irish wedding toast or inspiration for creating your own personal Irish wedding vow.

Or you may be father or mother of the bride-to-be, in need of a little help as you prepare a heartwarming and meaningful wedding speech. Or you may simply wish to honor your Irish heritage during a special wedding celebration.

Whatever you search for, I hope this selection of old Irish wisdom, prayers, blessings, and toasts will be helpful as you plan the Big Day. And so, without further ado, here’s a selection of my favorite Irish wedding blessings, some being slight variations of the same blessing.

“May the raindrops fall lightly on your brow

May the soft winds freshen your spirit

May the sunshine brighten your heart

May the burdens of the day rest lightly upon you

And may God enfold you in the mantle of His love.”

10

“May the raindrops fall lightly on your brow."


“May you have love that never ends,

lots of money, and lots of friends.

Health be yours, whatever you do,

and may God send many blessings to you!”

10

“May you have love that never ends, lots of money, and lots of friends."


“May the sun shine, all day long,

everything go right, and nothing wrong.

May those you love bring love back to you,

and may all the wishes you wish come true!

“May you always walk in sunshine.

May you never want for more.

May Irish angels rest their wings

Right beside your door.”

10

“May you always walk in sunshine."


“May your troubles be less,

And your blessings be more.

And nothing but happiness,

Come through your door.”


Read more: 
A guide to the perfect Celtic wedding


“With the first light of sun-

Bless you.

When the long day is done-

Bless you.

In your smiles and your tears-

Bless you.

Through each day of your years-

Bless you.”

10

"In your smiles and your tears - Bless you."


“May you both live as long as you want,

And never want as long as you live.”

“May you enjoy the four greatest blessings:

Honest work to occupy you.

A hearty appetite to sustain you.

A good woman to love you.

And a wink from the God above.”

~ Irish Words of Encouragement for the Groom

“May the embers from the open hearth warm your hands,

May the sun’s rays from the Irish sky warm your face,

May the children’s bright smiles warm your heart,

May the everlasting love I give you warm your soul.”

~ Irish Wedding Vow

10

"May the sun’s rays from the Irish sky warm your face."


“May the blessings of light be upon you,

Light without and light within.

And in all your comings and goings,

May you ever have a kindly greeting

From them you meet along the road.”

Read more: The top ten locations for that perfect Irish wedding

“Be you rich or poor, quick or slow,

May you know nothing but happiness

From this day forward.

And, may the joys of today

Be those of tomorrow.”

10

"May you know nothing but happiness."


“May you be poor in misfortune,

rich in blessings,

slow to make enemies,

quick to make friends.

But rich or poor,

quick or slow,

may you know nothing but happiness

from this day forward.”

“Bless you and yours,

As well as the cottage you live in.

May the roof overhead be well thatched

And those inside be well matched.”

10

"May the roof overhead be well thatched."


“May God be with you and bless you

May you see your children’s children

May you be poor in misfortunes and rich in blessings

May you know nothing but happiness

from this day forward.”

Read more:Derry groom and Irish dance crew wow at wedding reception

“By the power that Christ brought from heaven,

mayst thou love me.

As the sun follows its course,

mayst thou follow me.

As light to the eye,

as bread to the hungry,

as joy to the heart,

May thy presence be with me,

Oh one that I love,

`til death comes to part us asunder.”

10

"Heart to heart and hand to hand."


“May there be a generation of children

On the children of your children.”

“May your mornings bring joy and your evenings bring peace.

May your troubles grow few as your blessings increase.

May the saddest day of your future

Be no worse than the happiest day of your past.

May your hands be forever clasped in friendship

And your hearts joined forever in love.

Your lives are very special,

God has touched you in many ways.

May his blessings rest upon you

And fill all your coming days.”

10

"May your mornings bring joy and your evenings bring peace."


“We swear by peace and love to stand

Heart to heart and hand to hand.

Hark, O Spirit, and hear us now,

Confirming this our Sacred Vow.”

~ The Druid’s Prayer

“May the road rise to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

The rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

May the road rise to meet you

May the wind be always at your back

May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home

And may the hand of a friend always be near.

May green be the grass you walk on,

May blue be the skies above you,

May pure be the joys that surround you,

May true be the hearts that love you."

Read more: Irish wedding parties are not for the faint of heart

* Mairead Geary came to America for one year 20 years ago. She now lives with her husband and children in Kentucky and is proud to be an American citizen. Read more on her blog here.

Wedding blessings: Some are heartwarming, some witty but all sincerely express wishes of love and happiness for the lucky couple.iStock

Next time you're doing a wedding toast, check out these funny, happy In marriage do thou be wise: prefer the person before money virtue.

Funniest Marriage Advice and Quotes to Laugh Out Loud

funny wedding wisdom

If you've read our post on how to make a great best man speech, you'll know that we recommend starting with a joke, and today, we're sharing 23 foolproof examples! The beauty of this list is that it works for any wedding speech, whether you're a groom, bride, best man, bridesmaid, groomsman, bridesman, groomsmaid, father of the bride/groom, mother of the bride/groom, granny/grandad of the bride/groom or just a close pal with a knack for public speaking! Boasting everything from eyeroll-worthy classics to offbeat gags, our round-up of funny opening lines is sure to have something to suit your personal style - many of them can be customised to pack an even bigger punch on the day. Kick off with one of these gems, and you'll not only put the audience at ease, but you'll set yourself up for a terrific wedding speech. Good luck!

23 Funny Opening Lines for Wedding Speeches

Note: (name) can indicate yourself, the bride/groom, the couple as a whole, or another member of the bridal party.  

“Gosh, what an emotional day it’s been. Even the cake is in tiers.”

“Hi everyone! I’m (Name) and it’s time for me to give the speech I frantically scribbled down 15 minutes ago!”

"The couple have requested that I don't share any embarrassing stories... so that's it from me! Thanks for listening!"

"(Name), I love you so much, and I really hope you'll feel the same about me after you hear my speech."

"I just want to start by congratulating (previous speechgiver's Name) on their wonderful speech. I always knew it would be hard to follow and I was right, I couldn't follow a word of it."

"The couple actually had a bit of trouble finding someone to make a speech today. They started by asking their funniest friend, and they said no. Then they asked their most charming friend, and they said no. After that, they asked their best-looking friend and, again, they said no. Then they asked me, and, after already turning them down three times, I couldn't refuse again."

"Ladies and gentlemen, today we witnessed a unique event in history - it's the first and presumably last time anyone has trusted me to give a speech!"

"(Name) and I share the same sense of humour so if you don't like my jokes, you can blame them!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to celebrate something truly magical. Something so rare and fortuitous and wonderful that it simply must be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the open bar/donut wall/photo booth."

"Where do I start with (Name)? They're kind, intelligent, gorgeous, charming... (directed at them) sorry, I'm having trouble reading your writing, you'll have to tell me the rest later."

"I think we can all agree that it's been a fantastic day. But unfortunately that ends right here with my speech."

"Loyal. Kind. Honest. Generous... That's enough about me, I'm here to talk about (Name)!"

"I'd like to begin my speech by giving the happy couple some relationship advice, but unfortunately I'm single and spend most of my time trying to coax my cat into little outfits/browsing Doctor Who fan sites/playing Rock Paper Scissors with Alexa."

"A few months ago, (Name) called me up and asked, 'What are your feelings on marriage?' I had to tell them that, while I was very flattered, I wasn't ready to settle down just yet."

"Can everyone hear me OK? If you can't hear me in the back, the silence from the people at the front should reassure you that you're not missing anything."

"Hello everyone! I'm (Name). I'm sure you all know me as (Name's best friend/sister/mum/dad), but if you don't, well done on sneaking into the wedding unnoticed!"

"Before I begin, I must explain that, this morning, (Name) asked me to remove anything resembling innuendo from my speech. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to go through it again, but if I come across anything risqué, I'll whip it out immediately."

"(Name) knows that I'm a bit nervous about this speech, and they gave me some great advice. They said 'Don't try to be too charming, witty or intellectual... just be yourself!'"

"All of us gathered together in this room, we've got something really important in common - none of us have got a clue what I'm going to say next!"

"I was told that the secret to a good speech is to start with something that's relevant to everyone in the audience. So here it goes - all of your cars have been stolen."

"I want to start by saying that, of all the weddings I've attended over the years, this one is, by far, the most recent."

"I'd like to start by congratulating (Name) on their excellent taste in speechgivers."

"Before we start, can everybody do me a favour and get up off their seats? Now can everyone take one step backward, please? Now can everyone move one step to the right? And now can everyone move one step left? Thank you. Someone told me that the key to giving a good speech was to move people, but I think they must have been having me on, because this is going terribly!"

Featured image credit: Marc Lawson via One Fab Day

You've found your opening line - now what? Click over to this post for a handy checklist of people to thank in your wedding speech.

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Irish wedding blessings for a happy couple on their big day

funny wedding wisdom


Marriage Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old marriage quotes, marriage sayings, and marriage proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong admit it; Whenever you're right shut up.     

Ogden Nash

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing? she goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Henry Youngman

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.     

Evelyn Hendrickson

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

George Bernard Shaw

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, , it keeps you together untill you fall in again.

Judith Viorst

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

Mignon McLaughlin

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Hermant Joshi

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Henny Youngman

Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.     

Joseph Barth

A great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.     

Dave Meurer

Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.     

Zig Ziglar

Marriage is a mosaic you build with your spouse. Millions of tiny moments that create your love story.

Jennifer Smith

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.

Anne Taylor Fleming

The great secret of successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters.     

Harold George Nicolson

You've got one job. Come up with some funny wedding wishes for the card. We' ve got your back. Life is short; have some fun!.

Mother of the Bride Quotes – Poignant, Witty & Rather Wonderful

funny wedding wisdom

Funny marriage advice for newlyweds, funny marriage tips, advice geared towards men or advice for brides – all of these is guaranteed to get your wedding guests giggling and will help the wedding couple ease some pressure off them amidst all the wedding rigmarole. 

Marriage advice tends to be so serious.

Spending and building a life with someone should be taken seriously but like all things in life, there is a lighthearted and very humorous side to marriage. Funny marriage advice is actually more likely to click whether it is funny marriage advice for newlyweds, funny marriage tips, advice geared towards men or advice for brides.

Funny marriage advice for newlyweds

The newlywed stage is one of the best. Newlyweds haven’t had time to grow tired of each other, they still bother to look good for one another and quirks are still, “cute”. All kidding aside here is some helpful and funny marriage advice for newlyweds:

  1. Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight all night.
  2. This is fantastic advice because it is absurd! It will definitely help put things in perspective when that first post-marriage argument occurs. Most disagreements between spouses are about something trivial that was blown out of proportion.
  3. Marriage is an ‘As Is’ deal. Do not try to change your spouse, that’s as good as it gets.
  4. Always remember the three words, “Let’s go out.”
  5. Date night isn’t a thing of the past. Married couples that still date each other stay together. As a plus, these words may stop an argument or hide the fact that you forgot to make dinner like you promised.
  6. Leave the toilet seat down. Enough said.
  7. Women, don’t make a fuss if he does not cry. He just finds it hard to show that emotion.
  8. Don’t think he’s gross if he farts; it’s just going to happen a lot and you have to live with it. And don’t think she’s pathetic just because she obsesses about her skin or nail paint colors. That’s just how men and women are.

These funny marriage quotes for newlyweds will surely add spunk in the relationship and bring the couple closer to each other.

Humorous marriage advice for brides

Funny marriage advice for the bride is always a huge help. The ones below are sure to give you a good laugh:

  1. Beauty fades and so will his eyesight. There’s no sense worrying.
  2. Women want to look good for their spouses. Ideally, you want to look the same as you did on your wedding day. Thanks to his fading eyesight, you will! Whew. What a relief.
  3. Marriage is all about give and take. You give him something to eat and you take some time to yourself.
  4. Put the toilet seat up every once in a while. He may think that you are considering his needs but throwing some confusion into his normal pattern may reverse the bad habit.
  5. Make him something to eat. That will keep him quiet for a while.
  6. Keep your man comfortable and well-fed. Remember, a happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.
  7. You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves – ~ Toni Sciarra Poynter
  8. When you dress up, dress up for yourself but dress up for your husband too. And put on lipstick.
  9. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”- Ann Bancroft
  10. Finally, before you marry him, listen to him chew. If you can stand that noise for the rest of your life, then go ahead with the wedding.

It’s a good idea to make a woman read these quotes before her wedding day. These cute and funny pieces of advice for the bride will make her glow with glee.

Humorous marriage advice for grooms

All men appreciate a little humor and when it comes to marriage, the lighthearted the better. A few pieces of funny marriage advice for men include:

  1. When you have a project to get done, get your wife to do it for you. She does not have time to complain about you not spending time with her and better yet, she feels included. It’s a win-win! Of course, you shouldn’t really pass your work on to your wife but the thing to take away from this is inclusion.
  2. Secondly, the two best phrases to include in your vocabulary are, “I understand” and “You’re right”.
  3. Lastly, never lie about anything big but always lie about time. You want a 45 minute to an hour safety window if the two of you are going out. This will avoid making her feel rushed, ensures that your wife looks amazing and gives you time to relax.
  4. Talk to her and share your thoughts. Be best friends. She wants to hear your heart.
  5. She needs you to cheer her on. Let her know you believe she can take on the world.
  6. Say yes far more often than you say no.
  7. “If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.”- Sigmund Freud
  8. “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates
  9. Let her cry sometimes. She needs to.
  10. Find ways to say “I love you” that don’t involve sex.

These pieces of funny wedding advice will not only make the groom giggle but give him some wisdom to tread the path of marriage more carefully.

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Wise old words from Ireland abound, and Irish blessings and sayings for weddings are no exception. Some are heartwarming and tender, some.

funny wedding wisdom
Written by Vukora
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