My Wishes

Funny ass sex

  1. Home
  2. 1st Anniversary Wishes
  3. Funny ass sex
Funny ass sex
September 18, 2019 1st Anniversary Wishes No comments

Sex comedy funny german vintage 11. FunnyGermanVintage Funny Sex Gymnastics Vault. Funny. THIS IS IN AccidentAnalAssFunny. Teen Town 7 1: 33:28 Funny porn parody demonstrates how housewife has sex with milkman.

Ass munching. Salad Tossing. Kissing the Chocolate Starfish. Yes, we're talking about rimjobs and depending on the individual, he or she either loves doing it or having it done or thinks it is the absolute grossest sex act there is.

You can't really blame those backdoor naysayers because, well, as Amy Schumer says in "Milk, Milk, Lemonade," that is where your poop comes out. Because of that, there are all sorts of issues with rimjobs, some due to cleanliness and some due to illness. When ass eating goes good, it's great. But when it goes bad, it goes very, very bad.

Here are some of the worst ass-eating horror stories you'll ever read, as told to VICE contributors Brian Moylan, Justin Caffier, and Amber Bryce.

Slippery When Wet

I'd been seeing this girl sporadically and decided it'd be fun to have her over to fuck while I was house sitting for my boss. She came through, and we started having sex in the fancy master bedroom shower. We decide to do some anal while in the sterile confines of the shower, and after a little of that, she was getting sore. So I pull out, quickly rinse my dick off, and get on my knees to start rimming her to help her get into it and relax.

I don't know if it was the heat from the shower, the sudden shift in blood from having a stretched out asshole, or a mix of the two, but just a few seconds into my rimming, she starts going limp and falls hard on my nose. I'm quickly scrambling up to catch her and slipping around on the tile.

She's woozy and regaining consciousness when I drag her out, soaking wet, to the bed. She says that had never happened to her before, so it must've been a fluke. But in those 15 to 20 seconds, I feared the worst, like she'd had an aneurysm or something. Besides dealing with the tragic loss of life, how would I have explained that to my boss?Chuck, 29, Norfolk

Dutty Whine

When I was in high school, I was getting curious about kink, and suggested to my bf at the time that I rim him as a previous partner had introduced me to it. He was a little grossed out at first, but he took a shower and then figured out that he LOVED IT.

Well, two years down the road, we couldn't have sex without me paying attention to his ass somehow, because if I didn't he would lay on his back with his knees on his shoulders and WHINE AT ME until I gave in. This led to it being a huge turnoff for me in that relationship, especially when he became complacent and his asshole was dirty all of the time.

Many years later, I am with the guy who got me into it originally, and we have a grand old time doing almost anything imaginable with each other.... and he doesn't whine at me to suck his asshole like a little bitch.—Laura, 27

Ass STDs

I clearly remember the guy. He was in his 20s, blond, fit, very good-looking and very sexy. But there was something wrong with his skin color, though. I couldn't tell if his skin was yellow-grayish because of the poor light in the booth at the Universe Gym [a Parisian bathouse], or if there was something off with him.

His ass was totally sweet to eat, perky and bubbly. But a few days later, I started to feel super weak. Something was definitely wrong. I went to the doctor, and it took me an hour to walk 500 meters. I was so weak, and I had to stop walking every 30 seconds.

I did blood exams, and the result was Hepatitus A. I started to turn yellow and threw up everything I was trying to eat. After two weeks, I started to feel a little better, but my boyfriend at the time contracted it as well, most likely form eating my ass.

Apparently there's a delay between the time you contract the virus and the time you get sick. It took us six month to get over it. It was horrible. —Pierre, 42

Teepee on the Tongue

I almost never do butt stuff. I'm very poop-squeamish. But part of it might be related to a quasi-horror-story. The first rimjob I ever gave, I paused to pick a little something off my tongue, and it was a scrap of toilet paper, which just made the thing far too visceral, a reminder that my tongue was doing something he had done with toilet paper not long ago. I wonder if that is what ruined rimjobs for me forever. I also remember the first time I looked at my own butthole in a mirror, and it horrified and upset me. I don't like the idea of anyone looking at it ever. —Monica, 29

Fatty Flavors

The worst thing about eating ass is that sometimes on first lick there is a bit of a chemical taste—I think from the soap my boyfriend uses. —Laura, 27

Bacterial Booty

Back in my slutty days, I once took a guy home from a bar. He was a dancer and had the most beautiful ass I've ever seen. It was big and lightly covered in fur, and since I love eating an ass, I just had to get my mouth all over it. Everything seemed fine, and we had a great time. The next morning, I got up, got dressed, and went to get my haircut. While I was at the barber, I noticed I had like a pimple near my mouth, which was annoying, but whatever. Then, when I was done getting my haircut, there were two more. By the time I got home, there were little white bumps all around my mouth.

I went to the doctor two days later, and he told me I had a bacterial infection on my mouth, probably from eating out a dirty hole. He gave me some cream, and it went away in a few days.

The worst part, though, was before it went away, I went to a friend's house, and his roommate totally clocked me and said, "Is that a breakout from eating ass?" I don't know if I should be embarrassed that he knew or embarrassed for him that he'd had it too. —Julian, 39

The Brown Eye

I was licking the ass of my boyfriend at the time, and while that was happening, he suddenly ripped a big fart on me. He collapsed in a giggle fit while I was completely turned off and kinda pissed.

I didn't think much more of it until a few days later when I woke up with my eyes glued together with crust. My boyfriend had given me pinkeye from farting while I tossed his salad. I didn't break up with him over that, but it's no surprise we didn't last much longer. Steph, 24, Orange County

Skid Row

So the first time my high school gf and I tried anal play, we were drunk, and she really hadn't prepared too well. We were messing around late at night in the basement of her parents' house while they were asleep. It was a big enough house that they were far enough away and not likely to hear anything. We'd figured that out in the past.

So I start licking her butthole while rubbing her clit, and she's breathing heavy, and I think getting into it. Suddenly she says "Oh no!" and I feel a gritty wetness on the tip of my tongue. A millisecond later the taste hits me, and I start spitting and gagging and loudly saying, "What the fuck!" Apparently my licking had knocked loose some liquid feces somewhere deep in her bowels.

Her parents, fortunately, didn't hear my cries and come down. But there was a streak of brown on the tan suede couch we'd been messing around on, and despite our best efforts, the stain never came out. I remember noticing it every time I went over there. —Anthony, 27, Miami

No Warning

I had been partying for like a week straight. After drinking all the booze, I wanted to have all the sex. I talked to this really hot muscle guy who I had been chatting with on Grindr for months, and I finally went over his house to hook up.

We were making out, and I was feeling totally fine, and then he was fingering me, and then he was rimming me, and then all of the sudden he got up and ran really quickly into the bathroom. I heard hacking into the sink. I don't know if he was actually vomiting. I figured out what happened, and I was like, "Oh, no. Oh, no." I knew I pooped in his mouth. I just sat there. He came back in, and I was like, "Did what I think just happened really happen?" He said yes, and I was like "I'm going to go."

I went to the bathroom, and there was a whole bunch of poop back there. I didn't feel it happening. He was fingering me, and I think he churned it up. There was no warning. I didn't even have that farting feeling. It came out of nowhere. On the walk home, though, I was horribly sick and was running to my apartment because I had explosive diarrhea for the rest of the night.

Before I left, while I was getting dressed, I was trying to tell him that one day it would be really funny and a great story to tell, but I don't think he bought it. After all, I wasn't the one with poop in my mouth. — David, 32

The Tag Team Salad Toss

Many moons ago my good friend and I were out, and we met this really hot guy who was like a super cute surfer and had this amazing surfer kid vibe. We took him home to have a threesome, even though I didn't really ever hook up with this friend. The guy really wanted us to rim, but I was not into it, even though rimming is one of my favorite things in the world. Partly it was because it was my good friend, and we were just hooking up with each other to get to the hottie.

Anyway, he is like really into us rimming each other, so I fake rim my friend. I just put my face in his ass and make these crazy slurping, lip-smacking sounds while my friend is sucking the guy off. The guy totally calls me out and is like, "That sounds fake." Then I had to be quieter and really pretend. He eventually got up to watch cause he didn't believe me! So I had to rim my friend a little bit, but I had one of those "this is not sexy at all" looks, and I just transitioned to something else." —Aaron, 31

Dinner Date with a Nugget Muncher

One evening, I was online surfing craigslist ads. To my surprise and delight, there was a guy nearby who was looking. I was a bit skeptical because the pictures he sent were very attractive, and I reasoned that they were either grabbed from the internet or old. I arrived at his place, and he was exactly as he appeared in the pictures he sent, so my heart (and my cock) did a little jump for joy. Handsome face, hot body, and mischievous demeanor.

He asked me to make myself comfortable on his "rim chair." That gave me pause, because I was not fresh and clean in my nether regions, which I hastened to point out. He said that it would give him great pleasure to sniff and lick my ripe hole. What to do? I decided I would "broaden my horizons" by trying something new. Plus, did I mention that he was hot?

In truth, it wasn't a rim chair at all; it was two paint cans and a couple slats of wood. I had visions of the wood slats breaking and sending splinters into my ass and his face. I have to admit that he was very skilled with his tongue and it felt amazing. But a funny thing happens when you're being rimmed—the sphincter starts to relax. Unintentionally, I let out a few farts as I was riding his tongue, and it seemed like my gas encouraged him, and he was making little moans of pleasure while pumping his cock with his hand.

Distressingly, I felt the rumblings of a bowel movement deep in my gut, so I stood up to bring an end to the rim job. He was baffled, and I was slightly embarrassed to admit to him that I thought we should stop lest I accidentally poop on his face. He looked at me and said earnestly, "That wouldn't be a bad thing."

This sexy man wanted me to defecate on his beautiful face, and I was horrified—yet intrigued. I tried to decline, saying things like: "I'm not into scat," "I don't like the smell of shit." "This isn't very sanitary." Wordlessly, he led me back to the makeshift rim chair and sat me down, and he put a small towel around his neck, the way a hungry diner tucks a napkin into his collar.

The little circles he was making with his tongue were working magic and re-stimulated that strong urge to dump, so I let out some nuggets. The most unnerving thing was not shitting on a guy, but the fact that I could hear him chomping on my logs. The thought turned my stomach a bit, but somehow my dick was rock hard. Perhaps it was the visual stimulation of this really attractive man, or perhaps it was the pleasurable sensations he was sending through my body with his tongue—whatever it was, I started to relax and enjoy the experience, and I vividly recall riding his chin like I was at the rodeo.

There were a few times that shook me from my daze when he'd ask me to stop shitting so that he'd have time to chew, and it would reoccur to me that I was pooping on someone's face. But to his credit, he did not make a mess, and I never smelled anything. After we both nut, I sheepishly thanked him, put my clothes on, and skedaddled. He texted me a few times after that, but I did the ghosting thing and didn't reply. I think one time was plenty. —Dave, 27

218990 funny anal FREE videos found on XVIDEOS for this search. doggystyle sex bloopers Angel Rivas funny funny anal plop gape and smile.

Cheezburger

funny ass sex

Porn Niches

Friendly Sites

Porn Coil is the best porn tube around. We honestly think that this right here is the only porn tube worth visiting. Sure, you can talk about your xHamsters and whatever, but these websites don't have the same quality. There are countless videos and, hey, do you remember Sturgeon's law? 90% of everything is crap. That's not the case around here. We don't have bajillion videos here because we have a very strict quality control policy. In this introduction, we are going to discuss all the things that make our porn tube stand out. First off, there's variety. We have plenty of porn categories for you to explore. Honestly, we have all the popular ones and we have all the niche ones. Let's go over some of them to give you a good idea of what kind of content can you expect around here. The most popular category on our website is, unsurprisingly enough, teen porn. People love watching tight teen pussies getting gaped. People love watching first time anal porn videos and so forth. The second spot goes out to fisting. We have a very impressive selection of videos featuring hardcore fist-fucking. The third place belongs to black/ebony porn. In this category, you're gonna see black babes, BBCs, black-on-black action, and so forth – great opportunity to showcase some serious black excellence here. There's a category for all the mature hotties. There's a category for all petite girls. Stepmom porn is incredibly popular because who doesn't love a bit of taboo fun? The same could be said for daddy and sister categories that we have for you here. There are separate sections for big boobs porn, cuckold videos, BBW, funny, outdoors, sleeping porn (KINKY), Arab, lesbian sex, fucking with daughters, grannies, maids, you just name it. Our tube offers a nice mix of porn videos from big-name studios and XXX clips featuring amateur chicks. Some people love slick high-quality videos with great production value and big-name pornstars. Some love watching amateur chicks getting their non-professional pussies tenderized. There's something for everyone here, as far as that goes. We also have videos from indie pornstars and camgirls. They don't fall into either of the aforementioned categories, so we felt like pointing that out. Alright, now that you know that we have a great degree of diversity, let's talk about the quality. Most of the videos are available in HD. You don't have to pay extra to "unlock" that sort of quality, we ain't gonna bullshit you into giving us your money. That would've been just dumb. Anyway, so most videos were shot in HD, but some of the amateur clips stream in 480p. Don't worry, they are so hot that we chose to ignore the less-than-stellar quality. That should really tell you something. Obviously, this whole experience is free. You can check out any video without having to pay for anything. As mentioned before, there are no hidden fees or premium packages. You can access this amazing selection of porn right away. Adding to the list of things that make Porn Coil the best there is – daily updates. Day in and day out, we add new videos to our collection. We don't just mindlessly upload everything that looks hot enough. We still make sure that the videos are up to the quality/hotness standards. Our porn library is already huge, but it just keeps on growing. We also love exploring new genres and adding new porn categories, so you can expect the unexpected around these parts. We will try our best to surprise you. We will try our best to keep this fresh and varied. Alright, slowly but surely, we are running out of good things to say about our very own website. You can see that the design looks slick and straightforward. You can easily explore the library and the streaming speed itself is lightning-fast. That should be just enough to get you interested. If not – you can fuck right off. We've spent countless hours making sure that this whole experience is perfect for you, so have some respect. Of course, you can actually do us a favor. You can tell us which areas here require some improvement. There's no limit to perfection and we love hearing our audience's feedback. That's the only way we would know if this is actually perfect. You can take your time to gives some fresh ideas, tell us what you think works and what doesn't. Maybe you want to see a new design or maybe you want us to add a very special category catering to your incredibly specific fetish? We can do that. We just need to hear from you. One more thing – you should definitely add this page to your bookmarks. This is not a favor, we are doing this for your sake! You wouldn't want to miss something truly unmissable, would you? That's the reason why we are reminding you to keep tabs on this website right here. If you really-really wanna express your gratitude, then you should tell all your friends about this one, spread the good word. Alright, with no further ado, we want to thank you for visiting, thank you for reading this meandering introduction and thank you for sticking with us! We know you will.
farewell wishes for coworker
Good wishes quotes
wishes for new job role
Best wishes couple quotes and pictures
religious birthday wishes for sister in law
Wishing success sms
wishes for wedding day
Birthday wishes for special

Funny Porn Fails and Bloopers Compilation #4

funny ass sex

If you’re like most English learners, you’ve probably heard the word ASS used very frequently in English speaking songs, movies, and TV series.

In addition to its most common use (butt), you’ve probably even heard the curse word ASSHOLE, or seen people use LMAO (Laughing My ASS Off) in internet chat.

But did you know that ASS has a multitude of distinct uses that mean completely different things? Although you should definitely be very careful with all uses of this word, did you know that the use of this word is often not bad, but in fact it is often neutral or positive?

FREE E-book:101 Words You Won’t Learn in School

If you’ve had contact with English speaking pop-culture, you know that native speakers use the word ASS in many informal and social situations. Let’s face it, as English speakers, a good part of our English practice and use may take place in informal situations.

While it’s important to emphasize that we need to be careful with this word, but this does not mean we should ignore it.  If you close your mind to this important word and all of its meanings and never learn how native speakers use it, youwill miss so much!

Here’s a little joke that exemplifies just 7 of the major uses of ASS. The footnotes correspond to the definitions provided.

Life is all about ASS. You are either covering your ASS17, laughing your ASS off9, kicking ASS4, kissing ASS2, busting ASS10, trying to get to get a piece of ASS8, or behaving like an ASS1…. or…. you live with an ASS1.

1. ASS (n) [Butt]

The most common and literal definition of ass is a donkey, and then the human butt/buttocks (1). It is used in a very literal sense (fall on your ass), and sexually (that guy/girl has a nice ass).  It can also be a person who is being an inappropriate jerk (2). Neither of these are formal or polite, but their use is extremely common.

This definition of ASS is the root of many of the rest of these expressions, and although it is a moderately bad word, it’s everywhere in pop culture with varying degrees of appropriateness.

Example: (1) “He tried to kick the ball but missed and fell on his ass.” (2) “My friend drank too much and started acting like an ass (or making an ass out of himself)”

In Other Words: (1) Butt, Behind, Bottom, (2) Jerk, Jackass, Asshole

Appropriateness: (1) NOT offensive, (2) Disrespectful

2. ASShole (n) [Jerk]

The literal definition of asshole is anus(1), but it is most commonly used to call somebody a jerk(2) (a mean person). This is a bit disrespectful and a profane, but sometimes it is merited.

Asshole is more commonly used to describe men, while bitch is the female synonym of this (in most cases, bitch does not mean prostitute.) Read more about the word BITCH.

Example: (2) “The waiter was such an asshole that I decided not to leave a tip.”

In Other Words: (2) Jerk, douche (male), bitch (female)

Appropriateness: (1) dirty sexual word, (2) disrespectful

3. Kiss-ASS (n)/ ASS kisser (n) / Kiss ASS (adj)

To kiss somebody’s ass is a verb to describe someone who is complimenting/praising somebody in an exaggerated and undeservedway(1), while a kiss-ass or ass kisser is the person who does it(2). This is common in high school (but sometimes used in other contexts).

Example: (1)“The entire class thought that John only got a good grade in Math because he kissed the teacher’s ass all year.”

In Other Words: (especially in school): brown-noser (n) or teacher’s pet (n), suck-up (n), suck up to (vb)

Appropriateness: (1) offensive in a formal environment (not with your friends)

4. “Kiss my ASS!”

A disrespectful thing to say to someone you are angry at and don’t want to communicate with. This is different than kissing ass (#3).

Example: An aggressive driver who is angry at another car might yell kiss my ass out the window.

In Other Words:Fuck off (stronger), Screw you, Go to hell

Appropriateness: Very disrespectful, offensive and profane

5. JackASS (n)

Literally the cousin of a donkey (1), but it is commonly used to describe somebody who is a complete idiot or a fool with little common sense (2). There is a little bit of overlap with asshole too. There is a famous movie series with this name about a few guys who do stupid stuff and hurt themselves.

Example: “I hate it when a good party is ruined by somebody being a jackass.”

In Other Words: Idiot, Fool

Appropriateness: Disrespectful, but can be used amongst friends

*6. Kick ASS (vb) / KickASS (adj)

To kick somebody’s ass (vb) is to beat them at something by a lot or hurt them (1), while to kick ass just means to be awesome or successful (2) to describe someone or something as kickass (adj) is to say that it is awesome.

Example: (1) “I can kick your ass in bowling,” or “How dare you touch my girlfriend. I’m going to kick your ass” (2) “That was a kickass movie.”

Synonyms: Awesome, Cool, Impressive, Kick BUTT

Appropriateness: These are informal, but they are not offensive or profane.

*7. BadASS (n + adj)

Similar to kickass, badass is a noun and adjective used to describe something that is awesome(1), but the connotation here is a bit more heroic, admirable, and a bit of dark justice. The word badass is actually quite positive in a dark, macho way.

As a noun, a typical badass would be an action movie character like Vin Diesel in Fast and the Furious, Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator, or even Liam Neeson in Taken. A Common collocation for exactly this use is the acronym B.A.M.F. (Bad Ass Mother Fucker).

Example: (adj) “Neymar is a badass soccer player” or “He speaks 9 languages. What a badass!”

In Other Words: fearless, intrepid, bitchin’

Appropriateness: Informal, but not offensive or profane.

*8. Get some ASS (phrasal verb)/ a Piece of ASS (n)

Get some assis to hook up or to have sex. It’s usually used by men (although not always), and is talked about as an achievement. It’s often shortened to “Get some.” Get a piece of ass is a bit more of an objectification of the person providing the sexual experience (again, commonly used by men).

Example: (vb) “The only reason a lot of people go out is to get some ass.”

In Other Words: to have sex, to get laid, to have sexual intercourse (literally).

Appropriateness: Informal and common amongst men and/or friends talking about sex.

*9. LMAO (Laughing my ASS Off)

The common textspeak (internet/digital acronym) term to describe laugher. Given the fact that the original term for it, LOL (laugh out loud), lost its power with time and overuse, LMAO and LMFAO (Laughing My Fucking Ass Off) became popular for sincere humor.  [verb] + your ass off is a common generative formation that is used with other verbs too:

  • Ex: “I worked my ass off last week to pay rent.”
  • Ex: “I studied my ass off to pass the test.”
  • Ex: “I laughed my ass off when he fell on his ass.”

In Other Words: LMAO– lol, laughing hard / [verb] + your ass off – a lot, very much

Appropriateness: The acronym LMAO is informal and non-offensive textspeak, while the construction “_________my ASS off” is informal and non-offensive amongst friends.

*10. Bust my ASS (vb) / Bust or Rip ASS (vb)

(1) to bust your ass is to work very hard (2) to bust or rip ass is to fart (to flatulate), but generally in a loud and probably embarrassing way.

Example: (1) “I busted my ass studying for that test.”  (2) “he busted ass in front of the whole class.”

In Other Words: (1) work hard, work your ass off, Bust your BUTT, (2) fart, flatulate

Appropriateness: (1) informal and non-offensive/non-profane, (2) informal and distasteful/profane

11. DumbASS (n)

Somebody who is not intelligent or is acting like an idiot. The implication is foolishness, but depending on the tone and the context, it is often used interchangeably with jackass or ass. Its use is clearly disrespectful.

  • You act like a dumbass/ are a dumbass
  • That was a dumbass move to call the police officer a jerk.

Example: “He never pays his debts. Only a dumbass would loan him money.”

In Other Words: idiot, fool, jackass

Appropriateness: Informal and disrespectful.

12. LazyASS (n)

Somebody who is very lazy and never does anything productive. Like most other languages, the word lazy has no official noun attached to it, so the rich English language had to compensate.

Example: “He just stays home watching TV like a true lazyass.”

In Other Words: good-for-nothing, slacker, couch potato

Appropriateness: Informal and not necessarily offensive.

13. Drag ASS (vb)

To do something when you’re tired and without energy to do it. It is most commonly used in the present continuous as Dragging Ass. Think about somebody who is walking with their ass literally dragging on the ground.

Example: “I’ve been dragging ass all day because I didn’t sleep last night”

In Other Words: drag one’s feet, drag around, do something inefficiently

Appropriateness: Informal and not usually offensive.

14. Half-ASS (vb) + (adj)

To do something with less (or far less) than your best effort.  You don’t care that much about quality or attention to detail, you do it mechanically, and the result reflects this poor performance.

Example: (adj) “Don’t do a half-ass job with your English.”  (vb) “she half-assed the homework assignment and only got 65% on it.”

In Other Words: (adj) incompetent, inadequate (vb) do something without care or effort

Appropriateness: Informal and depending on the tone, it’s not inherently disrespectful.

15. “Your ASS is Grass (And I’m going to Mow it)”

A poetic, childish, and sometimes playful way to threaten somebody saying “I am going to get you.” Basically, you are going to be dead because your ass (you) is going to turn into grass when you are dead because I’m going to kill you (and then the “I’m going to mow the grass with a lawnmower). Kids used to say this all the time and you’ll probably see references to this in pop culture, like this one.

In Other Words: I’m going to get you/ I’m going to hurt you

Appropriateness: It can be threatening or playful, it’s a traditional slang expression for kids.

16. Put Your ASS On the Line

To risk yourself for another person or thing. Your ass is a way to say yourself.

Example from How I Met Your Mother (Marshall): “I put my ass and probably other parts of my body on the line to come here and party with my bro.” Learn English with How I Met Your Mother!

In Other Words: Risk everything, Put your BUTT on the line (less severe)

Appropriateness: Common in an important situation (informal), inoffensive

17. Cover Your ASS 

To protect yourself or someone else or getting into trouble in a problematic situation (protect yourself from risk), usually within an organization or something related to the law.

  • CYA = Cover Your Ass
  • CYOA = Cover Your Own Ass

Example: The police officer didn’t want to fill out the report. He only did it to cover his ass so he wouldn’t get in trouble later.

In Other Words: Take precautions, to cover one thing over another to avoid blame/risk.

Appropriateness: A variety of situations, inoffensive.

18. HardASS (n)

A person who is strict and reinforces rules and regulations in an inflexible way.

Example: He lost his job because he had a bad habit of showing up a few minutes late every day and his boss was a hardass.

In Other Words: strict, stringent

Appropriateness: Okay amongst friends, moderately offensive.

19.Head up Your ASS

“To have your head up your ASS” is a very disrespectful way to say that somebody is oblivious to the situation. You can also tell somebody to stick (put) their head up somebody’s ass, which is basically like Fuck Off or Kiss My Ass. Here’s an examplefrom the movie Scarface:

In Other Words: Oblivious

Appropriateness: Very disrespectful and offensive

20.Thumb up your ASS

To “have your thumb up your ASS” is a very disrespectful expression to describe someone who is sitting around doing nothing when they should be doing something.

Example: “Stop sitting around with your thumb up your ass and get to work.”

In Other Words: wasting time, dilly dallying

Appropriateness:  Very disrespectful and offensive

21. “My ASS!”

What somebody says to something they disagree with or something difficult to believe.

Example: If somebody tells them that you owe them money but you don’t believe it, “My ass I owe you money. I already paid you.”

In Other Words: “What are you talking about?”, “That’s not true”

Appropriateness: Very disrespectful and offensive, although it is sometimes said jokingly

22. Open (up) a Can of Whoop Ass! 

A very common line used in modern pop-culture to playfully describe that you’re going to beat somebody up (fight with them and win)

Example:  “Don’t make me open up a can of whoop-ass on you.”

In Other Words: To hurt somebody

Appropriateness: Playful and usually used in jokes amongst friends

23. Looks/Tastes like ASS

A very vulgar way to say that something is very distasteful/not very attractive in looks or taste.

Example: “I don’t like eating at McDonalds because it tastes like ass.”

In Other Words:  smells/tastes horrible

Appropriateness: Profane, distasteful, offensive

24. Take it up the ASS

This can mean literally to have somebody perform anal sex on you, or figuratively it means that you are getting a bad deal and somebody (probably an asshole-jerk) is probably taking advantage of you.

Example:  “He switched phone companies because he was tired of taking it up the ass with unfair charges and phone calls he didn’t make.”

In Other Words: Get bent over, Get screwed, Get taken advantage of

Appropriateness: Profane, distasteful, offensive

25. Talk out of your ASS

To talk about something without really knowing what you’re talking about.

Example: “Everything he said was untrue. He was talking out of his ass.”

In Other Words: Talk nonsense

Appropriateness: Common amongst friends

26. “What’s up his ASS?”

A very vulgar way to ask “what’s wrong” with someone who is being a jerk.

Example: After somebody you know treats you disrespectfully, “What’s up his ass? He’s acting like a jerk today.”

In Other Words:  What’s wrong with him? (People also say “What crawled up his/her ass and died).

Appropriateness: Profane, distasteful, vulgar

27. On your ASS/riding your ASS

When someone is giving you trouble and not giving you enough space. This can happen with your boss at work, who is on your ass for showing up late, or in the car on your highway with the car behind you who is on your ass driving very close to you.

Example: “She (the boss) has been riding my ass all week about this project.”

In Other Words: on my case, giving (you/me) a hard time

Appropriateness: Common amongst friends

28. Get Your ASS in Gear

A strong way to tell somebody to get going or to start to be productive on something.

Example: “He’s been really lazy lately. If he doesn’t get his ass in gear he’s going to lose his job.”

In Other Words: rapidly improve effort and performance

Appropriateness: Common amongst friends, depending on the tone it can be disrespectful if you say it to somebody in authority.

29. Get Your ASS out of here

A strong way to tell somebody to leave.

Example: “You better get your ass out of here or I’m calling the police,” or as a warning: “Get your ass out of here. The principal is coming.”

In Other Words: To leave promptly

Appropriateness: Profanity, it is generally disrespectful.

30. Your ASS is Mine

A very imposing way to say that you belong to me, or you are under my control, often implying that you will face consequences for something.This is also a way to tell someone that you caught them.

Example: As the guard gave the new prisoner a tour of the prison, he said “Outside you were free. Now your ass is mine.” Or, your strict teacher catches you cheating on another English test, saying, “your ass is mine, you’re expelled.”

In Other Words: You belong to me. I have control over your life and actions.

Appropriateness: Profanity, it is a threat.

31. Blow Smoke Up Your ASS

To knowingly deceive somebody with a story or information that’s not true, often jokingly.

Example: (After telling a long and elaborate story about something that happened) “No, none of that’s true. I’m just blowing smoke up your ass.”

In Other Words: I’m playing around with you/ joking, telling a fib/lie

Appropriateness: Moderately profane, often friendly.

32. I Don’t Give a Rat’s ASS

To not care about something at all, to express complete apathy over something

Example:I don’t give a rats ass what grade I get as long as I pass the class

In Other Words: I don’t give a care, I don’t give a damn, I couldn’t care less, I don’t care

Appropriateness: Profane, Strong

33. Pain in the ASS

Something or somebody that is extremely annoying, that causes trouble, that is a source of unhappiness

Example: I bought the pool thinking it was going to be fun, but then it became a pain in the ass when I realized I had to clean it.

In Other Words: A pain in the neck, annoying, troublesome

Appropriateness: Moderate to Strong profanity

34. SmartASS

Somebody who is sarcastic in an exaggerated and moderately challenging or rude way.

Example: A teacher asks his student where his homework is and the student responds in a moderately aggressive way, “My dog ate it.” The student would be a smartass.

In Other Words: Flip, facetious, smart-alecky, smarty pants

Appropriateness: Moderately inappropriate to disrespectful, depending on the situation. Fine amongst friends in a joking way.

ASS is Everywhere!

As you can see, there are LOTS of expressions with the word ASS, and they can mean good things or bad things and everything in between.  While you don’t have to use them in your speech (and if you ever do you should be very careful), these words and sayings are a big part of English speaking pop-culture.

If you enjoyed what you read and would like to be part of the “inner circle,” with exclusive RealLife News, invites to parties, and free presents, we recommend that you join our FREE newsletter. Have a great day!

Return to Top Articles

Posted in Bad Words, Blog, Cultural Reflections, fun english, slang

The latest Tweets from Ass For Fun (@Assforfun). 18+Only!!! I am a male who loves the female Ass, and even more a woman who has fun w/ it! #ass4fun #anal .

Recommended Categories For You

funny ass sex

If you're new here, you may want to get my discreet newsletter to learn how to make him sexually obsessed with you and only you. Click here to get it. It's free. It's discreet. It's 100% private.

Use the arrows to find more wild & crazy sex positions

Each of these 13 crazy sex positions will completely spice up your sex life, but don’t expect them to be easy!

Note from Sean: Bear in mind that just because these are unique, uncommon and sometimes weird sex positions, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they provide more pleasure than the most common position you may be already using. In other words, crazy does not always equal better. You can find all the other regular sex positions here.

Ok, let’s jump in and learn some crazy, interesting and creative sex positions that you can use to keep things fresh.

1. Bridge

The Bridge is a advanced sex position that requires a strong core, hip flexors, shoulders and arms if you want to perform it from more than a few seconds.

2. X Marks The Spot

X Marks the Spot can be a pretty intense sex position as your man will be penetrating you at an angle that hits your G Spot.

3. Brute

As you can see from the illustration above, the Brute is one of those freaky sex positions that can almost be dangerous to attempt…especially for your man.

4. Bended Knee

If you ever feel the need to open up and stretch your hips, then you may want to try the slightly weird sex position that is the Bended Knee.

5. Octopus

Of all these kinky sex positions, the Octopus requires the most flexibility. But if you have the required “bendiness” and abdominal strength, then you will thoroughly enjoy the eye contact the you get from this one.

6. Pretzel

The pretzel is one of those slightly unusual sex positions that is surprisingly easy to perform and great for changing things up

7. Down Stroke

If you are looking for a wild sex position that hits your G Spot, then you’ll adore the Down Stroke. It’s pretty insane and requires considerable strength from your man, but it can be a lot of fun. He also needs to make sure not to “drop” you and instead lower you onto the ground when he gets tired.

8. Helicopter

The Helicopter is one of those strange and and difficult sex positions that requires your man to have a high degree of penile flexibility. I can’t guarantee that it will be a lot of fun for your man, but if he can pull it off, then you’ll get to experience lots of G Spot stimulation.

9. Wheelbarrow

The Wheelbarrow is a pretty odd, but funny sex position that again requires lots of strength from your man.

10. Tug of Love

If you are looking for a nasty sex position that gets both your and your man’s pulse racing, then you’ll enjoy the Tug of Love. It’s also great if you want to stretch out your groin.

11. Irish Garden

The Irish Garden can be a very dirty sex position and highly enjoyable for your man if you like to put on a show. Once you’re in position, focus on moving your hips and getting your bum to bounce up and down to make it even more exciting and visually appealing for your man (basically, you’ll be twerking).

12. Chair Riding

Chair Riding may be a bizarre sex position for some people as it’s hard to do for prolonged periods of time without your man slipping out, but it’s a great way to try something new with him.

13. Book Ends

As crazy sex positions go, the Book Ends certainly doesn’t look that kinky or freaky, but it does make for some incredibly intimate sex and is well worth trying with your man.

If you don’t see any of the crazy or weird sex positions that you enjoy, please let others know about them in the comments section! Otherwise, check out the main sex positions guide to learn over 100 more positions you can try with your man.

Watch This: Blow Job Tutorial Video

I put together this in-depth, step-by-step instructional video that will teach you how to make your man sexually addicted to you and only you. It contains a number of oral sex techniques that will give your man full-body, shaking orgasms. If you're interested in learning these techniques to keep your man addicted and deeply devoted to you as well as having a lot more fun in the bedroom, then you may want to check out the video. You can watch it by clicking here.

My most powerful sex tricks and tips aren't on this site. If you want to access them and give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually obsessed with you, then you can learn these secret sex techniques in my private and discreet newsletter. You'll also learn the 5 dangerous mistakes that will ruin your sex life and relationship. Get it here.

WATCH THE VIDEO ON THEME: Funny indian videos - Funny girls videos - Funny girls Comedy whatsapp Videos 2018 Latest

Fap to the hottest funny porn videos! Watch hot dirty whores have funny sex on camera! First time ass-fuck Reside fuck upload Snapchat: PornZoe2525. 264.

funny ass sex
Written by Faukinos
Write a comment