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Funniest christmas wishes ever

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Funniest christmas wishes ever
January 24, 2019 1st Anniversary Wishes No comments

Share this on WhatsAppIf you want to send some good Funny christmas wishes to your friends and loved ones this Christmas, you've come at the [ ].

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Across the world, people are putting up their Christmas trees, hanging their Christmas decorations and writing Christmas cards to their family and friends. If you’re looking for a way to spread joy to your loved ones this holiday season, these Christmas quotes are perfect for you.

We’ve gathered the best Merry Christmas greetings that celebrate everything about this special season. There are funny Merry Christmas quotes to make your loved ones chuckle. As well as joyful and inspirational Christmas wishes that will warm your loved ones’ hearts. Once you’ve found a quote that you like, add your Christmas message to a personalized Christmas gift, like a mug, blanket or candle.

Classic Christmas Wishes

Classic Christmas wishes capture the overall essence of the holidays. They are straightforward and make great Merry Christmas wishes for family, friends and acquaintances too.

  • “Christmas will always be as long as we stand heart to heart and hand in hand.”—Dr. Seuss
  • “A silent night, a star above, a blessed gift of hope and love. A blessed Christmas to you!”—Unknown
  • “Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.”—Charles M. Schulz
  • “We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. Good tidings we bring to you and your kin; We wish you a merry Christmas, and a happy New Year!”—"We Wish you a Merry Christmas"
  • “Christmas is a day of meaning and traditions, a special day spent in the warm circle of family and friends.”—Margaret Thatcher
  • “He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.”—Roy L. Smith
  • “Have yourself a merry little Christmas, let your heart be light. From now on, our troubles will be out of sight.”—Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane
  • “The way you spend Christmas is far more important than how much.”—Henry David Thoreau
  • “Christmas is built upon a beautiful and intentional paradox; that the birth of the homeless should be celebrated in every home.”—G.K Chesterton
  • “Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.”—Mo Rocca
  • “The spirit of Christmas fulfills the greatest hunger of mankind.”—Loring A. Schuler
  • “The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value.”—Charles Dudley Warner
  • “Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.”—Calvin Coolidge
  • “Christmas is a season for kindling the fire for hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.”—Washington Irving
  • “Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every day.”—Helen Steiner Rice
  • “At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year.”—Thomas Tusser
  • “There seems a magic in the very name of Christmas.”—Charles Dickens
  • “It's the most wonderful time of the year. There'll be much mistletoeing and hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near. It's the most wonderful time of the year.”—Eddie Pola and George Wyle
  • “I heard the bells on Christmas Day, their old, familiar carols play. And wild and sweet, the words repeat, of peace on earth, good-will to men!”—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
  • “Fine old Christmas, with the snowy hair and ruddy face, had done his duty that year in the noblest fashion, and had set off his rich gifts of warmth and color with all the heightening contrast of frost and snow.”—George Eliot
  • “At Christmas, all roads lead home.”—Marjorie Holmes
  • “Mankind is a great, an immense family… This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas.”—Pope John Paul XXIII
  • “Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.”—Charles M. Schulz
  • “Teacher says every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.”—"It's a Wonderful Life"

Funny Christmas Wishes

A funny Christmas wish will make your holiday card stand out — not to mention, bring a smile to the recipient’s face. Get as ‘punny’ or as witty as you like with funny Christmas messages.

  • “A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”—Garrison Keillor
  • “One of the nice things about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with a present.”—Unknown
  • “Nothing says holiday like a cheese log.”—Ellen DeGeneres
  • “Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men and Batteries not Included.”—Unknown
  • “There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.”—Bob Phillips
  • “Do give books”—religious or otherwise
  • “Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”—Dave Barry

Sentimental Christmas Wishes

There is something so special about the holidays — a sight, sound or scent can quickly bring us back to some of our best memories. These sentimental wishes will ignite that same effect.

  • “May you have the gladness of Christmas which is hope; The spirit of Christmas which is peace; The heart of Christmas which is love.”—Ada V. Hendricks
  • “Let the spirit of love gently fill our hearts and homes. In this loveliest of seasons may you find many reasons for happiness.”—Unknown
  • “My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others.”—Bob Hope
  • “It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.”—W.T. Ellis
  • “This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone.”—Taylor Caldwell
  • “What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal and that every path may lead to peace.”—Agnes M. Pharo
  • Like snowflakes, my Christmas memories gather and dance—each beautiful, unique and too soon gone.
  • “Christmas is sights, especially the sights of Christmas reflected in the eyes of a child.”—William Saroyan
  • “There are no strangers on Christmas Eve.”—Adele Comandini

These hilarious Christmas card sayings and quotes are guaranteed to make You can find even more humorous ideas in our list of short Christmas greetings.

Homemade Gifts Made Easy

funniest christmas wishes ever

Find something different to write in a Christmas card this year and browse our unique Christmas message ideas. We’ve consulted the card experts here at HQ and done some research around the globe, to leave you with a list of great ideas you can steal as if they’re your own. Whether you’re writing one card or 50 cards, you’ll find a range of quotes and things to write for all types of people.

Simple Festive Message Ideas

  1. Wishing you a wonderful Christmas and happy holidays.
  2. Have a very merry Christmas and a happy new year!
  3. Wishing you all the best that a holiday could offer.
  4. May your Christmas season be filled with happiness and laughter!
  5. Merry Christmas and best wishes for the new year ahead.
  6. Wishing you peace, love and laughter this holiday season.
  7. Have a lovely Christmas and a fantastic new year!
  8. I hope your Christmas will be filled with lots of love and happiness… and even more presents!
  9. Happy Christmas! Merry wishes and Santa kisses!
  10. Have yourself a very merry Christmas… and an amazingly awesome new year!

Funny Christmas Messages

  1. Christmas is a good excuse to send cards to all my favourite people. Congratulations on retaining your position on my list this year.
  2. I don’t usually write Christmas cards, but when I do, I usually write the same thing in all of them. Happy Christmas!
  3. I’m writing a unique and personal message in each of my Christmas cards this year. So for you, I’d like to say: Whoever you are, merry Christmas to my friend/family member who is really special.
  4. I would write something funny to wish you a merry Christmas, but there are some things that you just don’t joke about.
  5. May your fun be large and bills be small this year. Merry Christmas!
  6. I put so much thought into your gift that it’s now too late to get it and/or sold out. Merry Christmas anyways!
  7. Get your fat pants ready, it’s Christmas.
  8. Don we now our ugly sweaters. It’s Christmas time!
  9. Merry drunk! I’m am so Christmas!
  10. Happy Christmas. May you never be too grown-up to search the skies on Christmas eve.
  11. Have a very merry Christmas and remember Christmas calories don’t count…
  12. Happy Jesus’s birthday day!
  13. Here’s wishing your stockings are filled with something other than coal.
  14. Merry Christmas and all that other fun stuff.
  15. Santa saw your Facebook – you’re getting a dictionary this year!

Thoughtful Things to Say

  1. Here’s hoping you have a wonderful Christmas filled with moments you’ll always remember.
  2. May this festive season sparkle and shine and all of your wishes come true. I hope you feel the happiness all year round. Merry Christmas!
  3. I hope you have your best Christmas yet and look forward to catching up with you soon.
  4. May your days be bright and all your Christmases be white!
  5. Here’s to the spirit of Christmas bringing joy to your heart and happiness to your home.
  6. Wishing you and your loved ones peace, health, happiness, and prosperity in the coming New Year.
  7. May this Christmas end the present year on a cheerful note and make way for a fresh and bright New Year. Here’s wishing you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!
  8. It’s the time of year for cakes, carols, laughter, reindeer, and most importantly – love. Merry Christmas.

Rude/Offensive Christmas Ideas

  1. He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good, so you my friend – are SCREWED!
  2. There’s room for everyone on the nice list. Except for you, you’re a w***er.
  3. To do list: B̶u̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶d̶i̶o̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶C̶h̶r̶i̶s̶t̶m̶a̶s̶ ̶c̶a̶r̶d̶.
  4. Merry p***ed-mas!
  5. A tree died so you could have this Christmas card – I hope you’re proud of yourself.
  6. I’ve asked Santa for a big fat bank account and a slim body for you… I hope he doesn’t mix them up like he did last year!
  7. Treat yourself this year… because I sure as hell didn’t get you anything.
  8. May your bells jingle all the way, whatever that means? Anyway, Merry Christmas!

Messages for Partner

  1. If a fat man puts you in a bag tonight don’t worry, I told Santa I want you for Christmas.
  2. Can I please have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
  3. Meet me under the mistletoe!
  4. For me, the Christmas season starts when we get together. Looking forward to talking and catching up soon.
  5. Happy Christmas – to my favourite husband/wife.
  6. You’re the best part of Christmas to me.
  7. Here’s to a wonderful Christmas together!

Things to Say for Family

  1. Wishing you and your family a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year.
  2. Merry Christmas! We’re looking forward to a new year of creating happy memories together.
  3. I couldn’t hope for more at Christmas than a holiday surrounded by the family I love.
  4. Oh what fun, Christmas season has begun! May your blessings astound you and family surround you. Merry Christmas and happy New Year!
  5. Family is what Christmas is all about. So grateful for you!
  6. This time of year, I’m especially grateful for family like you.
  7. Our family is so lucky to have you in it. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas!

Christmas Quotes and Puns

  1. Keep Calm and jingle all the way.
  2. Christmas is a time when everyone wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
  3. At Christmas play and make good cheer, For Christmas comes but once a year.
  4. Christmas is Claus for celebration!
  5. “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear” – Buddy the Elf.
  6. “Merry Christmas you cotton headed ninny muggins” – Buddy the Elf.
  7. “Money’s scarce, Times are hard, Here’s your f***ing Xmas card” – Phyllis Diller.
  8. “You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights” – Maya Angelou.
  9. You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.

For more idea visit our range of Christmas cards or check out our unique Christmas gifts.

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Here's What to Write in a Christmas Card This Year

funniest christmas wishes ever

Are you always stuck on ideas for what to write inside your Christmas cards? We’re the same!

Whether you’re sending a Christmas card out to a load of work colleagues or maybe it’s a special Christmas card for a family member or loved one? Either way, we always purchase a card and then sit there blank minded trying to think of something nice (or horrible) to write inside…

We hope that this Christmas you will be writing something amusing to your recipients instead of something vulgar… Although, something a little rude won’t take things too far…

We all struggle with our Christmas messages, so we thought we would bring together a nice list of some of the best messages you can put in a Christmas card.

Why don’t we start off with the classics?

  • Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
  • Wishing you a wonderful Christmas and happy holidays. (and lots of presents)
  • Hoping you can feel love, joy, and peace this Christmas season.
  • Happy Christmas
  • Merry Christmas with lots of love.
  • The [insert name here] family wishes you and all those close to you a joyous holiday season and a new year filled with happiness

You might be looking at all of these thinking “I have read these messages a hundred times over…”

Exactly, these are considered the boring and generic Christmas wishes. These types of messages make you completely skip the reading just to find out who’s stuffed £10 in the card (if the money didn’t already distract you).

This year we want you guys to be writing the funniest Christmas messages your recipient has ever seen! Make sure they are different and absolutely hilarious!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re going to buy one of our funny Christmas cards, we expect you’ll want the message to be as funny as the card? Why don’t you try a couple of these crackers…?

  • I would say all I want for Christmas is YOU but, I could really do with some money
  • For Christmas, I got you pants with an elastic waistline that you can wear through January. You’re welcome.
  • Christmas is supposed to be a happy time of the year. How can I be happy when I have spent all my money on presents for you?
  • People Say Santa isn’t real, where is the proof that he isn’t?
  • So, it’s Christmas again, another extended holiday to drink as much as you can without worrying about going to work and other things that need your sober attention.
  • I’m trying something new this Christmas. I’m going to wrap myself up and sleep under the Christmas tree, so you’ll finally understand what a gift I am to you.
  • I hope the holidays find you in good spirits! And by spirits, I do mean alcohol.
  • If I had to between you and Santa. I’d probably choose you, only for the fact that it’s extremely weird how some old guy breaks into my house to give me gifts. If he wasn’t old, I’d choose him…

There are some hilarious Christmas wishes you could stick in your Christmas card this year. If you do want to write a nice Christmas message but still include something funny in the card somewhere, why not include a joke?

Get your recipient laughing. If they haven’t already cracked up from the card itself.

Here are a few Christmas jokes you could include to liven it up…

  • What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
  • Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
  • Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A Mince Spy.
  • What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? RUDEolph.
  • What do you call a singing elf with sideburns? Elfis.

Those are some classic Christmas cracker style jokes you could include in your Christmas cards to get your recipient giggling. All of our Christmas jokes & messages have been pretty PG so far. How about we show you some Rude Christmas jokes & messages? We’ll throw in some of our really rude Christmas cards too…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As for rude Christmas messages let’s go with some offensive ones;

  • Happy Christmas you CUNT/TWAT/SHITFACE/DICKHEAD etc. Let your imagination go wild with this one. Just insert any offensive word after Happy Christmas
  • I hope you get fuck all this Christmas because you don’t deserve anything nice
  • You can’t use Christmas as an excuse for your weight gain because you’re already a fat fuck
  • Sorry your present is shit, I spent all my money on alcohol
  • Santa comes once a year, just like you
  • I hate this day, I only got you a fucking card because you always get me one

If you like those, then you probably have the same sense of humour as us. Although, please be careful what you write to certain people. They may take it very badly. You wouldn’t want to spoil their Christmas.

We’ll end this blog post with a few despicable Christmas jokes. If you see one you like, do not repeat it to your Grandparents or ANY children!

  • Why does Mrs Claus always pray for a white Christmas? Because she is married to a guy who comes once a year.
  •  How does Santa stay STD free? His motto is –  Always Wrap your package before you shove it down a chimney
  • What’s the difference between male & female Snow people? The Snowmen have snowballs
  • Why does Santa go to strip clubs? To visit all his ho ho ho’s

Remember, we have a handwritten card service that helps provide cards & laughs across the land! If you choose the ‘+ Handwrite & Send My Card’ link which is next to every eligible item on its individual listing page you’ll be using our Handwritten Card Service. In the box, you can specify the text you wish us to write in the card you’re buying before adding it to your basket and then we’ll neatly write the card and send it directly to the recipient for you!

We hope you get us writing some belly tickling messages in our handwritten orders!

Our Handwritten card service is extremely useful for if you are running late and wouldn’t have time to write and send the card yourself.

We have hundreds of funny Christmas cards and Rude Christmas cards to match you Christmas messages. Make sure you have a scroll through our wide range.

Until next time!

Comments

comments

Dec 8, 2015 50 Great ideas for Merry Christmas wishes and messages for your family and friends. Wish them Merry Funny Christmas Card Messages.

Christmas Card Messages & Jokes

funniest christmas wishes ever

love to watch my Christmas tree,
It blinks and sparkles bright.
So many colours of Christmas time,
It sure is a Christmas delight.

Julie Hebert

Christmas is forever,
Not for just one day.
For loving, sharing, giving,
Are not to put away.
Like bells and lights and tinsel,
in some box upon a shelf.
The good you do for others,
Is good you do yourself.

Norman W. Brooks

I've been waiting for Christmas
I've been waiting for Christmas
Santa's getting near.
Can't you hear the sleigh bells ringing?
Reindeer up so high
Can't you hear the children singing
As they watch the sky.

Annon

There’s More to Christmas
There’s more, much more to Christmas
Than candle-light and cheer;
It’s the spirit of sweet friendship
That brightens all the year;
It’s thoughtfulness and kindness,
It’s hope reborn again,
For peace, for understanding
And for goodwill to men!

Annon

I think you're fab-yule-lous!

Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.

Peg Bracken

Meet me under the mistletoe...

Christmas is a time for cherishing those who bring so many blessings to our lives. May your heart feel that love this Christmas and throughout the New Year ahead.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others.

Bob Hope

This Christmas I gave you my heart.

Christmas waves a magic wand over the world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.

Norman Vincent Peale.

Your love is the best gift I could have asked for! Merry Christmas sweetheart!

If Christmas love and happiness were snowflakes, I'd wish you a blizzard's worth of them this year. Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Hope this Christmas is your best ever

All I want for Christmas is you presents!

Have a super sparkly Christmas

With love at Christmas and ALL year

Warm wishes for a happy festive season!

Here are some funny Merry Christmas wishes that will work well in a greeting card along with a funny message from you. I've added an.

funniest christmas wishes ever
Written by Akigore
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